I blew a strand of hair out of my face. “We don’t all have boyfriends, Lia. Well, boyfriends who are here all of the time,” I said. “That reminds me. When did you decide to get married? Never mind. There’s no time. No time... to hear your life story. I mean, did you pursue him or did he, Gaven, pursue you?”
“Do you really want to know?”
Ballard came over, but she shooed him away. He left hurriedly. He didn’t even argue. Which meant my face must really look horrible.
“My parents didn’t want us seeing each other,” said Lia. “They didn’t approve of Gaven.”
“But he’s Gaven,” I said, looking at her through my hands. If I had mascara on, it would be running all over my face. “And you’re so beautiful-looking. Italianate. Sleek and ridiculous. I’m a potato farmer.”
“Knock it off,” she said. She could see me judging myself. “You’re not a nottie.”
“No?”
“Uh-uh,” she said; except it sounded like mm-mm. “If I were a guy, I’d be all over that. Naughty not nottie.”
“You made a pun,” I said.
“So where were we?”
“You were being all Romeo and Juliet. Gaven was from the House of Montague. And you were her, the girl from Verona.”
“Right––so they didn’t approve. They thought he was a troublemaker. I thought he looked most comely on the back of his motorcycle. But then one day––he changed.”
“You mean he became a werewolf,” I said, “you saw him transform?”
“No. But he started chasing me like a dog. He wouldn’t stop asking me out. He even gamboled a time or two.”
“So that’s what love is? Making a fool of yourself?” I said.
“I’m not saying make a fool of yourself. Just look for someone who would make you happy for one night. You have forever to fall back on with Whosie-whatsit. Although I don’t recommend doing it that way.”
“Thanks Lia,” I said.
“Oh, and let my brother down gently. The git doesn’t get it, got it? Good.” She left me there. It was almost bedtime before I wandered back into my room. And late, late at night, before I drifted off to sleep. I had been looking at the illustrations of Wiccan Marks as inked in the margins of my copy of the Whatchamacallit Codex-thingy and it was a while before I shut my eyes. When I did it was like blood running in rivulets up both my arms. Professor Lux was holding me, and saying, “I have seen many Wiccan Marks, but yours are the best. They were always there. You just had to reveal them, Halsey, like your feelings for me....”
Maria was laughing. I was playing roulette with a Wiccan wheel that had all of the House names inscribed upon it. And as I spun it I saw all of them––the faces of the members of each House.
And just when I thought it would land on Ravenseal...
Chapter 14 – Problems
I woke up. As I lay in bed I tried to direct my magic but it wouldn’t do anything. That was the big secret. How do I open the conduit, so to speak? No one had ever told me. I had always had to wait. Abstain. Whatever the reasons, they sounded like mush in the mouth, when I heard them.
Ballard wasted no time.
“So,” he said–– my forehead creased over my Rice Crispies.
“Ballard, I’m flattered, but––”
“Guess who I just asked out?” he said.
My plastic spork fell on top of my cereal and drifted there. “Who?” I said.
He tossed his head nonchalantly at one of the werewolf girls––herself chatting with a bunch of them; probably about what they were all going to wear. She was very beautiful.
“Liesel. But isn’t she––”
“Yeah,” he said, as if he couldn’t imagine his good luck. “She’s one of the Team Leaders. I only go with the best.”
He wasn’t aware of it, but because of what I had been thinking about, that really, really stung. Did I want to go with Ballard?
Lia scoffed into her breakfast. “She’s way too old for you,” she said.
“Yeah,” said Ballard, bright and hopeful.
Lia frowned. “Last time you hopped on something you couldn’t handle, you crashed into a wall.”
“Well, I’ll just have to ride her till I break her in, then, won’t I? Ta-ta.”
He was off, finally having won an exchange. It was an unspoken agreement between the two of us that Lia and I would show up late to the Star Room today. When we got there the other girls were all over Professor Lux, which I realized was a tactical error, on my part.
He called us to attention, and then sacrificed the floor to Veruschka Ravenseal––She of the blue hair––and the other Wiccan delegates.
“Now that we are all here,” said Veruschka, looking at me and Lia. I tried to catch Lux’s eye, but he had his head bowed. “You young ladies need the Oath administered to you forthwith. Please bow your heads. That’s right. I find shutting your eyes also helps. Repeat after me, please. I...”
“I,” we all said.
“Do solemnly swear...”
“Do solemnly swear...”
“That I will not use my Powers...”
“That I will not use my Powers...”
“For any wrongdoing, unless I am prepared to have that wrongdoing visited upon me elevenfold. I...”
“I,” we said.
“Pledge to protect the secrets of Wicca, and will not share them with outsiders, unless I am prepared to vouch for that person as a new Initiate.”
We repeated after her.
“Congratulations,” she said. “You are all officially Neophytes.”
Professor Lux raised his head and smiled to himself.
“I trust you will fill them in on the gaudy details,” said Veruschka to Professor Lux. She proceeded to exit the sandpit at a trot, her feet flying. The other delegates followed after her.
Lux made sure we were finally alone. “I think that illustrates a point you should all learn. Even Magic can be turned mundane,” he said. “Do not lose your awe. Right...”
He looked over his notes––some three-by-five cards he was carrying.
“I need to fill you in on the structure of Wiccan covens,” he said. “Wiccan covens are matriarchal. That is to say, they are like beehives. With one Queen. She’s the boss.”
There was some giggling.
“You like that. Good. Of course non-Wiccans pretending to be Wiccans can do something else, but what do they know? Next.” He flipped to a new card.
“Like she said, you are no longer Initiates. Which means that you can attend any gatherings, not just the open ones. Do please continue to wear the robes, however. I like seeing you in them.” Flip.
“Do you all have your books?” he asked us.
We nodded. We all looked at each other.
“Good. Each Initiate is given their own copy, when they come in. Obviously, obviously. But they are encouraged to make changes to it. The Book is really a metaphor for the Wiccan experience. No two Wiccans are the same, just as no two Books are ever really the same. Magic split. At this Gathering, we have three Houses. The reason for that is these Books.” He held up his own; it looked well-loved and cared for, though it had started to fray.
“You can imagine being Initiated by someone,” he said, “and they hand you down their book, with all of their marginalia in it––the things they thought Important. Improvements, and so forth, experimentations, new discoveries. Wicca is not set. Just as the Universe is alive and ever-adapting. It is constantly in flux. So is Wicca. And part of the chameleonic nature of Magic is new blood coming in, tossing out all of the old, crusty ideas. Upending things. I think that’s the responsibility of youth. So whereas we can all trace our roots back to the same beginning, within the Houses there is mutation, just as there is mutation within your Books. Do you understand?
“How many of you received new copies of the Magus Codex without anything written in them?” he said.
Lia raised her hand. She was one of the few who did.
“For each o
f you, the experience is going to be different. We put the books into a Hopper. Each coven was allowed to bring so many copies––annotated however they saw fit. And we also introduced untainted versions into the catch-all Hopper. Each book was then drawn and you received your books indiscriminately, the leftovers going back to wherever they came from. This has been the technique for bringing in new Wiccans for over a century. It is important to note. There is no right way. All Virtues have Power, just as all Wiccans have Power. Just as all Books have Power. Learn to appreciate your differences, and you will see all which you have in common.”
“Excuse me, sir, but how long does it take to go from a Neophyte to Adept, and has anyone ever just skipped straight to Fledged?”
I didn’t see who had spoken––just knew. It was Vittoria. I noticed, when I came in, that she especially had been flirting with Professor Lux.
“To become Adept,” he said, “takes a year and a day. Fledged takes longer. Yes?”
“Thank you for that, but what I meant was, is it possible to accelerate the learning?” said Vittoria, accompanied by a bunch of nods from the other girls.
“I understand. You’re looking for a cheat. Wiccan steroids,” he said. “There aren’t any.”
“But I heard––”
He held up his hand with the gnarly Wiccan Mark on it and she stopped talking. Lux didn’t need to hide his Mark.
“Some would think an annotated copy of the Codex, with a bunch of marks in it, preferable. It would be better than a brand new book which has never interacted with a Wiccan mind before,” he said.
Sure. They all nodded and agreed.
“But ask yourself: Who was it that came before you, and what did they think? What should you think? Should you follow or take control of your own destiny? Are they correct by virtue of their age alone, and the fact that they were here before you? Maybe you have a better idea. Don’t discount the fact that you matter. If you didn’t, none of us would be here.”
He broke us into teams, and instructed us to try and move each other.
“Levitate a grain of sand,” he said, when he saw that we were having difficulty with that. But no matter what I did I couldn’t get one speck, one mote, of magic dust to move.
“And the reason,” he said, “is because there is no cheat, there is no shortcut. There is only practice, and determination, and if you want Power, it comes at a price.”
My mind felt like it was going to explode. A vein was throbbing in my temple. Lia gave up, huffing and puffing. I had never felt less like a witch before.
“That is your first lesson,” he said. “Wanting something is not the same as earning it. And I would say something else. The people in your books acquired their knowledge through trial and error. Through trial and error. You will be making a lot of mistakes before you are ready to advance. Do that! You make those mistakes! In here, you are encouraged to make fools of yourselves, because out there, you cannot afford to slip up. So take advantage of this time. And remember. If it was easy, it wouldn’t be Magic.”
I looked at my Mark, willing it to appear, but if I expected to see something, it wasn’t there.
He dismissed us. “Not you, Halsey,” he said. “Stay a moment, would you, please?”
I caught sight of the other Neophytes, all of whom were staring at me. Vittoria’s wrath was particularly palpable. She may not have been able to levitate a grain of sand, but she could certainly put me on my toes. I was going to have to watch out for her.
She looked daggers at the two of us, before departing in high dudgeon. Lux waited for the others to leave.
“I spoke to Stavros,” he said. “He was the one who brought you and your roommate both of your Books.” I could imagine where this was going, because it had also been on my mind. “He told me that you said you already had one,” said Lux.
“Yes sir,” I said, wondering if he was going to be disappointed in me. And then, if it was even my fault. After all, my parents had left it to me.
“I understand if you don’t want to tell me, but I am curious,” he said. “Whose copy do you have?”
I explained to him about Ballard, and how he had sent the book to me and stuff, and what I was doing in Rome before I found out about the Gathering, and that I was one of the ones who had been invited to be Chosen. He just nodded his head, like he was thinking about something. I finished up with: “And so now they expect me to get all dolled up for some dance routine I knew nothing about, and I have nothing to wear, and if I’m the only one who shows up without a date, the other kids will laugh at me.” I felt pathetic.
“Do you know what I find works best for that?” he said.
“I know. Make mistakes, take chances. Be the best me I can be,” I said as forthrightly as possible.
“What else have you got to lose?” he said. He interrupted me before I could retort. “What I was going to say is––you take charge. It’s like the Wicca we were talking about. Destiny is for the people who are afraid to take control of their own lives. You make your own destiny. Have some nerve. It’s not called crafting for nothing. It’s like these Marks. If I wanted to be somebody else, I could’ve been. But this is who I chose to be. Do you understand? I crafted myself.”
He flexed his right arm with his off-hand; I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like he grunted.
“Sir...”
“Lux,” he said.
“Sir Lux?”
“It’s Professor Lux, Halsey. What do you want?” he said smiling at me.
“To know why you really wear those talons.”
“It’s a long story.”
“Is it really true that I will have to take the name of House Ravenseal if I join,” I asked, “because I kind of like my own name, sir? Is something bothering you?”
“It’s nothing. Go on. I kind of like yours as well. It is true. But you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Halsey. Again, Wicca is a personal discovery process. Soon you’ll be eighteen. You can make your own choices from here on out, don’t you think?”
He grimaced. It looked like his Mark was paining him. But he soon got over it.
“How old are you, anyway?” I asked.
“I’m your teacher, Halsey. You cannot ask me to the dance.”
“No. Of course not,” I said.
“But we can go as friends.” Lux smiled and I beamed the way the lights did on the waters of Rat Rock, late, late at night. “Is that a yes?” he said.
Something boomed within me. I nodded.
“So it’s settled, then. Sorry, but I’m afraid I will have to go now.” He left me standing there.
The more I thought about it, the Marks seemed to be shaped by character. It was almost like looking at a person’s penmanship. Sloppy, neat, all over the place, etc. Or like their bedroom.
Yeah.
My own room was simple––it was neat, clean, and elegant––not too much clutter. And it was filled with various mementoes. The things which mattered to me. And nothing else.
* * *
If witches and wizards were like open books, then Lux was a mystery novel. I couldn’t tell what was up with him, but I was glad we were going to the Ball together, even if it was just as friends.
When I thought about the Oath I put in my diary that it was a lot like the oaths doctors took to do no harm. ‘Power takes Oaths,’ I said. ‘What gives me the right to take power?’ A bit of rhetorical nonsense, but the more I thought about it, I thought, Can being born with something be a responsibility?
You have it. Therefore, shouldn’t it be yours to use as you will?
The forty-eight-hour clock began to tick in my head, now that we were out of class. Lia was all over the place. She and Gaven would obviously be attending together. “But then it’s like a State dinner,” she said. She didn’t know if she would have to shake a lot of hands and come up with something interesting to say to each and every one of them, or whether or not it was more informal than that. “Because if I have to be Mrs. Wolfhea
d, it’s a lot different than if I was just going to a kegger in Trastevere,” she said. “You know what I mean?”
Gaven came by and explained; I think he could feel when she was upset.
“So we have to get evening gowns, shoes, a wax job wouldn’t hurt, you’re right, your hair is terrible,” she said to me. Gaven knew better than to stick around.
“Lia. Relax. You’re hyperventilating,” I said. “One thing at a time.” I had still not told her who I was going with. I decided to let it be a surprise. It was no one’s business, after all. Lennox was gone.
Now I began hyperventilating.
“Halsey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I said it as resolutely as possible. It was just one night. “Let’s go shopping. Come on. This place is starting to smell like BO.”
“You should be here when we all shift,” she said, and then her frown became really pronounced. Was she crying?
“Lia, what’s wrong?” I said.
She shook her head when I came to her. We sat down on the bottom bunk. I had my arm around her. She had her face in her hands.
“I can’t... anymore,” she whispered to me. “Ever since I got here.”
“What do you mean you can’t? You can’t turn into a werewolf?” I said.
She sniffed. “I can’t shift,” she said.
“Does Gaven know?”
“He says the Magic may be interfering. It’s not a case of having been a werewolf for too long. I asked him to talk to some of the Wiccans, but, you know, hypothetically.”
“And?”
“They said there’s never been a witch who’s both. At least not for a while. Over a century, they said.”
“You mean a witch and a Shifter, a Witch Shifter?” I said.
Lia nodded and then tried to get a hold of her emotions.
“Did they say if your Shifting ability will come back?” I asked.
“They d-didn’t––k-k-know...” she said, and started to blubber.
Some of the other werewolves came to look. I gave one of them an angry look and kicked the door shut, but the sound dribbled out anyway.
“Lia, we’ll figure this out,” I said, “do you hear me? Just don’t give up hope.”
Neophyte / Adept (The Wiccan Diaries, Books 2-3) Page 15