Let Love Find You

by Johanna Lindsey

  Lawrence might sound sincere, even look it, but Devin was still having trouble believing what he was hearing. His whole life he’d thought this man was his father.

  “She claimed you were our landlord, yet I found out that was a lie when that damned house was left to me. How do you expect me to believe this?”

  “Because deep down you know it is true. Good God, do you really think I could have ignored you if you were mine? Every time I saw you, I saw him, and I already hated him by then. You do look like him, you know. Well, obviously you don’t know, but you do. You have his eyes, you have his height. You’re not his spitting image, but I still see the resemblance from when he was a young man.”

  “It’s very easy for you to say all this when the one person who could confirm it is dead, yet I know you were her lover.”

  “Ah, so that’s it, yes, of course it is. No wonder you thought I was your father. Very well, I see I must confess a little more.”

  “The truth at this point would be welcome.”

  Wolseley actually sounded frustrated when he said, “I’m giving you the truth, as much of it as I can. I didn’t mean to fall in love with your mother. I thought I could check on her and maintain my distance while doing so. But she was so gracious, so beautiful, and so obviously lonely, being estranged from her family because of her unfortunate situation. I stopped by more often than I should have. We became friends and . . .”

  “Lovers.”

  “Not immediately. Not until a year later did she admit she’d come to love me. I’d loved her from the beginning, but I never once made any overture until that confession. He’d given her that house. It was the house he’d kept his mistresses in. He gave her nothing else. She was barely getting by that first year. I arranged for her to have a monthly stipend so she could live as she was accustomed to. I didn’t tell her it was from me. For a while she thought it was from him. But she finally figured it out. It may have just been gratitude that turned her feelings for me to love, in the beginning. I don’t know. But she eventually came to love me as much as I loved her. I’m sure of it.”

  “Who is he?”

  “I can’t tell you that. I am twice sworn not to. And beating me won’t change that!” Lawrence added sharply when Devin started rubbing his fist.

  “I’m not going to hit you again.”

  Looking relieved, Lawrence continued, “After your mother died, I stopped keeping an eye on you. I don’t know if your father tasked anyone else to do so. I had come to despise him long before she died.”

  “Twice sworn to whom?”

  “Both of your parents.”

  “One is dead and you say you hate the other, so who exactly are you protecting by not giving me his name?”

  “I’m not protecting anyone. My word was given. My word is my honor. But Elaine was going to tell you. She promised she was going to. Even when she knew she was dying, she said she would.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I was with her those last days,” Lawrence said. “I wouldn’t leave her side.”

  Devin’s urge to hit the man returned just for that. “I didn’t see her again from the day she sent me away. She told me nothing!”

  “I don’t understand. She was determined that you be informed of his identity when you were old enough to understand why she did what she did. She didn’t want you to know while you were still a child.”

  “And how was she supposed to tell me when I reached adulthood? From the grave?! If you know she wanted me to know at this time in my life, then tell me! I’m not a bloody child anymore!”

  “I’m sorry, I can’t. But I agree, you should know by now, it just can’t be from me. I don’t know what arrangements she made. She could have left the matter to a solicitor to handle when you reached a certain age. I just don’t know.”

  “Is he still alive? You can at least tell me that.”

  “I haven’t heard otherwise, but then I don’t live near here. This is my first trip to town in ten years. Elaine was the only thing that kept me in London. I returned to my country estate after she died to devote myself to my own family. I haven’t seen or spoken to your father in over twenty years. But to be honest, I hope he’s dead. That’s how much I hate him, for what he did to her.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  IT WAS NOT a good time for Lord Robert to call. Amanda probably shouldn’t have told the butler that she would receive him and Lord Kendall, if they did call. That could have waited until after the country gathering, where she expected to see them anyway. Besides, she was a bit peeved at him for having disappeared these last couple of weeks. Kendall’s absence was understandable, he hadn’t been in the country long enough to visit other than that once. But what excuse did Robert have for not even appearing at the recent social events?

  But there he was, sitting in the parlor with her father when she entered it. While at any other time she might have been thrilled that he was calling on her, this morning she definitely wasn’t.

  She was dressed for her riding lesson, and no one other than her family and her riding instructor were supposed to see her wearing that odd skirt! So she was immediately embarrassed by it, which, no doubt, accounted for her not being very cordial to Robert.

  But her father was. He’d recognized the name and had casually been grilling the young lord about himself and his family. Grilling was an apt way to describe Preston Locke’s conversational style when he wanted information, yet he did it with such finesse, no one could possibly feel he was being interrogated!

  Robert immediately leapt to his feet at her entrance, probably glad to be rescued from her father. His blond hair was a bit mussed—had he been nervously running his hand through it? But he was otherwise impeccably dressed in a dark gray suit and appeared just as handsome as she remembered him.

  Still highly embarrassed over her own attire, she briskly crossed the room to him and extended a hand in greeting, but her tone was rather terse. “How nice to see you again, m’lord, but your timing isn’t ideal. My father and I are going out this morning.”

  “If you must,” Robert said with a grin, and bent to kiss her hand instead of giving it the bare touch of fingers that she’d expected. “Even a few moments in your presence has brightened my day.”

  “We aren’t leaving quite yet,” Preston told her. “Julie sent a note that she’d like to join us. So make yourself comfortable until she gets here.”

  That was unexpected, prompting Amanda to ask, “Does she know where we’re going?”

  “Indeed, and she’s challenged me to a race,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s been quite a few years since she’s done so, but nothing out of the ordinary. And she didn’t want to miss this opportunity, access to—”

  He was going to say a racetrack! She quickly shook her head, enough for her father to see that she’d rather not have Robert learn where they were going. She did not want it spread around that she was only just now learning to ride. All these years she’d found excuses of one sort or another to decline all suggestions and events that included riding. Not even her closer friends had known that she hadn’t been on a horse since she was a child or why.

  So she helped her father finish that thought by saying, “Access to you, since you so rarely come to London. I understand, Father.”

  She did, too. She knew that bit of family history quite well. All of her aunts, with the exception of Esmerelda, who was the oldest, used to race their brother on horseback. It was the only sport, hobby, or game at which they thought they had a chance of beating Preston, which they very much wanted to do to get back at him for his constant teasing of them. He still teased them, but she’d thought the racing was a thing of the past.

  Robert was merely listening to them. He might be curious, but it wouldn’t be polite to voice it. Amanda couldn’t take her father’s suggestion and sit, either. Robert might not notice she was wearing baggy britches while she was standing, but he would if she sat down because then the baggy britches would tighten about her
legs. Color still on her cheeks because of her attire, she moved over to the window to watch for her aunt’s arrival, actually giving Robert Brigston her back. She didn’t even realize it might appear to him that she was snubbing him.

  But he was persistent. “I wanted to apologize for the evening when we first met,” Robert said, following her to the window. “I—wasn’t m’self.”

  “Yes, we’ve heard. Unfortunate, but not a unique occurrence by any means.”

  “I was so worried that you, of all the ladies, would hold it against me. Thank you for understanding.”

  She shrugged lightly. “I didn’t make as much of it as others did. But you may be even more relieved to know that my brother has decided he doesn’t need to shoot you.” Robert blushed. She allowed that was enough punishment for all the lectures she’d had to endure because of him, so she relented enough to add, “I was only teasing—well, not really, but it’s nothing you need to worry about now.”

  “I’m relieved. I wish I could have found out sooner, but it was the worst timing, to hurt my foot later that week.”

  He extended the foot he was talking about. Amanda glanced down and could see nothing amiss, yet her natural sympathy shot to the fore. “How dreadful to be injured at the height of the Season! Did you break it?”

  “No, nothing as serious as that. But the sprain was bad enough that I went home to convalesce rather than try to hobble around London. Couldn’t fit in my shoes, anyway, while it was swollen, but as you can see, I’ve mended.”

  The smile she finally bestowed on him seemed to put him at ease. He began talking about some of the men he’d met at the ball and subtly asking what she thought of them. She knew the question he really wanted to ask was if she was interested in any of them in particular. But she recalled a piece of advice Julie had given her during her first Season—never let a man know he doesn’t have any competition—so her answers were a bit evasive.

  Aunt Julie finally arrived, and with hurried introductions and good-byes, they were finally in the Locke coach on their way out of town, with Julie’s and Preston’s mounts tied to the back of it.

  Her father had only one thing to say about Robert’s short visit. “Are you sure you like that boy? It didn’t quite seem so.”

  Amanda sighed. “Yes, I do. I was just embarrassed to be seen in this outfit, hardly at my best.”

  She indicated the pale blue split skirt with matching jacket, then burst out laughing when Julie lifted the flap on her own skirt to show the same design, saying, “I confess I liked the idea so much, I had one done up for m’self.”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t do that years ago,” Preston put in. “Instead of wearing britches under your skirts.”

  “I know! You probably would never have won a race if I had!”

  “As for Robert,” Amanda added with a grin, “if I’m not at least a little cold to him because of his near scandal, he won’t be repentant enough to make sure it never happens again.”

  “Sound reasoning, I suppose,” Preston allowed.

  “Perfect reasoning,” Julie agreed, then changed the subject abruptly. “I’m looking forward to seeing Cupid’s farm. It’s hard to picture him as a serious horse breeder if he’s as good at matchmaking as they say.”

  “And here I thought you just invited yourself along for our race.” Preston laughed.

  Julie snorted. “You and I can race anywhere, though the opportunity to beat you on an actual track did motivate me.”

  Preston laughed. “You could have just asked us about Devin. He’s definitely a serious breeder. Remind me to show you Rafe’s birthday present while we’re there. It’s not being delivered until the party next week. Magnificent animal.”

  Julie raised a brow. “This is a well-kept secret, I suppose?”

  Amanda laughed. “Just from Rafe.”

  “Ah, well.” Julie put her arm through Preston’s, who was sitting next to her. “I’m still going to beat your father today, quite worth the trip.”

  Devin wasn’t at the farm when they arrived. Reed Dutton had been sitting on the steps of the large house with his daughter, Amelia, and came over to inform them, “Devin isn’t here yet. He’s never this late, so he might not make it today.”

  Amanda immediately felt disappointed, though she assured herself it was just because she didn’t think she would have time for any more lessons before she returned to Norford with her family this weekend. Disappointed because she couldn’t ride? She nearly laughed at the thought. Yet that must have caused her crestfallen feeling. Or was it that she’d simply got used to spending time with Devin? She did feel at ease with him these days, possibly because he treated her so differently from other young men, not as a potential marital prize, but as a person.

  Amelia must have noticed her disappointment because she offered, “You can ride my pony today if you like.”

  Amanda chuckled for the child’s sake, saying, “That’s all right. I think my feet would drag on the ground!”

  As long as they were already there, Preston and Julie still took their mounts over to the little racetrack to have their race. Amanda followed them on foot, then leaned her elbows on the fence to watch them. She didn’t doubt her father would win—though, come to think of it, he didn’t always. She’d heard at least two of her aunts crow about beating him before, including Julie.

  Amanda didn’t turn when she heard the footsteps behind her, but her disappointment vanished. She guessed it was Devin and tensed in anticipation. She never knew what to expect from him anymore. That compliment from him last night had floored her, though she suspected his quick exit from the party meant he hadn’t meant to show her that sweet side of himself. It must just have slipped out and he regretted it. Yet they had progressed to cordial talks—mostly. He could make her laugh without even trying. But she was just a client to him. That one kiss they’d shared had never been repeated. He’d probably already forgotten it while she couldn’t—there! She was remembering it again!

  “Did you leave your fishing pole in the coach?” was the first thing he said to her.

  He had to bend a little to rest his arms on the fence, too. He was standing so close to her that their shoulders actually brushed, and for some odd reason it sent gooseflesh running down her arm. She hadn’t even looked at him and wasn’t going to, yet she still felt surrounded by his presence.

  But what had he said? She huffed to herself as she calmed her flustered state and focused on his question.

  “I don’t need to test something I know I like doing. Having been reminded of that fact, I intend to do some fishing while I’m at home next week, which is where my pole is, tucked away in my closet, forgotten—until now.”

  “Was that a thank-you I just heard?”

  She burst out laughing. “I suppose it was.”

  After a few moments he noticed her relatives. “What are they doing?”

  “Having a race.” She kept her eyes on Preston and Julie galloping around the track. “Most of my father’s sisters challenge him to one from time to time.”

  “And he loses deliberately?”

  She glanced at Devin now. “What do you mean?”

  “He’s holding back. His mount is clearly the faster of the two, yet he’s keeping abreast of your aunt instead of leaving her in the dust.”

  She looked back at her father on his large gelding and chuckled as she realized Devin was right. “So he is. I suppose he would let them win occasionally, just because he loves them. I have a feeling he’s done that before.”

  Preston didn’t do that today, though he had probably intended to. But with Devin there watching, at the last moment Preston shot ahead and won. Amanda guessed it was Devin’s fault. Her father wouldn’t want Devin mentioning that it had looked as if he was deliberately losing, which Devin might well have done as blunt as he usually was and not knowing the circumstances.

  But this made Julie disgruntled, so her tone was about as gruff as it could get when she and Preston cantered over to
the fence where Amanda waited, and Julie said to Devin, “I’ve a bone to pick with you, Cupid.”

  Devin burst out laughing. “Another bone picker?”

  Julie ignored that. “You look like a sensible man, yet you really think the only way my niece can win that young buck she’s interested in is by riding with him?”

  “No, ma’am.” Devin grinned at Julie. “I’m sure she can win him for any number of reasons. She’s beautiful, she’s courageous, and occasionally she’s even amusing. My concern was for after they marry, because horses are his passion, but they definitely aren’t hers. Consider his disappointment if she doesn’t enjoy, at least occasionally, the one thing he loves to do most.”

  Julie snorted and said baldly, “I don’t believe I just heard a man say that. Look at the gel. She’ll make any man happy, even this horse lover, with barely any effort. But you got her back on a horse, which isn’t a bad thing.”

  With a huff Julie rode toward the gate that a worker was opening. Preston said to Devin before he followed her, “That was my sister Julie Locke St. John, the most outspoken of my siblings.”

  “I’ve met the lady, so I’m already acquainted with her manner.”

  “Have you?” Preston said in surprise. “You’ll have to tell me about that sometime. It probably won’t surprise you to know I agree with Julie on the matter of winning a husband through his equestrian heart, but Mandy has assured me these lessons are for her, not for a future husband. Besides, for whatever reason they began, you’ve helped her conquer her fears, and for that I heartily thank you. I’m sure she’ll excel at it before you’re done.”

  Amanda was still stunned by the compliments she’d just heard from Devin, but she also bristled at the way he’d just changed his tune about her ability to win Kendall for her aunt’s sake.