Is That What People Do?

by Robert Sheckley

  “Ten what?”

  “Disappearances.”

  “My Lord,” Mallen breathed softly. He shifted the paper bag. “All from this town?”

  “Every one,” Captain Lesner said harshly, “from the Vainsville housing project in this town. As a matter of fact, from four square blocks in that project.” He named the streets.

  “I live there,” Mallen said.

  “So do I.”

  “Have you any idea who the—the kidnapper could be?” Mallen asked.

  “We don’t think it’s a kidnapper,” Lesner said, lighting his twentieth cigarette for the day. “No ransom notes. No selection. A good many of the missing persons wouldn’t be worth a nickel to a kidnapper. And wholesale like that—not a chance!”

  “A maniac then?”

  “Sure. But how has he grabbed whole families? Or grown men, big as you? And where has he hidden them, or their bodies?” Lesner ground out the cigarette viciously. “I’ve got men searching every inch of this town. Every cop within twenty miles of here is looking. The State police are stopping cars. And we haven’t found a thing.”

  “Oh, and here’s something else.” Mallen showed him the counterfeited items.

  “Again, I don’t know,” Captain Lesner confessed sourly. “I haven’t had much time for this stuff. We’ve had other complaints—” The telephone rang, but Lesner ignored it.

  “It looks like a black-market scheme. I’ve sent some stuff like it to Albany for analysis. I’m trying to trace outlets. Might be foreign. As a matter of fact, the FBI might—damn that phone!”

  He yanked it out of its cradle.

  “Lesner speaking. Yes...yes. You’re sure? Of course, Mary. I’ll be right over.” He hung up. His red face was suddenly drained of color.

  “That was my wife’s sister,” he announced. “My wife’s missing!”

  Mallen drove home at breakneck speed. He slammed on the brakes, almost cracking his head against the windshield, and ran into the house.

  “Phyllis!” he shouted. Where was she? Oh, God, he thought. If she’s gone—

  “Anything wrong?” Phyllis asked, coming out of the kitchen.

  “I thought—” He grabbed her and hugged until she squealed.

  “Really,” she said, smiling. “We’re not newlyweds. Why, we’ve been married a whole year and a half—”

  He told her what he’d found out in the police station.

  Phyllis looked around the living room. It had seemed so warm and cheerful a week ago. Now, a shadow under the couch frightened her; an open closet door was something to shudder at. She knew it would never be the same.

  There was a knock at the door.

  “Don’t go,” Phyllis said.

  “Who’s there?” Mallen asked.

  “Joe Dutton, from down the block. I suppose you’ve heard the news?”

  “Yes,” Mallen said, standing beside the closed door.

  “We’re barricading the streets,” Dutton said. “Going to look over anyone going in or out. We’re going to put a stop to this, even if the police can’t. Want to join us?”

  “You bet,” Mallen said, and opened the door. The short, swarthy man on the other side was wearing an old Army jacket. He was gripping a two-foot chunk of wood.

  “We’re going to cover these blocks like a blanket,” Dutton said. “If anyone else is grabbed, it’ll have to be underground.” Mallen kissed his wife and joined him.

  That afternoon there was a mass meeting in the school auditorium. Everyone from the affected blocks was there, and as many of the townspeople as could crowd in. The first thing they found out was that, in spite of the blockades, three more people were missing from the Vainsville project.

  Captain Lesner spoke and told them that he had called Albany for help. Special officers were on their way down, and the FBI was coming in on it, too. He stated frankly that he didn’t know what or who was doing it, or why. He couldn’t even figure out why all the missing were from one part of the Vainsville project.

  He had got word from Albany about the counterfeited food that seemed to be scattered all over the project. The examining chemists could detect no trace of any toxic agent. That seemed to explode a recent theory that the food had been used to drug people, making them walk out of their homes to whatever was taking them. However, he cautioned everyone not to eat it. You could never tell.

  The companies whose labels had been impregnated had disclaimed any knowledge. They were prepared to bring suit against anyone infringing on their copyrights.

  The mayor spoke, in a series of well-intentioned platitudes, counseling them to be of good heart; the civic authorities were taking the whole situation in hand.

  Of course, the mayor didn’t live in the Vainsville project.

  The meeting broke up, and the men returned to the barricades.

  They started looking for firewood for the evening, but it was unnecessary. Help arrived from Albany, a cavalcade of men and equipment. The four blocks were surrounded by armed guards. Portable searchlights were set up and the area declared under an eight o’clock curfew.

  Mr. Carter missed all the excitement. He had been fishing all day. At sunset he returned, empty-handed but happy. The guards let him through, and he walked into the house.

  “A beautiful fishing day,” he declared.

  The Mallens spent a terrible night, fully clothed, dozing in snatches, looking at the searchlights playing against their windows and hearing the tramp of armed guards.

  Eight o’clock Sunday morning—two more people missing. Gone from four blocks more closely guarded than a concentration camp.

  At ten o’clock Mr. Carter, brushing aside the objections of the Mallens, shouldered his fishing kit and left. He hadn’t missed a day since April thirtieth and wasn’t planning on missing one all season.

  Sunday noon—another person gone, bringing the total up to sixteen.

  Sunday, one o’clock—all the missing children were found!

  A police car found them on a road near the outskirts of town, eight of them, including the Carmichael boy, walking dazedly toward their homes. They were rushed to a hospital.

  There was no trace of the missing adults, though.

  Word of mouth spread the news faster than the newspapers or radio could. The children were completely unharmed. Under examination by psychiatrists it was found that they didn’t remember where they had been or how they had been taken there. All the psychiatrists could piece together was a sensation of flying, accompanied by a sickness in the stomach. The children were kept in the hospital for safety, under guard.

  But between noon and evening, another child disappeared from Vainsville.

  Just before sunset, Mr. Carter came home. In his knapsack were two big rainbow trout. He greeted the Mallens gaily and went to the garage to clean his fish.

  Jim Mallen stepped into the backyard and started to the garage after him, frowning. He wanted to ask the old man about something he had said a day or two ago. He couldn’t quite remember what it was, but it seemed important.

  His next-door neighbor, whose name he couldn’t remember, greeted him.

  “Mallen,” he said. “I think I know.”

  “What?” Mallen asked.

  “Have you examined the theories?” the neighbor asked.

  “Of course.” His neighbor was a skinny fellow in shirtsleeves and vest. His bald head glistened red in the sunset.

  “Then listen. It can’t be a kidnapper. No sense in their methods. Right?”

  “Yes, I suppose so.”

  “And a maniac is out. How could he snatch fifteen, sixteen people? And return the children? Even a gang of maniacs couldn’t do that, not with the number or cops we’ve got watching. Right?”

  “Go on.” Out of the corner of his eye Mallen saw his neighbor’s fat wife come down the back steps. She walked over to them and listened.

  “The same goes for a gang of criminals, or even Martians. Impossible to do it, and no reason even if they could. We’ve got to
look for something illogical—and that leaves just one logical answer.”

  Mallen waited, and glanced at the woman. She was looking at him, arms folded across her aproned chest. In fact, she was glaring at him. Can she be angry at me? Mallen thought. What have I done?

  “The only answer,” his neighbor said slowly, “is that there is a hole somewhere around here. A hole in the space-time continuum.”

  “What!” blurted Mallen. “I don’t quite follow that.”

  “A hole in time,” the bald engineer explained, “or a hole in space. Or in both. Don’t ask me how it got there; it’s there. What happens is, a person steps into that hole, and bingo! He’s somewhere else. Or in some other time. Or both. This hole can’t be seen, of course—it’s fourth-dimensional—but it’s there. The way I see it, if you traced the movements of these people, you’d find every one of them passed through a certain spot—and vanished.”

  “Hmmm.” Mallen thought it over. “That sounds interesting—but we know that lots of people vanished right out of their own homes.”

  “Yeah,” the neighbor agreed. “Let me think—I know! The hole in space-time isn’t fixed. It drifts, moves around. First it’s in Carpenter’s house, then it moves on aimlessly—”

  “Why doesn’t it move out of these four blocks?” Mallen asked, wondering why the man’s wife was still glaring at him, her lips tightly compressed.

  “Well,” the neighbor said, “it has to have some limitations.”

  “And why were the children returned?”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake. Mallen, you can’t ask me to figure out every little thing, can you? It’s a good working theory. We’ll have to have more facts before we can work out the whole thing.”

  “Hello there!” Mr. Carter called, emerging from the garage. He held up two beautiful trout, neatly cleaned and washed.

  “The trout is a gamey fighter and makes magnificent eating as well. The most excellent of sports, and the most excellent of foods!” He walked unhurriedly into the house.

  “I’ve got a better theory,” the neighbor’s wife said, unfolding her arms and placing her hands on her ample hips.

  Both men turned to look at her.

  “Who is the only person around here who isn’t the least bit worried about what’s going on? Who goes walking all over with a bag he says has fish in it? Who says he spends all his time fishing?”

  “Oh, no,” Mallen said. “Not Dad Carter. He has a whole philosophy about fishing—”

  “I don’t care about philosophy!” the woman shrieked. “He fools you, but he doesn’t fool me! I only know he’s the only man in this neighborhood who isn’t the least bit worried and he’s around and gone every day and lynching would probably be too good for him!” With that she spun and waddled into her house.

  “Look, Mallen,” the bald neighbor said. “I’m sorry. You know how women are. She’s upset, even if Danny is safe in the hospital.”

  “Sure,” Mallen said.

  “She doesn’t understand the space-time continuum,” he went on earnestly. “But I’ll explain it to her tonight. She’ll apologize in the morning. You’ll see.”

  The men shook hands and returned to their respective homes.

  Darkness came swiftly, and searchlights went on all over town. Beams of light knifed down streets, into backyards, reflected from closed windows. The inhabitants of Vainsville settled down to wait for more disappearances.

  Jim Mallen wished he could put his hands on whatever was doing it. Just for a second—that was all he’d need. But to have to sit and wait. He felt so helpless. His wife’s lips were pale and cracked, and her eyes were tired. But Mr. Carter was cheerful as usual. He fried the trout over a gas burner, serving both of them.

  “I found a beautiful quiet pool today,” Mr. Carter announced. “It is near the mouth of Old Creek, up a little tributary. I fished there all day, leaning back against the grassy bank and watching the clouds. Fantastic things, clouds! I shall go there tomorrow and fish in it one more day. Then I will move on. A wise fisherman does not fish out a stream. Moderation is the code of the fisherman. Take a little, leave a little. I have often thought—”

  “Oh Dad, please!” Phyllis screamed, and burst into tears. Mr. Carter shook his head sadly, smiled an understanding smile and finished his trout. Then he went into the living room to work on a new fly.

  Exhausted, the Mallens went to bed...

  Mallen awoke and sat upright He looked over and saw his wife asleep beside him. The luminous dial of his watch read four fifty-eight. Almost morning, he thought.

  He got out of bed, slipped on a bathrobe, and padded softly downstairs. The searchlights were flashing against the living room window, and he could see a guard outside.

  That was a reassuring sight, he thought, and went into the kitchen. Moving quietly, he poured a glass of milk. There was fresh cake on top of the refrigerator, and he cut himself a slice.

  Kidnappers, he thought. Maniacs. Men from Mars. Holes in space. Or any combination thereof. No, that was wrong. He wished he could remember what he wanted to ask Mr. Carter. It was important.

  He rinsed out the glass, put the cake back on the refrigerator, and walked to the living room. Suddenly he was thrown violently to one side.

  Something had hold of him! He flailed out, but there was nothing to hit. Something was gripping him like an iron hand, dragging him off his feet. He threw himself to one side, scrambling for a footing. His feet left the floor and he hung for a moment, kicking and squirming. The grip around his ribs was so tight he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t make a sound. Inexorably, he was being lifted.

  Hole in space, he thought, and tried to scream. His wildly flailing arms caught a corner of the couch and he seized it. The couch was lifted with him. He yanked, and the grip relaxed for a moment, letting him drop to the floor.

  He scrambled across the floor toward the door. The grip caught him again, but he was near a radiator. He wrapped both arms around it, trying to resist the pull. He yanked again and managed to get one leg around, then the other.

  The radiator creaked horribly as the pull increased. Mallen felt as though his waist would part, but he held on, every muscle stretched to the breaking point. Suddenly the grip relaxed completely.

  He collapsed to the floor.

  When he came to, it was broad daylight. Phyllis was splashing water in his face, her lower lip caught between her teeth. He blinked, and wondered for a moment where he was.

  “Am I still here?” he asked.

  “Are you all right?” Phyllis demanded. “What happened? Oh, darling! Let’s get out of this place—”

  “Where’s your father?” Mallen asked groggily, getting to his feet.

  “Fishing. Now please sit down. I’m going to call a doctor.”

  “No. Wait.” Mallen went into the kitchen. On the refrigerator was the cake box. It read “Johnson’s Cake Shop. Vainsville, New YorK.” A capital K in New York. Really a very small error.

  And Mr. Carter? Was the answer there? Mallen raced upstairs and dressed. He crumpled the cake box and thrust it into his pocket, and hurried out of the door.

  “Don’t touch anything until I get back!” he shouted at Phyllis. She watched him get into the car and race down the street. Trying hard to keep from crying, she walked into the kitchen.

  Mallen was at Old Creek in fifteen minutes. He parked the car and started walking up the stream.

  “Mr. Carter!” he shouted as he went. “Mr. Carter!”

  He walked and shouted for half an hour, into deeper and deeper woods. The trees overhung the stream now, and he had to wade to make any speed at all. He increased his pace, splashing, slipping on stones, trying to run.

  “Mr. Carter!”

  “Hello!” He heard the old man’s voice. He followed the sound, up a branch of the stream. There was Mr. Carter, sitting on the steep bank of a little pool, holding his long bamboo pole. Mallen scrambled up beside him.

  “Take it easy, son,” Mr. Carter said. �
�Glad you took my advice about fishing.”

  “No,” Mallen panted. “I want you to tell me something.”

  “Gladly,” the old man said. “What would you like to know?”

  “A fisherman wouldn’t fish out a pool completely, would he?”

  “I wouldn’t. But some might.”

  “And bait. Any good fisherman would use artificial bait?”

  “I pride myself on my flies,” Mr. Carter said. “I try to approximate the real thing. Here, for example, is a beautiful replica of a hornet.” He plucked a yellow hook from his hat. “And here is a lovely mosquito.”

  Suddenly his line stirred. Easily, surely, the old man brought it in. He caught the gasping trout in his hand and showed him to Mallen.

  “A little fellow—I won’t keep him.” He removed the hook gently, easing it out of the gasping gill, and placed the fish back in the water.

  “When you throw him back—do you think he knows? Does he tell the others?”

  “Oh, no,” Mr. Carter said. “The experience doesn’t teach him anything. I’ve had the same young fish bite my line two or three times. They have to grow up a bit before they know.”

  “I thought so.” Mallen looked at the old man. Mr. Carter was unaware of the world around him, untouched by the terror that had struck Vainsville.

  Fishermen live in a world of their own, thought Mallen.

  “But you should have been here an hour ago,” Mr. Carter said. “I hooked a beauty. A magnificent fellow, two pounds if he was an ounce. What a battle for an old war-horse like me! And he got away. But there’ll come another—hey, where are you going?”

  “Back!” Mallen shouted, splashing into the stream. He knew now what he had been looking for in Mr. Carter. A parallel. And now it was clear.

  Harmless Mr. Carter, pulling up his trout, just like that other, greater fisherman, pulling up his—

  “Back to warn the other fish!” Mallen shouted over his shoulder, stumbling along the stream bed. If only Phyllis hadn’t touched any food! He pulled the cake box out of his pocket and threw it as hard as he could. The hateful lure!