by Kat Mizera
I gasped when Zaan found my clit and pinched it hard enough to bring my attention back to him.
“There’s my girl,” he whispered against my ear. “Now forget about everything else and focus on me.”
“Zaan…” I didn’t know if I was excited or mortified, but he thrust up hard and deep, making my eyes roll back and everything start to slide away again.
He lifted me, so my back was against his chest and my bare breasts were on full display. I didn’t have time to think about it, though, because he turned my head so he could kiss me. He’d let go of my hair and was holding me firmly with one arm around my waist, but the hand of his other arm was fondling one of my breasts, lightly pinching and squeezing until I moaned.
“Play with your clit,” he instructed against my mouth. “Help me make you come while all these people watch me fuck you.”
“Oh god.” I’d never done anything like this and when I hesitated, he pressed his hand over one of mine, moving it between my legs. He guided my fingers, putting them right where he knew I liked them.
“Just like that,” he whispered. He was sliding in and out slowly, driving me insane with need, and I pressed against him.
“Zaan…please!”
He picked up his pace and everything disappeared. I didn’t care who was watching and I circled my clit vigorously, desperate for relief from the need building up inside of me. He was hammering into me now, our bodies slapping together even in this awkward position. He nipped at the skin on my neck, biting down just as my orgasm blasted through me. I screamed, my body straining against his as we spiraled down a tunnel of ecstasy.
I opened my eyes to a smattering of applause and would have died of embarrassment if not for Zaan’s lips at my ear. “That was the sexiest, most incredible thing I’ve ever done. I love you so much, Lexi Rousseau.”
Everything else faded away. Again. And I let my head fall back on his shoulder. “I love you too.”
He gently lifted the top of my dress, covering my chest as he started to pull out.
“I can’t believe we just did that,” I whispered to Zaan as he quickly zipped up his slacks.
He smiled. “Did you like it?”
“I think I still prefer to have sex when we’re alone, but this was fun.”
“I thought so too.” He stroked my hair with one hand, turning me so I was facing him. “Thank you for trusting me to make this good for you.”
“I trust you with my life,” I whispered. “With all of me. And tonight was truly wonderful…even though I don’t know if I can look at anyone now.”
“You don’t have to look at anyone but me,” he said, grazing my lips with his.
“I know.” I met his eyes and was sure I saw his soul in there, peeking out at me, showing me everything I could have ever wanted in life. I loved this man more than anything and each day we spent together proved it again and again.
“Let’s go freshen up,” he suggested after a few minutes.
“Okay.” Our hands slid together as we made our way towards the restrooms.
Casey invited me to come down to the recording studio to meet her on Saturday, and since Zaan had a morning skate and would be napping before that night’s game, I was excited to spend the day with her. She was glowingly five months pregnant and I hugged her tightly.
“You look great,” I exclaimed. “Are you excited?”
“I am.” She smiled. “Tired, but really excited. I wish Erik was here, but there’s so much going on back in Limaj, he’s trying to get things done so we can enjoy some time once the baby gets here. You know, since he didn’t get to see our other child until he was, like, eleven.”
“I can’t imagine how hard that must have been,” I said.
“It was. But that’s all in the past now.” Casey sank into a chair. “So tell me everything.”
“Ugh. Where should I start?”
“I hear you couldn’t get out of your contract.”
“No.” I made a face. “It really sucks.”
“I wish I’d been able to help, but the record company dug their heels in.”
“I know. This is so damn stressful.”
“Is it causing trouble with Zaan?”
“Not trouble, but he’s definitely not happy about me going back out on the road.”
“Do you know when you’re leaving?”
“Not yet. They’re working out the scheduling details and trying to get our equipment and production people lined up again since the tour stopped so abruptly when I left.”
“Yeah, it’s a hassle and I’m sure your heart isn’t in it anymore.”
“Definitely not.” I paused. “But music is still part of me, no matter what. Are you still going to play now that you’re a…queen?”
She shook her head. “Not like before. There won’t be tours or anything. I’ll always play and write music, but my days in the spotlight are over. I’ve loved Erik too long, and we missed out on so much while he was in exile. I just want him and our family.”
I stared off in the distance thoughtfully, unsure how to respond. As much as I’d missed Zaan, I didn’t think I was ready to give up music.
“You’re young,” she said after a moment, as if she’d read my mind. “I had more than fifteen years as a rock star. I’ve played every venue I ever could have imagined, made a stupid amount of money, and had more hits than I can count. I’m turning thirty-five soon. We’re at two completely different places in life, so don’t compare yourself to me. Besides, Erik is the king of a European country—it’s a totally different thing than what your situation is. There’s no reason you and Zaan can’t both have your careers. Especially now, when you don’t have kids yet or anything.”
“That’s what I’m thinking too,” I said slowly. “He just seems kind of possessive now that we’re back together. Not in a bad way, but we’re already living together. He even mentioned house-hunting. We’re completely immersed in each other and I’m worried we’re rushing. Are we?”
“Do you love him?” Casey met my gaze directly.
“More than anything.”
“Do you want to be without him again?”
“God, no.”
“Do you trust him?”
“Absolutely.”
“Then I think you’ve answered your own question.”
“Why are things always so easy when you talk to someone else about them, but they’re complicated in your own head?”
“We all tend to overthink things. It’s natural.”
“I’m hoping you’re right.”
“What else is going on?”
“Nothing, really. I’m in limbo for now.”
“Whenever I’m at a crossroads, I ask myself, what do I want more than anything else? Even if it’s out of reach or ridiculous, what is it?”
“I want to be in a rock band. Hard rock, metal, that kind of thing. No more bubblegum pop crap. No more girl bands. Musicians that play instruments and write their own songs, with an edgy but melodic sound, excellent vocals, and old-fashioned, good-time rock and roll.”
Casey smiled. “That sounds very familiar.”
“Except there aren’t many bands like that. Even Pretty Harts had a male lead singer. Rock bands with female singers are few and far between, especially successful ones.”
“Then I guess it’s time we had more. I don’t think it’s out of reach at all. In fact, I know a bass player and a drummer who might be very amenable to a plan like that.”
“You mean Ty and Bash?”
“Pretty Harts has a handful of commitments to finish up, but in general, the band is done. They’re looking for something fresh and new too. You guys should talk.”
“I talked to Tyler not that long ago, but it’s awkward calling Bash.”
“Why? Because you dated for a couple of months? Both of my ex-husbands are friends with my new husband. My ex-ex-ex-boyfriend is part of our security team at the palace. And he’s the guy I lost my virginity to. I mean, those relationships are
done and either Erik trusts in my love for him or he doesn’t. That’s what it boils down to. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“I suppose that’s true.” I hadn’t thought of it that way and now I felt a little silly.
“And from a woman who’s been around the block a few times, trust me when I tell you that if he’s too jealous to let you be friends with an ex, there’s an issue there that you don’t want going forward. That’s not to say anything goes, like if said ex was still pining over you or being inappropriate—that would be different. But I don’t think that’s Bash.”
“I don’t think so either. Isn’t he dating someone?”
“He was dating that model, Krista something, but I think it fizzled out.”
“And why is Ty still single? He’s, like, the best guy I know other than Zaan… I don’t get it. Is he gay?”
Casey laughed. “I am positive he’s not. He’s struggling with a lot of different things. He grew up on the road, for the most part, and now that he’s turning thirty, I think he’s kind of lost. Like a grown-up, but without life experience beyond rock and roll, and no relationships under his belt that weren’t part of that world as well.”
“I know the feeling,” I said softly. “Except I knew Zaan first, and he’s… Well, he’s truly the whole package. I don’t know how else to describe him.”
“Maybe you two could come to dinner one night. We have season tickets for the Sidewinders and have met most of the guys, but I don’t know Zaan beyond a handshake.”
“I’m sure he’d love to. He’s a big fan of your music.”
“And I’m a big fan of his playing.”
“He’s frustrated right now. Not doing as well as he’d like.”
“They won it all last year, so the pressure on them has to be enormous.”
“Definitely.” Though I’d immediately agreed with her, I was a little startled. I hadn’t considered that and it made me feel a bit guilty. I needed to be more cognizant of what was going on with him because he was always acutely aware of what I needed.
“So, would you like me to set something up with you, Tyler and Bash? I’ll come too, and we can make it super casual, but I’m happy to be the one to put the three of you in a room together.”
“That would be amazing,” I said earnestly. “Thank you.”
“And make sure you talk about all this with Zaan. Don’t get a project started with them and then have to bow out because your boyfriend is jealous.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I wouldn’t do that.”
Well, I hoped I wouldn’t, but there was no way to know for sure.
12
Zaan
The flight home from San Jose was delayed due to weather, so it was after midnight before I walked into the condo. I was surprised to find it empty, considering how late it was, but Lexi had been busy this week, hanging out with Casey, Mack and even a couple of the WAGs, which stood for wives and girlfriends. The team’s schedule had been grueling, so we hadn’t talked much, but I’d been looking forward to having her waiting for me when I got home. Instead, I was alone. Something I’d gotten far too used to over the years and would apparently have to get used to again once she went back on the road.
I put my clothes in the hamper and changed into shorts and a T-shirt. I was just about to text her when I heard the key in the lock and her voice calling to me.
“Zaan? Are you home?”
“Hey, babe.” I walked out of the bedroom and smiled when I saw her.
She wore tight black jeans, a cut-off Halestorm T-shirt and biker boots, her long blond hair loose around her shoulders. She looked like a hot rocker chick, someone who might be a little intimidating if I saw her at a bar, but not my Lexi. Instead, my sexy rocker chick’s eyes lit up when she saw me and she hurled herself into my arms.
“Hi!” She pressed her lips to mine, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too.” I palmed her ass, lifting her off the ground and finding her mouth with purpose as she wrapped her legs around my waist. I walked us back into the bedroom, dropping her on the bed and crawling over her.
“I can’t wait,” she whispered, pulling me closer, fingers digging into my ass.
“Fuck.” I yanked my shirt off while she did the same to hers and I reached down to help her get her boots off since they had laces. Two minutes later we were naked and I was inside of her, our bodies moving together slowly, as if we hadn’t been frantic for each other a minute ago. Now we were in what appeared to be our favorite position, our fingers laced together on either side of her head, me on top, our eyes locked.
“God, you’re so good…” she said, sighing.
“And you’re so beautiful.” I nipped at her lips.
Her orgasm came on quickly, catching me by surprise, but it only took me a few more strokes to follow on her heels. Then we just lay there, kissing softly, completely lost in each other. Like always.
I finally pulled away, reluctant to lose the moment, but I needed to clean up and it had become our thing where I cleaned her up too. I’d never done it with any other woman, but I’d also never been bare inside of anyone else either. Something inside of me yearned to take care of her, whether she needed me to or not.
“So where were you tonight?” I asked when we were finally settled together, in the spoon position, which was how we usually fell asleep.
“I was at the recording studio with Casey, Tyler and Ba—Declan.”
I tensed, even though I shouldn’t have, but she felt it and turned slightly, her eyes searching mine in the darkness. “Babe? You’re not going to be upset about me seeing him professionally, are you?”
“No.” I said the words even as a jolt of jealousy shot through me. It was gone as quickly as it had come, but it was there and we both knew it.
“We’re friends. He’s a nice guy and, honestly, one of the best drummers in the industry. We’re talking about a project that’s really exciting.”
“A project?” This was news to me.
“I was going to tell you about it tomorrow, because you’re tired, but I’ll tell you now.” She turned onto her side so we were facing each other and she smiled. “Me, Tyler and Dec—I’m the only one who calls him that; his professional name is Bash, but I didn’t want it to seem like I’m trying to pull a fast one. Anyway, Casey hooked us up and we’re talking about doing an album of cover songs. She would play guitar on some of the tracks, we’d find someone else to do the rest, I would sing, and of course Bash and Ty are on drums and bass. Even though Casey’s not going to be in the band anymore, they owe the record company one more album. I want to play rock, so it would be kind of a crossover, like Pretty Harts with special guests. Jayson, their normal lead singer, would do a few tracks too, but the focus would be on me, to kind of put me out there doing something new. If it doesn’t go anywhere, I don’t lose anything but time, which I have plenty of, and they fulfill their contract without the stress of a normal Pretty Harts album.” Her eyes were shining with excitement and I caught some too.
I had normal, male reservations about her working with her ex, but even in my jealous haze I understood what an incredible opportunity this was. Pretty Harts was huge, and she’d been invited to sing on an album with them. The only part of this that bothered me was that she hadn’t said a word all week, and I had a hard time believing this had all happened tonight.
“That’s amazing,” I said gently, pushing a lock of hair out of her face. “But why didn’t you say anything until tonight?”
“Honestly, Casey and I toyed with the idea of me working with Ty and Bash earlier this week, but it was all very theoretical, something that would take some doing to make happen. And both you and I need to be comfortable around Bash, considering our history.”
“And?”
She gripped my upper arm, leaning closer. “Babe, I love you. Like, the love of my life, soulmate, together forever kind of love. He was nothing but a guy I dated for less than two months
. Yes, we had sex, but I’m not the type to sleep around so the only way that was ever going to happen was by us dating and he knew that. We tried it and it didn’t work. There was no big breakup, no drama, just a super casual parting of ways where we stayed friends. Did I ever tell you about the night he defended me?”
I shook my head.
“We toured together for about eight weeks. We ended it on our last night on tour together. But there was one date we had to make up because of a blizzard, and it turned out to be a night off on Special Kay’s schedule, so we met them in Minneapolis for one final show together, about a month after our stint together ended.
“One of Marj’s boyfriends at the time had a hard-on for me. He lives in Minneapolis so he was backstage with a bunch of his friends. While Pretty Harts was onstage, he and his buddies were harassing me, like full-on trying to touch me, one of his buddies tried to kiss me… It was a huge headache and I was getting frustrated. Pretty Harts’ tour manager, a guy named Lance, tried to intervene, but with the band onstage, he was pulled in a lot of directions. During Casey’s solo, which goes on for six minutes, the other guys came offstage and were cooling off. Bash saw what was happening, and of course he knew the situation with me and the other girls better than anyone else at the time. He came over to see what was going on and when they started shoving him and told him to mind his own business, he beat the living shit out of all three of them.” She smiled fondly. “And also warned Len, Marj’s boyfriend at the time, that if he ever touched me again, he’d fly out from wherever he was and finish him.”
She paused to snicker. “And Len stayed the hell away from me until he and Marj broke up six months later. Bash didn’t have to do that. He’s a good human being and that’s hard to find in this industry. Please don’t make me end the friendship. I mean, I won’t do this project if you don’t want me to, but…” She bit her lip. “Please don’t force me to make a choice like this.”
I pulled her close, kissing the side of her face, holding her tightly. “Never. I won’t lie, I’m a little jealous, but I’ll get over it.”