“Do you not remember what happened to me? I get it, really I do, but we can't do anything about it.” I shrugged not knowing what else to say. Time to change the subject. “So, how are things with Matt?”
“Good! Great, even. It's getting harder to refrain from sex, but he's being super patient with me. Especially when we start kissing and he…”
“Ewww! I don't want to know!” Actually, I did want to know but, I was jealous that Alissa had landed such a great, patient guy and didn’t want to hear more that would only reinforce my opinion so I interrupted whenever she started with the details.
“Okay, fine, but I do need your opinion on something.”
“Okay,” I replied with hesitation.
“Matt has really big hands. I have small boobs. Do you think he thinks they’re smaller just because his hands are so big?”
I wasn’t sure how to respond without making her feel worse. “I’m sure his hands don’t care what size your boobs are as long as he’s touching your boobs,” I said. I didn’t want to know but I had to know. “Has he touched your boobs?”
“Of course. It’s just, these bras are fantastic for making them look bigger,” she said, looking down her shirt. “I don’t like being a B-cup.”
“Better than an A-cup,” I said. She stuck her tongue out at me.
“You know Walt asked about you the other day.” She winked as I rolled my eyes at her.
“Not going to happen.”
“I'm pretty sure he'll wait forever if he thinks there's even a chance.” Alissa made gagging sounds in between the kiss noises. She didn't even deserve a reply.
~*~
I had avoided going anywhere with my mom after the mall incident. I came up with every excuse in the book, but I was quickly running out of them. She’d noticed how anti-social I was being, even more than before but I was afraid someone would mention what had happened and I desperately wanted to keep it a secret from her.
“You’ve been studying all week. I don’t want to sit around tonight. Let’s at least go get ice cream,” Mom said.
“Why don’t you go to the store and bring some home?”
“Okay, enough. We’re going out. No excuses,” she demanded. I watched her walk into her bedroom, coming back out with her shoes on.
“Fine,” I gave in. “Can we go to that place we found out by the lake?”
“You mean the one that is forty-five minutes away? I think not,” she replied.
We got in the car and my stomach flipped. I said a silent plea that no one from school would be at the shop. Mom plugged in her iPod and Adam Lambert’s voice blared through the speakers.
“You’re still not over him?” I asked.
“Nope. It’s true love, even if he’s not into girls,” she said, winking at me before turning the corner. She was a horrible singer but it didn’t stop her from rocking out.
I looked through the front window of the shop as we parked. It didn’t look too busy. We walked to the counter and I felt my face heat up when I noticed the guy behind the counter. He was one of the assholes who’d passed me a note at school. I think his name was Mark.
“What can I get for you today?” he asked, not giving any indication he recognized me.
“I’ll have pralines and cream in a waffle cone,” Mom ordered.
“Chocolate and peanut butter, please, also in a waffle cone,” I ordered, keeping my eyes on the menu.
“Coming right up.” He pulled out two waffle cones and began scooping my mom’s first. He handed it to her and just as he bent down to scoop mine, our eyes met. “Do I know you?”
I said the obvious answer, “We go to school together.” I quickly looked away and walked over next to my mom. She was paying at the end of the counter.
Mark walked my cone over and before he handed it to me, his smile got big. “Oh yeah, I remember you. Katherine, right?”
“Yes,” I replied. I grabbed my mom’s hand and pulled her towards the door.
“Make sure you call me,” he hollered as we exited.
I started shaking. I didn’t respond or look back at him.
“Well, well, well, Kitty Kat has and admirer,” my mom said as she got into the car. “Why didn’t you say anything back? He was cute.”
“He’s not cute, Mom, and I would never call him. He’s a jerk.”
“Maybe you just need to step out of your comfort zone,” she said.
“Ugh, can we please just go home?” My stomach felt like it was twisted in knots. I looked at my ice cream and wasn’t positive it would stay down if I ate it. I hated that I couldn’t tell my mom what happened but I couldn’t bear her looks of disappointment. I fought back tears during the ride home. If my mom noticed, she didn’t say anything.
My stomach eased up when I got back to the apartment. The cone was a little soggy from the ice cream melting into the bottom. I put it upside down in a bowl and crushed up the cone, mixing it with the ice cream.
“What movie do you want to watch?” Mom asked.
I didn’t want to hurt her feelings because we never got to spend time together between school and her work schedule. “You pick, but please no love stories.”
She looked over at me with concerned eyes. “Does your attitude have anything to do with a certain boy? I know it’s hard sharing your best friend, but you’ll find a great guy, too.”
“No, I like Matt. I just don’t fit in at school. Never have, you know that.”
She sat down on the couch and patted the other side, hinting for me to sit next to her. “Is someone being mean to you?”
I plunked down, holding my bowl. I couldn’t look her in the eyes. “I feel like everyone is mean to everyone. I don’t know how to explain it.”
She leaned into the couch and began scratching my back. “Being young is hard. I’ve told you that for a long time. It can only get better, right?”
“I hope so,” I replied. I stood up, not wanting her to stop scratching my back, but I needed to stop talking. I picked an action movie and put into the player. We sat next to each other until half way through when I laid my head in her lap and fell asleep.
Chapter 7
Alissa
One of Matt’s old friends was visiting for the summer and invited us to a pool party. Normally, I would have declined but I didn’t want Matt hanging around the pool with a bunch of girls in skimpy bikinis alone. I trusted him but the thought made me uncomfortable.
My first mission was to find a perfect fitting bathing suit. I didn’t know who would be there, but it was safe to assume most of them would try to look as hot as possible.
I settled on a hot pink bikini that looked amazing against my tanned skin. I took a picture of it and sent it to Matt, hoping he would approve. He texted me back two minutes later confirming it looked great. A minute later he sent me another text saying, “Scott thinks it looks hot too.” I knew they were working out together but I never imagined he would show the picture to Scott. I had to admit that I liked Scott thinking it was hot.
I called Kat after doing a happy dance in the dressing room.
“Hello,” she answered.
“Hey. I know I said I would come over Saturday night, but Matt got invited to a pool party and I agreed to go with.”
She paused for a moment. “Okay. Maybe next week?”
“Sure. I’ll see you for our regularly scheduled homework date.”
“Sounds good,” she replied.
“Bye. Love you.”
“Love you back. Bye.” She hung up before I could make my kissing noise.
~*~
Matt picked me up late in the afternoon for the party. He came in to say hello to my parents while I finished getting ready. I looked over myself in the mirror about ten times before I was confident enough to be done.
I met him in the kitchen, interrupting another legal story my dad liked to share with him. I wasn’t completely sure, but I had a sneaking suspicion he used bragging about the cases he’d won as an intimidation t
echnique to keep Matt in line.
“You look beautiful,” Matt whispered in my ear when I greeted him with a hug.
“Well, Mom, Dad, we need to go.”
“Make sure you’re home by midnight,” my dad warned.
I smiled my best good girl smile. “Of course.”
I hugged them both before we left. Matt held the car door open for me and I climbed, taking a moment to glance in the mirror one last time.
“I still don’t think your parents like me very much,” he said once we pulled out of the driveway.
“Don’t be silly, of course they do.”
He smirked, not totally believing me. “So, I don’t know who all is going to be at this party but if you’re having a horrible time, we can leave early.”
“It’s just some kids that graduated last year, right?”
“Yeah, but you never know who else might show up,” he said, reaching over into my lap and locking my fingers with his.
We pulled into the driveway of a house twice as big as mine. It was a beautiful, Victorian style house. Cars were lined up around the half circle driveway that surrounded a flower garden.
“Wow,” I said, feeling terrified by the number of parked vehicles.
“I know. Jason’s family has owned this house for over a hundred years.”
I opened my door and stepped out, feeling intimidated. I heard screaming and the splash of pool water. Matt threw my bag over his shoulder and held out his hand. We only took a few steps before someone was running out of the front door towards us. I didn’t recognize him.
“My man, great to see you,” Matt said, giving a half hug to the guy. “This is Alissa. Alissa, this is Jason, one of my oldest friends.”
“Nice to meet you, Jason,” I said, shaking his hand.
“You, too,” he replied. “Come on in and go grab a beer in the back. Everyone is already in the pool.”
Matt took my hand and lead me through the enormous entry-way. We walked through an open living room with cathedral ceilings, through double doors and out onto the patio. About fifteen people were already in the pool. A group of three girls were lounging by the pool on towels, soaking up the sun. One of them sat up the moment she spotted us.
“Matt! So great to see you,” she yelled over the noise of music and people talking.
Matt waved at her. “That’s Jason’s older sister, Chelle. They’re going to the same college.”
I held on to Matt’s arm as we made the rounds, saying hello to everyone. I didn’t recognize a single person. We walked to the other side of the pool near Chelle and put our bags down.
“So, Matt, who’s the girl?” she asked. Her friends looked like they were asleep under their sunglasses.
“This is Alissa,” he said, sitting down on the edge of the pool, dangling his feet over.
She smiled at me but didn’t say anything else. I smiled back and sat next to Matt. The water felt cold but fantastic.
“Should we get it over with?” Matt asked.
“Get what?” I looked at him for an answer and he smiled while pulling me down into the pool with him. Matt greeted me at the surface, laughing. “I still have my cover on, dork.”
“Just take it off and throw it by the bag,” he said, pulling me in for a hug. He kissed me and everyone started whistling.
“Looks like someone’s getting lucky tonight,” Chelle said, getting even more whistles.
I felt my cheeks heat up as I looked around at all the people watching us. “I’m getting out.”
“Okay, I’ll get out with you,” Matt replied, seeming unfazed by the attention.
I pulled myself up onto the side. My terrycloth suit cover was drenched in water. I began pulling it down from the top and stood up to let step out of it. I looked to my side and noticed Chelle was watching me. She smirked as I finished taking it off. I saw her eyes scan over my body, the smirk never leaving her face. I had never felt more self-conscious in my life.
I quickly grabbed my towel and wrapped it around myself. Matt was standing next to me now, pulling me in for a hug. The last thing I wanted to do right now was give them another affection show.
“I’m going to go inside and use the restroom. Can you give me directions?” I asked.
“Through the double doors, to the right. Go down the hallway and it’s your first door on the left.”
I pulled my towel up to face, pretending to dry off so he wouldn’t try to kiss me. I looked back before heading through the doors as Matt jumped back in with a large splash. Chelle got up and was walking in my direction. I hurried inside, towards the bathroom.
The door was shut and when I knocked, someone said occupied. Not sure what to do except stand there and wait, I leaned against the wall.
“You can come use my bathroom,” Chelle said, still smirking at me.
“Oh, that’s okay. I’m sure whoever is in there will be done soon,” I replied, hoping she would just walk away. I didn’t like the way she was staring at me.
“It’s just down here,” she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me down the hall. The room she directed me into was a dark shade of red, with black furniture. “It’s right in there.”
I looked to my side and saw the bathroom. “Thank you.” I walked in and locked the door behind me. I hurried, looking at myself in the mirror, adjusting my wet hair. I hesitated opening the door but I didn’t want to be in there longer than necessary. Chelle greeted me the moment I walked through the door.
“You know, Matt’s ex is going to be here soon. She’s one of my best friends and if you try to mess with her, I’ll fuck you up.”
I looked at her stunned, not moving an inch. “I don’t know why you think I would want to mess with her.”
“Uh-huh. Maybe you should go,” she said and left the room.
I waited a couple minutes before I left the room and made my way down the hall. Matt jumped out of the pool when he saw I’d returned. He scooped me up and twirled me around, puckering his lips.
“We should go,” I said.
“Why? We just got here.”
I looked around to make sure no one was listening in to our conversation. “Chelle told me your ex is coming.”
He put me down. “Oh, Chelle told you that, huh?” His face went from happy to angry.
She was standing next to the cooler when Matt walked up to her. “What the fuck, Chelle?”
She batted her eyes but didn’t flinch. “What?”
“You invited her even though you knew I would be here?” he asked.
“I didn’t know you would be here with some other skank,” she replied.
Matt turned away, grabbed my hand and walked me to where my bag was. He picked up our stuff and wrapped his towel around himself. Without saying a word to anyone, we left the house and got in the car.
“What just happened?” I asked.
“Chelle’s a bitch is what happened.”
“I’m sorry if me being here caused problems,” I said, grabbing my extra shirt from my bag.
“No, don’t be sorry. It’s not you, it’s them. I don’t know why I even considered giving them another shot. These people were my friends back when I was a football player but they’re nothing to me now.” He started the car up and drove me back to my house.
My parents were surprised when I walked in but I used the excuse that Matt wasn’t feeling good after eating a bad hamburger. They bought it and we spent the rest of the night watching movies.
~*~
Matt picked me up before heading to the gym. He wanted me to get more training time in with Scott during the summer. I hadn’t spent much time with Scott on purpose. After Matt left the pool party for me, I promised myself that he would be the only guy I would dream about.
He never explained what happened with his ex to cause him to become so angry. I forced myself to stop thinking about it once we entered the gym. The place was packed but we found a spot to work on pull ups. My arm strength was so pathetic that I had to use a box to h
elp me get up on the bar.
Scott walked up after I pulled myself up a couple times. “Do you want help?”
“Sure. Can you give me some of your muscles?” I asked, trying not to blush. The moment he’d walked up to us, my body felt like it had been set on fire.
He put his hands on my hips and helped guide me up and down. I’d watch him helping others, wishing his hands were on me, not them. My palms got so sweaty from him touching me that I had to take a minute to wipe them off. I moved to the side, letting Scott show me the best way to do the exercise.
Matt watched him, too, while moving to my side. He put his arm around me and kissed the top of my head. In that moment, Matt’s touch made me want to push him away.
“Okay, I’m ready to try again,” I said, moving away from Matt.
We took turns using the bar. Every time it was Scott’s turn, Matt would hold my hand or put his arm around me. I was so confused why being around Scott was making Matt’s attention feel like torture. I pretended to pull my arm muscle and used a treadmill the remainder of the session. I had to get away from both of them.
Chapter 8
Katherine
The summer flew by entirely too fast for my liking. The heat and humidity were brutal. Not that I was looking forward to the snow, but cooler air would’ve been nice. The stress of school starting again made me break out and encouraged my mom to ask me what was wrong a million times. I replied with an excuse about needing to start preparing for college entrance exams and applying for scholarships. Those excuses seemed to pacify her. What I didn’t tell her was that I feared how everyone would treat me this year after the mall incident.
Alissa and I had a traditional sleep-over at her house the last weekend of summer vacation every year since first grade. Her brother, Dillon, would always try to scare the crap out of us. It didn’t always work but we secretly enjoyed watching him try. When he joined the Army last year, he’d been at basic training during the last sleepover and we both missed him. He just happened to be home on leave this year and I couldn't wait to see him.
“Mom, I'm leaving for Alissa's! See you tomorrow!” I yelled even though I didn't need to because in our small apartment, we had no trouble hearing everything, including the neighbors.
“Be safe and tell everyone hello for me!” she yelled back.
I had been walking to Alissa's all summer since it was the only time I got any exercise. As I turned the corner towards her house, I caught sight of Dillon washing his car, with no shirt on and it stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't move. I just stared at him, watching his muscles flex as he cleaned the windows with a soapy sponge. I had never wanted to be a sponge so badly in my entire life. He moved to the other side of the car and must have seen me from the corner of his eye because his head turned directly at me and he smiled while I stood there motionless, staring and probably drooling.
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