She clutched her heart. “I know you care, but I can’t feel it here like I normally can. My heart has broken. A dark cloud lingers over it. I have tried everything I know to do.” Her voice cracked. “I… I can’t feel…”
Frasie cradled her in her arms. She knew Frasie carried, but her heart yearned to feel the love of her friend.
“I’m worried, Frasie.”
Frasie stroked the back of her hair, gently working out tangles from days of sweat-soaked sleep. “I know. But you will get through this. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
Chapter 33
“This is the best Elvemon tea I’ve ever tasted,” Niv said.
Lyndoni poured herself a cup and set the pot on a flower-patterned tea service tray. “It’s grown right here in the grove.”
As she savored the delicious beverage, her gaze wandered around Lyndoni’s living room. Numerous hand-carved wooden shelves lined the walls, suspending bundles of dried herbs and flowers. Wall quilts filled in the empty spaces, nicely balancing the beautiful array of colors from the foliage. The ornate furniture and natural décor gave the room the appearance that it was part, not separate, from the surrounding nature.
Lyndoni caught her eyeing her quilts. “Those are beautiful. Both Cherin and Maeva quilt as well.”
Lyndoni smiled. “I taught Maeva. In fact, I helped her make your quilt.”
“Did you help her spell it to seal my powers?” she asked.
“Oh no. That was her idea. For the record, I strongly objected to that. I don’t mind telling you that, either. You are an adult, and there is no harm in saying our parents aren’t perfect. It is one of life’s great disappointments.”
“She explained her reasons,” she said.
“How do you feel about that?” Lyndoni asked.
She traced the rim of her mug. “I didn’t like it. She could have kept me safe in the grove.”
“Yes, but… in her defense, you wouldn’t have aged in the outside world. You would have grown so slowly that today you’d still be a baby. Growing up in the beautiful Jeweled Woods is the next best thing to being raised in the grove.”
“I wish I had been given the choice.”
“Your life unfolded precisely the way it was intended. And here you are, now ready to explore your wild side.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I love Cherin and Ren, my adoptive parents. In many ways, they feel more like my parents than Maeva and Farius.” She took another look around the room. “This house reminds me of my childhood home in the Jeweled Woods. The walls, the floor, the furniture. Very similar.”
“I know,” Lyndoni said. “I spent some time there myself. A very beautiful, feminine landscape.”
“Feminine?” she asked.
“Oh yes. Everything in the world has some expression of masculine and feminine energy. It’s almost always is a mixture of the two. The only pure forms are the sun, for male, and moon, for female. Certain areas of land lean more toward one side or the other. Some are balanced. The grove, for example, is uniquely equal in both forms, whereas Selandis is masculine. Masola is masculine, and Lahara is, or rather was, feminine.”
“I never thought of it that way,” she said.
“Since our active magic utilizes the energy from the ground, it is important to consider the gender balance of the land.”
“Wait… you said everything in the world has an expression of masculine and feminine energy. Does that apply to people, too?”
“Of course, dear. We all are unique formulations of creation, unlike anything else in existence. In my case, that’s a good thing.”
“Oh Lyndoni, don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“I’m not.” Lyndoni pointed to herself. “I celebrate my uniqueness, and you should, too.”
She shrugged. “I don’t celebrate much these days. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of what me and my friends have accomplished in Selandis. But I miss my family. Not just in the Jeweled Woods, but Farius and Maeva too. It feels a bit better now that I’m in the grove, but I’m terribly homesick. I’d trade it all to have some of Cherin’s cooking and sit by the fire and smell Ren’s pipe smoke.”
“You’d trade Shareis for home cooking?” Lyndoni asked.
“No, of course not. I just meant—”
“You can’t go back home, dear. Those moments are past. Sure, you can return to the woods. But it won’t be the same. Your dad’s pipe smoke will smell a bit different. Your mom’s cooking a bit more rustic. The woods will seem a bit smaller because you have grown. I tell you this not to upset you, but to show you that you do not suffer homesickness.” Lyndoni pointed to her. “Home is within you.”
Lyndoni’s words hit with a tremendous force. She finished the last sip of Elvemon tea in her cup and recalled distant memories from home. “I have thought of bringing Cherin and Ren to Selandis. I’ve even selfishly considered moving the capital from Selandis to Brenloh.”
“The charm of the Jeweled Woods would fade in an instant,” Lyndoni replied. “Do you think Cherin and Ren would want to live in the big city?”
She sighed. “Probably not.”
“Some have the great fortune to live at home, and others have the privilege of being called to travel great distances. In my experience, these two paths rarely cross.”
“Why do you stay in the grove?”
“I have spent my life traveling across the world. I’ve been to places you don’t even know exist. It’s been wonderful but tiring. I’m old. My desires shift from exploring new things to exploring the comfort of my favorite chair. But I haven’t given up yet. I still have some important work to do.”
“You have many years left.”
“I don’t know about that,” Lyndoni said. “But I do know an old woman has to eat.” Lyndoni stood and motioned for her to join her. “Let’s earn our dinner.”
Lyndoni donned a pinafore. “I’d offer you one, but… well, you’re naked and your knees are washable.”
She giggled.
Lyndoni knelt between rows of leafy greens and started plucking weeds. “I’ll start here, and you start on the other side.”
She did as Lyndoni asked, digging through the garden and removing anything that didn’t belong. She was certainly no stranger to weeding. It was her most despised chore. But it now fulfilled her in a way she hadn’t expected. After a while of tending, the rich, beautiful soil of the grove now laid bare between the plants, free of choking weeds.
She stood and admired their work. Lyndoni dusted her hands and smiled. “Goes a lot faster when you have an energetic young woman helping you.” She put her hand on her hip. “These bones are tired.”
She had a sudden realization as she looked at the crop. “I can’t believe I didn’t think to ask before, but… how do these grow? There’s no sunlight here in the grove.”
Lyndoni smiled. “I was wondering when you’d ask that. These plants are native to the grove. They pull more nutrients and energy from the ground to compensate for the lack of sunlight.”
“I didn’t know that was possible.”
“There’s a bit of Druidic magic involved,” Lyndoni replied.
“On that subject, I must ask… and please… don’t think me ungrateful, but when will I begin learning Druidic magic? I don’t mind helping garden, but—”
“Tending a garden is all about life, and life forms the foundation of our magic.”
“I see. That makes sense, but I am quite familiar with farming. I can certainly learn about plants in the grove, but I fail to see how that will help free Maeva.”
Lyndoni stared at her for a moment, then broke into a thin smile. “You are incredibly polite. I appreciate that.”
“Thank you, but… I don’t understand.”
“I’m going to teach you our ways and our magics, I assure you.”
“Then… what does gardening have to do with it?”
“Not a thing. I just needed my garden weeded.”
Chapter 34
Faint moonlight created barely discernible shadows in Olivia’s room. She lay awake, watching the darkness swirl across the walls and ceiling. Surely the darkness didn’t actually move. It had to be a trick of her eyes.
Sleep had never come easy for her, but now it was nearly impossible unless the sun was about to rise. She had lost all track of day and night—any sense of what a regular life might be. For the past two days, Frasie kept to her schedule.
At least she thought it was two days.
“How long have you been staying with me?” she asked. She knew it wouldn’t disturb Frasie, as she wasn’t snoring.
“Two, I think,” Frasie replied.
“That’s what I thought. But I had to be sure. You have to be bored out of your mind.”
She felt Frasie stretching. “Actually, it’s been a nice, relaxing break.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I mean it.”
“You’re going to get tired of this bed.”
Frasie sat upright. “I took the long way to the cafeteria last night to fetch our dinner. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.”
“I am concerned for your wellbeing.”
“Hey… that’s something,” Frasie said. “You’re feeling something, at least.”
She shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Emira told me that Skilla must have sex at least occasionally or they could become very sick and die. Is that true?” Frasie asked.
“Basically, yes. But the term sex is very broad. I don’t necessarily have to have sex with anyone.”
Frasie laid back on the pillow. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“I must have a climax on a regular basis. There is no set time as it is different with every Skilla, but there comes a point where our minds and bodies cannot stand to be deprived of pleasure.”
“Having one would cure you?” Frasie asked.
“I’m not sure. It would certainly help, but… there are no guarantees.”
After a moment’s pause, Frasie turned to her. “I’m your friend, Olivia, and I’d be willing to do whatever is necessary to help. I don’t know what I’m doing, especially not with a woman, but I’m here if you need me.”
The thought would normally arouse, or at least humor her. But she felt only shame for her condition. Frasie’s deep concern for her wellbeing, to the point of offering herself to her, stirred discomfort within her.
“That is very kind of you Frasie, but I don’t need you to do that.”
“But you said—”
“I don’t need a partner to have a climax. But that’s the least of my worries. Just a thought of sex before would turn me on, but now I could have a cadre of beautiful men and women pleasure me and I couldn’t even hope to muster a response.”
“If you say so,” Frasie replied. “I just want to help.”
“And I am very grateful,” she said. “But you are already doing all you can do, and then some. You have put your life on hold for me and that’s more than I deserve.”
Frasie wrapped her arms around her and held in her a comforting embrace.
“I have a confession to make, Frasie.”
“Yes?”
“I wasn’t attacked with that dagger. I tried to kill myself.”
Frasie hugged her a bit tighter. “I know.”
“How?”
“Aiden and I recently found a merchant on the street who saw what happened. I don’t know why he didn’t come forward sooner.”
“That’s why you’re in here with me, isn’t it?” she asked. “You’re afraid I’ll try again.”
“That’s part of it.”
“What’s the other part?”
“The other part is that I love you, Olivia. I want you well again.”
Chapter 35
Niv spent the rest of the afternoon helping Lyndoni with chores around her home, then slept at Farius’s house. The raw fruits and vegetables in the grove were delicious, but she craved hot tea and some of Lyndoni’s vegetable stew. The next morning, she ate an apple, then returned, hoping she could beg a hot meal from her mentor. She was delighted to find Lyndoni had a bowl and several hot biscuits waiting for her.
She inhaled the rich aroma of stew. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me,” Lyndoni replied. “You helped in the garden, so I owe you a few meals.”
“It’s so nice to have something hot.”
Lyndoni shook her head. “I don’t know why Druids are allergic to cooking. I understand avoiding meat in our human forms, but they take it to the extreme.”
“Are there any other older Druids like you in the grove?”
“I am the oldest.” Lyndoni puffed her chest in pride. “And none would dare to be like me.”
“What are we doing today?”
“I’m going to sew. You’re going to find your spirit animal.”
“Oh,” she replied. “So… how do I do that?”
“You have already met. Our spirit animal is with us throughout our life. It is simply a matter of reconnecting with them.”
“How do I even know which animal it is?”
“The animal will find you. In the grove, there are no mundane distractions that would otherwise prevent you from pairing. This is something I cannot assist you with—it must be done alone.”
“That much I understand,” she said. “But I don’t really know what’s supposed to happen.”
“Everything will be clear soon enough.” Lyndoni took her empty bowl. “There is no time like the present.”
“Don’t I need to know more about—”
“You know what you need to know,” Lyndoni interrupted. “The rest will come in due course. There comes a time when you must use your knowledge—let it crystalize into wisdom. Otherwise, it is useless.”
She stood and prepared to leave. “I will let you know how it goes.”
Lyndoni smiled. “I know. Now, get from here. Your belly is full, and my quilt won’t sew itself.”
Niv left Lyndoni’s house and began to walk around her property. The idea of property, as she knew it, didn’t exist in Druidic culture. A natural space existed between homes, but the grove had no fences, boundary lines, or markers.
Her father had already given her an extensive tour of the grove, so she decided to explore the surrounding forest. Rather than the dense woods in the normal world, the trees in the forest of the grove left plenty of room to maneuver. The tree trunks enjoyed a thick blanket of moss, and her feet settled into a pillow of rich, dark soil with each step.
After a few moments of walking, a splash of red darted among the leaves. It then moved again, this time slow enough for her to recognize it as a patch of red fur. She reasoned it belonged to the fox that led her here, so she stopped, fearing she had ventured too far from the grove.
She stood motionless, listening intently for further activity from the animal. A distant sound to her right stole her attention for a split second. It was nothing, she supposed. Now, the red fox stood in front of her, gazing deep into her eyes.
She knelt and extended her hand while making a clicking noise. She hoped to draw it toward her to show she meant no harm. Surely the animal could sense she was no threat. The fox seemed unmoved by her gesture.
“Hey there,” she said in a playful, accepting voice.
The fox tilted its head, then darted from her. She followed it until she arrived at den dug beneath an old fallen log. Two big beautiful blue eyes stared at her.
“You’ve got a cozy little home there.”
The fox slowly emerged and bopped its cool, wet nose against her arm. She reached to pet it, but it snapped at her. She recoiled, but the fox immediately returned to her and nuzzled her hand as though it were trying to make amends.
“I was a little forward, there. After all, you are wild.”
The fox now fully accepted her petting. It twirled impatiently as though it couldn’t get enough of her affection. She sat on the ground, and the fox immediately hopped
in her lap. She embraced it.
“You are a very special fox.”
She held it close and closed her eyes, trying to make a connection. Perhaps this was her spirit animal. Or it could be wishful thinking. It couldn’t be that easy, she thought.
But it was. Something within her stirred. It was impossible to suppress. She knew, that instant, this was her animal. Spirit linked them, and in her mind, they became one. Her inner field of vision turned a deep shade of green, and her body tingled with energy.
She squeezed, embracing the beautiful, wild energy the animal so freely gave. The hunts, the foraging, the delightful prancing through the forest, the cold lonely nights, and the pangs of hunger all flooded into her soul at once. It was more than she could bear. Every ounce of frustration, anguish, and ecstasy sprang forth from her in one shattering scream.
She opened her eyes. Fur danced through the air, leaves scattered, and a subtle green hue persisted in her vision. The Amulet of Balance burned her chest, her arms ached, and she was parched.
She reached to pet the fox, but it was no more. It hadn’t died. It just ceased to exist. The only physical remnant seemed to be patches of fur that now littered the forest floor.
She sat in stunned silence as she tried to process the strange magic she had just performed. It was surely an accident—some freakish incident that she couldn’t control.
Six pairs of little bright eyes peered out from the blackness of the den. Their little cries for attention made her heart leap out of her chest.
If there had been means, that instant, she would have died to undo the last callous moments. She sobbed profusely, but it did little to soothe her utter despair.
What had she done?
Chapter 36
Shareis rubbed her sweaty palm against her dress. “It was nice of you to come with me, Adrious.”
He took a deep breath. “Mom is pretty stubborn.”
“It’s a curse our whole family seems to share.”
She walked to the door of Kytis’s home and knocked. She noticed the curtain rustling as Mauria walked past the window. She could feel her heartbeat as the doorknob turned. It took forever. When her mother appeared, she tried to speak, but her mouth was dry.
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