by Eve Gaddy
“A man shouldn’t lay a hand on a woman.”
“If it comes to that, a man shouldn’t whip slaves either.” Or own them, but that was another subject. One she couldn’t get into with this man. No sense making him yearn for a freedom he’d never have.
“No, ma’am.”
“Can she pull the wagon?”
“I reckon.”
“We’ll have to lead her.” She swept up her dress hem, prepared to walk.
“No, ma’am. You can’t walk. Not with that foot. I’ll lead her, you set in the wagon.”
“Nonsense. My ankle is fine now.”
“No, ma’am, it ain’t fittin’.”
He was right about that. But she felt they were safe on her husband’s land, as long as they were far from the house. “Elijah, no one is out here. I’ll get in the wagon once we near home. How would that be?”
He hesitated a moment, but made no further protest. Try as she might, she couldn’t help limping. She studied his profile. “Did you have schooling, Elijah? Did you go to school, or was it only your mama who taught you? Before you were taken, I mean.” She strongly doubted he’d had any education since he’d been separated from his family. Most folks didn’t hold with educating slaves.
“Jest my mama. She was a teacher. She held school at our house. Taught me and the others to read and write and cipher.”
He stopped walking abruptly. “You be limpin’, Missus.”
Sarah sighed. “I thought I could walk, but you’d better help me back in the wagon.”
Jonas helped her in, but she laid a hand on his arm before he could start to lead Peaches again. “You must miss them very much. Your family, I mean.”
“’Twas a long time ago.”
His eyes were brown. Deep and beautiful. “I’m sorry. No one should be ripped away from family that way.”
“No, ma’am.” He sounded resigned. But then, he’d had years of slavery to come to terms with his loss.
She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be wrenched from all you loved. To be thrown, terrified, into a whole new way of life. A world of beatings and pain and hunger. A world of slavery.
It wasn’t right. But what could she do to change it? She was forced to pretend that her own dear maid, Celia, was a slave, though she never had been, nor any of her family. Victor wouldn’t have stood for his wife having a freedwoman in her employ, so she simply hadn’t told him.
Before she came to know Victor, she had hoped to convince her husband to follow her father’s example and free his slaves.
She knew better now.
October Present Day
A FEW DAYS LATER Claire met Lanie for a drink at 8.0’s in Sundance Square, a favorite of the locals. Since it was October and the weather was mild, she took a table outside. The patio was lighted and tables were scattered everywhere with lights in the trees and hanging from the stage. There was often live music, though it was too early yet for that. The place ran to a younger crowd than hers, especially late, but she liked it early in the evening.
She thought about the dreams she continued to have. The man in the dreams looked so much like Jonas. The last dream she remembered had been the night of Lanie’s party. After she’d been with Jonas. But was Jonas the trigger or was it the journal?
Or was she simply losing her mind? As much as she told herself it had to be coincidence, the dreams still bothered her. They seemed so real. Particularly the first one. The one she had periodically now.
But then, who the hell wouldn’t be bothered dreaming of a lynching?
“Hi, Claire, sorry I’m late,” Lanie said, taking a seat. “I’ll have a white wine,” she told the waitress. “House is fine.”
“No problem. It’s nice out tonight, so I didn’t mind waiting.” She took a sip of her wine and asked, “How is Joe? Have you two set a date yet?”
Lanie’s face softened. Her friend was happier than Claire had ever seen her. “He’s good. We’re thinking about Christmas. We can both take some time off. Have an actual honeymoon.” She fiddled with her napkin. “He wants me to join his practice.”
“Are you going to?”
“I don’t know. I’m a little afraid working with him might be too much togetherness.”
“You’ve been making noise about wanting a change. Here’s your chance.”
“What if we don’t like being around each other all the time? For work, I mean.”
“You worked together at the hospital.”
“It’s different in private practice. But I’m thinking about it.” She drank her wine. Tossed long, dark hair back over her shoulder. “How is Glenn’s father doing?”
“Glenn and I don’t talk about it much, but I assume he’s doing all right or I’d have heard. I’ve stayed away. I feel a little guilty, but honestly, the man is such a jerk.”
“Like father, like son.”
Which seemed the perfect opening. “Why do you and Glenn hate each other? Don’t give me your standard bullshit answer, either. Don’t you think it’s time you told me?”
“Be careful what you ask for.”
“Because I just might get it?”
Lanie sighed and sipped more wine. “I don’t want to make trouble between the two of you. And it will. Trust me on this.”
“How can I when I know you’re keeping something from me? I find it strange that neither you nor Glenn will tell me what happened. It was when you came to see me in San Antonio, wasn’t it? When Glenn and I were first married.”
Lanie shook her head. “You don’t want me to go there, Claire. You really don’t. It was years ago. Let it go.”
“My marriage is on its last legs, anyway. Nothing you say is going to change the way things are going to play out. But I need to know. Just tell me.”
Lanie looked startled. “Your marriage is over? When did this happen?”
“It isn’t over, exactly. I haven’t filed yet. But I’m going to.” Soon. There was no point delaying any longer.
“Does this have something to do with Jonas?”
“Why would you ask me that?”
“I saw you with him at the party. Besides, every time I’m near the two of you I get the vibes. Don’t deny you’re hot for him. That won’t fly.”
“We’re getting off the subject. You and Glenn, Lanie. What happened? Why do you detest each other so much?”
Lanie sipped her drink. Put it down and fiddled with the glass. Finally she said, “You’ll hate me if I tell you.”
“No, I won’t. I could never hate you.”
She stared at Claire for a long moment, then nodded as if satisfied. “Yes, you will. But I owe it to you anyway. You’re right, it was when I came to see you in San Antonio. Years ago, but neither of us has forgotten. You went to bed and we continued to drink. A lot. I swear, Claire, I didn’t lead him on, no matter what he says.”
Even though she’d been expecting to hear that or something similar, Claire’s heart sank. “Glenn made a pass at you.”
Lanie nodded. “I was so surprised, and I guess I’d had enough to drink that I didn’t react at first. I let him kiss me. Or I didn’t stop him. However you want to put it, we kissed. I can’t tell you what a shit that makes me feel like. From that viewpoint, I did lead him on. But then I told him to stop. To forget it. He didn’t take rejection well. I guess he’s always been afraid I’d tell you.”
She wasn’t shocked. Bothered, yes, but not surprised. In fact, she’d wondered if something of the sort had happened to explain the depth of their antipathy to each other. “Was it just the once?” Once, she could forgive her friend, but more than that would make it much harder.
Lanie shook her head. “No.” At Claire’s exclamation of distress, she rushed to add, “It was the only time anything actually happened, but not the
only time he tried. He thought because I let him kiss me that first time that meant I would give in. That I wanted him, too. Claire, I swear I’d never do that to you.”
“I know.” No, Lanie wouldn’t cheat with Claire’s husband, but she hadn’t told her he’d come on to her, either. Not exactly blameless. “Go on.”
“I had a hard time convincing Glenn I wasn’t interested. The third time, I threatened to cut off his balls and tell you. He finally believed me. He hasn’t bothered me since. In fact, he’s hardly spoken to me since.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She couldn’t decide if it hurt her or angered her more, that Lanie had said nothing and had let her go on believing that she could save her marriage. If Glenn had been cheating since the beginning, that didn’t say much for the strength of their marriage.
And Lanie, her best friend, had let her believe a lie for six years.
“You’d only been married a couple of months. You were madly in love. At that time you acted like you thought he hung the moon. Would you have believed me?”
Six years ago. It seemed a lifetime. “We’ll never know, will we? Because you chose not to tell me.”
Clearly upset, Lanie continued. “I’ve always felt guilty for not saying anything. I was afraid to risk it. He said if I did, he’d tell you I came on to him. You wouldn’t hear a bad word about Glenn back then. I didn’t want to lose our friendship.”
“So you let me go on believing in a man who was already cheating on me? Hell, he could have cheated on our honeymoon and I wouldn’t have known it.”
“He said he wasn’t. He said it was my fault, that I was a tease. That he’d never have approached me if I hadn’t led him on.” She laughed harshly. “I’ll admit, I thought he was charming at first. And he is good looking. But I wouldn’t have done anything. He’s your husband.”
A horrible thought occurred to her. “Did he—oh, God, Lanie, he didn’t try to force you, did he?”
“No. Nothing like that. I couldn’t have stayed quiet if he had. He was just persistent. Until I set him straight.” She signaled the waitress for two more drinks. “I know I should have told you. But the longer I put it off, the harder it was. And you’ve never come out and said before that you thought your marriage might be over.”
“I’ve been trying to deny it for months.”
“Do you think he’s been fooling around on you all along? Wouldn’t you have realized it?”
“I don’t know. You know how weird my hours are. He works a lot too. Goes to a lot of social functions without me.” She put her face in her hands and groaned. “God, what a fool I’ve been.”
Lanie bit her lip. “There’s something else. Something worse.”
“Worse? Worse than my husband making a pass at my best friend and no one saying a thing about it?”
“Claire—”
“Just tell me,” Claire interrupted. She didn’t want to hear excuses. She wanted to know the truth.
“I saw Glenn with a woman, a couple of weeks ago. In a restaurant. He didn’t see me.”
“With a woman as in a client? Or something more?”
“She could have been a client.” Lanie sounded unsure. “But they seemed awfully close. I followed them when they left. I told Joe I was going to the restroom, but I watched the two of them out the window. He kissed her, Claire. Not just a friendly kiss, either.”
Claire simply stared at her for a moment. “Goddamn it, Lanie, why didn’t you tell me? Even if I could understand the first time, surely when you saw him with another woman you could have told me. You know we’ve been having problems. How could you keep quiet?”
“What if I was wrong? What if it was nothing? I wanted to, but you said you wanted to work things out.”
Sure she had. Months ago. Not anytime lately. She pushed that thought aside to concentrate on the latest bit of news. “Did it look like nothing?”
Lanie looked down at the table. “No. I’m sorry Claire.”
How could Lanie have kept something so important from her? Not once but twice? Obviously, Claire didn’t know either her husband or her best friend.
“What are you going to do?”
She looked at Lanie. “Divorce him.” Which she might have done years ago, if Lanie had been honest with her.
“I’m so sorry, Claire,” Lanie repeated. “I was wrong not to tell you.”
“Yes, you were.”
“I knew you’d hate me when the truth came out. That’s why I never said anything.”
“I don’t hate you,” Claire said wearily.
“You’re angry.”
Her temper snapped. “What do you expect, Lanie? That I’d just blow it off? Tell you it doesn’t bother me that you lied to me for years? I’m not that noble.”
Tears welled up in Lanie’s eyes. “If I could go back and do it over I would. I’d give anything to change—”
“Spare me,” Claire interrupted. “You wouldn’t say a word and you know it. You proved that when you didn’t tell me about seeing Glenn and another woman two weeks ago.”
“I was going to say something. I wanted to, I just . . . I didn’t know how. I didn’t want to make matters worse.”
“Didn’t want to make it worse? Worse than my husband cheating and me being clueless? You know what I’ve done to try and save my marriage. We’ve talked about it often enough. Yet you just sat there with your mouth shut while Glenn made a fool of me. More than once.”
“Oh, Claire, that’s not true. He’s the fool, not you.”
“I don’t want to discuss this anymore.” And sure as hell not with you, Claire thought but managed not to say it.
“Do you want me to leave?”
Claire could hardly look at her. She felt betrayed by her friend’s silence. “Yes.”
Lanie paled but nodded. She reached for the check.
“Leave it,” Claire said.
Lanie ignored her and put money on the table. “I’m sorry, Claire. More than I can say.”
Claire didn’t respond. She didn’t want to talk to Lanie at the moment and wasn’t at all sure when she’d be ready to. She watched her go with mixed emotions. The failure of her marriage was not her friend’s fault. But Lanie’s silence was a betrayal all the same.
Chapter Eight
CLAIRE STAYED AT the bar, unwilling to go home and risk running into her husband. She simply wasn’t ready to see him. Putting it off served no purpose, but she wasn’t sure this was an appropriate time to tell him she was leaving him. Or even to talk to him, for that matter. She knew he was spending a lot of time with his father. That had to be stressful.
But so what? After what he’d done, why did he deserve her consideration? What you think he’s done, she corrected herself. Claire wasn’t even sure if Glenn was committed to the marriage anymore. If he were having an affair, then he couldn’t be very serious about making the marriage work. But one kiss didn’t mean he was having an affair. She’d thought about kissing Jonas, and she wasn’t cheating.
But she was tempted.
Glenn had certainly never suggested counseling. In fact, when she’d brought it up, he’d told her he wasn’t airing any personal issues with a damn shrink. Nothing Claire had said made a difference. He wasn’t interested, therefore she could lump it. Claire hadn’t pushed him, not after the first few attempts. What she’d been waiting for, she didn’t know.
She looked up from contemplation of her empty glass and saw Jonas Clark heading her way. Well, thank God and speak of the devil. Someone to take her mind off her problems.
“How is it that in a place the size of Fort Worth we keep running into each other when we’re not at work?” Claire asked. Not only did she see him at the coffee shop, almost daily now, but recently she’d run into him at the grocery store. Obviously, he didn’t live too far from h
er.
Jonas took a seat at the small table. “Similar interests? I heard about this place but hadn’t been yet. How’s the happy hour?”
Claire glanced at her watch. “Hate to tell you but you missed happy hour by an hour and a half.”
“Yeah, but I’d already decided to try out the place.”
“They have lots of specialty drinks. Good margaritas, too.”
“Not much for those.” The waitress came up just then, and he ordered a draft beer. “Claire, can I buy you another glass of wine?”
“No, I’ve had two. I won’t be able to drive if I have another.”
“I could give you a ride.”
Their eyes met, and he smiled. God, that offer was tempting. And not just for the wine. Really, why shouldn’t she?
Because, you idiot. You’re still married, and he is too damn tempting.
“Thanks, but it will be too hard to get my car in the morning,” she said. “Especially since I have to go to work. I’ll have a diet tonic water,” she told the waitress.
“Bring us some chips and queso, too,” Jonas said. “Unless you’d like something else.”
“No, that sounds good. I’m hungry and I could use some food.”
They talked medicine, hospital gossip, sports. They clashed over sports since he was a San Antonio Spurs fan and Claire was a die-hard Dallas Mavericks fan. But they both liked the Rangers. It was such a relief not to think about her disastrous marriage or her anger with Lanie. Even if only for a short time. Claire couldn’t remember having had such a nice time with a man since . . . before she was married.
Oh, God, was she in trouble.
Sometime later Jonas asked Claire, “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Depends on what it is. Shoot. I’ll probably answer.”
“Did you say no because you thought your husband would lose it if I brought you home?”
“No. Absolutely not. I wouldn’t care if he did.”
“Trouble?”
“You could say that.” She contemplated the chips before looking at him. My husband’s having an affair, she thought. At least, I think he is. But she wasn’t ready to tell Jonas all of her marital woes. “I guess women tell you all the time that you are damn good looking.”