by A. J. Pine
Maybe Sophie had moved slowly along the glass with the dolphins, as Holly was doing now. They were Sophie’s favorites, after all. Maybe she didn’t even realize she’d strayed from their spot. Sophie didn’t seem like the type to get distracted and wander off, yet that’s what Holly wished for. If it was nighttime and she could see the stars, she’d take back every single wish she’d ever made and trade them all for the one she had right now, to find Sophie safe. To take that look of horror from Will’s eyes. She’d give anything not to see that again.
“Holly, look! I’m touching a sea star!”
She heard her before she saw her, but tears were already leaking down her cheeks at the sound of Sophie’s voice. And when she rounded the shallow pool of starfish, she found the little wanderer, sleeves rolled up and arms plunged elbow deep in the shallow, reef-like environment.
“Sophie, thank goodness!” she yelled, scooping the girl into a hug and pulling her up onto her hip. “Did you hear them calling your name?” Holly didn’t care that she was getting soaked by Sophie’s dripping arms. She just knew she had to make it to Will as soon as possible.
“They called my name?” Sophie asked, then added, “Are you crying, Holly?” Holly choked out a laugh. “I told you and Daddy I was going to explore.” She giggled. “You were kissing, and no one said not to. Explore.”
She lowered Sophie to the ground, then swiped at her tearstained cheeks.
“It’s okay,” Holly said. “We were a bit distracted.” She grabbed Sophie’s hand. “Come on, though. We have to find your dad. He’s very worried.”
Sophie frowned. “Will he be cross at me?”
She shook her head, laughing again through still-falling tears.
“No, sweetie. He won’t be cross. He loves you so much. Do you know that? Your dad could never be cross at you.”
The corners of Sophie’s mouth turned up into a grin.
“Okay,” she said. “I believe you.”
And Holly was right. When they found Will by the penguin habitat, the first thing he did when he saw Sophie was drop to his knees and hug her as he held in what she could tell was a much-needed sob.
“I’ll tell security we found her and get your phone back,” Holly said, giving him a few minutes alone with his daughter. When she returned, he was still on the ground with Sophie in his arms. Holly wasn’t sure if he’d be able to let go, and her heart broke to see him in such a state.
After several long moments, he stood, and they all walked until they found a family bathroom where Sophie could wash up after her sea-star adventure.
“I’d like some privacy,” Sophie said. “I have to do a wee as well.”
Will laughed and nodded, allowing her to go in unattended since it was a solo bathroom.
“We’ll be right outside,” he said, as Sophie pulled the door shut behind her.
Will’s head fell against the wall. His arms crossed over his torso, and he closed his eyes and took a few shaky breaths.
“She said she told us where she was going,” Holly said softly. “And when we didn’t answer, she took that as permission. Will, I’m so sorry.” She reached for his face, but before her palm could make it to his cheek, his eyes shot open and he wrapped a hand around her wrist, lowering her arm to her side.
“It’s not your fault,” he said. “It’s mine. I was supposed to take her out today. On my own, no distractions. I lost my focus and bloody lost my daughter.”
He ran a hand through his hair, and she noticed the sheen of sweat at his temples.
“Will, don’t do this to yourself,” she pleaded. “You didn’t lose her. She wandered off. It could have happened if you were alone just as easily.”
He shook his head.
“You know that’s not true,” he said. “Our eyes were bloody closed, Holly.”
Despite the words, there was no anger in his tone. It was simply matter-of-fact.
The bathroom door opened, and Sophie stepped out, her smile dropping as soon as she looked between the two of them.
“You are cross, aren’t you?” she asked Will, and he shook his head.
“Just tired, sweetheart. Promise.”
Holly believed him, the weariness in his voice dripping off every word.
“Can we get an ice lolly?” Sophie asked, and Will let out a strangled laugh.
“What’s an ice lolly?” Holly asked.
Sophie beamed. “Ice cream on a stick,” she said then crossed her arms, waiting for a response.
Will picked up his daughter, hoisting her onto his hip and painting on one of his patented Will Evans smiles, the kind that didn’t reach his eyes. Hopefully Sophie wouldn’t notice.
“If my girl wants an ice lolly, then my girl gets an ice lolly,” he told her and then kissed her on the cheek. “Holly,” he said, addressing her for the first time since Sophie came out of the bathroom, “do you know a place we can go?”
It was Holly’s first time at Shooting Star Café when she didn’t have an appetite for ice cream. She and Will sat in silence as Sophie devoured not an ice lolly but a dipped vanilla soft serve cone. With rainbow sprinkles. Holly’s mouth watered. Who was she kidding? She always had a taste for ice cream, but somehow indulging didn’t seem right.
“I love Chicago,” Sophie said, trying to lick at a sprinkle stuck just below her bottom lip, her chocolate-covered tongue turning the sprinkle into a soul patch.
Holly snorted, and Sophie laughed with her. But Will? He looked a million miles away.
“Did you know they have a game shelf, just over there?” Holly pointed to a small bookshelf perpendicular to the pastry counter. “Bet you can’t beat me at Connect Four!”
Sophie bounced in her chair. “Can I look at the games, Daddy? I promise not to run off.”
Will nodded but didn’t say anything, so Sophie hopped up, half-eaten cone in her hand, and strode to the shelf full of board games.
“Hey,” Holly said, resting a tentative hand on Will’s knee.
His eyes finally lost that far-off look, and he focused his gaze on her.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“Are you…okay? I know today was awful, but we found her. She’s okay. Everything’s okay.” That was three okays, yet saying the word didn’t seem to make it so.
He shook his head.
“I’m not okay,” he said, his voice rough as gravel. “I’m selfish,” he added. “Seems I’ve always been good at that.” He ran a hand over his jaw. “I thought I could start wanting for me. I thought I was done making up for not putting her first in the past. But that was foolish. Thinking this could work?” He motioned between them. “It was foolish,” he said again.
She raised a palm to his cheek, this man who never gave himself any credit but shouldered all the blame, and he turned away from her touch.
“No,” she said, this time succeeding as she brought her hand back to his face. “It wasn’t foolish. I don’t believe you really think that.”
He didn’t push her away, but he didn’t lean into her touch like he’d done so many times before. He just sat there, so she continued speaking.
“I heard you,” she said, and Holly knew there was no going back from here. So she soldiered on. “I heard you the morning after Halloween. You said you loved me, and I’m pretty sure I might love you, too, and I know if this hadn’t happened we’d be talking about possibilities beyond six months, and for the first time in my life, I want to see what comes next. With you.”
Now he did pull away, his expression unreadable, but Holly’s heart sank just the same. This was it.
“This is what I’ve figured out,” he said, and Holly braced herself for what came next. Because she could tell by his tone, by the finality in it, that he believed every word he was about to say.
“It doesn’t matter how I feel. Being with you is a distraction. Wanting you kept me from being a good father today, just like Andrea thinks I’ll distract you from doing your utmost on the Chan account.”
Holly
leaned back.
“A distraction? I’m a distraction? And when did Andrea talk to you about my performance? What business is it of yours, anyway?” Fear was morphing quickly to anger.
He laughed, but somehow he wasn’t smiling.
“It became my business when we started fucking in the conference room, Holly.”
She flinched at this, and his jaw clenched.
“Christ, Holly. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yeah,” she told him. “You did.” Then she turned to Sophie, who’d just returned to the table, Connect Four in hand and a chocolate mustache above her adorable little mouth, and dropped to a squat. “I’m gonna need to take a rain check,” Holly said, trying to swallow back the lump in her throat. “It was so lovely to meet you, Sophie. But I have to go now.”
She pulled the girl into a hug, and Sophie whispered in her ear, “I like how Daddy smiles when he’s with you. You make me smile, too.”
At that, Holly kissed her on the top of the head then stood, not bothering to wipe away the few tears that began to fall. She gave Will one last glance, but no more words passed between them.
And then, like every relationship that came before, Holly walked away.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Will avoided the elevator on Monday. The cafeteria, too. It didn’t matter that he’d begun to break a sweat by the time he made it to the tenth floor. He wouldn’t be there long.
He burst through the stairwell door and into the reception area and checked his watch. It wasn’t quite nine o’clock, and the office was just starting to buzz with the electricity of a staff that had reenergized over a holiday weekend. To the left was where he knew Holly would be, latte in hand and head buried in her digital in-box. He felt the corner of his mouth turn up into the hint of a grin until he remembered what he’d said on Friday.
Being with you is a distraction.
Jesus, he hadn’t meant to blame her, but he also believed his own words. If he hadn’t been so wrapped up in falling for Holly, he would have been more focused. Right? What other explanation was there?
So he ignored the sickening ache in his chest and turned right, past the reception desk and toward Andrea’s office. She was already at her desk, thank goodness, so Will could be quick.
He knocked on the door frame, and she looked up from her computer screen and motioned for him to come in.
“Did you have a nice Thanksgiving, Mr. Evans?” she asked.
Will cleared his throat, trying not to remember how good it was—how welcomed he was by the Chandlers and how he’d even pictured himself at future family events. With Holly. But that was all a fantasy. What had happened the next day—that was reality.
“I was thinking,” he said. “Now that everything’s in place, I won’t be needing much office time here. At Trousseau. I can manage the rest of the publicity from the hotel, which is convenient because I’m staying there—”
“You’re leaving Trousseau?”
It wasn’t Andrea’s question, but he recognized the voice that came from behind. Not only that, he heard the hurt in those words, and it nearly leveled him. When he turned to face her, though, that’s when the rug was pulled out from under him.
She was beautiful as always, her dark hair hanging loose over her shoulders. She stood in a simple gray shift dress, complemented by a pair of knockout knee-high boots, but what he’d always remember was the way her eyes shone with tears she seemed to barely be holding back.
He could feel Andrea watching him, waiting for his response.
“Yes,” he said, before he lost his nerve. “Our jobs are separate from here on out. Not much more use for collaboration. Just seems to make sense I tie up my end of the deal from there and you from here.”
God, he was an arse, reducing their time to collaboration. But what else was there to do? Holly deserved better. And he deserved—well, he’d already been given more than he thought himself worthy of.
“I’m with Will on this,” Andrea said, and when he turned to face her, he recognized her knowing look. She’d warned him that his relationship with Holly would come with pitfalls. He’d just been too blind to see it. “I’ve got a meeting off-site,” she said after that, rising from her desk. “Mr. Evans, I’m sure you’ll call if you need anything more from Trousseau? Otherwise we’ll see you at the show.”
He straightened his tie and nodded at Andrea. “I’ll clear my things out of the conference room.”
Andrea brushed past him and out of the office. He knew what she was doing—giving him a chance for a proper good-bye.
He turned to face Holly, who still hadn’t moved from the doorway.
“I guess this is it, then?” she asked, her tone even. But her eyes betrayed her as a lone tear fell, which she quickly swiped away.
“Holly,” he said, but any other words got lost in his throat. Instead he stood there, staring at her, loving her and losing her all at once. His jaw clenched, and his hands fisted at his sides. He just wanted to do right by his daughter. Holly had to know that.
“It’s okay,” she said, forcing a smile. “This was always the plan, right?” She laughed, but the sound was bitter. “It was my plan. You just agreed to go along for the ride. The ride’s just ending a few weeks early. That’s all.”
He opened his mouth to speak again, but she shook her head.
“We got in over our heads.” She gave him a sad shrug. “Sophie’s okay?” she asked, and his heart sank. After everything he’d said, she still cared about Sophie.
He nodded. “Yes. Thank you. She made it home safely yesterday afternoon.”
She smiled—a real, genuine smile, and he tried to lock this image of her permanently into his mind. This was how he wanted to remember her.
“She’s an amazing little girl, Will. No matter what you think, you’ve done a wonderful job raising her.”
Holly moved as if she was going to step toward him, but she must have changed her mind, because she was backing away from the door now.
“I guess I’ll see you in a few weeks,” she said. “It’s been a pleasure working with you.”
And before he could respond, she spun on her heel and vanished quickly from his sight. She left him standing there, heart in his throat, and not a chance to tell her what he should have said three days ago.
I’m sorry.
…
Gemini: Throw everything you thought you knew out the window. Life will throw you for a loop some days, and guess what? Today is that day. What will you do with the loop, Gemini? You can either let it make you dizzy until you fall down, or you can right yourself and roll in a new direction.
Holly beelined it for the other side of the office, but when she reached the reception area opted for the elevator instead. She furiously pressed the button, wishing for once this tactic actually worked. Maybe it did, because after several seconds an empty elevator welcomed her with open doors.
She stepped over the threshold and kept her back to the lobby as she waited for the doors to close. And when they did, she slumped against the back wall and let out a shuddering breath.
That’s when it happened—the profuse eye leakage. As much as she tried, she couldn’t wipe the tears away fast enough. They just kept falling.
It wasn’t as if Holly had never cried before. But, good gracious, she’d never had such a reaction to the end of a relationship, had never felt such a gut-wrenching ache. She took a few hiccupping breaths, not noticing that the elevator started moving. Or that it stopped and opened again on the fourth floor.
“Holly?”
She froze at the sound of her name, swallowing back another wave of sadness, but she didn’t dare turn around.
“Holly. Come on. I know it’s you.”
She felt Charlie’s voice get closer as he approached, but she remained with her arm resting on the elevator wall and her head buried beneath it.
The elevator started moving, but seconds later they jolted to a halt.
“Hey,”
he said softly, his hand on her shoulder. “It’s just me. Tell me what’s going on. Do I need to call someone for help? Just turn around and show me you’re okay. Okay? Because I’m getting a little freaked out.”
She let out a long breath, then attempted to suck in any bodily fluids that were still leaking from her face, and turned toward Charlie.
He flinched, but then his gaze softened.
“That bad?” she asked.
He pulled out his blue pocket square and handed it to her with a nod.
“Maybe waterproof mascara next time?” he said with a reassuring grin.
She wiped the soft material across one cheek then recoiled when she saw it streaked with her eye makeup.
“No worries,” he said. “Consider it a gift.”
She didn’t argue but instead continued to try to clean herself up without a mirror.
“Why aren’t we moving?” she asked, her voice far from even.
He crossed his arms. “Emergency stop button. You seemed like you were in a state of—emergency.”
She let her head fall back against the elevator wall with a soft thud.
“Is stupidity an emergency?” she asked. “Because then yes. I guess that’s what I’ve got.”
He rested a palm on her soaked cheek, urging her eyes to meet his.
“Does this have anything to do with that British publicity guy?” he asked.
Holly rolled her eyes. “Were we really that obvious?” she asked.
Charlie laughed. “As obvious as it is that your six-month rule seems to have finally bitten the dust.”
She blew her nose into his pocket square, narrowing her eyes at him as she did.
“You fell in love, Chandler. It happens.”
She crossed her arms.
“Why didn’t we fall in love, Charlie? It worked with us. It worked with everyone else I ever dated even before I realized it.”
He laughed, then licked his thumb and streaked it under her eye.
“You missed a spot,” he said. “And why didn’t we fall in love? I don’t know. We knew each other already. We were both looking for the same thing, which did not include commitment. I think we knew we were safe before it ever started. But here’s the secret no one ever tells you.”