by Kate Pearce
She eased her fingers on the steering wheel, aware that somewhere inside her tears threatened. He’d told her the truth, which was more than most men did, and he had good, valid reasons why he couldn’t currently get involved in a relationship with her. Was it too much to ask that one day, just one day, she would be the most important person in the world for someone?
“And why can’t men be like women and multitask?” She asked the question to the still night air. “Why can’t Blue do me and everything else at the same time?”
She didn’t have the answer and was being stupid, and unrealistic, and romantic, and all those other things that had been pointed out to her countless times in family therapy sessions. She knew that she did have worth, that the fact that her birth parents hadn’t wanted her, that her two sisters were way more intelligent than her, that she was smart, but not brilliant were all unimportant unless she believed at her core she had worth herself...
Like it was easy.
Maybe it was her fault. She seemed to be the only one in her adopted family who still struggled to feel accepted and loved. But then the others didn’t really know what her earlier life had been like, and even worse, what had happened when she’d made the mistake of searching for her birth parents.
She stopped to open the final gate out onto the county road, drove through, and locked it behind her. None of this was Blue’s fault. It really did come down to her and her stupid insecurities. One thing she did know was that Maria had to come first, and if that meant keeping away from the lure of Blue Morgan’s kisses? She could do that.
Or at least she hoped she could.
Chapter Ten
“Billy . . .” Blue tried to catch his father’s eye. “I think I can handle this.”
To his surprise, Billy just kept right on walking down to the barn, his hand securely in Maria’s. Normally, he would do whatever Blue said just to avoid an argument, so his championship of the little girl was as unexpected as it was unwelcome.
“Maria asked me to come along,” Billy finally said over his shoulder.
“I bet she did.” Blue ended up following meekly behind. “But I thought this would be a good way for her and me to spend some time together.”
Billy patted Maria’s shoulder. “Go ahead and find some of those old apples to feed the horses. I’ll catch up with you in the barn. Don’t go into any of the stalls, now.”
After a quick anxious glance at Blue, Maria nodded and ran off, her pigtails bouncing.
Billy turned to Blue. “She’s still a bit overwhelmed by all this.”
“I get that. But I also want a chance to get to know her.”
“I’m not stopping you doing that, BB.” Billy held his gaze.
“You’re—” Blue sighed. “Hell—you’re better at it than I am. That’s the God honest truth.”
“I had five kids. I learned a lot before I shot myself in the foot and lost you all.” Billy hesitated. “I think I spent more time with you boys than your mother did. It was hard for her. She hated the ranch. All I tried to do was show you what a great place it was to grow up—just like my father did to me.”
Blue looked down at the ground, cleared his throat, and swallowed his pride. “Yeah, so how about we both teach her how to ride? It’s the only way she’s going to be willing to spend any time with me.”
“She’ll come around, BB. She’s lost a lot in the last few weeks.”
“I know how that feels.”
They had reached the barn, and he could see Maria feeding Nolly an apple and talking away in the horse’s ear. At least she wasn’t scared of the horses anymore. Billy had already coaxed her out of that.
“Which horse do you think, Billy?”
“Sugar Lump. She’s old and reliable.”
“Just like Ruth.”
Billy chuckled. “Don’t let your grandma hear you say that.” He raised his voice. “Hey, Maria, are you ready for your first lesson? Me and BB are going to turn you into a real cowgirl.”
* * *
Hearing voices, Jenna walked through the barn and out into the fenced pasture beyond, where she could see Maria sitting in front of Blue on Sugar Lump, walking slowly around the inside of the white fence. Both of them were smiling, and if she’d been asked to put money on the fact that they were related she would’ve paid up immediately.
Billy was leaning against the fence, watching, and he winked at her as she came alongside.
“Morning, Jenna.”
“Morning, Billy. How’s the lesson going?”
“Great. He’s not a bad teacher.” Billy nodded at Blue, who had brought the horse to a stop by the gate. “Once I reminded him that she wasn’t a new recruit and that shouting wasn’t an option.”
“You’re funny, Billy.”
Blue kicked his booted feet out of the stirrups and handed Maria down to Billy before he dismounted. After a quick smile at Jenna, he crouched in front of Maria and gave her his full attention.
“You’re doing good. Time to try it for yourself, okay?”
She huddled closer to Billy, who patted her shoulder. “You can do it. Blue’s going to lead you around. All you have to do is sit tight and hold on to the reins, okay?”
“Okay.”
Billy met Blue’s questioning gaze and nodded. “Put her up there.”
Within a second, Maria was swept up into Blue’s arms and settled in the big old saddle. She clutched at the pommel with both hands.
“I want to get down.”
Blue put his hand on her ankle. “You’re going to be okay. I promise you. I won’t let you fall.”
She looked down at him, her blue gaze doubtful, and Jenna held her breath.
“Please?” He coaxed her. “You’re going to rock this so hard. I just know it.” He gathered the reins and held them out to her. “Remember how to hold these? Like an ice cream cone?”
She took the reins in her right hand, the other still clinging onto the pommel.
“Okay, then.” Blue moved to stand by Sugar Lump’s head. “Ready?”
Apart from a small squeak of alarm as they moved off, Maria stayed put in the saddle as Blue led Sugar Lump forward. As he clicked to the horse, Jenna let out her breath.
“She looks okay up there.”
“Yeah.” Billy angled his head against the encroaching sun. “She’s a brave little girl.”
Blue had already started in a loop back toward the fence. He was talking away to Maria, who was beginning to sit tall and looking around her. Jenna smiled at the picture they made together. She couldn’t imagine her birth father ever relating to her like that. Blue might not think he’d gotten much from Billy, but he’d obviously learned how to be a father from someone.
Billy sighed as if echoing her thoughts. “I hope he is her dad. She deserves the best.”
“I hope so, too. Once he takes her on, she’ll never doubt she’s loved, will she?”
Billy glanced at her. “Yeah. He’s black and white, that one.”
She wanted that. She wanted someone so on her team that she’d never feel alone again.
“Good job, Maria!” Billy clapped and called out as they approached the fence. Blue was smiling as he turned to lift Maria down. Before he could say anything to her, she’d run over to Billy and was hugging him hard.
“I did it!”
Blue’s smile died as he coiled the reins in his fingers.
“Why don’t you take Maria back up to the house, Billy, while I put Sugar away?”
Billy turned Maria to face Blue. “Say thank you, darlin’.”
“Thank you,” Maria whispered.
“You’re welcome.” Blue tipped his hat and turned back to the horse. Jenna opened the gate for him as Billy and Maria headed through the barn, talking nineteen to the dozen. Blue followed more slowly, Sugar at his side, and tied her to the hitching post.
Without asking, Jenna started to help him take off the tack. He was uncharacteristically quiet, his thoughts turned inward as they worked to get Sug
ar turned out.
“She did great.”
“Yeah.” Blue hefted the saddle into his arm and took it through into the tack room.
“Sugar’s a great mount for her.”
“Yeah.” He clipped the halter on the horse and led her back into her stall.
Jenna waited until he locked the door. “So what’s up?”
“She doesn’t like me.” He fiddled with the bridle. “She couldn’t wait to get back to Billy.”
“He’s just easier for her to deal with right now.”
“Apparently.” He hung the bridle on its peg. “Hell, I even asked him to come and help me out today because I knew Maria wouldn’t want to come with me. How sad is that?”
“Actually, I think that’s very sensible of you.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, why stress her out? If Billy is her security blanket, why take it away from her? She needs all the support she can get right now.”
“But he’s the last person on earth I would’ve imagined as a blanket for anyone.”
“Because he messed up with you and your brothers?”
“Yeah.”
She shrugged. “Then maybe he sees this as his chance to redeem himself with a girl that might well turn out to be his grandchild? People can change, you know.”
He nodded, his expression thoughtful. “Hell, I know that. I just never figured he’d be one of them.”
“I know how that feels.” She turned toward the door, pushing away all the memories. “I’ve got to go and see that piglet.”
“You want to ride down?”
“With you?”
“Yeah, Messi needs some exercise and Chase hasn’t been on Nolly for a few days and he gets kind of squirrelly if he isn’t ridden.”
“Chase or Nolly?”
His grin was way less strained. “I’m not saying.” He leaned against the door frame, his body language relaxed. “You can ride, right?”
She gave him a look and marched back into the tack room. “Which saddle?”
“Have I roused your competitive instincts?” Blue called after her.
“I don’t have any.” She picked up the saddle he pointed out, staggering just a little at the weight. “I’ll see you outside.”
* * *
Blue kept an unobtrusive eye on Jenna as she saddled Nolly because Chase’s favorite horse was a bit of a joker and liked to mess his riders around. But Jenna wasn’t taking any shit and soon had Nolly ready to go. She mounted up, settled her baseball cap more firmly down on her head, and gathered the reins in her hand. She looked damn good on the back of a horse. Blue hurried to finish, shoving his gloves in the back pocket of his jeans and making one last check on Messi’s reins.
He went to stand alongside Jenna, one hand on Nolly’s bridle. “Watch out for his little tricks.”
“Will do. I’ve heard all about him from January.”
“Just be careful, all right?”
She blinked at him. “Don’t worry about me. I’m a pretty good rider.”
“I’m sure you are.”
Her smile returned. “You don’t believe me, do you?” With a sharp click to Nolly, she set off at a brisk trot, her body swaying from side to side in the approved Western fashion.
Blue hurried to get on board Messi and followed after her.
“How did it go at the Lymond place this morning?” Blue asked as they settled the horses into a walk to pick their way through the outlying boulders of the creek crossing.
“It was okay. The mare doesn’t look well. She’s super thin. Mark refused to accept that even when Dave agreed with me. We said we’d go back tonight, but Mark said he didn’t want the expense and that he’d call us if there were any problems.” She sighed. “I don’t like it, Blue, but what can I do?”
“Nothing, I suppose.” He angled Messi’s head toward the curve of the uneven bank. “Ruth said Mark’s wife has gone back to her folks in Modesto.”
“Maybe that explains why he’s so short-tempered.” Jenna leaned slightly back in the saddle to compensate for the pitch of the slope and then straightened as they waded carefully across the creek. The sun was out and catching sparks off the rushing water, which was as clear as crystal, having come straight off the peaks of the snow-capped mountains.
Blue took in a deep, uncomplicated breath. “I love it out here.”
Jenna grinned at him. “You’re certainly a lucky guy to have all this.”
“I know.” He settled deeper into the saddle. “I didn’t appreciate it for years and couldn’t wait to leave. Once I was gone, I kind of missed it. Even the bad part after Mom and Rachel disappeared and Dad took to guzzling alcohol like a champ.”
“My birth parents were both addicts.” She shivered despite the heat. “It’s not a life I’d wish for any child.”
“Hell, no. That’s one of the reasons why I’m glad Maria isn’t with Dan Lester. It sounds like he’s heavily into the booze at the moment.”
“Grief does weird things to people.”
“Yeah, so everyone keeps telling me.”
They reached the other side of the creek and let the horses pick their path through the tumbled rocks toward the more open pasture. Blue settled his Stetson more firmly on his head. “Want to go a bit faster?”
“Sure.”
“But only if you feel safe.”
She gave him a derisive look, clicked her teeth at Nolly, and took off like a rocket, crouching low over the horse’s neck like a jockey.
“Hey!”
Blue went after her, but she was too far ahead of him. Damn, he hated to lose. Just to rub things in, she came loping back toward him grinning like a loon. She didn’t slow down or alter her course, so he pulled Messi up instead.
“Jenna?”
Hell, she was still coming straight for him, and then suddenly she wasn’t there anymore and he bit back a yelp.
“Holy cow!” Blue briefly closed his eyes as she thundered past him, her body crouched low on one side of Nolly Indian hideaway–style before she settled back down into the saddle, whooping at the top of her voice.
He followed her down to Roy’s place and tied Messi up in the shade of the small barn. She came in behind him and did a showy vaulting dismount.
“Okay, so you’re a damned good rider. Where did you learn how to do that? You scared the crap out of me.”
“My mom was a trick rider at the rodeo. I grew up watching her perform, and she taught me a couple of things. Apparently, I looked super cute riding alongside her.”
“We’re talking about your birth mom here?”
“Yeah.” Her smile widened. “My adopted mom’s in medicine. I hear from January that you and Chase have a couple of rodeo tricks up your sleeves as well.”
“That was a one-off. If I hadn’t wanted to outdo Chase, I would never have suggested it.” He shuddered. “Never been so terrified in my life.”
“You’re a Marine. I’m sure that was a lot more scary.”
“Not really.”
She held his gaze, and he leaned in and kissed her.
“You’re not supposed to do that.”
“That’s right.”
“Then stop it.”
He kissed her again. “Okay.”
She stomped off toward the pigsty and he followed, smiling.
“When are you going to tell your pretend boyfriend it’s all over between you?” he called after her.
“He’s not my pretend boyfriend.”
“Honey, he’s a Turner, and you’re not ‘The One.’”
She turned. “How do you know?”
“Because if you were, Nate would’ve gotten you down that aisle five minutes after he’d met you. I worked it out after your first date with him.” He strolled forward and propped one elbow up against the door of the barn. “Which means you haven’t been going out with him for months.”
She raised her chin at a challenging angle. “Maybe he’s changed his mind and is giving it a try.”
“Nah.” He slowly shook his head. “Turners don’t do that. My best guess is he’s seeing you because he wants to mess with my head.”
“So you think this is all about you, Blue Morgan?”
“Possibly.”
“Well, you’re wrong.” She started walking again. “Maybe Nate wanted to marry me immediately, and I put the brakes on. Or don’t you think anyone would want to marry me?”
He paused. That was one hell of a leading question, and one no prudent man would ever answer directly unless he wanted to be the one either walking up the aisle or being dumped on his ass.
“I don’t think Nate Turner wants to marry you. But then, he’s an idiot.”
She leaned over the wall to count the piglets that had come running out to see what was going on. One of them had a patch of white tape over one ear, and she leaned in and competently scooped the piglet up. His little hooves scrabbled against her chest as she checked him over and them dumped him back in the sty. Her yellow T-shirt was now covered in pig shit, but she didn’t seem to care.
What a woman.
Blue looked down into the angry eyes of the massive sow and hastily turned away. “How’s the piglet?”
“Looking good.” She turned away and walked toward the small barn. “I’m just going to wash my hands.”
Not relishing the stench coming from the pigs, Blue followed her into the barn and waited by the door as she scrubbed away at her hands and arms. Roy’s truck was missing from the front of his house, and so were his horse and dogs.
“Where’s Roy?”
“Counting the herd with Ruth and then going to town to get some cash out of the bank. He’ll be back around four.” Jenna dried her hands. “I said I’d leave him a note about the piglet.”
Blue turned toward the house. The back door was unlocked, and the coolness of the air inside was already welcome. He had no worries about invading Roy’s space. He’d been running in and out of the house since he was a kid and had treated it like a second home. In fact, when things had gotten bad with his parents, he and his brothers had practically lived down here.
He opened the old refrigerator. “Want some lemonade?”
Jenna had come in behind him. “Won’t Roy mind?”
“Nah. He’d be cross if we didn’t help ourselves.” He found two plastic glasses adorned with oranges and filled them with liquid. “I remember Roy getting these cups back in the 1990s. He saved up orange juice coupons or something. We helped him collect them.”