by T. K. Chapin
“The water is perfect, not too cold and not too hot.”
Stepping down onto the steps into the hot tub, the water engulfed her calves, the heat of it strong enough to send tingles of slight discomfort radiating into her legs momentarily. She went deeper, the water raised just above her belly button. The water was hot, comfortable after the initial sting. Turning, she set Peter on the steps beside Rose. Then, she sat near the two children but far from Jonathan. Relaxing herself, she breathed out and let the jets massage her back muscles. Her lips curled into a smile. “This is nice.”
“When Marie and I would travel, we always made a point to get a hotel with a hot tub. One time, we kept driving another eighty miles just to get a hotel with a working hot tub.”
“Sounds like dedication.” Kylie’s heart warmed at hearing him mention his late wife’s name. He hadn’t done that before.
He brought his hands up out of the water and smoothed the both of them over his face, wetting his skin. “We were dedicated.” She could tell his words held a double meaning. He glided his hands atop the bubbles in the hot tub as he continued. “Her cancer killed her pretty slowly, but also fast in a way. The days felt like years but the weeks passed like seconds. She was gone within six months of her diagnosis. Her dad blamed me for it happening too.” A sardonic laugh escaped his lips. “Her dad is a scumbag.”
Shaking her head, Kylie could hardly believe what she had just heard. “You didn’t kill her, Jonathan.”
“I know, but it didn’t stop his words from hurting.” He went under the water, then came back up a short while later. Wiping his face, his hurt eyes met hers. “I don’t think some people understand the pain they inflict on another person when they say something hurtful.”
Kylie scooted along the wall of the hot tub, at the same time keeping an eye on the children, and came closer to Jonathan. She knew just how he felt, flashes of her first marriage parading through her mind. “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.”
Jonathan nodded. “Jesus is a better man than I.” Jonathan peered at Rose. “But maybe He really is doing something in my life and I just can’t see it right now. Dan’s being a jerk is why Rose isn’t with him right now. I don’t think Shawna would’ve left the kid with me if her dad wasn’t the way he was, and if that didn’t happen . . . I wouldn’t have met you.”
Her heart stirred, hearing him open up. “You’re right.”
“And I couldn’t imagine life without Rose. I know it’s only been months since she came to live with me, but it feels like forever, and she’s my life now.”
“God is always working things together for good.”
Jonathan agreed with a nod, then lifted himself up out of the hot tub and walked over to Rose and Peter. Scooping them up into his arms, he glanced at Kylie. “Time for the pool?”
She smiled and swam over to the stairs in the hot tub to join them on their way over to the stairs on the opposite side. Jonathan went into the water, each child on an arm. Kylie entered the pool, watching from a distance. Peter became fussy shortly after they entered the pool, but Jonathan assured him he was safe and got him to relax. After a few minutes of playing, he took the kids over to the stairs to play with the other small children. Then, Jonathan began to do laps in the pool.
#
Swimming under the water, Jonathan kept his eyes open just to steal glimpses of Kylie. Her legs were long and pleasant to look upon. Sure, she was hiding the majority of her body with a one-piece, but she couldn’t hide those legs. Coming up out of the water a few feet from her, Jonathan pushed his hair back and smiled at her as he made direct eye contact with her. His heart pounded and it took all the self-control he could muster not to do something he would regret, like kiss her.
“I’m glad we decided to swim.”
“Me too.” She smiled. “I think it turned out okay.” Swimming away from him, she went over to the stairs and left the pool. Grabbing a towel from the shelf of pool towels, she joined another mom at a table near the stairs where the children were playing. She fell into light conversation and Jonathan continued to swim laps in the pool.
He came up for air at one end of the pool and glanced at the children, then went back under, pushing off from the wall. As he swam, he closed his eyes. As they were shut, he saw Kylie. He saw her with Rose, saw her with Peter. His attraction, which had only started as lust, was growing into something more.
Reaching the opposite end of the pool, he came up for air again, glanced at Kylie this time, then re-entered under the surface, pushing off again. His eyes closed, he thought of his time on the beach last weekend and his inability to let go of Marie, let go of the necklace. What’d it mean? Could he never let go of the pain and love another woman? He thought of his wife placing her wedding ring in his hand on her deathbed. His heart pounded, and he shot up out of the water, stopping his swim.
He glanced at Kylie, their gazes meeting for a moment, then he turned to Peter and Rose.
Rose held out her hands, wanting him. He swam over to the stairs.
Her little arms wrapped around his neck, settling his uneasy feelings. He felt okay again. Though his heart and thoughts went back and forth about Kylie, they never changed with Rose. He loved her deeply, and he’d never let her or that love go.
Chapter 29
Jonathan - Age 29
AFTER LOSING MARIE AND QUITTING his job at the architect firm, Jonathan lived off the life insurance for a few months. He spent his days watching re-runs of Gunsmoke and gorging himself on sweets. He slept and lived on the couch for three months following the loss of Marie. He did everything he could to keep himself from crying, from being reminded of the pain that had seared his soul.
One afternoon, the doorbell rang. He ignored it at first, but then the doorbell kept ringing. Reluctant, he stood up and tied his bathrobe. He raked a hand through his unkempt hair and smoothed a hand over his unshaven face. He hadn’t showered in over a week. Stepping over the garbage and takeout boxes, he made his way to the front door.
It was his brother, Tyler. He lifted his shades and set them atop his head.
“Brother, you look like garbage.”
Squinting as the sunlight burned his eyes, Jonathan shook his head. “What do you want?”
“I have an idea. Mind if I come in?” Without waiting for Jonathan to respond, he stepped past him and continued inside.
He shut the door and followed Tyler quickly. “If you’d called beforehand, I could’ve cleaned up a little.”
“I did call, about twenty-five times over the last week. I just gave up and came over.” Tyler’s eyes surveyed the trash-filled house and turned around to face Jonathan head-on. “Honestly, I figured I was coming over here to find a body, brother. I’m worried about you.”
“Get on with the proposal.”
“I want us to go into business together. I think we can do well together. With my business-savvy ways and your architect experience and clientele, I think we could have a good thing.”
Shooing a dismissive hand through the air, Jonathan shimmied back over to his spot on the couch in his living room. “No, thanks.”
“Oh, come on, Jonathan. Take a look around, man! You’re losing it.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’ve put on at least forty pounds, you smell horrible and your house is a wreck.” Tyler’s eyes fixed on the TV, then on the coffee table filled with sketches. “Let your mind do something it wants, brother.” He came closer, placing a hand on Jonathan’s shoulder. “Let your mind design and draw. I know what you’re doing here. You’re trying to keep yourself from the pain. Let yourself do that by distracting yourself with work.”
Jonathan turned to Tyler. His heart softened at the idea of sketching. “Can I just do the designing? No business stuff?”
“Absolutely.”
Jonathan stuck out a hand and they shook on it.
#
Three weeks later, Jonathan moved to a new house using part of the life insur
ance money from Marie. The house was more house than he truly needed, but he loved the wide-open spaces and felt the house gave his mind room to think.
After the last piece of furniture was brought into the house, Jonathan and Tyler sat down on the couch in the living room.
Tyler let out a satisfied sigh and smiled over at Jonathan. “I spoke to your old client from the firm.”
“Which one?”
“Crese.”
Jonathan jolted upright, sitting on the edge of his seat. “And?”
He smiled. “She’s ours.”
Leaping up, Jonathan fist-pumped and twirled in his living room. “That’s great. She’ll bring in so much work for us.”
Rising to his feet, Tyler opened his arms. “Great news for both of us. See? I told you.”
“That you did!”
The next day, when Jonathan was shaving in his bathroom, he noticed his belly hadn’t shrunk through the diet change alone that he had taken on the last three weeks. It’s time to bust out the weights and treadmill.
Chapter 30
WAKING UP THE NEXT MORNING, Kylie got herself and Peter changed and then headed downstairs to the lobby of the hotel for the Continental breakfast. Jonathan had mentioned the free breakfast on the way up to their rooms last night in the elevator.
Arriving at the dining area, she spotted Jonathan and Rose over near a window on the far side. He had a cup of coffee sitting in front of him and an empty plate on the table. He was sketching. Deciding not to interrupt him, she got herself and Peter a plate of food and approached quietly behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, she studied the drawing. It was of a man and a dog walking down the shoreline of a beach.
Seeing Rose point to them, Jonathan peered over his shoulder. “Good morning.” He set the sketch pad down with the pencil and stood up, grabbing chairs from a nearby table. “How’d you sleep?” he asked as he set the chairs in place for us.
“Good. Really comfortable comforters, I thought.” Setting Peter down in one of the chairs, she set the plate down and he immediately got to chomping on the grapes.
Kylie went and grabbed a cup of coffee. Returning to the table, Jonathan looked eager to talk as she sat down. “I have a surprise visit planned for today. It’s quite spectacular and it highlights a bit of God’s handiwork.”
“Sounds fun.” Buttering her toast, her eyes fixed on the sketch pad. “You sketch a lot in there?” She hoped he’d show her some of his other sketches.
“Yes. Here, take a look.” He grabbed the sketch pad off the table and handed it over to her. “Go ahead and look through them all. The ones in there are mostly just fun little doodles and images I have come to my mind randomly. I like to keep a running catalog of what crosses my mind.”
Opening the sketch pad, Kylie began to flip the pages. She saw street signs, airplanes, buildings, clouds, and then she paused as she saw one of herself. Her heart pounded. It was a scene of her and Rose out in the back yard from months ago, at the barbecue. That day must’ve meant a lot for him to sketch it. But why? She looked up at Jonathan.
“Why’d you sketch this one?”
“That was the first day I had felt okay in a long time. I loved having you there, and Peter too. I loved the whole experience of it and I didn’t want to forget it, so I sketched it from memory.”
A blush entered her cheeks and she closed the sketch pad and handed it back across the table to him. Her whole being was overwhelmed with desire for him. She wanted Jonathan to kiss her, to caress her hair and hold her close to him. She felt her heart slipping further into his gravitational pull. The feeling scared her but continued to pull at her, drawing her in and convincing her that this man was a good man despite the familiar traits of her ex-husband.
“I love how your mind works, Jonathan. The way you see the world and can put it down on paper is nothing short of amazing.”
He smiled, waving a hand through the air. “They’re just shadows and shades of reality.”
Jonathan’s cell phone rang. Glancing at the screen, he mouthed ‘Tyler’ to Kylie and then answered.
“Yes, we’re on schedule.” Jonathan smiled at Kylie as he rolled his eyes about the call he was on with his brother. “Yes, Tyler. Uh-huh.” Covering the phone, he moved it away from his face and directed his words at Kylie. “He’s purely about business. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like the fact that we’re making a trip out of it all.”
Shortly after getting off the phone, he glanced at his sketch pad. Kylie felt the inclination to continue their conversation.
“That picture you drew of your wife in that bed. It evoked such a strong emotional response within me. I could feel your pain in it.”
Jonathan grimaced. “That was a hard piece. I rarely look at it. I like drawing buildings the most, especially designing them. I’m in control, and the building is just that, a building. There are no emotions or pain or sadness.”
“Yes, but there’s also no life in them.”
“That’s true, but there isn’t any life left in Marie either.”
“That’s not true. She lives in your memories and she lives on in Eternity.”
Rose threw a grape at Jonathan, smacking him in the face and interrupting their conversation. They laughed and began to interact with the children. Kylie wasn’t sure what the future held for her and Jonathan, but she resolved to enjoy the rest of the trip and not to worry.
#
Jonathan and Kylie enjoyed the view out the passenger side window along I-84. The rolling hills, the Columbia River, and the constant reminder of God’s creation were everywhere. Finally arriving at their destination that was a surprise to Kylie, they pulled off onto the exit. Multnomah Falls, one of the most beautiful waterfalls west of the Mississippi, if not the most breathtaking. They got out of the car and started down a walking path toward the bridge that would cross directly in front of the largest of the falls. The closer they got, the louder the falls became. Jonathan stole glances of Kylie as she took in the nature all around, the trees, the plants, and even the other tourists who were there.
“Isn’t this awesome?” Jonathan’s gaze fixed on her.
“It is.” Kylie’s eyes came down from the green lush trees and to him. Her mouth tipped a smile. They all four continued up the path, finally arriving at the bridge. Kylie’s mouth gaped open as she approached the cement railing. Jonathan pulled his sketch pad and jotted down a quick sketch of her holding hands with a kid standing at each side of her at the railing. Then he sketched the falls themselves. Putting his sketch pad away in the backpack on his shoulders, he walked up to the railing and stood beside Kylie, just sharing the awe and silence with her. He was comfortable, yet he still wanted more. He almost kissed her right then but stopped himself. His wife’s face showed up in his mind and guilt weighed on his heart.
“Are you okay?” Kylie must’ve sensed his uneasiness. Though he hadn’t leaned in to kiss her or anything of that nature, she could read him enough to know something wasn’t right. He couldn’t dare tell her the truth, to tell her that all he can think about is Marie every time he thinks of doing something more with her.
“I’ll be fine. Hey, I saw they were selling cotton candy down below. You want to head back and we’ll get some for the kids?”
“Sure.”
On their way down the path from the bridge, Jonathan was thankful that she didn’t press more to learn about his sudden uneasiness.
After he bought the kids cotton candy, Kylie turned to him. “So, can I ask you a personal question about your faith?”
“Sure.”
“Where you are at with your faith? You went from no mentions of God to lightly mentioning him and listening to a book on Christianity. I’m curious.”
“I’m seeking, I’m praying, and I’m asking. That’s where I’m at in my faith.” She appeared disappointed in the lack of depth in response, so it prompted Jonathan to further explain. “I have to be honest with myself and with my faith. That’s how I work as a human be
ing. Right now, my honest truth inside my soul is how dare you, God? How dare you take the one good thing in my life? My soul was seriously wounded losing my wife.”
“Oh.”
Jonathan took a step closer to her. “I hope that doesn’t bother you a whole lot. It’s just the honest truth about where I am. My faith is lacking.”
“Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. You reading your Bible?”
He shrugged. “I should read more.”
She nodded. “My faith has been a work in progress over a lot of years in my life.”
Intrigued, Jonathan came another step closer. “Do you want to share with me?”
“I’ve lost people close to me like my friend, Betty, I’ve told you about. I’ve had to deal with being abandoned by my mother, and I had to learn to forgive an abusive ex-husband. My faith has been small and big at moments, but God’s faithfulness has always been strongest and constant throughout. It’s He who delivers us through the difficulties. He carries us. Learning to trust Him isn’t a matter of self-will but surrender to the truth.”
“But what if you can’t seem to trust Him no matter how hard you try?”
“You stop trying. Surrender is giving up your life and allowing Him to live through you.” Her eyes went to the falls in the distance behind him. “Jesus has the living water that never runs dry. He quenches the everlasting thirst the soul has. We just have to allow Him in. Once we realize it’s only He who can deliver us from ourselves, from our pains, life becomes a lot more beautiful.”
Chapter 31
STOPPING IN OLYMPIA FOR THE night, Kylie and Jonathan unloaded the children from their car seats and let them stretch their legs for a moment in the parking lot. With the state’s capital in view from the hotel parking lot, Kylie turned to Jonathan with a thankful smile. She hadn’t traveled very much out of Spokane since moving there. He had opened up a whole new world to her. The Columbia River along I-84, the waterfalls in Multnomah Falls, and now the state’s capital. Tomorrow, it’d be the ocean. She liked not only being on the road, but being with him. He was quickly becoming more than just a friend in her heart.