by Zoe York
“Maybe you’re just more honest with yourself than some of us are,” Violet said. I’m jealous. All the time.
“What’re you jealous about?” Mary asked.
She inwardly cringed. The wistfulness in Mary’s voice was like being granted a secret entry into her friend’s thoughts. Violet knew the unspoken words of her sentence. What’re you jealous about when you have Dakota?
“I’m jealous of Honor and how smart and capable she is. I’m jealous of her relationship with Zane. I’m jealous of Kara and Brody and all their money, not to mention how in love they are. Let’s see, what else? I wish a man would look at me the way Jackson looks at Maggie. I wish I had a talent like Maggie. Any talent other than annoying people with my causes. See? I’m awful and I don’t even have a good reason. Losing a child is every mother’s worst nightmare and I’m so sorry it happened to you.” She shuddered and reached for Mary’s hand.
Mary’s chin quivered but she took in a deep breath, obviously trying not to cry. “Today she would’ve been six.”
Violet moved around the table to sit next to Mary. “You poor thing,” she said as she took Mary into her arms and let her sob into her shoulder.
This was why we must always be kind. One never knows what someone else has gone through. We can’t intuitively know their heartbreak just by looking at them.
“Is there anything I can do?” Violet asked when Mary raised her head and gave her a weak smile.
“No. That’s the thing. Nothing anyone does can ever take away the grief of losing a child.”
“I can imagine,” she said. “I don’t want to, but I can.”
Mary wiped her eyes with a napkin. “I know that Mollie’s an innocent baby and I’m ashamed that all I could think of when I saw her was how unfair it was that Kyle should get a baby when mine didn’t live.”
“My first thought was about Honor and Zane. How did this womanizer deserve a baby when they won’t be able to have one? But I’ve seen how Mollie’s changed Kyle for the better. He embraced her without question. You won’t believe it but he’s been a loving and engaged father from day one. It’s been amazing to see him change.”
“I changed. But not for the better,” Mary said.
“After what happened to you, no one could expect you to be all rainbows and sunshine.”
To Violet’s relief, Mary laughed. “I don’t think anyone would describe me that way. Especially anyone here.” She looked down at her salad and picked up her fork, then stabbed a roasted red pepper. It dangled from her fork like a worm on a hook.
“I need to move forward, but it feels impossible,” Mary said. “That’s why I followed my dad here. Being without him was unbearable.”
“Oh my gosh, I understand. Completely.” Violet moved back to her original seat as Mary continued to pick at her food. “Do you regret coming here?”
“I don’t know. I’ve felt more alone since my dad found Flora than I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m just a burden on them. They feel sorry for me, which is almost as bad as everyone else hating me.”
“I don’t hate you. I like you, as a matter of fact. Very much.”
Mary tilted her head to the side and smiled back at her. “I like you too.”
“I had no idea what you’d been through. It explains things.”
“Like why I’m such a bitch?”
Violet grabbed her hand from across the table. “You’re not a bitch, but you do put up a wall. I’m glad you let it down for me.”
“Lance said the same thing to me recently,” Mary said. “But, I mean, look at him. He’s like the opposite of a wall. He’s like a bowl of jello.”
“From what I can see, he’s just a genuinely nice guy,” Violet said. “No wonder he’s single.”
“He’s different from most guys, that’s for sure.”
“Like how?” Had Mary’s voice softened at the mention of his name.
“He’s impossible to alienate.”
“Have you been trying to?” Violet asked.
“Oh, no, no. I just mean he likes me, even though I’m basically a cold bitch most of the time. Lance is kind, gentle. I can breathe when I’m with him.”
“Maybe he sees beneath the surface to the real you,” Violet said. “None of us are completely what we present to the outside world. Most of us are better.”
“Do you think so? I’m a much worse person than people would even guess. Which is saying a lot.”
“We can’t expect ourselves to remain unaffected by loss or grief. I’m starting to think the trick to healing is to use our own hardships to become more empathetic to others. I’m trying to be more like Lance these days. Slower to judge based on outward appearance or persona. Unlike him, that quality doesn’t come naturally.”
“I’ve been pretty self-absorbed, so any of those tendencies have been dormant.” Mary moved her gaze back to the window. A sparrow hopped between the bare branches of a tree. Holiday lights had been strung around the branches of the trees that lined the street. Later, they would sparkle in the dark night.
“I’m more connected to the characters in books than I am to people in real life,” Mary said. “I was always like that a little, but after everything that happened, books were the only thing that saved me, the only way I could get through the day. Just lately, maybe Lance’s influence, I’ve been a little more interested in living outside the pages of a book.”
Violet scrutinized her new friend, looking for clues. Were there feelings developing between Lance and Mary? She wouldn’t have put them together, but who knew the secrets of love? Certainly not her. “Are you interested in Lance? Is that what’s making you interested in life?” She pretended to be absorbed in cutting a piece of chicken in her salad while she waited for Mary’s answer.
“God, no. He would never be interested in me.”
“Why do you say that?” Violet asked.
“He’s in love with someone else.”
“He is?”
“Someone from New York. She was the boss’s daughter. Married daughter. He had an affair with her and it basically got him fired. That’s why he decided to move out here.”
Kyle had mentioned this to her one night during one of their chats. She hadn’t gotten the impression Lance was still in love with her, but again, who could understand romance and all its complexities? “You don’t think he’s over her?”
“No, she’s not the type of woman men forget easily. She’s a Daisy.”
“Daisy?”
“From The Great Gatsby.”
“Ah. That’s not good.”
“Anyway, it’s fine because I don’t like him that way either. I’m not interested in dating or anything close. Since my divorce, there’s no reason to believe there’s anyone out there for me.”
“Because he was so special?”
“No, because he was a George Wickham.”
“I’m sorry?”
“From Pride and Prejudice. Remember how he told Elizabeth the lie about Darcy?
“Vaguely.” Violet had watched the movie, but it had been a while. She really should read more fiction.
“Mr. Wickham was a liar, just like Chad. He was having an affair for months before I got pregnant. He tried to stop while I was pregnant, but he couldn’t live without her. His words.”
“You’re kidding?” Violet asked, aghast.
“I wish I were. He left me for her and now they’re married and have three kids. Healthy ones.”
Poor Mary. No wonder she was bitter. “Lance is nothing like that, though. You said yourself he’s different than most men.”
“True. Regardless, I just don’t see him that way. He’s my first friend since my mom died and I wouldn’t want to lose that. Plus, I learn so much from him. When he talks about other people, it’s always something deeper than what most people would notice. Like, we were talking about you the other day and he said your energy and passion for this town had inspired him to buy the building and save the bookstore. He wants to make the bookstor
e profitable by changing it to meet customer demand, but in a way that respected the past. He said he learned that from you.”
“No way! I had no idea.”
“That’s the thing, I guess. We never know how our actions influence others.”
“Good or bad,” Violet said. “Kyle told me I influenced some of his choices about the hotel, even though he hated me and my picket sign.”
“Not that I listen to the Dogs and all their gossip, but I was surprised to hear you were working for Kyle.” Mary said it a little too nonchalantly.
“I was too. But a desperate mother doesn’t have many choices. The fact that it fell in my lap and would work so well with Dakota, I had to take it. And, well, it’s not what I thought it would be. Kyle’s not anything like I thought he was.” Kyle. Every path led back to thoughts of Kyle.
“How so?”
“He’s like you—there are difficult experiences from his past that have made him the way he is.”
“Now you understand him,” Mary said.
“Yes. And that complicates matters considerably.”
Mary peered at Violet from across the table. “You like him?”
“I do. Too much.”
“How much?”
“Let me put it to you this way. What’s a story of unrequited love from one of your books? A woman in love with a man incapable of returning it?”
“Remains of the Day, maybe? It’s about a housekeeper and a butler who love each other but are too frightened to admit it,” Mary said.
“Something like that, yes.”
“Not all books end unhappily, you know,” Mary said.
“No, just the realistic ones.”
Violet dreamt of Cole. They were in her apartment in Boston. Icicles hung from the windowpanes. Her stomach had the slightest bulge. A baby. I’m going to have a baby.
Cole’s face darkened. You stupid bitch. He raised his hand and smacked her hard across her face. She fell to the floor.
I’m sorry. Forgive me?
She looked up at him. But it wasn’t Cole. The face that stared down at her was Kyle. Come on now, Lettie. Let’s go build our house.
Violet startled awake. Covered in sweat, she shivered. Two a.m. She got out of bed and changed into another pair of pajamas. Still shivering, she pulled on her warm robe. She wanted something warm to drink. Tea or hot milk. But Mel would be out there. She might even be awake.
Whatever. She couldn’t be kept prisoner.
Violet opened her door and padded across the hallway to the entrance of the living room. Mel stood at the desk, looking through a stack of Kyle’s mail from the basket he kept on the desk.
Clearly there wasn’t anything interesting because Mel restacked the various envelopes and headed toward the bathroom. Violet waited until she had closed the door before scampering over to the desk. She peered into the basket. Most of it looked like junk. Credit card offers and the like—nothing important or private that Kyle wouldn’t want Mel to see. However, one near the top of the pile caused her to pause and look more carefully. It was addressed to Daniel Kyle Hickman. Odd that the name was so close to Kyle Hicks. Was it possible he had two names? If so, why?
She left it on top of the stack where she’d found it and hurried back to her room. The hot drink would have to be forfeited. Once there, she took off her bathrobe and got back into bed. She longed to ask him about it, but if she did, she’d have to admit to going through the stack herself. Mel was nosy. But wasn’t she guilty of the same?
It was probably nothing. If she found the right time to ask him about it, she would. Otherwise, she would keep her mouth shut. No need for him to know what a snoop she was. God forbid she was put into the same category as Mel.
She rolled over and closed her eyes but it was hours before she fell into a fitful sleep.
Chapter 7
Kyle
* * *
THE REST OF the Dogs were already around the table in Brody’s game room when Kyle arrived for poker night. Violet forced Kyle to leave Mollie with her and attend a poker night with the Dogs. Brody had a rare couple of days off and had come home for a quick visit. Just go. You deserve a night out. He could never say no to her, so off he went.
“The party may commence. I have arrived.” He shrugged out of his coat and tossed it over the back of the couch.
The Dogs called out a greeting and told him to hurry up, he was late. Minnie, Brody and Kara’s tuxedo cat, sauntered into the room, jumped onto the bar’s counter, and curled up and went to sleep.
Kyle took his place at the table. Zane brought him a beer.
“Before you deal, we have to have a little talk.” Jackson crossed his arms over his chest.
“More like an intervention.” Zane dropped a round of beers on the table.
“Be gentle,” Lance said. “I sense he’s fragile.”
“Are you talking about me?” Kyle asked.
“Kyle, you’re not allowed to bring Mollie in to see Kara or me unless she’s sick. Do you understand?”
“How will I know if she’s sick, though?”
“You’ll know. Violet will know.” Jackson shot him a stern, doctorly type look from across the table. “Dude, you have to relax or you’re the one who’s going to end up sick. You’re doing a great job. She’s thriving.”
“Thriving? Like more so than other babies, right?”
“Thriving, as in she’s perfectly healthy and where she needs to be.”
“But she’s special, right? Like cuter and more alert than other babies her age?”
Jackson and Lance laughed. Brody rolled his eyes. Zane just shook his head and gave him that annoying know-it-all smirk.
“If I say yes, will you wait to bring her in again until her third month checkup?” Jackson asked.
“I’m waiting.” Kyle tapped his fingers on the table and drew his eyebrows together.
“Mollie Blue Hicks is cuter and more alert than any baby I’ve ever seen,” Jackson said.
“Was that so hard?” Kyle grinned as he shuffled the cards with a loud flourish.
“It was, actually. I took an oath,” Jackson said.
Kyle dealt a round of cards and bets were placed. They played and talked simultaneously.
“Violet’s parents came into the restaurant today,” Zane said.
“They’re back?” Kyle asked.
Zane nodded. “They’ve been back for weeks.”
“Violet hasn’t heard from them,” Kyle said.
“That right?” Zane asked.
“Her old man’s a jerk.” Kyle folded. Terrible hand. “She and Dakota deserve so much better than the way he’s treated her.” He looked up to see Brody watching him from across the table.
“You and Violet are getting along better, huh?” Brody asked.
“She’s phenomenal with Mollie.” He smiled. “She has us all on a schedule.”
Lance, sitting next to him, nudged him with his elbow. “The Doggiest of the Dogs on a schedule? That doesn’t sound like you.”
“Whatever. It’s good. She makes sure I have time for my workout in the morning. When I get back, she always has my breakfast waiting. Coffee and an egg white omelet with avocado. She thinks avocados are good for you. I eat them, plus half of Dakota’s bacon and pancakes when she’s not looking.”
They all stared at him like he was a strange animal at the zoo.
“Something I can help you with?” Kyle asked.
“Egg white? Avocados?” Lance asked. “Have you been invaded by an alien?”
“You guys are hilarious,” Kyle said. He really needed to get them off this subject.
“Violet sounds like Kara,” Brody said. “Women do that kind of stuff when they love us.”
“Dude, she’s my nanny.” How did these guys always see right through him? It was beyond annoying.
“Wait a minute,” Lance said. “You like her, don’t you?”
“She’s my nanny.” Maybe if he repeated it enough he would convince them all, esp
ecially himself.
“I can’t believe it. Honor was right,” Zane said. “She totally called this.”
“She did not,” Kyle said.
“She did. Claims all that tension between you two is more than just an argument over politics.”
“Fine. She’s gorgeous. I’m into her. Are you happy?” Kyle handed the stack of cards to Lance for the next round. “Your deal.”
“How into her?” Brody asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Kyle said. “The last thing she needs is me. She deserves someone phenomenal. Like one of you guys.”
“You are a well-established ass,” Zane said, tossing a beer cap at him.
“My point exactly,” Kyle said.
Jackson was looking at him with a contemplative tilt to his head. That was Jackson. Always thinking—the romantic, the philosopher of the group. Since Maggie had returned to him, the sadness in his blue eyes had changed to peaceful contentment. “How come you never talk about your childhood?” Jackson asked.
“What does that have to do with Violet?” Kyle asked.
“If you don’t know, then you should be asking yourself why,” Zane said.
“It’s true, though,” Lance said. “We know next to nothing about your past.”
Kyle took a swig of his beer. “Nothing to tell. Normal stuff.”
“You don’t come to USC on a full ride as an emancipated adult if you had a normal childhood,” Lance said.
Kyle pretended to study his cards. “I don’t talk about the past. No reason to.”
“Would you believe that talking about your past might change your future?” Jackson asked.
“God no,” Kyle said.
“It did for me,” Zane said. “Strangely, confronting my mother and my ex-fiancée was what I needed to fully move on with Honor.”
Kyle slapped a card on the table. These guys needed to back off. “Did it? Did it really help to go back and meet your mother only to be rejected by her a second time? Once was enough for me, thanks very much.”
“I wouldn’t have thought so, but it did. In my case, I needed answers to be free.” Zane paused, peeling the label from his beer bottle. “Man, I know it hurts.”