Oh Meghan… If you’ve been caught and are locked up now…
I know, trust me, I know. It was stupid, but I don’t regret it. It was the only way to find you.
But… Her pain strummed into me. You said you were moving on from us. If you’re not, why did you cut us out of your life in the first place? If you hadn’t, our connection wouldn’t have broken, and you wouldn’t have had to break-in. And now you’re probably in a world of trouble, which could have all been avoided if you’d never left us. She stopped. I could feel the tears filling her eyes.
I winced as I slumped onto my side on the hard bed. I never wanted to hurt you. Please believe that, but I had to do it to keep you all safe, especially Davin. My voice caught, even in my head when I said his name. I did it to protect him from Dr. Roberts.
What do you mean?
The last time I saw Dr. Roberts, he wasn’t going to stop drugging Davin. I tried everything to sway him but couldn’t. So I offered him a deal. It was the only thing I could see him agreeing to.
Her confusion strummed into me. What kind of deal?
I told him that if he promised to not drug any of you, I’d stay away. It was exactly the kind of thing that delighted him. Giving you all up hurt me tremendously, and he’d known that. But I did it to keep you safe, which meant no visits to the reservation, no phone calls, no emails. Nothing.
I felt her shaking her head. I don’t understand. Why would he want to hurt you?
Because he blames me for the end of his career at the Compound. If I hadn’t discovered the vaccine, if Dr. Sadowsky had never become more involved, Dr. Roberts would have continued ruling the Inner Sanctum ungoverned. He hates me for ending that. It’s ultimately why he left.
So he agreed to stop drugging all of us if you agreed to stay away? I felt her roll her eyes. No offense, Meg, but that was pretty trusting of you. You actually believed him? He’s always hurt us.
I know. I’m not that stupid. Part of the deal included taking your blood samples weekly. He sent those to me so I could test them to make sure no drugs were in your systems.
I felt her eyebrows raise. That’s why he kept drawing our blood? She scoffed. He said it was to further their understanding of Makanza and how the virus was affected now that we were outdoors.
Since Makanza was such an unusual virus, it responded to behavioral and emotional cues from its survivors, there was some believability in Dr. Roberts’ claim.
I shook my head. Well, that wasn’t the real reason. Every week, I’ve been receiving your samples and processing them. And each week, they came up clean, so I thought that by staying away I was keeping you all safe.
Her heavy sigh filled my mind. Oh, Meghan. I wish I’d known. I’ve been wracking my brain for weeks trying to figure out why you left us.
I laughed bitterly. Not that it did any good. It didn’t keep any of you safe.
No, it did. For a while. Things weren’t always bad. The first few months were fine. And Davin hasn’t been drugged since you left, so you did keep him safe in that aspect.
Really?
Yeah, really. He hasn’t been drugged at all.
I breathed a sigh of relief that it hadn’t all been in vain.
A moment of silence passed. I could tell that Sara was trying to wrap her head around everything. If she was sitting right in front of me, I knew she’d be biting her lip. I could feel that she was still torn. She wanted to forgive me, and I could tell she mostly had, but something was holding her back.
You can talk to me, Sara. You know that.
My gentle probing seemed to do the trick because pain was evident in her next words. But why cut me out, Meghan? Even if you had to stop visiting and calling, no one knows that we can talk telepathically. So… why did you cut our connection?
I took a deep breath. Because I knew if we kept in touch that I’d have to tell you about the deal I’d made with Dr. Roberts. I knew you’d ask why I never visited or talked to anyone else. And I knew you’d understand and keep it a secret, but I also knew that sooner or later, Davin would wrestle the truth out of you as for why I’d really disappeared. Even if you didn’t directly tell him, since I know you try so hard to keep everyone’s secrets, I also know it’s a lot for you to juggle. Sooner or later, you’d let something slip, even though you wouldn’t mean to. You know as well as I do how Davin would respond if he found out that Dr. Roberts was manipulating me. He’d fly into a rage and do something that would give Dr. Roberts an excuse to drug or hurt him. I couldn’t let that happen.
She was quiet for a moment. So you cut all of us out in hopes that it would keep everyone safe.
Yes.
And… that part about you moving on with Mitch? Was that even true? I never thought you were interested in him.
No, you’re right, I’m not interested in him. I’ve never been with Mitch. I only said that because I knew Davin would believe it and keep his distance. He’d quietly let me go if he thought I was with someone else.
She sighed. You’re right. He did, but he’s changed a lot since you left. I think believing that you were with Mitch really affected him.
Regret bit me so hard it felt like its teeth tore right through my heart. It was all so stupid. And it didn’t even keep him safe.
No, it did. It really did, Meghan. Davin hasn’t been drugged since you left. You did keep him safe.
I wanted so desperately to believe her – that the past painful months hadn’t been for nothing. Are you just saying that to make me feel better?
No, honestly, he’s fine. He hasn’t been hurt.
Relief hit me so suddenly that it made tears form in my eyes. A sob wracked my chest.
Oh, Meghan… I felt her emotions as strongly as my own. Both of us were sniffling through the connection.
Sitting up straighter, I dabbed at my eyes and tried to compose myself. So what’s going on in here now? Even though you’re not being drugged, I know other bad stuff is happening.
I felt Sara nod. Yeah, for a while it seemed like things might be okay. It really did, but I think we grew too comfortable and that’s why things got bad.
What do you mean?
I’m sure you’ve read about what some of the Kazzies can do. She paused, as if rearranging how she sat. Some of those strains make us really powerful. As you know, Sage can throw electric bolts. And there’s Davin’s strength and speed. And a lot of the other Kazzies can withstand things normal humans can’t. I don’t think Dr. Roberts, or any of the guards and soldiers, truly appreciated what some of us are capable of. And that’s when things started to fall apart. With everyone growing more comfortable around here and accepting that this was where we’d live forever, a lot of us didn’t feel the need to hide our abilities.
Dread filled me. What happened?
I felt Sara shrug. We started playing games that showed off our powers. That was a mistake. Instead of the guards being impressed, they turned fearful. We’re stronger than them, and it was like they just figured that out. Even though they outnumber us, we could still over power them.
It felt like a lightbulb went off. Of course.
It made sense now, why Dr. Roberts was keeping the strongest Kazzies confined. The ones that could fly. The ones like Davin who could easily overpower even the strongest soldiers. And Sage, that was the reason his hands were kept in rubber mitts.
Sara’s tone turned angry. It was like Dr. Roberts thought we’d all revolt. Only, nobody was talking about doing that. We were just happy to finally have freedom and be able to roam outside. Her tone cracked. It’s all most of us have ever wanted.
Her sad words made my hands ball into fists. The majority of the Kazzies had accepted that they’d never be treated fairly, that they’d never escape these walls. It was all so wrong!
I tried to swallow my anger so she wouldn’t detect it. I’ve seen videos of what’s been done to you. I told her about Cash and what he’d recorded. We have proof of the abuses that have happened here. Cate’s in D.C. right now an
d has all of those videos. Once the public sees them, things will change. Nobody with any semblance of a conscience can allow things like that to continue.
Will it, though? If the MRRA is afraid of us, imagine what the public will feel.
I frowned heavily. She had a point. People naturally feared those that were stronger than them. Then you’ll all need to make an effort to show them they have nothing to be afraid of.
I’m pretty sure we’d all be willing to do that, especially if we can leave here.
Licking my lips, I tentatively broached the subject I’d been wondering about all night. And Davin? How is he? You said he’s no longer being drugged but that he’s different?
Yeah, it doesn’t help that he’s in isolation. He has a lot of time to think – probably about you. It’s kind of the same as in the Compound, when we were kept in isolation there. I still talk to him daily, but I haven’t seen him.
There was so much I wanted to ask her: what they talked about, if he’d mentioned me, how long he’d been in isolation, if he was healthy. It still bothered me that I never knew what had caused his catatonic state during the summer. Davin had refused to tell me what he and Dr. Fisher had discovered. I could only hope it wasn’t serious. Still, I wanted to make sure that it hadn’t happened again.
Has he been healthy? Do you know if he went unresponsive again at any point?
No, not that I know of. I tried to ask him about that too once, but he wouldn’t talk about it.
Groaning, I shook my head. I know he and Dr. Fisher discovered something, but he would never tell me.
He never told me either.
I took a deep breath. Can you channel me to him? So I can speak with him? Like you did that night at Sharon’s house?
Sara nodded. Yeah, okay, hold on. It may take a few minutes. It’s always harder when I’m tired.
My heart fluttered. No problem. I’ll wait.
I WAS PACING the room and wringing my hands while Sara contacted Davin.
Everything we’d talked about swirled like a tornado through my mind. Davin was being kept in isolation. The MRRA was afraid of the Kazzies and had reacted in a way that was extreme and barbaric. They hadn’t given the Kazzies a chance at peace. They’d just assumed they’d be violent.
It was exactly the kind of reaction I’d expect from Dr. Roberts. He assumed everyone would turn to violence since that was how he dealt with problems.
I took a deep breath and stood. Outside the room’s lone window, the snow continued to fly. I tried to think about Ian, Sharon, and my co-workers – anything to distract myself.
The sky was still black. Snow fell everywhere. With the time that had passed since the guards found me, Ian should have made it to Cash’s barn. If he was going to make it. No, don’t think that. He’ll make it.
I couldn’t face the possibility that he wouldn’t. That he’d freeze to death on the prairie. If Ian became lost, I could only hope the MRRA would find him and bring him here. Although, I’d probably have no idea if they ever caught him. They certainly wouldn’t tell me.
Sara popped in my head just as my thoughts drifted to Sharon and my co-workers.
Meghan?
A thrill ran down my spine. Is Davin here?
Yeah. I’ll put you through.
My heart beat painfully as Sara put distance between us. It had been the same the other times she’d channeled me to Davin psychically. Davin and I had been able to speak while Sara gave us privacy. He’d been a voice in my head. A deep, comforting, and achingly familiar voice.
I felt him enter my mind.
My mouth went dry.
Davin?
Meghan, is that really you? Shock filled the deep timbre of his tone. It sent shivers to my toes. It felt like years since I’d seen him or heard him.
Tears filled my eyes. Yeah, it’s me. How are you? Are you okay?
I… Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine, but what are you doing here? Sara said you’re here, in the reservation and that you broke in. Is that true?
Yes, it’s true.
Why would you do that? His tone turned dark. That’s really dangerous, Meghan. And now you’ve been caught?
I sighed heavily. Yes.
I felt him jump to standing and begin pacing. I could practically feel the energy strumming through his limbs – that incredible, mind-numbing power. Why the hell did you break in? You could have been really hurt. The guards… He sucked in a breath. They could hurt you. And Dr. Roberts… My former boss’ name seethed out of him. I don’t want him anywhere near you!
The tears that had filled my eyes began streaming down my face. Davin’s protectiveness, worry, intense energy… It was all so achingly familiar. It made my soul-searing love for him all come crashing back.
I’m fine, and I’ll be okay.
His energy picked up. I felt him turn into a blur as his pacing turned frantic. How do you know that? Sara said you’re locked in a room. That doesn’t sound fine to me.
I am, but people know I’m here. Powerful people. I pictured Cate and her indignation. Dr. Roberts won’t hurt me. And suddenly, I knew he wouldn’t. My former boss was a smart man. He was always careful about who he hurt and who he didn’t. Besides, his anger had always been directed at the Kazzies. He’d never been a kind man, but his hatred was for Makanza survivors – not civilians.
I felt Davin rake a hand through his hair. You gotta explain what’s happening. I thought you were moving on. That you… forgot about us.
I squeezed my eyes tightly closed as regret filled me. I could feel his pain, his confusion. No, that part’s not true. I never moved on. That was a lie.
His movements stopped. A lie?
Yes. Everything. All of it. I never moved on. I never forgot about you or anyone else here. I said that to protect you from Dr. Roberts. It was the only way he’d stop drugging you.
I felt him sit down on his bed. You’re the reason he stopped drugging me? His confusion strummed into me as his voice turned gruff. You never moved on? But what about… He cleared his throat. You know, what about Mitch?
Sitting back on the bed, I cradled my head. There’s nothing going on between Mitch and me. There never was.
His breathing increased. But I thought you were dating him now? His voice turned raw. That you’ve been seeing him for a few months?
No, Davin. I’ve never dated him. I’ve never been with him. I made all of it up. It was all a lie.
He groaned. I don’t understand.
I told him about Dr. Roberts and the deal I’d made with him, how it seemed the only way to stop my former boss from drugging him was to make that deal, and how I’d lied about it. I knew you’d fly off the handle if you found out that Dr. Roberts was using me to get to you.
Davin’s anger rose fast and swift. It felt like a black, menacing storm cloud filled my mind. That bastard threatened you?
I sighed. Yes, and your reaction right now is exactly why I lied. My heart beat frantically. I couldn’t believe we were actually speaking, that we were finally talking about this. It seemed too good to be true.
Swallowing, I knew I needed to tell him something else. Something I should have told him long ago. There’s something else, Davin. Something I’ve wanted to tell you since the summer. Do you remember when I spent that night at Mitch’s house?
His breath sucked in. Meghan, stop. It’s fine. I don’t blame you for that. I get it. We weren’t together, but I don’t want to know.
I groaned. But I need to tell you this! I should have told you before, but I didn’t know how to bring it back up since we barely spoke after that going-away party in the library.
I felt him stiffen, like he was guarding himself for what was to come. Okay. Tell me.
I never slept with Mitch, Davin. Never. I know you thought that, after the things I said before I left with Cate, but it was all a misunderstanding. The way I said it… It all came out wrong.
He grew completely still. You never slept with him?
No.
Y
ou mean… All this time when I’ve been picturing you with him – him touching you, him being with you… He groaned. It never happened?
Tears fell onto my cheeks. No. Never. I’ve never wanted him. Only you.
If he’d been standing right in front of me, I felt certain he’d have crushed me to his chest. I felt his grin, his satisfaction, his possessiveness. All of it rolled into me.
You only want me? So all these weeks, when I’ve been driving myself crazy with images of you in his bed – it was all for nothing?
The irritation in his words made me want to laugh and bristle at the same time. You did tell me to move on with him. On multiple occasions, in case you forgot.
He raked a hand through his hair again. I know. I just… When I thought you actually had, I… He growled.
You what?
He sighed. I didn’t like it. I hated it actually.
His admission made my stomach flip. Smothering a smile, I pulled my knees up on the bed and leaned against the wall.
But that doesn’t mean I think you being here is a good idea. His voice turned deep again. I meant it when I said you should lead your own life. Fighting for us won’t end in anything good for you. Like, right now. You’re trapped in here, and what’s going to happen tomorrow? They won’t just let you go.
I swallowed tightly. I know.
Exactly. As much as I love talking to you, feeling you in my mind, it doesn’t change anything.
My chest tightened. Don’t say that.
But I have to. You’re not safe here. Nothing good will come from you breaking in. You’ll probably be arrested and then–
Davin, stop. Just stop right there! I don’t regret this for a second, and I never will. And there’s something else you need to stop doing.
His tone turned wary. What?
My chest swelled as months of worry and longing poured out of me. I’ve risked everything to save you and the only people I call my friends time and time again. Yet, each time, you push me away and tell me you’re fine. But are you? Were you really fine when you were trapped within the Compound at Dr. Roberts’ mercy? Or are you fine right now? Trapped in who-knows-what room? Don’t you see, Davin? I can’t let it go! I cannot live on this earth knowing that things like this are being done and turn the other cheek. And if you don’t like that about me, then fine, but I’m not changing.
Section 12: Book #3 in The Makanza Series Page 15