by Zoe York
“You’re right, that was a mistake on my part.” The second he said the words he regretted them with all his being. “Shit. That’s not…”
Fuck. Why did he have to shoot his mouth off like that?
“For the record, it wasn’t a mistake for me.” Shelby gently placed the coffee mug down on his kitchen counter, her beautiful eyes piercing his. “Goodbye Nate.”
With grace and dignity, because that’s always how Shelby carried herself, she collected her bag from the kitchen table. A moment later the front door shut softly and Nate hadn’t moved an inch.
You’ve pushed her away a second time. Well done, asshole.
One month later…
Shelby cringed as she looked at the glossy page of an American fashion magazine. Her agent had sent her a copy because it was the first one featuring an ad for the campaign she’d landed six months. It was supposed to be a win—she was the first Australian model to grace the Bella Mia ads. The shoot had taken place in the Maldives with Shelby frolicking in the warm, tropical waters.
But the ad was all wrong.
Her hips had been smoothed over, and there was no little bulge where the bikini bottom hugged her softer parts. Not to mention that they’d tightened her waist. Shrunk her arms. Airbrushed her skin until it looked flawless and all her freckles had been artfully erased. They’d even removed the little mole on her stomach.
It wasn’t her. It wasn’t real.
She was supposed to be flying out at six a.m. the following morning for a shoot in Hawaii. A travel-sized suitcase sat open on her couch, pyjamas and loungewear neatly folded up in little squares. A clear plastic case held her skincare and the minimal makeup she wore when travelling for work. The shoot was for a swimwear company launching their “extended sizing.” Extended…because women like her hadn’t been included in their product line-up originally. It was hard not to be cynical about the whole thing. Because she knew these companies were only being inclusive for the cash grab…not because they stood for making women feel good about themselves.
Shelby’s laptop sat on the small coffee table she had jammed into the space between her breakfast bar and couch—because even on her generous salary, she could only afford a shoebox in Manhattan. Just as she was about to close it up and pack it away, the familiar Skype ringtone cut through the apartment.
Shelby grinned and clicked on the answer button. A second later, her aunt’s face filled the screen. “Hey!”
“I’m so glad I caught you.” Ellen was sitting at her kitchen table in her North Melbourne apartment. Shelby loved the quirky—bordering-on-crazy—way her aunt mixed and matched. No one else would pair two vintage cuckoo clocks with hand crocheted placemats and salt and pepper shakers that looked like Rubik’s cubes. “You’re flying out early tomorrow, right?”
“Too early,” she said with a groan.
“Are you excited?”
She should be. This would be the second shoot with the client she’d landed back when she was in Patterson’s Bluff—a French luxury design house who’d famously never used plus size models. Ever. In fact, at one point they’d been slapped on the wrist for using young girls to model their adult clothing. Securing a contract with them should be a sign that things were changing.
But when Shelby glanced at the Bella Mia ad she wanted to scream.
“I don’t want to do this anymore.” The words tumbled out of her mouth and she sucked in a breath, shocked that she’d said it aloud. But she knew down to the bottom of her soul that it was true—her modelling days were over.
Being home in Patterson’s Bluff had changed things.
Ellen frowned on the laptop screen, her dark brows crinkling above her eyes. She had one hand wrapped around a handmade coffee mug, the bright red pottery matching the paint on her nails. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to be a model anymore.” This time when she said it, a strong sense of relief washed over her. The feeling like was unlatching something inside her—she could breathe again. When she rolled her shoulders back, they no longer felt weighed down. “This is not what I want to do with my life.”
Ever since she’d arrived back in New York, there had been this sense of dread hanging over her. Each morning she had to force herself out of bed and she’d been lacklustre on shoots. At one job, the photographer had gotten so frustrated that he’d asked her if it was her first time modelling.
The only time she felt any spark of enjoyment was when she got home at night and settled into the couch with her laptop to work on her website. She’d been writing articles on creating confidence and building a positive body image. She’d been engaging with other plus-sized role models to ask them for their input.
And last night, she’d published her bio. The website was no longer anonymous. Body, Soul and Heart was now attributed to her, Shelby Jenkins. Her inbox had been pinging all day with requests for speaking engagements, interviews and there’d even been one from an editor asking if she was interested in writing a book about her experiences.
But the greatest thing of all that had landed in her inbox was an email from Nate. It was short and to the point, like all his communication. But there was one line that stuck with her: I know no matter what you do, it will leave a positive mark on the world. Because that’s the kind of person you are.
He saw her—saw that she felt deeply and had opinions and dreams and that she wanted to help other people. He saw her for more than the way she filled out a bikini. He saw her more, even, than she saw herself.
I don’t know if you’ll ever come back, but I hope you’ll let me know if you do. That night we spent together wasn’t a mistake—far from it. The only mistake was that I didn’t tell you how much it meant to me.
“Shel?” Her aunt waved at the screen. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She blinked back the tears that had rushed up out of nowhere. “But I…I can’t do this anymore.”
“Okay.” Her aunt nodded and smiled as though Shelby had simply told her she was going to the store for more milk.
“Okay?” Shelby laughed. “You’re not going to try to convince me I’m being impulsive?”
“Why would I do that?” Ellen sipped her coffee. “You have a good head on your shoulders, and I know you didn’t blurt it out without stewing on it first.”
“Do you think Dad will be disappointed?” she asked, leaning back in her chair. In that moment, she felt so very far away from home. Whenever she made a big decision, she needed her family.
“I don’t think so, love.” Ellen put her coffee cup down and interlaced her fingers. “Your father would be proud of you no matter whether you were mowing people’s lawns or getting photographed for Vogue.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is. Because you do it with passion.” Ellen jabbed her finger toward the screen. “You, my dear girl, do everything with the intention of trying your hardest. And that is what he’s proud of, not whether you wear overalls or a ballgown while you’re doing it.”
Shelby gave a watery smile. “Thanks.”
“What are you going to do instead?” she asked.
“Remember that website I was telling you about?” Shelby bit down on her lip. “I want to do that. I want to really give it a try.”
“Then do it.”
Her aunt said it like it was so simple to just do something.
Isn’t it that simple? If you want something…why not try it out and see what happens?
“Does this mean you’re coming home?” Ellen asked, a hopeful note in her voice.
The thought of it—flying back across the world on a one-way ticket—filled Shelby’s heart. “There’s no need for me to stay in New York. It costs a fortune to live here and since I’ll be relying on my savings for a while…Australia would be the more financially-sensible choice.”
Her aunt made a hmm sound that she said she knew Shelby was full of crap. Coming home had nothing to do with the money and they both knew it.
“The sp
are room is all yours if you want it,” she said.
But the thought of moving to Melbourne didn’t seem right. Sure, she could visit her father regularly but…she wanted more than that. Going home to Patterson’s Bluff had dredged up a whole lot of uncomfortable feelings. A whole lot pain.
But she’d survived.
She’d more than survived.
Being home and spending time with her dad had filled her heart. And Nate…that night she spent with Nate had been playing on her mind ever since it happened. They had the kind of connection that stood the test of time. That could withstand anything life had to throw at them. The fact was, Shelby wasn’t the young girl who ran away. She was smarter, stronger. A businesswoman. A role model.
And she loved herself.
That was the difference. Before, she hadn’t loved herself and so words had the ability to hurt her. Now she knew that she could withstand anything. Going home had been difficult, but she’d proven that it wouldn’t break her. In fact, it had made her more resilient. It had made her see that she wanted more out of life. That she deserved more.
“I think I’ll stay with Dad, actually,” she said, her heart fluttering in her chest. “Dad’s still hobbling around. He could use the extra help and—”
Ellen’s wicked smile cut her off. “Uh huh.”
“I want to give Patterson’s Bluff another chance.” That was the truth of it. And she wanted to give her and Nate another chance.
“I’m proud of you,” Ellen said, a sad smile crossing her lips. “And I’m a little jealous you’ve been able to make peace with that place.”
Peace. It wasn’t something she thought she’d ever achieve, let alone with her hometown.
Luckily, she had enough in savings to cover her for almost a year and she knew her dad would have her back in a heartbeat. Of course, they’d drive each other crazy. No matter, she’d find a place. Her place. A real home.
She’d miss the twinkling lights, the hustle and bustle. The anonymity. But what she would gain from going home was so much greater.
“Do you think it will be different to how it was then?” she asked.
“Don’t go second guessing yourself, Shel. You’ve made the right decision and your dad will be over the moon. As for the boy…”
“What boy?” Shelby hadn’t breathed a word of Nate to her anyone, mainly because admitting out loud that she cared about him made it seem real. Terrifyingly real.
There’s no getting around it. You feel something for him and it’s as real as it gets.
“There’s always a boy. If you only missed your dad, you would have gone home sooner. There had to be something else.”
“You don’t think I’m crazy?” Shelby had made the decision abruptly and now all the doubts she’d pushed aside came roaring back to her.
What if he didn’t want her back? What if she had to face his rejection again?
“What have I told you about needing reassurance from others?” Her aunt glanced sideways. “You make your own decisions.”
Ellen was right. This was something she needed to do for herself. If Nate was willing to get them another shot…well, that would be the cherry on top.
Shelby nodded and glanced at the cabin-size bag laying open on her couch. “Looks like I’m going to need a bigger suitcase.”
Chapter 11
Two weeks later…
Nate sat at the White Crest pub, drowning his sorrows in a pint of pale ale. But beer had lost its taste…everything had lost its taste. Since Shelby had left it was like his taste buds had packed their bags and gone with her. He couldn’t even be bothered to make himself dinner these days. What was the point of food when you couldn’t enjoy it?
At least beer at had the benefit of dulling the rest of his senses.
“That’s a miserable face if I ever saw one.” Dawn appeared in front of him, her brow creased as she reached out to pat the back of his hand. “Anything I can do to help?”
“That’s how he is these days,” Cam piped up from beside him. Nate hadn’t even noticed that his friend had arrived for their weekly catch-up. “He’s like a husk. A lovelorn husk.”
“That’s no good.” Dawn cocked her head and pursed her lips. “There must be something we can do to cheer him up. Maybe a little gossip might help?”
Nate groaned. “I am so sick of the gossip in this place. I don’t want to hear it.”
He swished the beer around in his glass, watching the foam shift and move before he brought it up to his lips and swigged. They were more than halfway through term one at school and he was already over the constant tittering in the teacher’s lounge.
“Oh okay, I thought you might be interested in some news about a woman who’s moved to town,” Dawn said with a shrug as she dried a glass with a tea towel.
“If you try to set me up with anyone, Dawn, so help me God…”
“Getting laid might improve your disposition,” Cam pointed out with a sly grin. “Why don’t you let Dawn give you an introduction?”
Dawn grinned. “Oh, he won’t need an introduction. They’re already acquainted.”
Nate’s head snapped up, his gaze darting between his two friends. They obviously knew something he didn’t. He didn’t want to let himself hope it might be Shelby, because that was a path to feeling even more miserable than he already did. He could kick himself for pouring his heart out in that email, telling her he cared about it like it might change a damn thing.
But every word of it was true.
“I don’t know anything about it.” Cam held up his hands. “I’ve tapped out of the gossip thing, too.”
“Who is it?” Nate asked.
“Oh, so now you want the info. I thought my little birdies weren’t good enough for you.” She plucked an order ticket from the bar and reached for a pint glass.
“Just spit it out,” Nate said.
“Now that wouldn’t be any fun, would it?” She held the glass under a tap and pulled on the lever until golden liquid poured out. “It’s someone we went to high school with—”
“Is it Shelby? Tell me.”
“Wow, you got it bad.” She laughed and shot Cam a look. Beside him, his friend chuckled and took another swig of his beer. “All right, party pooper…yes, it’s Shelby. She’s moved in with her dad.”
“How do you know?”
“Angie told me.” Dawn set the glass on a tray and signalled to one of the waiters. “She’s getting Shelby to run a talk at the retirement home and she mentioned that they’re turning it into a series. They’re offering a whole bunch of different classes like yoga and cake decorating. Shelby is doing some Kumbaya crap about loving yourself. Not my thing, exactly, but I’m sure the folks there will enjoy it. Angie seemed really pumped.”
“And Shelby’s definitely moved back in…it’s not a visit?”
“According to Angie, she’s back for good. But you could ask her yourself.” Dawn rolled her eyes. “I don’t even know why I have to tell you this. You’re a grown-ass man. Go talk to her.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yeah, it is. You open your mouth and flap your gums.” She flipped her long, golden hair over one shoulder and surveyed the bar. “I gotta keep working, but if I don’t see you out of here in the next few minutes, I’m cutting you off.”
Nate stared into his beer and tried to sift through the news. She’d come back, which was good. But she hadn’t contacted him, which was bad. How long had she been back? What if—
“It’s a beer, mate. Not a crystal ball.” Cam slapped him on the back.
“She hasn’t called me.” Doubt circled his mind like vultures waiting to feast on some poor, unfortunate soul.
“Have you called her?”
“Well, no.”
The memory punched him in the gut. After she’d walked out of his house, he’d stood there. Hollow. Defeated. The prospect of going back to the way things were before had made him feel sick. In a short while she’d changed him—turned him into the
old Nate. The guy who wanted more out of life than the bare minimum.
“I assume they still have phones wherever she went.” Cam raised an eyebrow.
He nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.”
He’d chickened out on calling her. Not because he was afraid of rejection as a rule, but because he was afraid of it from her. Because he was afraid of what he might have lost. Email had seemed like the safer option, but…maybe that was a cop out.
Deep down in his gut he knew he and Shelby were perfect together. They were well-matched and they had incredible chemistry. But more importantly, they were friends. She made him a better person. And he knew that he could enrich her life, too.
Together, they could be more than what either one of them could be on their own.
But that wouldn’t happen if he didn’t lay it all on the line. Of course she’d find someone here. Who wouldn’t want that gorgeous, sparkling, kind woman in their life? Nate’s stomach tilted. The thought of Shelby living in Patterson’s Bluff and being with another man ripped through him out of nowhere.
You can’t let that happen.
He would not push her away again.
Shelby had dropped her dad at the physical therapist’s office for his weekly appointment and now she had the house to herself for an hour. Since arriving two days ago, her to-do list had grown instead of shrunk. That’s what she got for leaving her apartment in a whirlwind, donating most of what she owned and coming home with only a single suitcase and carry-on bag.
But it was so worth it. Her dad had shed a tear when she’d walked through his front door and his hug had almost crushed every bone in her upper body. It was good to see him getting back to full strength.
But now keeping busy was key. Until she knew exactly what she was going to say to Nate when she saw him, she had to stay occupied. The desire to be with him roared constantly in her mind, but she couldn’t risk messing it up.