by Ann Aguirre
“I wasn’t in my right mind,” he said softly. “You have no idea how much I regret hurting you, how much I wish I could take back what I said. I’m grateful you didn’t listen.”
It was frightening how happy he made me with a mere handful of words, but my heart, stupid bird that it was, sang on.
Torn
Before returning to the field hospital, I took a quick bath; there were private facilities for men and women. I’d asked how they managed it and received an explanation about rainwater, cisterns, and gravity. To me, it meant only that I could pull a lever and a trickle of water fell on my head while I stood in a narrow room. This was similar to how it had been down below, but the water was warm in Soldier’s Pond. They used the sun to heat it somehow.
The shower felt great but I didn’t linger. Afterward I dressed and ran back. I found Tegan with six patients, one of whom was Harry Carter. The other two pallets had been rolled up and stacked for laundering. Since she was smiling, I took that for good news.
“They recovered?”
“Enough to decide to leave,” she said.
Her gaze roved over my wet hair, clothes still sticking to my damp skin because I hadn’t taken time to dry off properly. “Do you mind if I go to the bathhouse too?”
It had been long enough that she desperately needed to clean up, but I hadn’t wanted to say something like, Get out of here already, Tegan, you stink.
“I can manage,” I said.
Since I’d watched over three times this number, not long ago, and we didn’t have any treatments due for a while, it should be easy. For the moment, I was content—full belly, muscles pleasantly lax from the run with Fade, and I was quietly glowing, too, over those moments afterward. Though things might be terrible again soon enough, right now everything felt all right. Or as much as it could be, considering what happened in Salvation.
Once Tegan had gone, I settled in the middle of the room, so I would hear if anyone called me. Sometimes the patients needed water or had an itch they couldn’t reach. At first it was quiet, then the pervasive whisper reached me. It was a thread of sound, my name rustling through dry lips. I brought the water pitcher with its ladle with me, expecting Harry Carter wanted a drink. But when I settled beside him, he opened his eyes. His face was terrible and sallow, which Tegan said was bad.
“Why am I still alive?” he asked.
It was an awful question, and I made up an answer. “Because you have work to do yet.”
“Do you truly imagine I’ll recover enough to be useful to anyone?”
I ignored the bitter, angry words. We had been keeping his wounds clean, so I checked them. He should be healing better than he was. I found that the bites had begun to fester—again—which meant they needed to be opened and cleaned. I hated this part of the job. Sucking in a breath to brace myself, I got one of Tegan’s knives and treated it with antiseptic as I’d seen her do. When I came back, he shifted away from me, horror in his gaze.
“Don’t do this. Not again. I’m never going to be whole. Just … let me go. Better yet, kill me. It would be a mercy. Please, Deuce.”
It was impossible to hear a strong man like him beg, and for a few seconds, I was tempted. The Huntress in me wanted to give him the end he craved since he had been denied a warrior’s death. But the girl in me shook her head vehemently. Tegan will never trust you again, if you hurt him. My fingers trembled on the knife as dual instincts warred within me.
Gently, I said, “I’m not doing that, Harry Carter. You might’ve lost your family, but you saved a good portion of the town. I hear you fought like the devil himself, keeping the Freaks away from the Bigwater house, so that others could escape.”
“That’s done. I’ll never hold a rifle again.”
“That’s a lie,” I told him. “You took most of the damage elsewhere. If you’d just make up your mind to heal, you could get out of this place and take some revenge on those monsters.”
His retort was sharp with bitterness. “‘Revenge not yourselves, my dearly beloved; but give place unto wrath, for it is written: Revenge is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord.’”
I recognized that as a quote from the old book Caroline Bigwater had been prone to toting. “I don’t mean to urge you to sin, Mr. Carter, but if it was me, I’d want blood in payment from those Muties, not the word of a man who lives in the clouds.”
“So you won’t have mercy?” he asked, low.
The Huntress in me protested, This isn’t how I’d want to end my days. But I ignored her.
“No,” I said. “And what I’m about to do may seem cruel.”
My hands were clean; so was my knife. With careful fingertips, I traced the puffy edges of the first bite. Yes, it was hot and swollen, already filling up with pus again. He screamed when I opened the wound, and he yelled more as I expressed and cleaned it. The other patients called out words of encouragement as I worked, likely hoping to ease his pain. Harry Carter was a strong man, but he passed out when I got to the fourth one, which was a blessing. I finished my task quickly, then bandaged the affected areas. By the time Tegan got back, I was shaking.
Being a healer is harder than being a Huntress.
“What happened?” she demanded.
I didn’t share with her what Harry had asked of me. Instead I gestured to his fresh wraps. “I had to open him up again.”
Her dark gaze softened. “Poor man.”
“I hope this is the last time. I’m starting to feel cruel inflicting this on him.”
She nodded. “I’ve never treated so many Freak bites before, at least not on the same person. It’s almost like their mouths are poisonous.”
I stared at her, wondering if that was possible. “Are they?”
“I need more information. I’ve been treating this like an infection, but so few people survive an attack, fewer live through the kinds of injuries Mr. Carter’s suffered. I wish Doc was here.”
“He wouldn’t know what to do, either,” I said, but from her expression, that was no comfort, so I shut up.
“Stay with him,” she ordered.
I sat down cross-legged on the floor, keeping an eye on Mr. Carter. For me, this man’s recovery had become a personal battle. He had to get better; it was a sign of things to come. As I watched, she went to her bag and drew out some stoppered vials. Each contained dried, crushed herbs, and Tegan muttered to herself as she set a kettle on the hearth, added water, then pinches of this and that. The resulting mixture smelled really vile.
“Is he supposed to drink that?”
She shook her head. “I’m going to pour it into his bites.”
“What is it?”
“I have no idea. I’m combining ingredients that Doc told me were good for various things: fever, bee stings, snakebite, pain, swelling. I might make things worse, but I have to try.”
Studying Carter, I didn’t think it was possible to make him sicker. He was already begging for death. “We should do it before his wounds close and we have to hurt him again.”
“My thoughts exactly. It has to cool a little first, or we’ll burn him.”
That took a while. But it was a kindness that Carter didn’t rouse while we doused his injuries and wrapped them up again. It was too soon to say whether it helped, but I liked that we were trying something new, not just repeating past efforts and hoping for the best. I spooned some water into him and figured that was all I could do tonight.
Tegan sat back with a weary sigh. “Now we wait and see.”
By morning, however, we saw a vast improvement. His skin tone was better—bright and warm—instead of the ashy gray that marked a man for death. Tegan hugged me, and I squeezed her back, though I hadn’t done anything except stick around. We sped through our morning rituals, the cleaning and tending. At least we didn’t have to feed patients anymore; they were all well enough to hold a cup or a spoon.
Carter’s eyes were sharp and alert as I handed him a mug of broth. With my help, he struggled to a sitting positi
on for the first time since we arrived in Soldier’s Pond. I took it as a personal victory. His hands shook but he downed it all.
“More?” he asked.
I refilled him. “Decided to live, have you?”
“It’s obvious you won’t let me die, so I better quit malingering and get back to the fight.” In his quiet expression, I saw gratitude.
“Thank Tegan,” I said. “She’s the doctor, not me.”
I felt so incredibly proud of her. With nobody’s help, she had come up with a successful treatment for Freak bites. I hoped she recalled the exact proportions of the remedy because I had a feeling we would need that tincture again in the near future. The Freaks hadn’t quit the field; they just hadn’t reached Soldier’s Pond yet. So that meant this was, at best, a lull before the worst of the storm.
Part of me felt anxious and unsettled. We should be laying battle plans, but I had no part in any such arrangements. Here I wasn’t even old enough to join the military. Once again, I had been relegated to the rank of child, regardless of what I could offer. I didn’t regret the time I had spent on nursing, but my skills were better suited to fighting the enemy.
Carter seemed to read my mood and his own expression grew somber. “Don’t worry. I’ll be on the front lines when the time comes.”
“That means a lot to me.”
I wasn’t joking. If I couldn’t have Longshot, then Harry Carter was the next best thing. He was Salvation’s hero, and I had no doubt that once he recovered his strength, he would be a powerful force in the war against the Freaks. He wore a determined look, as focused on recuperation as he had been on despair. If they weren’t terrifying monsters, I’d pity the beasts.
“I don’t mean to be rude,” Tegan said then. “But isn’t it time you rejoined your family? I appreciate your help and all, but I can manage these patients on my own.”
“Are you dismissing me?”
“I believe I am.”
“I’ll swing by to check on you tomorrow,” I said to Carter.
He bobbed his head. “I’ll look forward to it. I might even be strong enough to eat my next meal in the mess I’ve been hearing so much about. Still say food cooked in a place with a name like that can’t be too delicious, though.”
I smiled. “You’re not wrong.”
Though Fade hadn’t showed me the way to Edmund’s shop, I followed my nose. Tanning leather created an unmistakable smell, so it was fairly easy to locate. The workshop was located near the house they had been assigned, closer than it had been in Salvation. I stepped into the shop, inhaling the familiar scents. The process of creating leather from skins was noisome, but the finished product smelled better. Edmund was behind a makeshift counter, checking measurements before he cut the sole. Noises in back said Fade and maybe Rex were here too.
“Are you settling in all right?” I asked.
Genuine pleasure dawned on my father’s face. He came around to hug me. I’d never been touched so much or so easily, and I was adjusting to the idea that it didn’t have to mean weakness. Still, I hugged him back, reveling in my ability to be a girl, not just a Huntress. I was a little backward in some regards, and I wanted to fix that.
“Are you finished in the infirmary?” he asked.
I nodded. “Tegan sent me away. She had some idea you might be missing me.”
“You’ve no idea,” Edmund said. “Your mother is worrying herself sick, so I’d count it a personal favor if you would reassure her.”
“What did she think would happen to me, working with the wounded?” I asked, puzzled.
“You could catch something or get an infection or be hurt by a delirious man—”
“So she’s making up reasons to fret so she doesn’t have to focus on the real problem.”
Soberly, Edmund nodded. “Go see her, please.”
“Is it all right if I have a word with Rex and Fade, first?” I gestured at the back room.
“Go ahead. Just don’t dally too long.” I could tell by his narrow-eyed look that he meant sparking, and I sighed.
With Rex in the room, it was unlikely I would crawl all over Fade, even if he could stand for me to do so. Despite my wishing, we weren’t back to our old standing yet. I just nodded as I moved past Edmund, navigated the counter, and stepped into the dim room where all the materials were gathered. Fade was smearing something that smelled awful on a stretched skin while Rex handled another portion of the process. They both glanced up on my arrival, and Fade actually smiled.
“Come to admire my work?” he teased.
I pretended to study the rack, then offered a patently false criticism, as I had no idea what they were about or if it was well done. Rex laughed, which was the point. It was good to see my foster brother getting along with Fade. We chatted a while, but I couldn’t linger, as they had work to do, and I had to reassure my mother that I numbered among the living, despite her fears.
With a wave for Edmund, I hurried out of the shop. Though it had been dark when I watched them go into their little house, I found it fine. It was smaller than their place in Salvation had been, just a room full of beds, really, and they were odd, too, stacked on top of each other, so there was no privacy at all. I found Momma Oaks sweeping a floor that didn’t need it. Here, she had no place to cook, she’d left her beloved dog behind, and the soldiers didn’t seem to value her work. When you got right down to it, our circumstances were similar.
But she brightened when she spotted me. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Few people had said that to me and meant it. Other than Fade, I couldn’t think of anyone who treated me like the sun. Momma Oaks genuinely loved me, however, even when I was difficult for her to understand.
“This is an odd place,” I said.
At best, it was shelter. Surely there were normal homes, where families cooked their meals and gathered in the parlor to share stories. I’d seen them dotted here and there, but my family had been allotted this instead. Refugees had no rights, though, no reason to expect better.
But my mother didn’t show a hint of dissatisfaction.
“I’m told it used to house soldiers who had no family, but many people died of fever last winter and the Muties have gotten others. So it was standing empty, waiting for us.” She put on a smile. “Isn’t that lucky?”
I loved this woman so much that my heart hurt with it. I wanted to keep my whole family safe and happy, and it cut me to the bone that it might be beyond my power.
Summons
True to his word, Harry Carter had supper the next night with Fade and me in the mess hall. He took short walks around town, building his strength, and I admired his determination. The following day, a runner came to the workshop, where I was pitching in. Since they wouldn’t let me train with the men, I had to keep strong somehow—and cleaning served the purpose. This soldier was young, barely older than I was, but apparently of age to volunteer. He stared at the industry as he’d likely never seen people practice a trade before.
“Do you need something?” Edmund asked.
“I’ve been asked to fetch the girl and her friend to the colonel.”
I couldn’t imagine why, but I dusted my hands on my thighs, then called to Fade, “Can you pause for a bit?”
He said something to Rex, then stepped out into the main room. “What’s going on?”
“The colonel needs you,” the messenger said.
Fade shrugged. “Let’s go see what she wants.”
Soldiers were running as usual. Others practiced with melee weapons. From the perimeter, the sentries kept calling the all clear. It wasn’t too far, distance-wise, so the silence from the enemy troubled me. If Stalker wasn’t so mad at me, I’d ask for an update on the horde’s position; and it wasn’t his anger that prevented me from inquiring, only the surety he’d snarl and refuse to reply.
I figured the town leader had a job for us. There was no other reason for such a summons. Fade was quiet until we reached headquarters, then he said, “How bad do yo
u suppose it’ll be?”
“If she had anybody who could do whatever it is, she wouldn’t need us,” I answered.
He nodded as we passed into the staging room. If anything it was messier than before with documents and papers spread all over. There was a huge map laid on a battered table and it had markers on it, spread in no pattern I could detect, some red, some black. Morgan cleared his throat to draw the colonel’s attention, and she managed a weary smile. That told me things were dire. People in power only smiled when they wanted something.
“Good, you got my message. How much do you know about our preparations?”
“Nothing,” I muttered. “They wouldn’t let me join up.”
“We’re trying to avoid involving a generation of children … but we might not have a choice down the line. If we lower the enlistment age, you’ll be the first to know.” She paused, looking us over in way that made Fade bristle. “But I can make an exception for covert and special operations.”
That sounded like a fancy way of breaking the rules, just like they had done for Edmund, because they needed new boots. The government of Soldier’s Pond would do whatever it wanted and then come up with an explanation to justify the decision later. I folded my arms and waited, giving her nothing. My silence set her to pacing, which told me she was worried. I had no interest in going to fetch help, if that was on her mind. It hadn’t saved Salvation, and that tactic wouldn’t work here, either. The Freaks outnumbered us, plain and simple; we needed a new strategy to defeat them.
The devil if I know what, though.
“What’s that?” Fade asked, when it became clear I was keeping quiet.
“Special ops are initiatives undertaken for the good of the town, but not common knowledge to the other soldiers.”
“A dirty secret then,” I said.
“Not exactly, but I could see how it would sound that way. First, how familiar are you with what we’ve laid out here?” She indicated the map and all its markers.
I shrugged. “I can see what it is, but I don’t know what those wood pieces mean.”