by Cora Reilly
The Camorra was my family. My life.
In my darkest hour Remo had been there to pick me up. He had showed me my worth. He could have killed me. He was a monster, but so was I.
Leona held my gaze. And I made my own decision. Fuck it. “I try not to hurt you. Fight me and cry. It has to look real,” I whispered harshly.
Confusion filled her eyes.
I shook her wrists and tightened my hold. “Play your part or we are both screwed.”
I gave her a warning look, then gripped her hips and threw her down on the mattress in the corner. She let out a terrified scream that bounced off the walls. I didn’t give her time to recover. This needed to be convincing. I hoped the long wait in the beginning hadn’t already raised Remo’s suspicions, because I knew he was watching. I climbed on top off her, pinning her down with my taller body. My mouth was back at her ears. “Trust me. Because from now on I’ll have to look the monster I am with everyone else. Now fight me with all you have.”
I didn’t wait for her reply because it didn’t matter if she agreed or not. We were past that point. I grabbed her wrists in one hand and began pushing them up when Leona finally sprang into action. She screamed, “No”, and fought against my hold, her hips bucking, legs kicking, but it was no use. I shoved her wrists hard against the floor. She gasped in pain. Damn it. Playing rough was difficult without actually hurting. I loosened my hold, knowing it wouldn’t be noticeable on camera. I squeezed her breasts through her dress, then moved lower and pushed my hand below her skirt. I was glad she’d allowed me to touch and see her before, so this wouldn’t be her first experience.
“No, please don’t! Please!” she cried, so convincing that something ugly and heavy settled in my stomach. This was why Soto had been responsible for that part of the job.
“Shut up, you whore!” I snarled.
Hurt settled in her eyes. I breathed heavily. I could not take my eyes off her face, off those cornflower blue eyes, off those damn freckles. She held my gaze and I hers. One second. Two seconds. I couldn’t do this, not even in pretend. I felt fucking sick to my stomach. Fuck. I’d cut men into tiny pieces, had done so many horrible things that had never bothered me, but this…this I could not do. Not for real. Not for show. Never.
I let go of her wrists. Her brows puckered. I lowered my head until my forehead rested against hers, and she released a small breath, then lifted her hand and touched my cheek.
I wasn’t sure how much of it the camera recorded. I didn’t care.
“Fabiano?”
I wasn’t sure if I could save her, save us, after this. I pulled away and straightened before I helped her to her feet. She clutched my arm, still shaking.
“What’s going to happen now?” she whispered.
Remo wanted blood. He wanted confirmation that I was his soldier, that I was capable of doing what must be done. He wanted to see my monster. And he would.
Leona would hate me for it.
Chapter Nineteen
We headed upstairs. Remo was waiting for us. Nino was there too, and at his feet cowered Hall, tape over his mouth but still very much alive. Leona stiffened, but my grip on her arm kept her at my side. I wasn’t sure if she’d tried to run toward him otherwise.
Remo regarded Leona from head to toe. He knew. Had known before he’d laid eyes on her. Leona trembled against me.
That Nino was here told me two things. One: Remo thought he needed reinforcing and that reinforcing wasn’t going to be me. Second: That reinforcing wasn’t going to be me because he thought he needed reinforcing against me.
I released Leona but gave her a look that made it clear she needed to stay where she was. She understood.
I walked toward Remo. He didn’t rise from where he perched on the desk but the look he gave me was one he only ever leveled on his opponents in the cage.
“So,” he said tightly. “You didn’t handle her.”
“I didn’t handle her because he is the one I should handle.” I nodded toward Hall. “Since when do we let out debtors get away with shit? Since when do we let their daughters or wives pay for their crimes? Since when, Remo?” I was very close to him now, and finally he stood, bringing us to eyelevel.
“Since the moment I decided she was going to pay for her father. My word is law.”
“It is law,” I confirmed fiercely. “Because you are Capo. My Capo, and I’ve always followed your command, because you taught me the true meaning of honor and loyalty and pride.” I took another step toward him so we were almost touching. “But there’s nothing honorable about making an innocent woman pay for her father’s debts, Remo.”
His dark eyes pierced into mine. I knew Nino was watching, probably with a hand on his gun. “We don’t spare women.”
“No, we don’t spare women who are indebted to us, because they brought it upon themselves. They knew what they were getting themselves into when they asked for money. But this is different and you know it. I don’t know why you feel the need to test my loyalty like that, but I ask you to reconsider. There’s no reason for you to doubt me. Leona is only one woman. She means nothing to me. You are like my brother.”
“Are you sure about that?” he asked in a low murmur. “Because when you look at her she isn’t just one woman.”
My chest constricted. “I’m loyal to you, to the Camorra, to our cause.”
“Someone will have to bleed for this,” he said, and he settled back on the desk. Relief washed over me.
“And I will make him bleed for you.”
“I know you will,” he said quietly, challengingly.
I turned to Hall. His eyes widened, then darted to Leona. She stood frozen. I wanted her to leave but that wasn’t what Remo wanted, and I couldn’t ask for more than he’d already given. I nodded at Nino, and he understood. He moved to Leona who took a step back. When his fingers closed around her upper arm to keep her from interfering, it took all my willpower not to snarl at him.
I prowled toward Hall who tried to scramble back but hit the couch. I yanked the tape off his mouth and he cried out in pain.
“Fabiano, please.” Leona begged.
It was either her father, or she. Someone would have to pay.
“When you sent your daughter to Remo to pay your debt, did you know what would happen to her? Did you know that she would bleed for you?”
His eyes darted to Leona again, looking for help.
I grabbed him by the shirt and hauled him up. “Did you know what would happen to Leona?”
“Yes!” he cried.
“And you didn’t care?”
“I didn’t want to die!”
“So you sent her so she could bleed and die for you?”
He gaped at me. Oh, I would make him bleed.
And I would enjoy every second of it. I didn’t risk a look at Leona. Perhaps she could forgive me.
But I didn’t think she’d ever look at me the same again. Not after what I had to do now. After what I wanted to do.
I extracted my knife. Hall tried to run but I shoved him down and I climbed on top of him. He struggled and I punched him. His head snapped back but I needed to be careful not to knock him out. That just wouldn’t do.
Remo’s legs appeared beside me and then he held down Hall. He gave me his twisted grin, and I felt my own lips curl. We would do this together. Together like in the beginning. I brought my knife down and when the tip of the blade slid into Hall’s stomach, parting flesh and muscle, everything else faded to black.
Remo and I did what we did best.
I wasn’t sure if I’d been a monster before him, if I’d always had it in me and he’d only awakened that part, or if he’d turned me into one. It didn’t matter.
When Hall’s cries had died and his heart had stopped beating, I came back to myself. Remo and I knelt on the ground beside the body, in its blood. My hands were covered in it, and so was the knife still clutched in my hand.
Remo leaned forward, voice calm. “That’s what you really are. What we both are.
Do you think she can accept it?”
I didn’t say anything. I was fucking scared to face Leona, to see the disgust and terror in her expression.
Remo nodded. “That’s what I thought. She will leave. They all do. She’s not worth the trouble. People like us are always alone.” He touched my shoulder. “We are like brothers.”
“We are,” I confirmed, then finally dared to glance back. Leona and Nino were gone. I jerked to my feet, knife clattering to the ground.
“Where is she?”
“Nino dragged her out when she threw up because things got too rough.”
I stared at the spot where she had been.
“Go clean up,” Remo said. “I’ll have Nino drop the body somewhere it will be found quickly.”
I nodded, but didn’t move.
“And Fabiano.” Remo waited until I met his gaze before he continued. “This once I let you refuse my order. This once I have you spare her. Remember your oath. The Camorra is our family.”
I nodded again, then went to change clothes before I went in search of Leona. I found her in the main room of the Sugartrap, perched on a barstool at the bar, clutching a glass with a dark liquid between her hands. Nino leaned against the counter like a sentinel. She kept staring at her hands as I stopped beside her. Nino left without a word.
I reached for the glass and she flinched away from my hand. There it was. Finally she reacted to my closeness the way she should. I fucking hated it. I took the glass and downed the burning liquid – Brandy.
“I thought you didn’t drink,” I said quietly.
She raised those cornflower blue eyes. Against her deathly pale skin her freckles stood out even more. “Today is a good day to start, I think.” She swallowed. She lowered her gaze as if she couldn’t bear looking at me. She was still in shock.
“No, it’s not. Don’t let it happen.”
“Let what happen?” she echoed.
“Don’t let my darkness drag you down.”
Those fucking blue eyes filled with tears. I curled my hand around her wrist, ignoring her shiver, and tugged lightly. “Come on, Leona. We should leave.”
For a long time her eyes rested on my fingers. Then she finally slipped off the stool and followed.
I was a hypocrite because even as I’d warned her about my darkness, I knew I wouldn’t ever let her go.
My hands shook as I wedged them between my legs. Fabiano was silent beside me as he steered his Mercedes through traffic. He was clean now.
His fingers, his hands, his clothes.
Gone was the blood.
My father’s blood.
A new wave of sickness washed over me but there was nothing left in my stomach.
Things had taken a turn for the worse I hadn’t expected.
You can’t choose family, that’s what people always said. And that it didn’t have to define who you became. But my mother and father had managed to steer me so far off the path I wanted to stay on, I wasn’t sure I’d ever find my way back.
And now my father was dead. Killed by the man I loved.
God help me, I loved him still.
Still?
Still. After what I’d seen, after what he’d done.
And that was the worst: that I could still feel anything for him after I’d seen what he truly was. A monster.
My father was a horrible human being – had been. He had driven my mother into selling her body, had offered my body for money to Soto, and would have let me die so he could live. Perhaps he’d deserved death, but he didn’t deserve what happened today. Nobody did.
I closed my eyes against the images of Fabiano with the knife, of the twisted look he shared with Remo. They had done this before. They enjoyed it.
Nino had dragged me away after Fabiano had begun cutting my father. But the screams followed us, until they were no more. I had been relieved because it was over. Over for my father, and over for my mother and me. No more betting debts or drunken fits. And that realization had shattered me completely. I didn’t miss my own father.
He had set me up. I knew he had been scared of the Camorra, but so was I.
Fabiano had killed him.
My eyes were drawn to the man beside me. His gaze was focused on the road ahead. In the past few weeks, we’d got to know each other. I thought I’d come to know him, thought we’d build a connection. Now I wasn’t sure what was real anymore.
Enforcer. The word had held no meaning for me until now. I shuddered when I remembered the basement. How much horrors had those walls seen? And for how many of them was Fabiano responsible? How many people had he killed? Had he made bleed?
So much blood on his hands.
I pushed the thought aside. It led down a dark path I couldn’t stomach right now. I had already dug myself into a deep hole I couldn’t possibly ever get out of. Could I really love someone like him? And could someone like him love at all?
Love is a sickness, a weakness.
Leona is only one woman. She means nothing to me.
Those words had threatened to break me but then Remo had spoken: ‘Are you sure about that? Because when you look at her she isn’t just one woman’.
And those words still haunted me, after everything. Tears prickled my eyes. Fabiano was a murderer.
He did it for me, so he didn’t have to hurt me. He protected me. And part of me felt consoled by that fact. What did that say about me?
I closed my eyes again. I had to end this, had to leave. I couldn’t stay, even though I loved him, or perhaps because I did. I had to break this twisted bond, had to do it as long as the memories of today were still fresh.
“Where are you taking me?” I asked as I realized we were heading to the better parts of Vegas.
“To my apartment.”
I could only stare. Did he really think I’d spent the night in the same bed with him after what he’d done today?
You want his closeness.
Still.
After everything.
Fear filled my veins. Not of him. I pushed through it, let it feed my next words. “Have you lost your mind? I’m not going home with you after what you did.”
Fabiano jerked the car to the side and hit the brakes, making me gasp from the impact of the belt. I didn’t get the chance to catch my breath however. He wasn’t strapped in so he could lean over me, eyes furious. “Don’t you realize in what kind of trouble we are? I went against Remo’s orders for you. I showed weakness. He will watch my every move now. He will watch us.”
“You killed my father.”
“I did, so I wouldn’t have to hurt you, so Remo didn’t feel the need to hurt you.”
“Perhaps I would have preferred if you let him hurt me.”
Fabiano laughed darkly, blue eyes searching my face. “You can’t still believe that after today. Remo has made grown men beg for mercy, for death even.”
“So have you,” I whispered. “You and him, you are the same. You both enjoyed this. I saw it in your eyes.” I swallowed hard.
His eyes flickered with emotion, and my heart tore seeing it. “You don’t even realize what I’m risking for you. You made me go against everything I ever cared about.”
Everything I ever cared about.
Cared. Not anymore?
Deep down I knew the answer, and it terrified me because if he felt what I felt, if he was capable of it, leaving him would destroy not only me.
“You should just have let Soto have his way with me.”
His expression was blank. He was too good at this. Too good at all things dark and dangerous. “Perhaps I should have,” he said simply. “It would have spared me a lot of trouble.” He twisted a strand of my hair around his finger with a strange expression. “After all, who says you are worth it?”
His words didn’t hurt me because I had seen the look in his eyes down in the basement even if I hadn’t dared believe it, but Remo had confirmed it wasn’t my imagination.
Fabiano needed to push me way. And I knew I needed to l
et him so I could do what had to be done. “Don’t pretend you acted out of the goodness of your heart. You saved me because you wanted to be the first to fuck me.”
The word left a bitter taste in my mouth but it got a reaction from Fabiano.
His lips curled into a cold smile. “You are right. I will be the first to fuck you.”
“Not if I have a say in the matter.”
He let out a joyless laugh before he pulled the car back onto the street.
“You are a monster,” I said harshly.
“I know.”
Fifteen minutes later, we entered the underground parking garage. He was really taking me to his apartment. Fabiano opened the car door and held out his hand for me. I stared at it, then up into his face. “Come on, Leona,” he said quietly. “Don’t make me carry you.”
I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet. He didn’t let go of me as he pulled me along toward the elevator that would take us up to his apartment.
Once we were inside the elevator, my emotions began to overflow. Anger and terror and sadness, and everything in between. “Why did you have to choose me?” I asked miserably. And why, why, why had my heart chosen him?
He didn’t say anything, only gave me that impenetrable look. The elevator doors slid open and he tugged me into his apartment. He pulled me against him and kissed me fiercely, and for a second I kissed him back, kissed him with every twisted, horrid part of me that loved him.
My palms came up against his chest. “No,” I said firmly, and tore away from him. My pulse raced in my veins. Fabiano came around, never allowing me to pull back from him. Why couldn’t he just let me be?
“You know,” he said quietly. “I never meant for any of this to happen. You were just a poor, lonely girl. I didn’t choose this, didn’t choose you.”
“Then stop this. Whatever it is between us, stop it. Now,” I whispered, peering up into his cold, beautiful face.
He cupped my face. “Don’t you think I would if I could?” His lips brushed mine. “But I can’t. I won’t. You are mine and I will protect you no matter the price.”
“Protect me?” I echoed.
Fabiano was a destroyer, not a protector. He was no knight in shining armor.