by Zoe York
My heart felt like it might crack a rib, it was pounding that hard. Pull yourself together. This shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Did you think Cade would stay away forever just because it was easier for you? Actually, I hadn’t even allowed myself to think about that. It hurt too much.
I gulped in air and stared back at him, scrambling to gain purchase in my mind. I felt off balance and caught in a riptide of emotions I’d staved off for years.
Cade stared back at me, his gaze direct and unflinching. A mess inside, I fell back on what got me through our break up before—anger.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said, almost cringing at my bitchy tone.
He arched a brow and leaned back in his seat, never once looking away. I couldn’t have felt more of a mess if I tried. I had a black eye, wasn’t even wearing my own clothes, and had encountered Cade at probably the worst possible moment I could consider. Seriously. I would’ve had to try to pick a worse time.
“Since you’re still pissed at me, I’m guessing you never bothered to figure out that nothing happened with Shannon and me. Maybe you don’t want to talk about it, but you asked me for a ride, so I figure you at least owe me a chance to clear the air.”
I felt like I was falling again, hurtling through the air with the ground racing up at me. “What?”
“Just what I said. You know, you seem to think you’ve cornered the market on who gets to be pissed off. I had nothing to do with Shannon. I…”
I started to cut him off, but his glare was so dark, I snapped my mouth shut.
“Did you ever even try to find out the shit Shannon pulled?” He shook his head and kept going. “I don’t know what her fuckin’ deal was, but she stirred shit up. You walked in as shocked as me when she showed up. You never stuck around to see me shove her away, or to hear the bullshit she spewed. I. Never. Did. Anything. So while you were busy thinking I screwed you over, I got to wonder why you couldn’t be bothered to find out it might not have been what you thought,” he said, his tone dark and laced with hurt.
He finally snapped his eyes from mine and looked out through the windshield. I sat there stunned, my mind spinning and my gut churning.
“You mean…?”
He swung back to me, lasering me with his gaze. “I mean just that. You iced me out so fast, I never got a chance to explain. I’ll admit I was such a fuckin’ mess after you bolted and blew me off for a whole week. I steered clear of trying to talk to you about this because, well, because I didn’t know if I’d ever come home. By the time I started thinking about it, my mom told me you were with Earl. So…?” He shrugged and looked away again.
I could hardly compute. I’d been clinging to his perceived betrayal for so long, I didn’t know what to think. I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “You mean nothing happened with Shannon?”
His green gaze swung my way again, sending my stomach into another tailspin. Dear God. I was a mess on every possible level. My emotions were swirling like a tornado.
“Cade, I…” Flustered, my words sputtered.
His eyes softened, just the slightest bit.
“I know what you saw was bad, but I didn’t even know she was there. She woke me up climbing in bed bare ass naked. That whole morning was a shitshow. You were gone, and I wake up to find fucking Shannon. Then you show up and storm out. Don’t get me wrong, I understood why, but you didn’t give me time to explain anything. When you wouldn’t even talk to me for a whole damn week, I saw red and said fuck it. Took me three damn years to think maybe I should talk to you. By then, you were dating—hell, I don’t know—someone. Time kept passing and then I heard you were engaged to Earl, so I figured it was best to let the past stay in the past.”
Tears were hot in my eyes and I could hardly hear over the rushing sound in my ears. “Why, why would Shannon…?”
Cade shrugged. “Hell if I know. She was your friend.” He started to say something else and stopped, swinging away to look out the window again.
After seven years of holding tight to my anger, I was struggling to let go. Strangely, I didn’t doubt Cade. My anger, my pain and my frustration were all bundled together in a fist inside and looking for another target.
“How come you didn’t try harder to talk to me?” I asked, feeling prickly all over.
After a few beats of silence while the space inside his truck became heavy, he spoke again. “Amelia, look we both blew this one. You had every right to be pissed off walking in on what you did. I knew I had nothing to do with Shannon’s move, but I know how it looked. Maybe if I hadn’t already been scheduled to leave so soon we could’ve kept from blowing things up so completely. By the time I calmed down, my life was in California and you were here. I meant to come back sooner, but then I heard you were with Earl and planning to get married. I, uh…” He paused to stare out the windshield again, his throat moving with a swallow.
“When the job opened up, I figured I’d come home. I missed it, so here I am.”
“What job?” I asked, inanely focusing on the one detail that didn’t hurt to think about.
Cade looked back at me, his gaze inscrutable again. “I took the foreman position with the hotshot crew in Willow Brook.”
I nodded, but couldn’t seem to think what to say next. Everything was all jumbled up inside. A teeny, tiny corner of my heart was doing cartwheels. I’d missed him so damn much for so long. To hear he was moving home was like the sun coming out after years in the dark. Yet, I’d worked so hard at shoving my feelings for him into a locked closet in a corner of my heart. I wasn’t used to allowing myself to even think about those feelings, much less experience them.
“So, sounds like your wedding is off?” he asked, jumping tracks in our conversation.
We were traversing in such emotionally loaded territory, a linear track hardly made sense.
I nodded, wondering how much I’d said to him in my tipsy state last night.
“Yeah. I, uh, made a mess of it. Never should’ve said yes anyway.”
“Why did you?”
Once upon a time, I’d loved how direct Cade was. At the moment, it was brutal. I wanted to bolt, and I couldn’t. You’re no chicken, so don’t start acting like one. Thing was, Cade got to me. He was the only man who ever had. He made me feel vulnerable and off kilter. For crying out loud, I ran my own construction business—Kick A** Construction. I pushed against the uncertainty inside.
“I, uh… My answer sucks, but it is what it is. I figured it was the best chance I’d get.”
At that, the tears I’d been fighting off flowed freely. I had to get the hell out of here. I fumbled with the door handle and stumbled out of his truck.
Cade
“You saw Amelia?”
My mother’s eyes were wide as she looked over at me from across the kitchen table. Georgia Masters was my tough as nails mother who hid behind a polite, friendly exterior. Her silver hair was shot through with a few lingering strands of dark brown. For many years, she’d left it long, but now it was short, the curls still a tad wild. I’d inherited my green eyes from her, along with the unruly brown hair. My mom was the town librarian—smart, friendly and as close to the town’s nerve center as anyone was.
I took a gulp of the coffee she’d made for me and nodded. “Yup.”
Mom leaned back in her chair. “Her mother is worried sick. Amelia ran, actually ran, out of the church and left Earl behind. Sarah said she hasn’t returned her calls since she took off.” She paused only to lean back and snatch her phone off the kitchen counter. “I’m calling Sarah. Where is Amelia now?”
I pondered what to say. I knew exactly where I’d left Amelia, but I didn’t know whether she wanted anyone to know where she was. I might be wrestling with my resentments when it came to her, but I felt protective of her. She hadn’t asked me to hide where she was, so I finally lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “Mom, I dunno if she wants anyone to know.”
Mom narrowed her eyes, her lips thinning. “What happen
ed?”
Her question didn’t surprise me. In the years since I’d moved away, my mom had never stopped saying she wished I’d tried harder to talk to Amelia. She’d only shut up about it once Amelia got engaged to Earl. My mind spun back to the roughly twenty-four hours I’d spent with Amelia. After kissing her on the sidewalk in Anchorage, I’d spent the rest of the night mentally kicking myself for so easily falling prey to my desire. Yet, our past was what it was. Once upon a time, she’d meant the world to me. No woman even came close to what she meant. Not that I’d given anyone a chance to matter. I didn’t think about it much, but I knew I might be perceived as cold. I eschewed attachments and made that crystal clear to any woman who crossed my path. A night between the sheets ended before I fell asleep. In fact, the other night with Amelia had been the first night I’d allowed myself to fall asleep with a woman since she’d walked out on me.
My heart clenched. Fuck. This was far more difficult than I’d anticipated. I’d figured on moving back to Willow Brook and learning to live with Amelia being married to someone else. I hadn’t counted on what it would feel like to see her, and I certainly hadn’t counted on her not being officially with someone else. Yesterday afternoon, she’d started crying and run out of my truck, the sight of her that upset nearly annihilating me. Even though I’d known she probably wanted to be left alone, fool that I was, I’d followed her out of the truck to the benches running along the railing at the viewing spot on the highway.
With a gorgeous view of Denali in the distance and a river winding in a glittering ribbon through a field by the highway, I’d sat down beside her and waited. It had taken most of my discipline not to yank her into my arms, but I managed. Eventually, she’d wiped her face with the edge of my t-shirt—the one she’d been wearing—and looked over at me. Without a word, she’d stood, her eyes shuttered, and nodded. “I suppose we should get going.”
I’d had so many things to say, but none of them seemed right. I hated, fucking hated, to hear she’d thought marrying Earl was the best chance she’d get. She had no idea—no fucking idea—how I would’ve given anything for a shot to clean up the mess between us. I had an idea why she thought that. I knew plenty of guys thought she was hot. Hell, I’d been in high school with most of them. Yet, she was a handful and intimidating as hell. Seeing as she stood eye to eye with most men at five-foot eleven and could hold her own just about anywhere, well, she wasn’t easy. I’d been intimidated myself, but I’d wanted her so fiercely I hadn’t let that stand in my way.
The flip side to her passionate, no-holds barred attitude—well, when she got mad, she got really mad. Just like she’d thrown her phone away after running out on Earl, she’d never once picked up my repeated calls to her in the days and weeks after she’d stormed out. Truth be told, I was so angry, I’d only tried a few times after I moved away if only to tell her off. Yesterday, I’d looked over at her and bit back my words. I needed time to get grounded in my own head before saying much more than I already had. So I’d driven the rest of the way to Willow Brook and dropped her off at her brother’s cabin on the outskirts of town. There was no phone there, but she’d insisted she wanted to be left in peace, so I’d driven away. I’d made no promises to keep her whereabouts secret.
My mom cleared her throat, and I glanced up.
“Were you planning to answer my question?” she asked.
I took another gulp of coffee and considered what to say. After a moment, I ran a hand through my hair with a sigh. “Mom, nothing happened.”
She arched a brow. “I’m not stupid, Cade. I can tell by the look on your face something happened. Please tell me you two came to your senses and figured out you belong together.”
“Mom, it’s been seven years. Amelia just walked out on her fiancé yesterday. You can’t seriously think I’d show up and everything would be sorted out that fast. I don’t even know…”
“Don’t even start with me,” she snapped. “You two never got over each other. Good grief, Amelia was so determined not to talk about you, she’d walk out of the room if I even said your name at her mother’s house. And you? You stayed in California six years longer than you planned just to avoid seeing that girl.”
My mother’s words were like a kick to the gut—the sickening kind. She was quite right, but I didn’t like thinking about any of it. It stung to hear how hard Amelia worked not to hear the truth about what never happened with Shannon. She was as stubborn as me. If not more so.
My mom actually huffed before standing and snatching my empty coffee mug. She practically stomped to the counter and refilled it before returning. After a moment of silence, she looked back over at me. “Could you at least let me tell Sarah you ran into Amelia and she’s okay?” she asked, referencing Amelia’s mother.
“Yeah. If she’s worried, tell her I dropped Amelia off at Quinn’s cabin. I think Amelia wants a little peace and quiet before she has to face the music for running off right before her wedding. She didn’t ask me to keep it quiet, so I figure her mom should know where she’s at.”
My mom eyed me for a long moment. Not for the first time, I wished she wasn’t so damn perceptive. I could feel her trying to read into me. My heart and mind were one giant mess, and I sure as hell didn’t want to try to make sense of it all with my mother. I loved her to pieces, and I knew I was blessed to have her as a mother, but a little privacy wouldn’t hurt about now.
“Mom, don’t stare me down, okay?”
She flashed a knowing smile. “You’re just uncomfortable because I know you so well. Maybe you don’t want to talk, but I will. I’ve said it before, so I’ll say it again: don’t let resentment keep you away from someone you love. Shannon stirred the pot and made an ugly mess for you and Amelia. Don’t let her actions dictate your future. You finally have a chance to make things right with the only woman you ever loved. Do it.”
At that, she took a slow sip of coffee and picked up her phone, standing to leave me at the table by myself.
“Sarah, it’s me. Just talked to Cade and believe it or not, he gave Amelia a ride yesterday…”
My mother’s words faded as she walked down the hallway. I savored another gulp of coffee and stared out the window. My parents’ home was situated a few miles from downtown Willow Brook. They had a sprawling log home tucked into a cluster of cottonwood. This area of Alaska a mix of fields and rocky area as it was situated in the distant foothills of Denali, the famed centerpiece of the Alaska Range. The cottonwood opened up to a grassy field with a river running through it. I’d missed this view, missed it every day I’d been away.
Yet, I hadn’t missed it as much as I’d missed Amelia.
Amelia
I eyed the moose standing between my brother’s battered truck and me. The moose in question, a gangly female yearling, stared back at me. Its brown fur looked soft, its dark eyes wide and curious. The moose looked so at ease, I might’ve been tempted to carry on and walk straight past it, but I knew better. Moose were near-sighted. I figured I looked like a blurry shape at this distance. If I were lucky, the moose would bolt in the opposite direction when I got close enough, but that was no guarantee. More people were injured by moose every year in Alaska than by bears. Moose weren’t predatory, but they startled easy. You never knew if they’d run off or run at you, so it was best to steer clear.
I leaned against the deck railing and waited. A squirrel peered over at me from its perch on the railing a few feet away. I’d scattered sunflower seeds on the ground nearby this morning. The squirrel flicked its eyes from me to the ground before bursting into chatter and leaping to the ground. The chatter galvanized the moose yearling, and she jogged into the trees.
I gave it a few more minutes before stepping off the porch and walking to Quinn’s truck. My older brother Quinn was one of my favorite people. I figured he might be worried about me, but he’d give me the space I needed. His cabin was roughly a half hour outside of Willow Brook. He’d purchased it about a year ago when it came up for sale.
He had no intention of living here, but he’d wanted a place nearby for when he visited with his wife Lacey. Only a few months ago, Lacey had given birth to their first daughter. They’d named her after our mother, Sarah. I adored Quinn and had been beyond happy when he finally saw the light of day and admitted he was in love with Lacey.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Sarah’s birth had been the trigger that snapped me out of my stupidity over Earl. I’d gone to Diamond Creek where Quinn and Lacey lived to meet baby Sarah. I’d left the next day wondering if I’d ever get lucky enough to find something like what they had. Quinn loved Lacey down to her bones—headstrong, willful, tomboy Lacey. I wanted someone to love me like that.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t known there wasn’t much passion between Earl and me. I’d told Cade the truth when I said I thought Earl was the best chance I had. Because it had sure as hell seemed like it. Less than twenty-four hours with Cade had been a brutally painful reminder of what I’d once had.
I climbed into the beater truck Quinn had left parked here. Several attempts to get the engine to turn over failed. I leaned my head against the seat with a sigh. I hadn’t been thinking clearly when I’d asked Cade to drop me off here yesterday. All I’d known was I needed to get the hell away from him before I did or said anything else stupid. I also hadn’t been ready to face anyone in Willow Brook. Yet, here I was now with no phone and no way to go anywhere. Quinn and Lacey had plenty of food here, but I had quickly discovered being alone with my thoughts with next to nothing to distract me wasn’t helping. At all.
I tossed and turned last night, my dreams a messy mix of fury and arousal. I’d woken in the midst of a heated dream, so hot it made me blush. Of course, the only man I ever dreamt about like that was Cade. Even worse, the dream was more vivid than any I’d had in years because I’d seen him. He’d gone from being a ghost of my past to a living, breathing raw manifestation of masculinity in the here and now.