by Zoe York
“Third grade? A baby doll. The kind that ate and drank and you had to change their diapers.”
“I gave you one of those a couple months ago,” he said.
She laughed. “Yes, and she’s way cuter than the baby wetsy or whatever her name was.”
“What was your favorite subject in school?”
“That’s easy. History.”
“I should’ve guessed that one. Math for me.”
“What was your major?”
“Business. Kind of boring when you think about it, but it served its purpose,” he said.
“I didn’t finish college. My dad cut me off when I changed majors from religion to environmental sciences.”
“Do you ever think about going back to finish your degree?”
“Not since Dakota. No time or money.”
“Would you, if you could?”
“Maybe. Probably not. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I don’t seem to have much ambition anymore. Since I lost the shop, I feel so deflated. I like being your nanny. Being with Dakota and Mollie every day gives me a better sense of purpose than I’ve had in a long time. After our year is done, I don’t know what I’ll do. Honestly, nothing sounds appealing.”
He knew what he wanted her to do. Stay with me and Mollie. Let us be your purpose.
“Why did you stop teaching yoga?” he asked.
“I couldn’t make it work with Dakota’s schedule. The only time slots they had were in the early mornings and evenings.” She played with the sleeve of his shirt. “I feel bad about myself. Compared to Maggie and Kara and Honor, I’m such a loser.”
“That’s not true. You ran a business. Sure, it didn’t work, but that doesn’t mean you can’t figure out something else to do. You’ve had Dakota all by yourself. Jeez, one night alone with Mollie and I was a mess. Seriously, I don’t know how you’ve done it alone.”
“Okay, next question.”
“If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?” He breathed in the scent of her hair. God, she smelled so good. Focus on the questions before something happens below.
“Europe. All over, so don’t make me choose. Like the trip Kara and Brody took.”
His heart hurt as he realized how hard it must be for her. All her closest friends were having careers and trips and money dripping from trees and here she was without even the joy of teaching her yoga classes. He would change that. Dammit, he would. This woman would have everything she wanted.
“How about you?” she asked.
“I’d like to go to Europe. And maybe Africa and see an elephant. I love them.”
“Me too. When I was a kid we took a trip to the San Diego zoo, and the night before we got there, a baby elephant had died. They didn’t know what was wrong with him. The mother was out in the open that day and I could see how sad she was that she’d lost her baby. She was listless and wouldn’t eat. That broke my heart.”
“They have burial grounds where they visit their ancestors,” he said. “I always thought that was so cool.”
“They have a great sense of family.”
He chuckled. “No wonder we’re drawn to them.”
“Because we don’t have any?”
“Something like that.”
“Have you ever been in love?” she asked.
Sheri Swanson. With her green eyes and blond curls and a face like an angel, it would have been easy for her to be a mean girl. But she wasn’t. She was the only one in school who called him by his real name. His name was Daniel back then. Daniel, not Pig like everyone else. Her voice had been like a feather trailing his skin. She smelled of flowers and sunshine.
Pig.
“There was a girl. Sheri Swanson. When we were little, she was the only one who would sit with me on the bus. I loved her, but sadly it was unrequited.”
“She just thought of you as a friend?” Violet asked.
“It was more complicated than that.” The friend zone was something for normal people, not Pig. “She looked out for me, even though she was beautiful and rich. There was no reason she had to be nice, but she couldn’t stand cruelty to any living creature. She stood by her principles, which made her brave. Like you.”
Violet sighed against him.
“Her family was probably the wealthiest in town. They had this big white house with pillars and a wraparound porch.” He closed his eyes, seeing Sheri walk up the steps of her front porch—her pigtails and those shiny black shoes—the bows in her hair that matched the pink hydrangeas. “Their house, it was like this symbol to me of the American dream. The perfect house and family.”
“Do you know what happened to her?” Violet asked.
“Yeah, I know.” He swallowed, remembering their last conversation. I’m going somewhere no one can hurt me. “Turns out she didn’t have the perfect family. There was a reason she always wore long sleeves.”
Her breath caught. “Oh no.”
“I worked at the diner in town and she used to come see me almost every day. The ladies I worked for always let me give her a free soda. One day she came in, crying. I’d never seen her cry. I remember just standing there feeling helpless and small. When I asked her what was wrong, she lifted the long sleeves of her shirt all the way up to her shoulders. Cigarette burns on the inside of her upper arms. So many. New ones. And scars and scars of old ones.”
“Her dad?”
“Her mom.”
“No.”
“She told me she was going somewhere no one could hurt her. She’d come to say goodbye.”
“Did she run away?” Violet asked.
“She took a bottle of her mother’s sleeping pills and never woke up.”
“Oh no. That’s what she meant by a place no one could hurt her.”
He nodded, unable to speak.
“I’m sorry, Kyle.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“Is she one of the things you wanted to forget?” she asked.
“Yes. But I never could. When someone is kind to you and loves you for who you are under all the scars and dirt and poverty, you never forget them.”
“It makes you think, though, doesn’t it?” Violet asked. “What we assume about people’s lives.”
“Everything that glitters is not gold,” he said.
“There’s more to my family than people knew. Things no one would believe.” She grew still in his arms, her breath moving the hairs on his arm. “My dad’s an angry person. I’m not sure why. Nothing I did was ever good enough. He never hurt me physically or anything like that, but there were punishments inappropriate for the crimes.”
“Like what?” His stomach clenched. What had he done?
“His favorite was to deny me food for twenty-four hours. I had to stay in my room, stomach growling, as the scent of my mother’s Sunday dinner crept up the stairs.”
“Wow,” Kyle said.
“Any small failing riled him. A ‘B’ on my report card, smiling at a boy in church, spreading too much butter on my bread. I couldn’t go to any of the dances at school or join any clubs, regardless if I had good grades or not. Strangely, he wanted me to be a cheerleader. He insisted that I try out. If I hadn’t made the squad, I don’t know what would have happened.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know. That’s how he was. Irrational and manic. I was so anxious all through high school that my hair started falling out. When I left for college, I thought I might be free, but it was the same. After he cut me off, I went to work for Cole Lund’s church, hoping to make enough for tuition. But you know how that turned out.”
“Why did you come back to Cliffside Bay? Wouldn’t it have been better to stay away from them?”
“If you can believe it, I actually thought they’d want me to come home…that they’d want to be part of Dakota’s life. No matter what, I still wanted them to love me.”
He tightened his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “It’s their loss.”
; “This town was my home, not my family. I see that now.”
This town was my home. No wonder she didn’t want it to change. She needed some aspect of her life to be steady and loyal. I can be her home.
Could he? Was he strong enough to be her rock? Dakota’s dad?
He didn’t know the answers to those questions. All he knew was that everything in his world had changed the moment Mollie came into his life. She’d brought Violet and Dakota to him. She’d changed his heart.
With everything in him, he wanted to be the kind of father the other Dogs had, but what tools did he have? An image of his sister’s mangled body came to him, followed by the article in the local paper about Sheri. He hadn’t been able to shelter either of them from harm. How did he think he could do it now?
If she knew the truth about the accident would she be able to love him?
Violet’s breathing had changed. She was asleep. “Goodnight, my sweet Lettie.”
He stared at the ceiling, wide awake, ashamed of his earlier behavior, not for beating the crap out of that jerk but for scaring her. She deserved a nice night out with dancing and drinks, not an escort who acted like a lunatic. Furthermore, he shouldn’t have left her alone. He knew better.
For the first time in years, he prayed.
Please God, give me the strength to do right by this woman. Give me the courage to tell her everything.
When he finally fell asleep, he dreamt of Violet and Sheri hand-in-hand, pink bows in their hair. From the window of the bus, he watched as they walked up the stairs to Sheri’s front door. The door opened. A black cloud of smoke sucked them inside the house. He banged on the bus window, shouting for them. It was too late. They were gone. The bus pulled away.
Chapter 10
Violet
* * *
A WEEK LATER, Violet sipped a mineral water in the parlor of a couture wedding dress shop in the city with Maggie and Kara beside her. Honor was currently inside the dressing room, with an attendant, trying on the first dress of the day.
“I’m so glad you could come with us,” Maggie said.
“Me too,” Violet said.
“Kyle’s a softie. Who knew?” Kara asked.
After learning that Violet had told Honor she had to work and therefore couldn’t go into the city to help find Honor a dress, Kyle had demanded she go with the rest of the girls to San Francisco. “The maid of honor has to go dress shopping. End of story.”
He’d even offered to take a day off and stay with the kids. Since the night they’d slept in the same bed together, life had gone on as usual, only Kyle seemed distant. Not avoiding her exactly, but more like something weighed heavy on his mind. Last night, he’d seemed antsy and agitated, like he wanted to tell her something but couldn’t quite get it out. He’d stopped and started a few times with vague references to events in his past he’d like to share with her. They’d been interrupted when Mel arrived early. Of course. She had impeccable timing.
“Hey, what’re you thinking about?” Maggie asked, pulling Violet from her musings.
“That I can’t wait to see what Honor picks out.” One little white lie never hurt anyone, right?
“Nothing like waiting until the last minute,” Kara said with a laugh. “She’s going to pay a fortune for rush alterations.”
“I told her not to order that short one,” Maggie said. “It had no romance to it.”
“So did I,” Kara said. “But she never listens.”
“I can hear you,” Honor called out from the dressing room. “This is why Violet’s my maid of honor and not one of you bitches.”
They all doubled over in a fit of giggles.
The original dress Honor had ordered online arrived two days ago. She’d called Violet in a panic. “It’s awful. Like the worst ever.” Apparently, the short skirt she’d thought she wanted turned out to be exactly opposite of what she imagined it would be. “I thought it would be all flirty and whimsical and great on my small frame, but it looks like a prom dress for a slutty chick.”
The ladies had quickly hatched a plan to go into the city. Kara insisted they go high end or they’d never find one that didn’t need a hundred alterations. Violet wasn’t so sure. From what she could tell this shop was filled with dresses covered in elaborate lace or layers of tulle. They wouldn’t be easy to alter.
The wedding was scheduled for three days before Christmas. Brody and Kara had offered their house. After convincing Zane to have it there rather than a church, Kara and Honor had jumped into arranging every detail. The guest list was small. Just the Dogs, Doc and Janet Mullen, Flora and Dax Hansen, plus Mary and Sophie.
“It’s official that Doc’s officiating,” Kara said. “He ordered his license over the internet.”
“Something about that seems wrong,” Maggie said.
“And yet so right,” Kara said.
“Was Brody touched that Honor asked him to walk her down the aisle?” Maggie asked Kara.
“There might have been tears, but I’m sworn to secrecy,” Kara said.
“Speaking of guys that cry.” Maggie rolled her eyes. “Jackson’s taking his best man role way too seriously. He’s been working on his speech for weeks.”
“That’s adorable,” Kara said.
“Not after the seventh or eighth time you’ve heard variations of the same speech,” Maggie said.
Kara went on to tell them she’d hired a group to decorate the house for the wedding. “Trey recommended them. They have every type of decoration you can imagine and just come in and do it all at once.” The interior designer, Trey Mattson was everywhere lately. He’d decorated Maggie and Jackson’s remodeled home and was currently working on Lance’s beach house on the Mullen property.
“Wait, that’s someone’s job?” Violet asked. “Just to decorate for the holidays?”
Kara nodded, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to have your house decked out for Christmas by a professional. “We’re doing two huge trees and garland and sparkles everywhere. Honor wanted silver and cranberry for her colors, so that’s what she’s going to have.” She lowered her voice. “I told them to spare no expense. We want the best for our girl.”
Honor came out of the dressing room wearing the first dress of the day. The attendant helped her onto the raised platform situated in front of a long mirror. The dress had an enormous skirt with a tight bodice.
“It’s pretty,” Kara said.
“But not quite right,” Honor said. “I feel like I’m playing dress up in my mother’s clothes.”
“Or on a plantation with Rhett Butler,” Maggie said.
“You’re too petite for it,” Violet said. “That’s the problem.”
The next one had a tight bodice and a mermaid skirt with a slit that went up to the top of Honor’s thigh.
“What in the world? How is this a wedding dress?” Kara asked. “You can’t get married with your butt hanging out.”
“You cannot get married to ‘yes ma’am Zane’ in that dress,” Maggie said. “Even though you look hotter than hot.”
“I agree. I can’t wear this one. I’m someone’s mother now,” Honor said.
“If that’s the case you’re going to have to take half your wardrobe to the Goodwill,” Violet said.
“I do love this one though,” Honor said.
“You don’t really like it?” Kara asked.
“It’s killing me not to buy it right here and now.” Honor grinned.
Kara waved her hands in front of her face like a traffic cop at an intersection. “I’m going to pretend like you don’t mean that.”
“You’re such a prude,” Honor said. “Honestly, you’re like from the 1950s or something.”
The third dress was the color of blush with a mermaid skirt and a beaded sleeveless bodice.
“No way,” Kara said. “You need white.”
“I’m not exactly a virgin,” Honor said.
“The dress has to be white,” Maggie said. “Traditional, like Z
ane.”
“But I want him to gasp when he sees me,” Honor said. “I can’t be too conservative.”
“The one with the slit all the way up to your butt would make him gasp,” Violet said.
“In horror. He’d probably run down the aisle and tie his jacket around my waist,” Honor said, laughing.
The fourth and fifth dresses were no good. One had puffy sleeves. The other was made of a silky material that clung to all the wrong places. Violet lost count after that.
Finally, they found the one. When Honor came out of the dressing room, they all let out a collective happy sigh. Sparkly beads adorned the fitted, strapless bodice. The skirt was made from layers of tulle with a lace overlay. With the three-foot train and filmy veil, it seemed as if the whole ensemble floated and moved like a graceful breeze.
The attendant fanned the train over the edge of the platform. Honor’s eyes sparkled in the mirror. “This is it.”
“Can you guys have it ready in four weeks?” Kara asked.
“It’s possible. With the right frame of mind,” the attendant said.
“Meaning if I’m willing to pay?” Honor asked.
“Precisely.”
“I’m willing. For this dress, anything.”
Afterward, they all went to dinner at one of Honor’s favorite restaurants in the city. It wasn’t until they were seated that Violet learned why.
“This is the restaurant Hugh took me to when I graduated from college,” Honor said. “It was the first time I ever ate someplace fancy. I come here when I’m in the city whenever I can. To remember him and that night.”
Violet looked around the glittering restaurant. It was not the type of establishment she could imagine Hugh Shaw enjoying. He’d been so down to earth and casual. Here the staff were dressed in black and described the food like they’d written the recipe. All the tables had crisp white napkins and tablecloths. Any fallen crumbs were whisked away by the server.
“I had no idea what to do with all the utensils,” Honor said.
“I wouldn’t have either,” Maggie said.
Violet’s parents had sent her to a course on dinner etiquette. She knew the use for every fork, spoon, and knife. “I would’ve. My dad beat that kind of thing into me.”