Gabriella shot her a wink over her shoulder. “I decided he is cute and the protective type, which is bueno for me. Plus, we both have enough crazy going on that we don’t have anything to be embarrassed about.”
Talking about anything but her own problems was exactly what Ana needed right then. Falling easily into the distraction, she allowed herself to chatter carelessly with Gabby until they went to the mediation room. Lifen was waiting for them, sitting cross-legged on a meditation cushion.
“Welcome,” she said.
Ana and Gabriella joined her on the floor on their own cushions. She was curious to see what Lifen had planned for her.
“I would like to apologize to you, Ana,” Lifen said. “You were in my presence for so long and I feel I should have sensed there was something wrong. Instead, I was excited by your amazing powers and encouraged you to expand your abilities when that clearly was a mistake.”
Ana was surprised by her sudden apology. She certainly didn’t blame Lifen for anything, least of all knowing there was something wrong with her. “It’s okay. Really. Did you even know something like this could happen?”
“No.” Lifen kept her eyes downturned.
“So how could you know there was anything wrong if you didn’t know anything about it? Please don’t waste any more energy on feeling bad.”
“Very well.” Lifen looked up at her and bowed her head slightly. “First I would like to ask how you are feeling, physically. Anything that hasn’t been normal for you recently?”
Ana paused to think about it and said slowly, “Well, I’ve been eating more than usual. I’m hungry like all the time. Oh, and I’ve been getting headaches.”
Lifen pursed her lips. “That could be the amount of energy that is collecting inside of you. Will you tell me if your symptoms change at all? I want to keep you as comfortable as possible.”
Without speaking, Ana nodded.
“Thank you,” Lifen answered. “I spoke with Mac last night. We feel the best thing to try first is to pull energy away from you. This is not a typical practice among healers—only amongst those intent on harming others. You have so much energy collecting that will ultimately harm you, we want to see if we can slow the process by taking some of it away from you. I have never tried this before—Mac and I have never actually met someone like you, so I will have to improvise.”
Ana knew Lifen well enough to see just how unhappy she was. She was obviously out of her comfort zone and did not like the idea of winging it when Ana’s life was on the line. Ana figured that Lifen would have said something before, but she had to ask, “You really don’t know anything about phoenix form? No one we could ask?”
“I am truly sorry, but I cannot think of anything. I have only heard whispers of such a form.”
That would have been too easy. Ana shrugged. “So, what do you need me to do? Just sit here?”
Lifen shared a look with Gabriella. “Yes, you are the patient now. Let us know if something does not feel right.”
Gabby added, “I will lay my hand on your arm and try to pull your energy. I practiced last night with Lifen, but I am only a beginner.”
“We all have to start somewhere,” Ana responded, trying to offer Gabby some consolation, although she didn’t personally know what it was like starting at the bottom. From the start, she’d flown past everyone else. She’d even been a danger to be around at the first meditation session, pulling in the guys’ energy.
Gabby grew serious and laid her hand on Ana’s arm. Lifen’s eyes narrowed and Ana felt her concentration settle on her abdomen. She knew what her mentor was doing because she’d trained her to do the same thing: focus in on the patient’s energy, see it in your mind and reach out to it with your own. It took all of Ana’s willpower not to relax into a meditative state and see what was happening from an energy point of view. So she wouldn’t be tempted, she closed her eyes and thought about other things, like the laundry she needed to do and the dishes in the sink she’d spotted while she’d made her breakfast.
After a few minutes, her shoulders drooped and the caffeinated tea seemed to lose its effect. Tiredness consumed her and the thought of her bed seemed very appealing. Then she realized Gabby’s hand was no longer touching her.
Lifen’s voice broke the silence. “How are you feeling?”
Ana reopened her eyes with effort and braced her hands against the floor so she could lean back. “I’m wiped. Does that mean it worked?”
Lifen was scrutinizing her and Ana guessed she was seeing the energy glow.
“I am watching to see. Your light at the beginning was extremely bright and we were able to draw quite a bit out of you. I don’t know how long it will take for your body to regenerate that power or if it will only spur more energy growth.”
This situation was strangely familiar to Ana. So many times in her life a doctor had told her that they were going to try something new and would have to wait and see how her body would deal with the change before promising anything.
Ana rubbed her face with her hands and thanked God that her mother wasn’t there with her to hear her new diagnosis. She wouldn’t understand it. Ana didn’t even understand it.
“Are you bueno or no?” Gabby asked with concern.
“Sure.”
She was really the furthest thing from it, but nothing Gabby could do or say could change that.
Lifen spoke again and her eyes remained on Ana. “I would like to continue to monitor you through the morning. Gabby, if you would like to take a break you may. Go see if the others need any help, if they’re up.”
Gabby lifted herself to her feet. She adjusted her shirt and said, “Maybe I will take some tea to Mac outside. If I can find him.”
“Just yell out to him and he will come to you,” Lifen called out as Gabby left the room. After she’d gone, Lifen turned to Ana and seeing her confused expression, explained, “After you left last night, we decided it was best to keep an eye out for Ryan. Batukhan, Mac and I are taking turns at a post outdoors. If Daemon is in Ryan and he’s aware of your growing power, he will be anxious to return to you before, well, before anything happens to you.”
“I see,” Ana responded. “But how can we be sure that Daemon survived after I pulled him out of Chance? Maybe he really is gone.”
“Maybe, but it isn’t something any of us are willing to risk. I don’t want you to worry about that for now. You are safe from him here.”
But not from myself, she thought. She was a danger to herself no matter where she went. A ticking time bomb.
Maybe they’d be able to slow the process down. Or maybe they’d be able to track down a phoenix feather or a being who knew the form. She wasn’t a mathematician, but it didn’t seem like the odds were in her favor. Ana didn’t want to discourage everyone, but she knew in her heart it was impossible. Death would come to claim her.
“Oh,” Lifen breathed out.
“What is it?” Ana asked in concern. Had Lifen read her mind and her true feelings?
Lifen smoothed out the lines of her skirt, then held still. It took her a moment to speak and when she did, her voice was filled with sadness. “You have already regenerated the energy that we removed from you. It would be a beautiful thing, watching your energy bloom like it does from your core, if it weren’t such a destructive force.”
She should have been surprised, but she wasn’t. Minutes ago she had been exhausted and now she felt just as though she’d woken from a rest. Ana placed her hand on Lifen’s. “It’s okay.”
What else was there to say? She felt badly for Lifen, who so obviously wanted to help Ana. No one likes sitting by as a person you care about is dying. The expression on her face rivaled Melissa’s and the guilt Ana had felt for causing her mother pain for all those years was resettling in her heart, making it heavy. She didn’t want Lifen to carry sadness because she couldn’t help Ana.
Then she thought of something.
“Do you remember when you got angry with me for fixing Ryan’s energy lea
k?”
She normally wouldn’t have brought it up again, since Lifen had been so upset at the time, but the memory had given her an idea.
Lifen’s face lifted and her expression appeared like she had tasted sour milk. “I do not like thinking of the methods that I used to follow. Why are you reminding me of these painful things?”
“Because it could help us now—”
Lifen’s eyes widened as she held Ana’s gaze. She said in a soft voice, “Yes, I think it could. Ana, would you mind?”
“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I weren’t okay with it.” Ana smiled in encouragement at her mentor who straightened in her seat.
Not another word was spoken. Lifen’s eyes grew unfocused and stared blindly at her, although Ana knew she was seeing just what she needed to. Minutes passed and the difference was subtle.
“There,” Lifen said. “It’s a wider hole in your energy’s membrane than I used on the boys, but let’s see if it works. It may reseal itself. They would on the boys after a period of a week or so—I’ll keep an eye on it.”
“Who knows, maybe it’ll give me the extra time I need. It could mean the difference of a week or months. Thank you, Lifen.” Ana forced a smile. If she’d been talking to Chance, he would have seen through her false optimism, but lucky for her, Lifen wanted to believe her.
“Maybe you should rest. I have quite a few books I’ve collected through the years. Although most of them aren’t written in English, a few of them are. You could sit in the living room and do some reading. You may not be able to exercise your body and powers, but there’s nothing from stopping your mind.”
Lifen rose from the floor and helped Ana up. Expecting to be led elsewhere in the house, Ana was surprised when Lifen guided her to the back wall of the meditation room. She pressed against the wood paneling when something clicked. The wall pivoted outward to reveal floor-to-ceiling bookshelves.
Her mentor touched the spine of a leather-bound book. “Feel free to read anything you want. But please take good care of them and return them when you are through. Some books are many centuries old and very valuable.”
“Thank you,” Ana said and turned her head sideways to read the titles.
Many of the books she’d never heard of or, like Lifen had warned her, were written in a different language, but one jumped out at her. She was surprised to find it on the shelf, knowing what she did about Lifen.
“You own Jane Austen? Isn’t she a little too—romantic for your taste?” Ana asked, suppressing a grin.
Lifen’s expression remained stoic. “For too long I believed that love was only something a woman could feel. In many ways I believed her novels were silly, but I am proof that angry people are not very wise.”
Ana plucked the blue, leather-bound novel from the shelf and stared at the silver foil that decorated its spine.
“Angry people aren’t the only stupid ones,” Ana said in response.
She took a deep breath and walked out to the living room, book in hand. She stood before the sofa, remembering countless days that she’d spent on bed rest, ordered to take it easy. Her heart had been too weak and now it wasn’t strong enough to overcome her ailment. The stars were calling her home. Who was she to deny them?
Chapter 16
Chance passed by the meditation room and could hear Lifen’s voice. He felt Ana’s energy, could smell her scent behind the rice paper door. She was safe.
He wished he hadn’t slept in. There was much to do and little time to do it in. The one who held the answers to the questions gnawing at his heart was Mac.
Chance walked through the house, only finding Gabby in the dining room. He paused, ready to turn around and leave, but when she caught sight of him, she raised her head and said, “It is you. Ana is with Lifen and I do not think the others are up except for Mac, who is outside somewhere. I tried to take him some tea but he did not come when I called.”
Although the conversation was casual, her eyes held fast to his face. Her body was tense as she moved around to the other side of the kitchen island. “I do not know how you find each other as an animal. It is no fair—a impossible game of hide and seek.”
He could tell she didn’t feel like talking and he was uncomfortable being alone with her given their strange history, but leaving without a word was a cold move, even for him. He forced a smile and muttered, “Sorry Gabby. Need to find Mac—too much to do. If I find him I’ll tell him you have tea.”
She sighed in relief and nodded. He tapped the wall before turning around to leave.
At the door, he kicked off his slippers and walked onto the front porch. The cold air nipped at his skin, but he didn’t feel it. His body had adjusted to the ways of his ancestors.
Not expecting Mac to be out in the open, he took a moment to modify his eyesight and combed the landscape. From rocky crevices to snow-covered tree limbs, he sought some sign: a shadow, movement or his colorful hockey jersey.
Impatient with searching from the small deck he shed his clothing for a better shape. Feathers tumbled down his arms and wings brushed against the wood planks. His claws scratched on the hardwood grain until he lifted himself off the ground. He thrust himself past the railing and into open sky.
Frustration overcame him and he screeched, the call echoing off the valley walls. He just wanted to talk to Mac, to know what he should research to find a phoenix feather or some relic that could help Ana learn the form. He tilted his wings and his body turned, arcing back toward the house. It was then that he saw the shadow on the roof.
His eyes strained for more detail. The closer he got he was able to make out the form of a crane standing on one leg. His rapid heartbeat thundered even faster until he calmed himself. There’s no one else that would be but Mac.
Swooping down to the roof, he landed beside the tall, regal bird. It turned its neck to look at him and the crown of feathers that fanned above its head caught the morning light, giving the illusion of true royalty.
Chance had no interest in sitting naked on top of Lifen’s home with Mac. He hurried down a slope to the side that covered the entrance and deck. With a glace over his shoulder, he waited for Mac to move. When his long, knobby legs began to move in his direction, Chance swept down to the front path. Not wasting a minute, he shifted on the steps and began to pull his clothing back on. As he zipped up his pants he watched the crane follow his path to the front steps. Mid step, Mac returned to human form and lifted a robe off the porch rail.
“You didn’t come to get me for the Canuck’s game, did you?” Mac said as he tucked his long black hair behind his ear. “I don’t know how humanity survived so long without hockey.”
Chance stared in disbelief. “No, I had some questions for you. I need to know what I’m looking for—the phoenix feather?”
“Yes, of course. What would you like to know?”
“What countries I should be looking in? What would it look like? Anything else you think that would help me in my search—”
Mac pinched up his face and frowned. “Well, there’s a lot of stories from so many places. There are phoenix myths from Egypt, Greece, Persia, Russia, Tibet and China. You can find it in different religions as well—Hinduism, Christianity and Judaism. You will also hear about other great birds from other cultures that reached for the same power as the phoenix. I can think of the Quetzalcoatl and thunderbird, both very close comparisons, but they lack the power of the true phoenix. Only that kind of power can be channeled by a shifter healer, although shifters have always tried to reach for more.”
Chance got excited at the mention of his ancestors’ form. “I know the thunderbird. I could teach it to Ana. I could show her today—”
Mac shook his head. “No, I do not think that would help her. It is true that the thunderbird can direct lightning. In essence, directing energy outward, which is exactly what Ana needs, but I do not believe it would be able to withhold the amount of energy and heat that is generated when she erupts. She would likely incinerat
e even in that form.”
All the moisture evaporated from Chance’s mouth and he stood slack jawed until he forced himself to speak. “But it’s something, a fallback?”
“You could show her the thunderbird. It might help for when you find a phoenix talisman—it might aid her in that transformation. But I would put my efforts into finding a feather or remains. I have never seen the creature myself, but in most of the stories it’s said that it is made up of the colors of the sun—red, orange, yellow and gold. I suspect it is made of light and energy and could have appeared similar to a peacock or crane. I likely would have seen or heard something of it if it were displayed in a museum over the many centuries. If you are to find anything, I would guess it is in a personal collection or filed away in some museum’s vault as an unknown treasure. I wish I had more information.”
Chance’s breath formed a steam cloud as he hissed out. “Me too. Thanks anyway.”
His mind spun from all of the information Mac just gave him. There would have to be something on the Internet, or at least a library somewhere. He let himself into the house, leaving Mac outside. Chance went directly to his room to find his laptop. With it tucked under his arm he marched to the dining room.
“Hey man, how’s it going?” Derek asked, perched over a bowl of cereal. His expression was serious and clouded. His playful demeanor gone.
At least someone was feeling the gravity of the situation like Chance was.
“Eh, life blows right now.”
Derek nodded and took another bite of his breakfast. “It really sucks the big one,” he said while he chewed.
Jordan walked into the dining room too and threw Chance a wide-eyed look over his shoulder as he passed by. The two of them settled at the table, joining Derek. Chance switched on his laptop while Jordan asked, “What are you doing?”
Chance stared at the black screen, waiting for it to start up. “Whatever it takes to find a phoenix feather, or something that can help Ana.”
Jordan stared at the steam curling up from his bowl of oatmeal. Chance noticed his hair was uncombed, an oddity for Jordan. Deep bags lined his soft brown eyes.
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