by Mark Young
“Shelly, you know I’m going to fail this,” he hissed.
“Well, let’s try a few basic questions to see how you do,” Shelly said hopefully. “What’s ten plus five?”
“Albuquerque?” Theremin guessed.
Shelly sighed. “Yeah, looks like you’re going to fail. But don’t let it get to you. There’s always next time!”
Theremin grunted.
Newton began to read the notes that Shelly had given him. He was surprised at himself. He understood everything perfectly!
When it came time for the quiz, Newton’s fingers were a blur as he confidently tapped his answers into the tablet.
Because it was a multiple-choice test, Professor Phlegm graded it with the touch of a button on his laptop. Grades popped up on everyone’s screens.
Theremin: 0
Shelly: 89
Newton: 100
“Excellent work, Mr. Warp,” Professor Phlegm said. “You seem to have absorbed the material very quickly.” He sounded very pleased by this.
“Thanks,” Newton said. “But I don’t understand. How did I—”
Shelly interrupted him. “You must be a quick learner!” she said. “Way to go, Newton!”
There was a crash as Theremin threw his tablet across the room and floated out the door, his eyes flashing green with jealousy.
“We’re not amused, Mr. Rozika!” Professor Phlegm yelled after him.
Shelly explained that it was the last class of the day, so they had some time to work on homework or relax before dinner. She hoped Theremin would cool off.
“You know, maybe I should give Theremin some space,” Newton said. “I’ll find someone else to eat dinner with tonight.”
Shelly frowned. “Who?”
“I could eat with Higgy,” Newton suggested.
Shelly raised an eyebrow. “Oh boy. Are you sure?”
Newton shrugged. “Yeah. Why not?”
Newton found out the answer later, after he asked Higgy if they could eat dinner together.
Higgy was thrilled. They went to the cafeteria and filled their plates with hydrogenated spaghetti and macrobiotic meatballs. Higgy piled his plate three times higher than anyone else in the cafeteria. When they sat down, he started shoveling the spaghetti under his face bandages with lightning speed.
Pffft! Pffft! Pffft! When Higgy put the food into his mouth, it made the same sound he made when he walked in his shoes.
Then Newton saw some of the spaghetti strands poking out through the bandages.
“Takes a while to absorb,” Higgy said, pushing it back in. “Got to keep it from escaping.”
“Um, yeah,” said Newton, who was fascinated and disgusted at the same time.
Then Higgy let out an enormous burp, and a green bubble floated out of his mouth.
That’s about when Newton noticed that not only was nobody sitting at the table with them, but nobody was sitting at any of the tables near them.
“Buuuuuuuurp!” Higgy burped again and stood up. “I just made room for seconds!” he cried.
Newton looked down at his own plate. He had only taken a few bites in the time Higgy had taken to finish a mountain of food.
Then something hopped onto the table right in front of him. It looked like a spider, but it was made of metal!
The mechanical spider scurried along Newton’s sleeve. Then the top of the spider’s back opened up, and a holographic text message appeared.
Want to sneak into Mumtaz’s office tonight? We can check your profile and find out what she’s hiding from you! Meet you at 9 at your dorm. SR
The message disappeared as soon as he had read it, and the spider clattered away. Newton watched as it scurried over to Shelly. She caught his eye, smiled, and winked. Newton smiled back.
Maybe tonight I’ll finally get some answers about who I really am! he thought hopefully.
CHAPTER 8
The Mumtaz Mission
Later that night, Newton answered the door and saw Shelly there, just as she promised. She had swapped her polka-dot leggings for black ones, and was wearing a black snakelike knit scarf instead of her usual one. But she still wore the furry poncho.
“That’s quite a nice look,” Higgy said. “But I’m afraid I didn’t get the message to wear black.”
Shelly walked in and greeted Higgy with mild surprise.
“Don’t be shocked, Shelly, our good friend Newton has told me all about your plan,” Higgy said. “And I have generously agreed to help you.”
Shelly glanced over at Newton. He nodded.
“Higgy knows all about the tunnels underneath the school,” Newton told her. “We can sneak into Mumtaz’s office without anyone seeing us.”
“Underground tunnels? I had no idea,” Shelly said. She looked down at her outfit. “I guess I dressed like a ninja for nothing.”
“A rather furry ninja,” Higgy remarked.
“Come on!” Newton said eagerly. “Let’s go.”
“I shall be your guide,” Higgy said. “And I hope you don’t freak, Shelly, but I work best if I am unfettered.”
“Unfettered?” Shelly asked. Higgy slipped out of his coat, boots, bandages, hat, and welder’s goggles, revealing his smiley-face boxer shorts and his green, globby self. “Oh.”
“To the tunnels!” Higgy cried, and he slithered under the bunk bed.
“Follow me,” Newton said, and he crawled after Higgy.
Shelly obeyed and slid under the bed, then dropped down through the trapdoor after Newton.
“It’s so dark down here,” Shelly said. “I think I have a flashlight here somewhere.”
“Really? I can see fine,” Newton said.
“You can?” Shelly asked. She produced a flashlight from under her poncho and used it to illuminate the tunnels ahead of them. Higgy was already slithering down one of them, lighting his way with a flashlight of his own.
“This way,” Newton whispered.
Shelly looked around as they walked. “Wow. Does anyone else know these exist?”
“Higgy thinks the teaching staff knows, but the only person he’s seen here is the custodian,” Newton replied. “It was just last night—but luckily Crouch didn’t see us.”
Shelly picked up her pace. “We’d better hurry, then.”
They caught up to Higgy, who had stopped and pointed up to the ceiling with a green goo tentacle.
“That’s the floor grate to Mumtaz’s office,” he said.
“Great!” Newton said. He jumped up and stuck to the ceiling with his fingertips, not noticing the surprised look on Shelly’s face. He pushed open the grate. Then he swung up into the room.
“All clear,” he whispered, reaching down to grab Shelly.
“I’ll be your lookout down here!” Higgy called up in a loud whisper. One of his eyeballs snaked out to the right on a tentacle-like stalk, and the other one snaked out to the left, so he could see in two directions. “Got you covered!”
Newton helped Shelly to her feet and walked over to Mumtaz’s desk.
“She called up the database by swiping the air,” he remembered. He tried doing it, but nothing appeared.
“I think it has to be swiped in a precise location,” Shelly said. She sat down in the headmistress’s chair. Newton stood next to her. “Mumtaz is about six inches taller than I am. And she reached straight out at about a forty-two degree angle so, if I just reach up six inches . . .”
Before she could try, the sound of footsteps could be heard right outside the door.
“Someone’s coming!” Shelly whispered, and she quickly ducked into a nearby closet. “Newton, hide!”
Panicked, he flattened himself against the bookcase behind him, without stopping to think about how it made no sense to hide in plain sight.
The lights flickered on. Headmistress Mumtaz walked in, going right for the desk—and right toward Newton. His mind raced as he tried to think of some excuse he could give her for being in her office.
To his surprise, though
, she seemed to look right through him! She slid into her chair and swiped the air, and the database popped up. She scrolled through it quickly (it was nothing interesting; Newton could see it was just an invoice for a dozen Tesla coils). Satisfied, she swiped again, got up, turned off the light, and left the office, locking the door behind her.
Shelly had watched through the gap between the closet doors, and now she slowly came out and stared at Newton.
“That was weird,” Newton said. “I could swear she looked right at me, but she didn’t even see me.”
“Yeah,” Shelly said slowly. “Weird is a good word for it.”
Newton shrugged. “She must have been tired or something. Or maybe she needs new glasses?”
“Sure, I bet that’s it,” Shelly replied coolly. “Anyway, the good news is that I saw where she swiped!”
Shelly sat back in the chair and swiped the air. The holographic screen instantly appeared. Newton watched Shelly scroll to the database, but when she tried to access it, a box popped up.
CLASSIFIED. BIOIDENTIFICATION REQUIRED.
Shelly frowned. “It’s like the lockers. Probably needs her fingerprint, eyeball scan—something.”
“No!” Newton cried. “Come on, there has to be another way!”
He jabbed at the screen with his finger. A new box popped up.
BIOIDENTIFICATION FAILED.
“No fair!” Newton yelled in frustration. He tapped the screen again . . . and again . . .
THIRD ATTEMPT FAILED. PROTOCOLS ACTIVATED.
Suddenly, the ceiling lit up with electrical circuitry. Lines of blue electricity snaked down the walls, covering the window and the door.
“The grate!” Shelly cried, and she grabbed Newton’s hand. While the electricity blocked the windows and the door, it didn’t touch the floor. They swiftly descended down the grate and Newton pulled it back into place.
“Let me guess,” Higgy said when they were back in the tunnel. “It didn’t go well.”
“Not exactly,” Newton said. “Come on!”
They raced through the tunnels and emerged back in Newton and Higgy’s room.
“I’m sorry,” Shelly said, smoothing out her furry poncho. “I should have figured she would have the database protected somehow. Everything here is.”
“It’s okay,” Newton replied, but it really wasn’t. He felt totally defeated.
“I’ll see you in the morning, Newton,” Shelly said. “Good night, Higgy.”
“Nighty-night!” Higgy said. He’d put his glasses back on and shaped his gooey form inside a bathrobe.
As Shelly left, Newton turned to Higgy. “I think I need a shower,” he said. “I can’t remember the last time I had one. Literally.”
“Sure thing, roomie,” Higgy said.
Newton felt better after the shower. The soap from the dispenser smelled minty, and a robot arm handed him a clean towel when he was done. He slipped into some pajamas (from the Lost and Found pile) and went back to his room.
“Higgy, I—ah!” he screamed when he opened the door.
Green goo dropped on his head from above the door and slid down his hair and onto his face. Then some of it touched his tongue, and Newton realized it tasted sweet.
“Fake goo again?” Newton asked. “What is it?”
“Lime-green jelly,” Higgy replied, laughing. “I get it on my midnight runs to the cafeteria. They have vats of it over there.”
Newton sighed. “Guess I’ll shower again!”
A few minutes later he came back. This time, he carefully opened the door. He scanned the floor for traps. Then he quickly took one jump into the room and scurried up to his bed. He checked the sheets for goo first, before scooting under them.
“No jelly this time?” he asked.
“I thought I’d go easy on you,” Higgy said. “It’s only your second day, after all.”
“Thanks, Higgy,” Newton said. As he rolled over in the bed, something caught his eye: The school brochure was sticking out of his bag.
Newton scurried down and grabbed it, then brought it back up to the top bunk.
“Higgy, the brochure portal—Shelly says it’s how you get in the school. Do you also use it to get out?” Newton asked.
“Yes, but you need a portal pass to do it,” Higgy replied. “The school doesn’t want kids just popping in and out at random. And normally the pass has limits—it usually just sends you back home for a visit. And you need your parents to sign a permission slip. Why, do you want to go somewhere?”
Newton thought about it. “I’m not sure where I would go. Right now, this is the only home I know about. Besides, I still can’t make the portal work.”
Newton opened the brochure, then tried to fold it the way Shelly had showed him, pressing hard on the paper as he got more and more frustrated. Like before, his fingers kept sticking to the paper. He peeled them off and stuffed the brochure back in his bag, frustrated.
“Well, don’t feel bad,” Higgy said. “My parents don’t even want me home until the holidays.”
“That stinks,” Newton said, then quickly added, “But I’m sure they’re just busy and will be really happy to see you over the break, you know? What if I have parents, or brothers and sisters out there who want me to visit? And I can’t remember who they are, or where they live, or even what they look like?”
Higgy bounced out of his bunk. “Maybe your dad looks like you, just taller,” he said. He morphed his gooey form into a tall guy with wavy hair like Newton’s.
Newton smiled. “Yeah.”
“Or maybe he’s the exact opposite,” Higgy said, reshaping himself into a short man with a baseball cap.
“Hmm,” said Newton. “Who knows?”
“And how about your mom?” Higgy asked. He transformed again, into a woman with shoulder-length hair.
“She looks nice,” Newton said.
Higgy reshaped back into his own squat, gooey form.
“I can take the form of all the professors, too,” he said. “Wanna see?”
Newton yawned. “Maybe tomorrow,” he said. “I’m beat.”
“No problem, roomie,” Higgy said.
A green goo tendril snaked out and shut off the light switch. The room went dark.
“Higgy?” Newton asked.
“What?”
“Thanks,” Newton said. “That was nice of you.”
Then he closed his eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of parents made of green goo.
CHAPTER 9
The Complications of Emotional Chemistry
The next morning Newton woke up first. He could hear Higgy snoring below him. Green bubbles floated up from the bottom bunk and popped when they hit the ceiling.
Newton did a quick check—still no memories before his arrival at Franken-Sci High—but he discovered that he was a little bit excited about the start of a new day. There was a tiny feeling growing inside him that maybe Franken Sci-High was exactly where he belonged.
He scurried out of the bunk, got dressed, and met up with Shelly in the hallway. They stopped off at his locker (the scanner tasted like blue cheese, which Newton liked, but not as much as he liked the kimchi) and grabbed smoothies in the cafeteria.
“The class schedule is different depending on the day of the week,” Shelly explained as they slurped their smoothies. “On Tuesdays and Thursdays there’s always a chemistry lab for freshmen. You don’t have one on your schedule yet, so you should come to lab with me and Theremin.”
“Think he’ll be in a better mood today?” Newton asked.
“I never know.” Shelly sighed.
“How long does that thing last, where he can’t do things well?”
“He calls it his ‘low performance’ stage,” Shelly said. “Sometimes a few hours, sometimes days. It’s unpredictable.”
Newton drained his smoothie in one last slurp. “So what kind of chemistry class is this?” he asked.
“Quantum Emotional Chemistry for Nonemotional Chemistry Students,” Shelly re
plied. “It’s for beginners. I think you’ll like Professor Snollygoster.”
They reached the classroom, and Newton took a seat next to Shelly at a lab table. He noticed Mimi in the back row. She stared at him without saying hello. Odifin was there too, but it was hard to tell if the brain was staring at him or not.
Theremin floated in.
“Hello, Shelly,” he said in a flat voice.
“Hey, Theremin,” Shelly said, smiling.
“Are you feeling better, Theremin?” Newton asked. “I’m sorry about the ketchup. I had no idea how dangerous it was for you.”
But Theremin sat down on the other side of Shelly without a word.
At that moment Professor Snollygoster burst into the room. He had blue-black hair and violet-blue eyes, and wore a white lab coat over a white tie, shirt, and pants. He was also very tall, towering over the tallest kid in the class, who had telescoping legs.
“Good morning, class!” he said. “We’ve got an exciting experiment to work on today. Ah, I see a new face. You must be Newton.”
Newton gave a little wave.
“Welcome to Quantum Emotional Chemistry for Nonemotional Chemistry Students,” the professor said. “Do you have any questions?”
“Well, I guess it would be nice to know what emotional chemistry is,” Newton said, and some of the students giggled. Theremin cracked a small smile.
“He should be in Quantum Emotional Chemistry for Nonthinking Students,” Odifin joked, and some more kids laughed.
Professor Snollygoster ignored Odifin. “Actually, it’s a good question, Newton,” he replied. “And the simple answer is that in this class we create chemical formulas designed to effect human emotions.”
Beep! A holographic image of Ms. Mumtaz’s head materialized beside Snollygoster.
“Good morning, everyone! It’s my pleasure to announce the first-place prize for this year’s Mad Science Fair,” the headmistress said. “Hold on to your lab coats . . . all members of the first-place team will win a portal pass!”
Some of the kids groaned.
“I heard those groans,” she said. “But this year’s prize is not just any ordinary portal pass. This portal pass will take you anywhere your heart desires, as long as it’s on Earth and not endangering yourself or others.”