She picked up two cars, then fingered an Angels baseball cap before adding it to her collection. There weren’t any personal pictures and she didn’t think what looked like a year’s worth of Car and Driver would be considered significant. Then she spotted the yearbooks.
“You don’t want these for yourself?” she asked.
Dev shook his head.
She flipped through one and saw dozens of messages from friends. “I’ll keep these, too,” she said. “What people write often gives insight into a person. Jimmy’s son or daughter might like that.”
“Okay. I have a lot of pictures I was going to sort through. Once I figure out when they were taken, I’ll put them in order.”
“That would be nice.”
They returned to the house.
“I thought we’d order dinner in tonight,” he said. “Give you a chance to settle in.”
She nodded. “I’ll go to the grocery store tomorrow and cook dinner. Any requests?”
“You don’t have to cook.”
“I actually like cooking.” She put the items from Jimmy’s room on the kitchen counter. “My mom made sure we all knew what we were doing. I don’t get very fancy, but everything is eatable.”
“Then you pick. I can’t remember my last home-cooked meal, so I won’t be fussy.”
Interesting, she thought. So the slinky, exotic women didn’t cook. No doubt they had other talents.
“What time do you usually get home?”
“About six.”
“Then I’ll plan dinner for six-thirty.”
This was so strange—having this very domestic conversation with the man who had been, until recently, her boss.
“I’ll leave you to unpack, then,” he said. “Let me know if you need any help.”
“I will. Thanks.”
Dev retreated to his den. He had to find this as strange as she did. They were both being so polite. Would it get easier with time? Would they ever feel comfortable together?
Once again she thought that this was not the marriage she’d always imagined. However, it was the one she had. Instead of focusing on what she wanted to be different, maybe it was time to think about how lucky she was to be married to Dev and do what she could to make their two years together fun for both of them.
* * *
NOELLE HAD DECIDED on what her mother claimed was every man’s favorite—meatloaf and mashed potatoes—for her first home-cooked meal. She wasn’t sure of Dev’s vegetable preference, so she did a medley, along with a salad. There was strawberry shortcake for dessert and an assortment of ice-cream flavors in the freezer, in case he didn’t like the shortcake.
She’d shopped early, then had spent the rest of the morning getting to know Dev’s neighborhood and finding things like the closest dry cleaner and drugstore. After that, she’d been on her own. Alone. Completely alone.
She wasn’t used to having a house to herself. At her parents’ house, there was always someone around. But here...not so much.
She found herself waiting for Dev’s arrival with an eagerness that had a lot to do with finally having someone to talk to, but when he walked through the door to the garage, she wasn’t sure what to say.
Her parents usually came home together. On the rare nights they didn’t, her mother hugged and kissed her father. But that didn’t seem right. Smiling at Dev and asking about his day felt weird, as if she were in some play somewhere.
“Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes,” she said. “Do you usually change into something casual?” She motioned to his suit. “I mean, you have time. Or I can hold dinner.”
“I’ll change later.” He put his briefcase on the floor, leaning against the end of the cabinets and loosened his tie. “Settling in?”
She nodded. He looked good, she thought as he slipped off his jacket, then went to work, rolling up his shirtsleeves. A little wrinkled, but still handsome. She liked the way his stubble shaded his cheeks and jaw.
“I’ve found most of the necessities of life.”
“How are you feeling?” he asked, his gaze intense.
Feeling? What would she be... Oh. “You mean the baby.” She touched her stomach. “Honestly, I don’t feel anything. I don’t know when I’m supposed to start having symptoms and it’s not like I want to ask my mom. I did make a doctor’s appointment for a prenatal checkup.”
“Good. When is it?”
She told him.
“I’ll go with you,” he said. “We’re in this together, so I’m interested in information, too.”
Going with her? “You don’t have to.”
He smiled. “I want to be there through all of this.”
His words gave her a warm kind of glow in her tummy. “Okay. That would be nice. I’ll admit I was a little scared. Just because I’ve never done this before.”
“Me, either.”
She served dinner and they sat at the round table. Dev told her about what had happened at the office that day. When he was finished, she said, “I’ve signed up for summer school. I’m taking calculus.” She wrinkled her nose. “Math is not my thing, but it’s required, so I decided to get it out of the way in one intense, horrible six-week period. I go for three hours a day, four days a week. I start Monday.”
“That’s a lot of calculus.”
“I know. I don’t want to think about the homework, but I keep telling myself by the middle of August, it will be over.”
“This is excellent,” he said, cutting off another piece of meatloaf. “I’m now officially won over by your cooking, but don’t worry if you don’t have time once you’re in school. Getting your education should be your priority.”
“And the baby.”
“The baby won’t arrive until next year.”
She nodded. “I guess I’ll be due in early March.”
“So you can go to the fall semester and then take the spring semester off. And graduate the following January.”
She hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I like that. The baby will be what, six months old when I go back to college? Day care won’t be a problem. There’s a great program at our church. My mom will love being able to see her first grandbaby whenever she wants.”
Whoa—this was a little too much to be dealing with right now. “Speaking of my mom,” she said, deciding for her own peace of mind she needed to shift topics. “She called today. She still wants to do a big party, but that’s going to take some putting together. In the meantime, she would like to throw us a wedding shower. Probably just for girlfriends, if you don’t mind.”
His trapped expression cleared. “I think it’s a good idea. You and your friends will have fun.”
Typical guy, she thought with a smile. “But the thing is, we need to register. People are going to want to buy us gifts. I went through the kitchen and you already have everything. But there’s only one set of china, so maybe something for special occasions?”
“I don’t care about that kind of thing,” he said. “Noelle, pick out what you’d like to have. Then you can take it with you when this is over.”
The “this” being their marriage. “You’re not interested at all?” she asked, a little surprised by how disappointed she felt.
“You’ll have fun choosing things like china and sheets.”
Not by herself, she thought glumly. Maybe Rachel or Crissy would want to help. But that wasn’t the same as having Dev doing with it her. After all, he would be eating off the plates, too.
“I did have something I wanted to ask you,” he said, setting down his fork and looking at her. “I should have brought this up before. Do you want to speak to a grief counselor about Jimmy?”
He wouldn’t pick out china but he was offering her therapy? “I’m okay,” she told him.
“I can get
you some names. I wasn’t sure, what with you having the baby and all.”
“Thank you.” She sipped her water. “I know Jimmy and I dated for a while and we, well, you know. He had talked about getting married and all, but...” She cleared her throat. “I don’t think we were really in love with each other.”
Dev stiffened in his chair. “We don’t have to talk about that,” he said gruffly.
He seemed uncomfortable. But why? Because she was being realistic about her relationship with his brother? Did that upset him? Did he want to believe they’d been madly in love? Or was he judging her for sleeping with a man without being sure she loved him?
“Dinner was great,” he said as he rose and carried his plate to the counter. “I brought some work home, so I’ll excuse myself.”
And with that, he was gone. She didn’t think she was going to see him again that evening.
Separate lives, she thought. That’s what they were living. While she hadn’t considered what their married lives would be like, she’d never thought she would be so...lonely. She felt lost in this big, beautiful house, living with a man who didn’t want to have much to do with her. Lost and alone and not sure what to do about it.
CHAPTER SIX
DEV ARRIVED HOME nearly two hours early to find loud music filling the house. He walked into the family room and saw Noelle sprawled across the sofa, a large text book propped up as she slowly flipped through the pages.
Instead of the conservatively dressed woman he’d seen last night, today his wife of less than a week wore a tank top and shorts. Her feet were bare, her hair piled up on top of her head in a ponytail and she was chewing gum. She was, he acknowledged wryly, a teenage boy’s dream. Which meant he had no excuse for what he was feeling—he was old enough to know better.
Still, the information didn’t seem to have any impact on the sudden rush of blood south or the desire to cross the room, pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless. He imagined her yielding and aroused, straining to get closer, reaching for him as they—
He forced the erotic images out of his mind. This was a marriage of practicality, he reminded himself. Nothing more. Besides, he’d been enough of an ass last night. He should take a break from that kind of behavior.
Pushing her to talk about Jimmy had been out of line and now that she’d admitted she didn’t think she and his brother had been in love, he, Dev, felt even more like a jerk. He’d only done it to find out if she was in mourning or not. Knowing she wasn’t overwhelmed by the loss of his brother meant, in a twisted way, that she was more available to him. Maybe he was the one who needed professional help.
He crossed to the CD player and turned down the volume. Noelle jumped. She sprang to her feet and the textbook hit the floor.
“Dev!” she said, obviously startled. “You’re home early.” She touched her hair, then fingered the hem of her tank top. “I’m not ready.”
“You live here,” he reminded her. “There’s nothing to get ready for.”
“Dinner,” she said as she folded her arms over her chest. “I was going to get changed.”
“You don’t have to for me. I think you look charming.”
She tried to smile, then failed. She reached up and pulled a band from her hair so that it tumbled loose around her shoulders.
The instant disarray was too sexy by far. Despite the steady hum of the air conditioner, he had the sudden need to unfasten his collar button and pull off his tie.
Instead he walked over to the large wrapped package he’d left by the entrance to the family room and held it out to her. “I brought you something.”
Her gaze locked on the box and her mouth curved into a wide grin. “Really? For me.”
She tucked her hands behind her back, as if to keep herself from lunging toward the present.
“I felt badly about missing your birthday,” he admitted. He started to apologize for the previous night, then stopped, not wanting to get into all that right now.
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” she said politely, even as she practically quivered in anticipation.
“You’re not very good at this,” he said, then set the package down on the coffee table. “You’re saying all the right things, but I can tell you want to jump on the box and rip it open.”
She looked at him and smiled. “I love surprises. I was always the first one up on Christmas morning. Even now, my parents have to set a time limit so I won’t be downstairs, shaking boxes at five in the morning.”
“No one is making you wait but you.”
“If you’re sure,” she said even as she dropped to her knees in front of the coffee table and tugged at the wrappings. In a matter of seconds, she had the box open and was staring down at the sleek, silver laptop computer he’d bought her.
Dev perched on the edge of the overstuffed chair. “It’s lightweight, so you can take it to classes, and wireless. We have wireless high-speed in the house, so you can be online just about anywhere. Even out by the pool.”
She opened the top and ran her fingers over the keyboard. “Right. Because everyone wants to do e-mail poolside.” She turned to him. “Dev, this is really, really nice. I don’t know what to say.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t think you had one already.”
“I don’t. It’s terrific. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I thought later we could go online and register somewhere. You know, for gifts.”
Her eyes widened slightly and her lips parted, even though she didn’t speak.
“I know you were disappointed last night,” he admitted, feeling uncomfortable. “You surprised me. I hadn’t thought about things like showers and parties. I shouldn’t have left it all up to you.”
A warm, happy smile blossomed on her face. She left the laptop and shifted to him, crossing the few feet of area rug still on her knees. Then she put her hands on his thighs, leaned in and kissed him on the mouth.
“Thank you,” she said again. “In case no one has told you recently, you’re a pretty great guy.”
The soft pressure of her mouth lingered long after she’d pulled away. Desire exploded and he instinctively pulled away to help keep himself under control.
“Oh,” she breathed as she stood and took a step back. “Sorry. I was just saying thank you. I didn’t mean anything by...” She waved her hand vaguely in his direction.
Guilt ground into him. He swore silently. “Don’t apologize,” he told her gently. “We’re married. Kissing is allowed.”
“But you said you didn’t want that for us. It wasn’t part of the deal.”
Sex. She was talking about sex. Something he wasn’t going to experience again for a very long two years.
“I said I wasn’t marrying you to pressure you into sleeping with me,” he reminded her. “I didn’t want you to feel obligated. We’re living in the same house. We’re going to run into each other. We need to get comfortable with that, and with kissing. As far as the world’s concerned, we’re newlyweds. We have to act like it.”
“So my thank-you kiss was practice?” she asked.
There was something in her tone that made him wonder if she were holding in laughter. “If you want.”
She sighed. “There are very complicated rules here. It would help me a lot if we could get them in writing.”
He saw the humor in her gaze. “I’ll see what I can do,” he told her. “Maybe someone could stitch them in a pillow for us.”
“That would give our company something to talk about.”
He could only imagine.
Determined to make things right between them, he crossed to her, put his hands on her shoulders, then bent down and lightly brushed his mouth against her.
“You’re welcome,” he said. “Happy birthday a little late.”
This close he could see all the various colors of blue that made up her irises. Her lashes were surprisingly long and dark and there was a tiny freckle by the corner of her mouth.
He could hear the slight intake of air and feel the tension in her body. The very male part of him quickly pointed out that those were symptoms of a woman receptive to a man. That maybe, what with her not being wildly in love with Jimmy, she was open to getting involved with someone else—namely him.
Right—because he needed another disaster in his life. Noelle was wrong on so many levels. Most importantly, she was carrying his brother’s child. Whatever might have happened in the future, Jimmy had been involved with her when he died, and it was still Dev’s fault that his brother was dead.
“Thank you for my wonderful present,” she said as he lowered his hands to his side. “I made peanut butter cookies earlier. Would you like some?”
“Sure. They’re my favorite.”
She grinned. “Mine, too.”
She led the way into the kitchen.
Dev followed her and did his best to ignore the sway of her curved hips. Noelle was nothing like he’d imagined. She was a contradiction of terms. Still young and excited by presents, but mature and capable. Smart, funny and, as her mother had pointed out, not as tough as she thought. He would have to remember that. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.
* * *
“THIS PLACE IS HUGE,” Lily said on Saturday morning as Noelle led her through the house. “I’m so jealous.”
“No, you’re not,” Noelle told her. “You’d hate this. You like changing guys at least twice a month. I don’t think you’re going to be willing to settle down for years.”
“That’s true, but the house is great.”
“Dev picked a really terrific decorator,” Noelle said, having met the woman for the first time the previous week when she’d come to supervise the work on the pool house. “Some of the antiques belonged to his grandmother.”
When Lily had called and said she wanted to come by, Noelle had been torn between welcoming a familiar face and not being sure she could handle the stress. She’d dropped by the church office twice the previous week so she could see her parents and ward off any plans for a surprise visit.
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