“Ana? Should I have kept it a secret?” Derek joined her and put his hand on her shoulder.
She frowned and forced herself to speak. “No. You did right telling me. It’s just, I wasn’t expecting anything like that.”
“I didn’t want you rounding up a search party looking for him if he’s just looking for some distance,” Derek said with a sad smile. “Just give him some time and maybe we’ll hear from him soon. Don’t worry about him. He knows how to take care of himself. Plus, you’ve got other things to focus on like wedding veils and flowers ’n stuff.”
“Right.”
She didn’t understand why that would excuse Ryan from at least contacting them to let them know he was okay. It made her angry that he could be so selfish after she’d been worrying about him, but her anger eased into sadness. She seemed to recall a strange expression on his face after being introduced to Chance. Ana would never want to cause him pain. Maybe Derek was right. Just let him have his space for a while.
Ana finished making herself some tea and peered into the fridge. Rather than her typical yogurt, sensing it wouldn’t be enough, she grabbed a leftover burrito and then reached for a muffin as well.
She followed the guys into the dining room, sat at the long wooden table and stared out of the floor-to-ceiling windows. White snow covered everything outside: the trees, rocks and mountains. The sapphire blue water of the lake at the base of the valley below them was barely visible at its center. Opaque ice covered most of its surface and reflected the first rays of the morning sun.
Between bites she asked, “So, you guys think we should go to the meditation room, or is it going to be another free day?”
Jordan said, “I’m going to do morning meditation anyway, even if Lifen doesn’t show up.”
Derek finished a particularly large bite of his breakfast toast and with his mouth full he was able to say, “It’s just so weird around here now. Lifen’s not sticking to her schedule—it’s chaos! Up is down, sad is happy—I don’t know if I can adjust. Then there’s Batukhan, who I can’t seem to figure out. And you lovebirds are one thing, but it’s just freaky having Lifen wandering around with a smile. It’s depressing, really.”
“Aw, Derek.” Ana blew on her morning tea. “We’ll find you someone. Someone who won’t drop you because you’re too animal for her.”
At mention of the change in schedule, Jordan’s unmistakable look of concern crossed his face. Ana may not have known him for long, but she knew he was a creature of habit and he wasn’t fond of change. He thrived on Lifen’s rigorous schedule and her attention. For the last few days he’d been operating as if nothing had happened, despite the fact that Lifen had disappeared into her room with Batukhan for most of the time until he’d left yesterday.
“Don’t worry, Jordan. I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Ana assured him. His brown eyes swept over her face and he gave half a nod.
Lifen’s clear voice echoed through the room. “Good morning, everyone.”
An almost joyful exclamation came from Jordan. “Morning, Lifen! Are we back to our schedule today?”
Her lips parted and the corners lifted up before she responded. “I will get to that in a moment. First, I would like to offer my apologies for the last few days. Batukhan and I have had a lot to discuss. We needed to catch up on lost time and determine what would happen moving forward.” Her flowing dress rustled while she moved past the table and stood at the window. Her long black hair was swept up in a bun on the top of her head and there was something lighter about her. “I think I should address something that has been weighing heavily on Ana. I hope you all forgive me for reaching out to your thoughts and feelings, but I know she has been concerned about the circumstances of Ryan’s departure. The others seem to think it is nothing to be alarmed about and I tend to agree, being privy to some of his emotions in the days prior to his departure. We will give him his space for now. If you wish to discuss this with me further, you may do so in private. And now, it is time I involve you in our plans. I have asked Batukhan to remain here with me and he has accepted. He is a very skilled shifter who has a lot to offer you as a mentor. I worry I have not been as helpful as I should have to my shifter students. It pains me to say I have been slightly misguided in some regards.” She met Ana’s gaze for a moment and looked away.
Jordan’s voice cracked as he spoke. “Are you leaving?”
All eyes were on Lifen as she answered, “Only for a little while. I hope to be gone no more than a few weeks. I will be back for the Christmas holiday, I hope.”
Jordan fidgeted with his napkin and asked, “When are you leaving?”
Ana looked at Lifen, who walked to Jordan’s side. “I will be leaving today. Batukhan will take over your lessons while I’m gone. With him here, it will allow me to focus on what I realize I should have all along—healing. He has mentored many in his lifetime and I have full confidence in him.”
Jordan’s eyes narrowed while Ana spoke up, a little confused. “But Batukhan isn’t here. When is he coming back?”
“He’s on his way back now with the friend he went to find. He’ll be here soon.”
Derek spoke up. “A shifter?”
“Yes, a shifter. Batukhan thinks very highly of him.” Lifen moved past Jordan to the doorway. “I think it would be good for all of us to join together to meditate before I depart.”
Derek, Ana and Jordan carried their dirty dishes to the kitchen in silence before they went to the meditation room. When they got there, Lifen was already perched cross-legged on a round cushion with her back to the windows. They copied her and settled onto their own cushions. Ana turned to look over her shoulder at the door, hoping Chance would appear ready to join them. But he didn’t. Her chest grew heavy.
“Please clear your minds.” Lifen’s voice resonated through the room. “Feel the energy around you, soothing your senses and giving you peace. Allow yourself to connect with your power and sit in stillness.”
Ana’s body was tight with tension. Her shoulders dropped an inch while slow breathing relaxed her muscles. It had only been a couple days since she’d meditated with Lifen and the boys, but the stress of the other night and past few days had certainly taken its toll. She’d been entirely focused on Chance and Ryan and had neglected to realize the effect it’d had on her.
After her conversation with Derek, she felt like she had permission to let go of her fears regarding Ryan’s safety. He just needed time away from them and hopefully he’d come back. For now, she could put all of her focus on Chance and his recovery.
She let go of the noisy thoughts rattling around in her head and took a deep sigh. A chill traveled down Ana’s back and the hairs on her arms rose. Then a distant, unrecognizable voice, barely discernable, echoed in her head…should not do this, protect yourself.
Ana’s eyes snapped open in surprise. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears. That had definitely not been her own internal voice, but a male’s. It seethed with anger and paranoia.
“Anything wrong, Ana?” Lifen inquired from her meditation pillow.
With a dry throat, Ana croaked in response. “No.”
And she hoped she was right.
Chapter 3
Poisonous thoughts echoed in his head while Chance stood alone on the porch. White light forced his eyes shut and he lifted his hand to shield the sun. He took deep lungful’s of air, his breath billowing out in thick steam clouds. With each inhalation, his rapid heartbeat began to slow. Bloody memories and the sensation that he had large blank periods of time over the last month haunted him.
When he was alone it was worse, but he still wasn’t comfortable being around Ana’s friends. It took too much energy to try to appear normal, or to be something he wasn’t. He didn’t want to be himself around strangers, whoever that was. It was as if he’d been tossed in a blender with different personalities.
Chance eased his eyes open, adjusting to the bright morning light and braced his hands on the porch rail. A carpenter ant marched up the wooden
beam beside him, oblivious to the world around it. Chance watched it move with purpose, a singular, tiny being amongst a colony of many. Would the rest of its family miss it if it never returned home? Chance swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat.
Calm yourself. Find your center.
He nodded to no one but himself. He needed to stop spinning off on subjects that weren’t in the here and now. He should be focused on Batukhan, who would be returning with Mac any time. Outside of the fact he didn’t know what to say to Mac, a shapeshifter who’d seemed friendly upon appearance from what he remembered (which was fuzzy at best), he’d been avoiding Batukhan over the last few days as well, keeping to his or Ana’s rooms. Chance had been able to clear up the confusion about why he’d attacked them the other night—he hadn’t been himself when the wicked and powerful personality that took control of him steered him toward Ana at any cost.
The guilt pained him. He couldn’t take it any longer. While he struggled with his “illness” over the last month, the only thing that seemed to calm him was returning to animal form. It had helped quiet the other voices in his head and take him back to his basic instincts, something he could rely on.
He moved off the porch and onto the rock pathway. Without pausing, he unzipped his pants and peeled off his T-shirt. Brown fur erupted down his arms and legs and he groaned in relief. His body expanded, towering over the icy ground.
The troublesome emotions that clouded his mind moments earlier fell away and he was now simply a bear standing on a snowy mountainside. One paw stepped in front of the other and he found himself at the top of the path. He wandered across the driveway, past the large outbuilding that held Lifen’s animals. The various smells filled his nose and he moved on, disinterested.
Chance stared out at the white peaked mountains and the frozen lake at the base of the valley. The steep decline would be slow going, but he needed to stretch his legs and clear his mind. It was quiet here, which he may have enjoyed before he contracted the sickness, but now it only pained him. Nothing to distract him from his own emotions. Maybe he should have stayed in the house, if only to listen to someone else speaking.
He’d go back soon, he decided. He proceeded in a horizontal line down the mountain. If there were any way to avoid Ana’s questions and persistent stare, he would take it, but there seemed no way around them. He knew it was fueled by her love of him, but the things he’d seen, heard and nearly done were the epitome of evil. How could he tell her? He knew he’d changed. But it wasn’t for the better. She deserved more.
An icy rock tripped him and he flipped down the slippery face. He relaxed his body and settled against a cluster of boulders. Prostrate with his head downhill, he lay still, staring into the sky. Clearly his mind hadn’t taken a vacation in bear form. Was there no getting away from his worries?
Totally lost in thought and not paying attention to his surroundings, he heard soft rustling from nearby. Chance tilted his head to look in the direction from where it originated only to see a large gray wolf and a massive Sasquatch with small packs strung across their backs. His heart rattled in a nervous rhythm while he observed them staring at him. He felt their combined power emanating and knew Batukhan had returned with Mac.
Without knowing what to do, he figured the best thing was to shift back. Although he’d thought about them returning he hadn’t settled on what to do or say. Now that the moment was here he’d have to wing it. It didn’t require much focus or energy to return to his human form.
Chance righted himself and sat in the snow. Keeping his eyes to the ground, he said, “Welcome back, Batukhan.” He combed his fingers through his shaggy, black hair and added, “Hey, Mac.”
An awkward silence fell and he waited for one of them to do something. After a few minutes passed, the Sasquatch started up the mountain with the wolf on its tail. Chance swallowed and stared at the place they’d been standing.
A groan echoed. He turned to see the Sasquatch beckoning at him with its long, hairy arm, which was quite a sight in itself. Relieved, he stood slowly, his purpose not to startle or behave in a way that might concern the elder shifters. He knew that he would have to earn their trust and respect. If at all possible.
He followed in their footprints all the way to the front door of Lifen’s house. Chance put on the clothing that he’d shed at the bottom of the walkway. They were cold and a little stiff with ice, but he didn’t care.
The packs that Batukhan and Mac had been carrying fell to the wooden decking of the porch when they shifted back to human form. They dug out some clothing and put it on. Mac pulled his long, black hair out from under the trim of the Canucks jersey he’d been wearing the last time Chance had seen him…lying unconscious in the snow. He noticed Chance watching him and nodded in his direction, not uttering a word. This was nowhere near the warm welcome he’d received at his cave a few days ago. Chance hoped that wasn’t a bad sign.
Batukhan’s sturdy, tall form dwarfed both Mac’s and Chance’s. White cotton pants and a thin T-shirt were all he wore, which was more than enough for a shapeshifter his age. Body temperature regulating wasn’t an issue. His narrow eyes turned to his friend and he said, “Please come in, Mac. Lifen is expecting us.”
He opened the front door for Mac and Chance waited for them both to enter before he joined them on the grass mats of the entryway.
“Please wait here so I may get our hostess,” Batukhan uttered before walking barefoot down the hallway in the direction of the meditation room.
Chance was afraid to say anything, so he simply stood in silence beside Mac while they waited. Mac, however, began humming a repetitive tune while he peered curiously up and down the length of the house.
A bustle of movement sounded before everyone was seen. Lifen and Batukhan were in the forefront and Lifen offered her hand to Mac in greeting. “I am Lifen. Welcome to my home, Mac. I have been told so much about you.”
Mac’s teeth shined bright between his lips when he answered, “Thank you for having me, Lifen. I have heard my share about the beautiful goddess Batukhan has pledged himself to. I hear a happy ending came out of all of this.”
A soft blush touched Lifen’s cheeks. Batukhan wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her temple. She said, “Yes, a few happy endings have come from all of this. Well, I do not want to appear rude at all, but I have been waiting for you so I may take my leave. I do hope we will have the opportunity to get to know each other more upon my return, but there is something that I must attend to. Jordan?” She waved him forward. “Could you show Mac to one of the spare rooms downstairs? And then once he is settled, please offer him some food and drink. I wish you will all introduce yourselves to Mac, as he will be one of your instructors while I’m away.”
Mac stepped forward. “Actually, I don’t want to trouble you at all staying in your house. I’d feel more at home sleeping outside.”
His statement appeared to confuse Lifen. “But there’s snow—it is very cold out at night—wouldn’t you prefer a warm, soft bed?”
With a shake of his head, Mac answered, “My preference is a sleeping bag in a snow cave. If you have one for me to use I can make a burrow nearby.”
“Very well,” Lifen said, “Jordan, would you go get a sleeping bag for him from storage? And whatever else our guest requests.”
Jordan’s eyes widened and watered slightly. He cleared his throat and motioned for Mac to follow him. “Please come with me.”
Ana wandered into the entryway and she passed Mac as he was led away. His wide gaze lingered on her before he disappeared down the hallway. Ana observed him go in silence. Once he was gone, she went to Chance’s side and looked in his eyes as if she were searching for something. He tried to avoid her piercing stare. He knew she would eventually find out about what he’d done to Batukhan and Mac, but he wasn’t ready to admit it just yet.
“We will be right back,” Lifen said. “Batukhan is going to help me prepare for my departure.”
They bot
h went down the shadowy hallway. Derek was left standing beside them. He clapped and rocked around on the balls of his feet. “If she’s not packing anything, what do you think he’s going to help her with?” he said with a wink.
Ana nudged Derek’s shoulder. “Watch it. You’re beginning to sound like Ryan.”
They both fell silent and Chance felt himself grow jealous of the elusive Ryan. He was almost happy Ryan had decided to leave. But as he observed her crestfallen expression, he could see how she cared about her new friends and regretted his hateful thoughts.
Chance cleared the gravel from his throat and said, “Where’s she going?”
Derek answered without looking directly at him. “Not sure, but she’s leaving for a couple weeks. What’s up with Mac and sleeping outside? I look forward to becoming eccentric shifter when I grow old too. Anyway, what do you think Batukhan and this new guy are going to teach us while she’s gone?”
Ana shrugged and looked at Chance. “You traveled with Batukhan. Did he teach you anything while you guys hung out?”
Chance answered, “He didn’t really teach me any new shifter skills while we were together.”
It was all Batukhan could do to keep Chance contained. He couldn’t imagine what Batukhan thought of him. Would he even want to train him?
“How did you guys meet anyway?” Ana asked casually, but he could tell she was holding her breath. At any mention of their time apart he grew irritable. Remembering everything was the last thing he wanted to do.
He decided to give a little. “In Mexico. He knew Balam.”
Ana’s eyes widened and she breathed out, “Really? He knew him? Do you know how they met?”
“I never asked. I was too preoccupied.”
Ana bit her cheek. He could tell she was second guessing about asking anything else. He was glad. He didn’t like any of these questions. They were making him even more unhappy. He’d had enough.
Derek looked between the both of them and rested his hand on Ana’s shoulder. “Say, I’m gonna go make nice to the new guy. Let me know if you need me?”
Ascension Page 2