Head Over Heels

by Ford, Brenda

  “Oh no.” Immediately I jump to Rosie’s defense. “She wouldn’t…”

  But I trail off when it hits me that maybe he’s right. I don’t believe that is something that she would do intentionally, but there are times when these things just happen. She’s played me before when she took me to that party, and I acted like I was her boyfriend. Perhaps she knew then how much she hurt me, and she didn’t stop.

  “Shall I call Ellie?” I ask him curiously. “Talk to her about things?”

  “Oh yeah, one hundred percent. Have a conversation with her. If you’re in love, then you owe it to yourself and her to give it a try. I’m not going to guarantee that it will work out, but you need to find out for yourself.”

  “And if it doesn’t work out?” I plead. “What then? Because that will hurt as well.”

  “Not as much as a ‘what if?’ that’s for sure. Regrets are much more agonizing than something not working.”

  He slides my cell phone across the table to me and I grab it eagerly, knowing that I should at least call her. The night has been a pretty noisy one anyway, so she might have called back at some point and I didn’t hear…

  “Right, I’m going to call her,” I inform Wesley as I stand up from the dining slash poker table. “I’ll be back.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m shattered and going to bed now anyway; I don’t want to lose anymore from you.” He smirks. “Let’s hope that luck follows you. If it does, you will probably be on the phone for half the night anyway.”

  God, I like that idea, so I race to my room stumbling on the stairs only one time and I crash in to my room. I dial Ellie’s number instantly and wait impatiently with the receiver pressed up against my ear.

  “Oh, voice mail,” I murmur sadly as she doesn’t answer again. I hope that she isn’t ignoring me because we didn’t talk about seeing one another again after having sex. I decide that the best course of action is to leave a message, just in case. “Hey, Ellie, it’s Oliver. Sorry to catch you when you are busy, I just wondered if you wanted to talk. Or maybe hang out some time. I know that things are difficult because of Rosie but when you lo…” I stop myself just in time. “When you feel strongly for someone, you don’t want to have regrets, do you? We should give me and you a try, shouldn’t we? Like, a real try. Even more than we were before. Give me a call back when you get a chance and let me know what you think about things… that would be awesome.”

  I hope she says yes. I need her to say yes. I desperately want to see if we have a shot.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Ellie

  “Mom left the money to me,” I bark angrily, no longer even trying to keep my emotions locked away inside. He’s revealed himself now, shown himself to be a real piece of work, just as I knew that he would, and I am fuming. “If Mom wanted you to have anything, then she would have left you something.”

  “Oh, she probably wrote the will when she was in the middle of one of her hissy fits. She would want me to have the cash. I mean, she always let me back in, didn’t she? However long I left for.”

  “Because you kept stringing her along!” I throw my hands in the air in frustration. “She wised up to you in the end, didn’t she? She didn’t let you back in when me and Seth got older.”

  “Oh, did she?” He chuckles the most evil sound ever. “You really don’t have a fucking clue, do you? She was letting me back in right until the end. Even if I left it for a few years, she would eventually open up the door and part her thighs for me. She couldn’t resist me. You might not have known about it, but there are lots of things about your precious mother that you don’t know. Just because she’s dead, doesn’t make her a saint.”

  He tugs out a packet of a terrifying looking white powder and slams it on the table in front of me. I blanche, refusing to really look at it because I dread to think what it is. With my dad, it could be anything.

  “You don’t even want to know what this is, precious little Ellie? Or do you already know?” I can’t see him because I still refuse to look at him, but I can hear him tipping some of it out all over the table where me and Seth eat. “Yeah, you probably do because you are a lot like your mother, aren’t you? All prissy and bitchy on the outside, but wild underneath. Happy to do some cocaine and run wild. You know, we always used to have the most crazy sexy when we were both high. Your mom was an absolute freak which kept me coming back.”

  “Stop,” I bark while shoving my hands over my ears. This isn’t the most normal conversation to have anyway – fathers don’t usually speak to their daughters about their sex lives – but that isn’t truly what’s bothering me. “I don’t know if what you are saying about Mom is true, but she isn’t here to defend herself, so just stop.”

  “Why? Does it change your opinion of her? Does it make her less of a fucking angel? Because I think it’s best that children know who their parents really are. Especially now that you have grown up. I mean, you have always known who I am because I’m an honest asshole, but your mom…” He waves his finger, basically pointing it at me. “Your mother does shitty stuff like this. Leaving me out of her will.”

  The air is thick, the silence painful. I can’t believe what he’s saying! He is something else. I almost wish that I was recording this just to have proof that this is actually happening because it feels like a nightmare.

  “Do you think that maybe she wanted to give anything to her children?” I finally spit back. “Since we were going to be left with nothing? If you don’t have anything, then that is your fault, but we have no choice.”

  “Looks like you’ve landed on your feet with this place.” He glances around like it’s a palace rather than an apartment. “You can keep this. I don’t want to leave you and Seth with nothing. I just want what’s mine.”

  “Don’t you care about me and Seth at all?” I cry back. “Are you really so selfish that you would rather have the money for yourself to put behind a bar so you can continue to drink yourself to death than let us live?”

  He steps closer to me, his whole face darkening, and I’m suddenly transported back to being a small child. A young girl cowering in the kitchen while Dad yells in Mom’s face, screaming at her because she won’t give him beer money because she doesn’t have it. He didn’t even care that I was there, that I could see him become this terrifying monster. I clearly recall in a way that I haven’t before, probably because I have done everything that I can to block it out, him swinging his fist back and connecting it with her face with a sickening crunch.

  She fell to the floor, blood flew from her mouth, for one terrifying moment I thought that she was dead. Then she mouthed the word ‘run’ and me and encouraged me to head to my room, which like a coward, I did. I don’t know what happened next, I could only hear it, but it doesn’t take a genius to imagine.

  Now that fist is swinging back once more. Only this time it’s coming for my face. Dad is actually about to smack me about the same way that he did her. She didn’t fight back, she never would because she thought it was for the best, but I might have to. I can’t take it lying down like she did.

  The smash comes and I expect pain to shatter through me at the same time, but it doesn’t come right away. Shock and adrenaline must have me stunned. I can’t move at all… but then bits of plaster crumble over my head and I realize that my face escaped. For some reason, Dad showed me mercy, and took his rage out on one of the lovely walls in my nice apartment instead. I’m glad my face escaped, but I’m pissed off about my home.

  “What the fuck, Dad?” I bark, not even worried that might have been a warning shot. “Get out of here now!”

  “Oh, there is one way to easily get rid of me.” He rubs his scratched up fists. It looks like he has been in a lot of fights. I wonder how many of them were with women. “Give me what I owe.”

  “You have what you’re owed. Nothing. Now get out of here. I don’t want you in my home ever again. You can come here and try to scare me, but I don’t want you anywhere near Seth. Do you hear me?
”

  “Didn’t you hear Seth?” He smirks. “My boy wants me to stay.”

  “Only because he hasn’t got to know you yet,” I growl angrily. “And I don’t want him to. He doesn’t need to know that you are absolute scum. I’d rather him have no memories of you.”

  “Hmmm.” Dad taps his chin thoughtfully. “You know, I might go and wake the boy up. See if he wants to come and live with me. I might not have a fixed address at the moment, but I’m sure he would rather be with his fun dad than his stuck up prick of a sister. No bed time, no homework, no rules…”

  “Seth is smarter than you. He knows what’s good for him. He won’t go anywhere.”

  “Are you confident about that? Because I don’t think you can be. You must be a bit worried.”

  I shake my head and try to ignore his stupidity. I’m not about to get in to an argument with this man because it won’t go anywhere. Plus, I guess a small part of me is a little bit worried that he might be right. Seth is young and impressionable enough to get swept away by all of this. He could go with Dad.

  “Dad, if you want any money, then you should fight for it in court…”

  “Oh, come off it,” he groans. “You know that I can’t afford to go to court. Plus, there are all legal complications. You could just give me the money now and forget about all of it.”

  “Legal complications such as the fact that Mom didn’t leave you anything?”

  “Fucking bitch.” Dad goes to punch the wall again but manages to stop himself just in time. “You really are a piece of work, aren’t you? You don’t need all that money. I do. Like I said I have nowhere to live.”

  “You are an adult. Get a job. Fix your own life up. Do what other people do to live.”

  “But I need something to get me started. Just fucking help me out, will you?”

  My heart pounds as I try to work out how I’m going to get out of this without Dad doing something dreadful to me. It seems clear now that he isn’t going to leave of his own accord, so I need to kick him out. I would love to do it myself, but I’m pretty sure that I don’t have the strength. Not if he decides to fight back, which I know he will.

  My cell phone. I suddenly spot it over the other side of the room, and I remember my plan from earlier to get in touch with Auntie Amelia. I should have done that already, what a damn fool!

  “Okay, so how much do you want?” I ask in a hollow voice as I try to discretely walk across the room. I don’t want him to figure out what I’m up to because he won’t ever let it happen. “I will see what I can do.”

  “So, you’re just suddenly coming around now?” he barks back suspiciously. “Is that a joke?”

  “You want the money, don’t you? And I don’t want to have you here anymore, so why not?”

  “Ah, I see. So, you are going to pay me off, so you never have to see me again? Something like that? Well, I don’t see why not. I mean, it isn’t exactly that I like you kids anyway. You are a bitch, and Seth is annoying. I would be better off without you. Especially if I get the money. So, give me fifty thousand.”

  “Fifty thousand?” I shoot back in a strangled voice. “That’s quite a lot. Do you really need that much?”

  “To be out of your life forever? I sure do. It costs a lot to live my life.”

  Urgh yeah, I’m sure it does cost a lot to pour booze down your throat all the time. But now isn’t the time for arguing, so I simply nod like I’m considering it. I dip my head down and bend my knees ever so slightly as I grab hold of my cell phone. It’s heavy and scary between my fingers. I honestly don’t know if I will be able to contact Auntie Amelia without falling apart. This is too much for me, so before I turn, I hit nine one one instead. This is a crime, he has vandalized my home and threatened me, so the cops can help.

  I hold my phone close to my side, waiting for the perfect moment to lift it to my ear because I won’t have much time, and I turn slowly back. It’s better to keep my eyes on Dad so I know what he’s doing. He’s looking at me like I have lost my mind, like he has no trust in me whatsoever, which is fair. I am about to betray him in every way possible. I force a smile on my face and try to return the conversation to money.

  “So, I will get my check book…”

  “Who the fuck are you calling?” he yells, proving that I’m not as discrete as I thought.

  “Er, no one,” I try, but it makes no difference. He stomps towards me with fire in his gaze and he grabs my shoulders. He shakes me so hard that my body begins aching, my head throbs, and my phone falls to the ground with a clatter. Then he shoves me and knocks me down too, showing me just how capable he is of destroying me.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Oliver

  Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

  The sound of my cell phone ringing all the way through to Ellie’s voice mail again, my stomach sinks. This is getting ridiculous now. I know that she might be ignoring me, but I’ve been calling her all night and morning and she still hasn’t picked up. Nor has she responded to any of my messages to just let me know that she’s okay. It has me worried for her. I keep thinking that she might be sick or something.

  “Hi, Ellie, it’s me again…” I say pointlessly in to her voice mail. “Just trying to check in to see that you’re alright. But again, you aren’t answering. I’m on the way to the coffee shop anyway, so if you’re at work… well I will see you in a moment. Sorry for all the calls. I’m just panicking, that’s all.”

  I hang up rapidly, wishing that I just hadn’t said anything because she’s going to be sick of all the messages in a moment, then I stand outside the café, praying that she’s inside. Even if she tells me to get hell away from her and to never speak to her again, at least I will know that she’s okay.

  There is a giant queue, there always is. Probably because of the incredible coffee and the even better service, but I by pass it today. People make comments about me cutting the queue, but it’s easy for me to block them out. I don’t care, it isn’t like I’m here to sample the delicious beverages or anything like that.

  “Hey,” I hiss at the girl behind the counter, recognizing her as the one that Ellie was talking to before.

  “Sorry, Sir, there is a big queue which I’m afraid you will have to wait in. We’re short staffed…”

  “Why because Ellie isn’t here?” I demand, panicked. “Is she supposed to be here, and she hasn’t turned up?”

  She stops focusing on the coffee and she gives me a look. “Oh, I know you. You’re Ellie’s… friend. No, she isn’t here today, which is a real bitch because we’re busier than ever, and she hasn’t even called in or anything. Nor is she answering my damn calls. I kinda thought that she might be in bed with you.”

  “Fuck.” I drag my fingers through my hair. “Fuck, that isn’t good, is it?”

  My pulse pounds violently, I shake like crazy, I can feel the horror brushing over my skin, causing goose bumps to pop everywhere. My gut is now telling me that this is the right time to freak the fuck out.

  “You think she’s sick?” the girl asks. “It isn’t like her to just not bother coming in.”

  “I’m going to find out,” I shoot back determinedly. “I’ll go to her home and check in on her.”

  “Let her know that Maria is pissed,” she calls after me as I run out. “I want to know what’s going on.”

  I’m sure the whole queue is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind, but I don’t care. I have a pit of terror in my stomach, storm clouds swirling violently around. Something isn’t right here; this feels more serious than it should be. Ellie isn’t acting anything like herself at all which is awful. I really hope that it isn’t my fault.

  My feet pound hard against the concrete sending shots of pain all the way up to my knees, but I ignore them. The need to see Ellie is overwhelming. It’s just lucky that I know where she lives. If I didn’t… well, I would probably do something incredibly stupid like call the cops or something, really become a psycho.

  If
she’s really ill, then she’s going to think that I’m crazy for acting like such a fool. I might even put her off me completely, but even that isn’t enough to hold me back. I just need to see her. To touch her.

  I bang on her door hard a few times, getting louder by the moment. I’m sure all of her neighbors must be able to hear me, but she isn’t answering. Not even telling me to shut the hell up. She would, I’m sure of it, but there’s nothing. Does she even still live here? Has she moved again and not told me? Is she going to do that every time we have sex? Run away and shut me down so I can’t get in at all?

  “Ellie?” I call through the door. “Ellie, are you in there? It’s Oliver, I just want to talk. Sorry about all the calls before, I know that was a bit much. I am just worried, that’s all. I want to know that you are okay.” Still, I get nothing. I rest my forehead up against the door and continue to pray that she’s inside. “Even if you don’t want to see me again, I totally understand, just please let me know that you’re all good… please?”

  I don’t hear any voices much to my disappointment, but I can sense movement. At first, I think that I must be imagining things, or that it could be a sound from elsewhere, but I soon realize that it definitely isn’t. She is in there and purposely ignoring me. I have a horrible feeling that this isn’t as straight forward as her just not wanting to talk to me. There is something darker bubbling under the surface and I need to know what...

  “Okay fine,” I call again. “You don’t want to speak to me? That’s fine. I’ll go. Just know that I’ll be back. I don’t know when, but I will come back and speak to you then. But now I’m going…”

  I walk away, hoping that she might open the door and peek through to see me going, but she doesn’t. I continue to leave even though I don’t really have any intention of going anywhere, but I need to make a plan. I can’t just stand outside the door all day, waiting for someone to finally open it.