by Barbara Bard
“And are ye certain that ye can kill him? What if ye are slain. We will hae tae lose a fine warrior,” Drew said.
“I will nae fail. I hae a score tae settle with him, and I have foreseen his death every night ever since he killed my Da,” Alastar said through gritted teeth. Blair and Declan glanced at each other.
“I am nae sure that I can let ye gae. How are ye gonnae make it past the English army tae Lord Flynn? If he kens ye as well as ye say, surely he will be expecting ye?” Blair said.
“Ye misunderstand me. I respect ye Blair, and I came here tae warn ye sae ye can prepare the other clans and defend our land. But I am nae here tae ask for permission. I am gonnae meet Lord Flynn, and if ye want tae stop me ye can try, but ye will nae succeed,” Alastar said gravely.
Blair looked thoughtful. It had been a long time since Alastar had spoken to a man that was due such respect, and he hoped that he was once again proving to be a good example to his father. Blair sat back in his chair and rubbed his jowls.
“I cannae tell ye what ye can and cannae dae. Ye are ye own man, but I would ask ye tae reconsider. Ye can fight with us,” Blair said.
“I cannae. The Blue Thistle fights alone,” Alastar said, and that was the end of the matter.
“As ye wish,” Blair said. He turned to Declan and told him to send word to the other clans. The night will soon be filled with fire and ash, and the sounds of dead men will ring out for the gods to hear. Blair and Drew were in deep discussion about future plans, which gave Declan the opportunity to sidle up to Alastar and have a private conversation with him.
“I ken ye would come back! I kent it!” Declan said excitedly.
“I owe ye a great deal Declan. Without ye I would hae been rotting in that prison,” Alastar said.
“I'm glad you're alive. Did you kill any English?”
“Oh aye. They sent a patrol after ye, but I saw tae it that they would never reach ye. I almost killed Lord Flynn when he was attacking the wee lass Rebecca, but he managed tae escape. I shall nae let him escape again,” Alastar said.
“I ken ye want tae gae after him, and it is a brave thing ye are daeing, but ye dinnae have tae. Ye can fight alongside us as brothers.” As Declan said this he clasped Alastar's forearm. Alastar felt a deep regret that he had to decline the invitation, but it was important for him to fight alone, just like his father.
“I thank ye for ye kind words, but ye must ken I hae tae dae this myself.”
“Then let me come with ye. I can help,” Declan said.
“Ye hae more things tae worry about now boy. Ye must think of ye family, and ye wee bairn that is waiting tae meet ye,” Alastar said.
“And ye hae much tae worry about as well,” Declan said.
“Ye mean Rebecca?”
“Aye.”
“She is a fine lass, but she cannae be a part of this life. She deserves tae be happy.”
“And what if she wants tae be happy with ye?” Declan asked. Alastar gave him a sad smile.
“Then she is a fool,” he said.
“Ye cannae mean that.”
“How can a lass be happy with me? Ye are different. Ye hae this castle, this family, ye hae days ahead of ye. I only hae misery behind me, and before me...well, this is nae life for a lass like her. She needs a man tae love her, nae one who gaes around the woods fighting evil,” Alastar said.
“How dae ye know, hae ye asked her?” Declan challenged.
“Well, I...”
“Alastar, if there is one thing ye should ken about these English lasses it is that they like tae make their own decisions. They are nae as weak as ye think. Rebecca, I'm sure kens what she wants from life, and if ye truly care about her then ye will let her make that decision for herself.”
“When did ye get this wise?” Alastar asked, smiling warmly. Declan laughed. His hair had grown longer since Alastar had last seen him, and it drooped over his face. Declan swept it back in one smooth motion.
“It must be that I am becoming a Da,” he said.
“Ye will make a great one,” Alastar said. “Ye hae been through more than most men ye age, and I am sure it will stand ye in good stead.”
“It hae. I hae been spending more time with my Da since I hae been back, and we hae been a close family. Being imprisoned made me realize how important these things were in life. I would hae thought ye would hae seen the same.”
“I dae, but I also know that I hae nae family. It was taken from me, and I hae tae make the man responsible pay.”
“And then?”
Alastar looked at Declan, taken aback by the question, as though he hadn't really thought that far ahead.
“I dinnae.”
“Then there is naething keeping ye from living a life with the lass. I saw the way she looked at ye, and I see the way ye eyes light up when ye speak of her. Dinnae stop yerself from being happy,” Declan said.
“We shall see what happens after I come back from facing Lord Flynn,” Alastar said, his face set in grim determination. Declan looked back at his cousins and then at Alastar.
“Ye ken, my cousins are good people,” he began.
Alastar nodded. “My Da spoke highly of their Da,” he said.
“And if they dinnae think it is a good idea ye ken trust their judgment,” Declan continued. “Listen tae their counsel. If they think ye should stay here and fight, maybe ye should.”
Before Alastar could respond, the doors opened, and the women came back in. Alastar glanced at Rebecca, who wore a strange expression. Declan had given him much to think about, but all he wanted to think about was stopping Lord Flynn.
Catherine and Rebecca came to stand by Declan and Alastar, while the other two returned to Blair and Drew. Declan wrapped his arms around Catherine's waist, and kissed her on the stomach. Rebecca placed her hand on the back of Alastar's chair. Their romance was still new. It hadn't settled yet like the love shared between the other three couples in the room.
Alastar watched Rosemary whisper into Blair's ear. A grin spread over his face.
“Alastar,” he said, his voice booming around the feasting hall. Alastar rose and approached him. “I would like tae make ye an offer. Ye are without a clan, but ye are an honorable man, and ye hae suffered greatly. I would like ye tae consider being a part of the McCall clan. Join with us, let us treat ye as a brother. Ye can stay here, and ye dinnae need tae live a life alone.”
Alastar pursed his lips, and glared at Rebecca, knowing that this was her doing.
“I thank ye for ye offer, but as I told ye before the Blue Thistle fights alone. Ye clan is mighty, but I am proud tae be the Blue Thistle, and I would ask that ye respect that,” he said, then spun on his heels and marched out of the room, his heart burning with ire that Rebecca would try and press him in such a matter.
Chapter 30
The expression on Rebecca's face turned from pride to horror as she watched Alastar refuse Blair's invitation. She had been so proud of herself when she first came up with the idea. It seemed to her that Alastar had been feeling lonely, and that being a part of a clan would restore his honor. Rosemary had been all too happy to help, but when she heard Alastar refuse her heart sank, and she felt like a fool.
“He will see sense,” Catherine said, trying to reassure her, but Rebecca didn't feel as though anything could reassure her. Rebecca tore herself away from Catherine's touch and ran after Alastar, her soft footsteps pattering after him on the cold stone floor.
Alastar walked away towards the entrance of the castle, looking to go out in the cold night air. Rebecca called after him. He turned.
“Come with me. Let us stay inside. We have spent too many nights under the stars recently. I long to lie on a proper bed,” she said. For a moment she thought he would ignore her and leave, but at the last moment he turned and followed her upstairs. There was so much Rebecca was unsure about, so much she wanted to say, but she wanted to wait until they were alone before she opened her heart to him.
He led the way
, until he reached a point where he didn't know where to go. Rebecca moved in front of him and led the way up the stairs to the guest quarters that Rosemary had arranged for her. They were actually nicer and larger than the room she had been used to while living on the Flynn estate, although the air was colder here.
Alastar shut the heavy wooden door behind him.
“I arranged with Rosemary for you to have your own room, if you would prefer,” Rebecca said, folding her arms. She cast her gaze away from Alastar, fearing that he was angry with her. He didn't say anything in response to that, but he walked across the room and took off his outer shirt and unclasped his sword belt, putting them both on a chest. He unlaced his boots, and once he was done he finally turned to her.
“Why did ye dae that?” he asked.
“Was it really so bad?”
“If ye are asking that, then maybe ye dinnae ken me as well as ye think.”
“Then perhaps you should tell me,” she said, trying to stop her voice from trembling. Rebecca hated confrontation, especially with someone she had strong feelings for.
“I am the Blue Thistle Rebecca. I cannae change that. My life is best lived alone, just like my father before me.”
“But you are not your father Alastar. You do not have to repeat his life, and you do not have to sentence yourself to loneliness just to live up to his ideal. Sometimes I do not understand you,” she said, her frustrations boiling over.
“What dae ye mean?”
“You have missed out on so much life because of Lord Flynn. You want to kill him, I understand that, but you have spent so much time focusing on killing him that you cannot see a future for yourself afterwards. Do you think you'll be happy roaming the land until you die of old age somewhere? That is not the life of a hero. That is the life of a bitter old man who didn't know how to open his heart. That was a lovely gesture from Blair. I know how important family is to you, and I thought that it would help you feel like you're at home here. I wanted you to feel like you had a future, a future with me.”
“And why would ye want a future with me? Can ye nae see that I cannae offer ye what a man should? I hae nae castle. I hae nae family!”
“Have I ever once asked you for that? You seem to have imagined some conversations between us. I have asked you for none of those things. They are not important to me. What I want is you Alastar. All the confusing, frustrating mess of you. I would be happy living alone with you in the woods, or in this castle, or on an island anywhere else. I do not care where we live, as long as we live together. But you would seek to send me away for my own good.
“I thought that if you were a part of this clan it might make you feel better about keeping me around. I could stay here while you went off adventuring, and you wouldn't have to worry about me being safe. You would have a home to return to, and if anything went wrong you would have allies who would defend you and rescue you if need be.
“You seem to think that your loneliness gives you strength. I'm here to tell you that it doesn't. It's a weakness Alastar, one that you have suffered from for far too long, and one which you don't have to suffer from any longer.”
She said this all without hardly taking a breath, so at the end she inhaled a deep lungful of air.
“Ye mean ye would nae stop me from being the Blue Thistle?” he asked.
Rebecca was dumbfounded.
“Why would I want to do that? It is important to you. It is the way you're respecting your father.”
“Aye, but I thought...”
“There you go again,” she said, this time a little more relaxed, moving towards him. “Thinking again, rather than asking me how I feel. Is that why you thought there was no future for us?”
“Aye, I thought we would both hae tae give up something we wanted.”
“You thought I was going to be your mother,” Rebecca said. It was a passing thought to which she gave voice, and it was amazing how much it made sense after everything he had told her, although she hadn't thought of it before. Alastar turned away, ashamed.
“I should nae think that,” he said.
“It's nothing to be ashamed of.”
“My father loved my mother, but she gave him an impossible choice. He had tae give up being the Blue Thistle, and I dinnae want tae dae that. I can understand why he did it, but the fact that she would ask...did she nae know how much it meant tae him?”
“I'm sure she did Alastar. Unfortunately, we can't go back and ask them, but we can make decisions for ourselves. Our futures don't have to be defined by the people who raised us. We get to make our own choices; we get to choose the direction of our own life. I know you are a hero, and it wouldn't do you any good to live a quiet life. You have been imprisoned. It is time for you to fly. What I'm trying to show you is that you do not need to do so alone.”
Alastar nodded, understanding coming over his face.
“I will think about it,” he said.
Rebecca smiled and placed her hand against his cheek, her palm resting against the rough stubble. She kissed his lips lightly and let her breath brush against his before retreating to the bed. Alastar looked at her for a moment before he followed her path and knelt before her in supplication.
Rebecca took his head in her hands and stroked it affectionately.
“What future do you see for yourself Alastar?”
“I cannae see anything past Lord Flynn.”
“You expect me to believe that through all those lonely nights you only ever thought of Lord Flynn? Surely your mind must have turned to things after that. To a life beyond hatred and vengeance. Even as a child you must have had dreams?”
“All I ever wanted was tae be like my father,” he said.
“Then think about it now,” she said, tilting his head up so that their eyes met. Breath caught in her throat as she lost herself in the deep pools of his eyes. There was so much pain and torment in them, yet so much love as well. For all the suffering he had endured, he had not been stripped of his humanity, of his capacity to love. She wanted to nurture that flame and see it rise as high as the most dramatic pyre.
“I want ye,” he said, sounding drunk.
“What else?”
“I want ye tae be happy. I want tae make up for lost time. I want tae have children, and teach them all about my Da. I want them tae be as proud of me as I am of him. I want tae hae a clan of my own,” he said.
Rebecca smiled and kissed him deeply.
“I want that too,” she breathed.
Alastar smiled widely and let his hands slide around her waist. He fought against her clothes, struggling to get to the skin underneath. Rebecca smiled as she felt his breath come upon her. They had delivered their message now, and finally they were alone again, and could be one with each other again. Her body had been burning for this ever since their last union had ended, although she hoped that this time it wouldn't end with him asking her to be apart from him.
Rebecca lifted her arms and let him undress her. She let her head fall back, and felt her long hair brushed against her shoulder blades. Alastar's strong hands curled around the middle of her body and pulled at her clothes, while he pressed his mouth against her exposed skin. Her heart pounded in her chest as he found the hollow of her neck, and the heat that emanated from his body was so intense it almost alarmed her.
She ran her fingers through his hair and occasionally brought his head up, kissing him deeply and lovingly, wanting to feel his body next to hers again. Nothing had compared to the desire she felt when she was with him, and for all the worries of the war, they vanished from her mind and were replaced by the striking passion, of lust and love mingling together.
She ran her hands down his back as his mouth moved down her body, kissing her breasts, catching her nipples in his mouth. Pinpricks of pleasure danced upon her body as his hands were all over her, feeling her, groping her, caressing her. They fell to her thigh and she felt them spread open. His body was heavy against hers. In one gesture he pushed her to the bed and
buried himself in her most intimate area.
She gasped at the ardor of the man, but the pleasure that ran through her veins was not going to make her ask him to stop. She felt him kiss the burning insides of her thighs, then his breath moved closer towards the aching sensation. She needed him. She wanted him. Her entire body tensed as he waited, waited, and then finally gorged himself on her. She fell against the bed, her arms splayed out beside her, utterly helpless as the intense sensations rushed through her body.
She looked down to see him so intimately connected with her. Before he had done this, she hadn't thought such a thing was possible, yet here she was, and she wondered if any of the other women had felt pleasure this intense.