by Willow Rose
My heart stopped. Was that what Abhik had thought all this time? That God had been punishing him?
Raphael stared at him with compassion in his eyes.
“God would never do that. Why should he do that? You are all his children. We are all his children,” he said.
Abhik’s expression changed. He seemed hurt. Raphael saw it and approached him.
“So now you wonder: ‘Why didn’t he heal me?’ Right?”
Abhik didn’t say anything. He just nodded quietly.
“Well even I don’t have the answer for that,” Raphael said. “Sometimes he gives healing; sometimes he gives the strength to go through it.”
“But I didn’t … ” Abhik said. His voice was a little shaky now. “I didn’t go through it. I died.”
“Yes, you did, and you are here now. And you have eternity ahead of you. Heaven is about to open its gates for you. Once you get there, there is nowhere else you would rather be. And since you went through such a tough life on earth I imagine you will spend eternity trying to help sick people on earth get their healing. Am I right?”
Abhik looked at Raphael with his big wide brown eyes.
“How did you know that?”
“I am an Angel, remember?”
The whole class burst into laughter. Abhik smiled as well. I was happy that he finally got some answers to all the questions I knew he had.
Raphael’s class turned out to be both exciting and fun, but also hard work. This first day we had a lot of theory about human nature and how humans had to believe and pray for healing before we as spirits could be allowed to help them.
“Humans always try to figure everything out, things that are beyond their level of understanding. And in reality, those we can help are the ones who rely on God and trust him to solve their problems. We can’t get through to an unbeliever. It is that simple. ”
I took notes on what Raphael said. When I was done I stared at my notes for a few seconds. So it didn’t matter how much I learned at the school about healing a drug addict. If Jason didn’t ask God to release him from it, and believe that God would do so, then I couldn’t help him.
I raised my hand. “So it’s not that God doesn’t want to heal people when they are not healed. It’s because their lack of trust and faith make it impossible for us to help them. Is that it?” I asked.
Raphael smiled at me. “Not exactly. While it is up to God who gets healed and who he gives the strength to go through it, we all make hundreds of choices every day. You choose what to eat, what to say, what to do. And believing God for healing is a choice humans have to make. And that can be very hard for them. They don’t know what we know. They don’t know that Heaven and the Spiritual Realm are real. So they doubt.”
I vaguely remembered my own doubt. As a child I had no problem believing in God and Heaven and all, but as I grew older I remembered the questions that would come into my head and make me wonder if it all was just something that was made up. Like Santa Claus.
All of a sudden I remembered something else from my childhood. A vision came to me and flashed before my eyes. I was a little girl praying on my knees in my bedroom. What was I praying for? I remembered the feeling of total desperation, of wanting God to help me so badly, to have him heal my dad. Had my dad been seriously ill? In the next second I remembered he had been in the hospital with a burst appendix. The doctors hadn’t known if he was going to make it or not, but he did.
Ever since I had come to The Academy I hadn’t been able to remember my parents. I knew I had them and that I loved them a lot, but I couldn’t recall their faces or even name the city where I grew up. I had been dreaming about them and about them looking for me. Sometimes I even felt like I could hear my mother desperately calling for me. My fear was that they didn’t know I was dead.
Now for the first time I managed to recall a face. My dad’s face. He was lying in a hospital bed smiling at me. It made me so happy inside. So relieved. I longed to see that smile again.
Chapter 3
Mick stepped into my room with one graceful move through the brick wall. His blond hair was slicked back and his blue eyes were shining like he was excited about something. He looked really cute as always as he cast his glance at me, staring up and down my body looking like he could devour me in one second, causing my heart to stop beating.
He still managed to do that to me. We had only kissed once and shared a dance at the ball. Since then we had decided to remain friends. And it had been a success all summer. He wasn’t a student at The Academy; he worked in the kitchen, so we could only see each other when I wasn’t in class. And ever since school had started again I hadn’t had any time for him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked with a smile. I was really happy to see him, but if he came to be with me, I knew I had to disappoint him.
“What do you mean what am I doing here? I came to see you. I have not seen you all week, so I thought we could spend some time together. Maybe go to the show or something. Third-year students are doing a show in the old theater. I have heard it is really astounding.”
I loved his old-fashioned way of talking. It was so cute.
“That is so sweet, and I would really love to, but I am afraid—”
In that second it was like someone had switched off the light in his eyes.
“You are on your way out … to see him.”
I sighed. I had disappointed him a couple of times lately and even stood him up one time as well. I wasn’t pleased with myself. I just felt obligated to Jason, like I had a responsibility.
“I have to. You know I do,” I said.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you have to go? Why can he not just take care of himself for one night and you come and have some fun instead? Do you even remember what it is like to enjoy your life?”
“You know he can’t take care of himself. Yesterday I had to stop a car that almost hit him. He didn’t see it because he was so stoned.”
“So what? He has chosen to live like that. So what if he dies. He would be better off dead if you ask me.”
“I’m afraid that he will die angry and bitter and that he will not come here.”
Mick sighed and sat on my bed. “We don’t know who goes where.”
“No, but his heart is all closed and he has that shield around him, the shield of anger. I’m afraid that Satan has him under his control with this addiction. What if we have lost him and he goes to the dark side?”
Mick nodded quietly. “Well, you are right. He is under the influence by evil and we cannot reach him. But I am not so sure that going to visit him all the time will make a difference.”
“I know it will. I know that I can get through to him some day.”
“And when do you suppose that day will be? In ten years? Fifteen?”
“I don’t care when. As long as it happens.”
“But then you will have wasted ten years of your own life up here. This is the Afterlife. You are supposed to have fun and enjoy your life.”
I sat down next to him. He grabbed my hand. It felt nice to have someone touch me again. I missed that.
“I know what you are saying,” I said and looked into his blue sparkling eyes. “But my heart feels so guilty. I am the one who put him where he is, remember?”
Mick shook his head. ”No! Don’t you ever think that. He chose to let the drugs into his life even though he knew they would end up controlling him. That is a choice he made. No one forced him to do it.”
“But that’s only because of the anger he is feeling inside. If he hadn’t been treated badly by his step-dad, if his mother hadn’t pulled that trigger and gone to jail, then Jason wouldn’t be so angry. Then he wouldn’t have needed the drugs.”
“That is a lot of ‘ifs,’ ” Mick said with a gentle smile. “You can’t take the blame for everything. Those people all made their own choices.”
He was right. I knew he was. I just couldn’t help myself. I wante
d so badly to be close to Jason. Even though it had been three months (which was a year on earth) since we had last spoken, I couldn’t help but still love him. In my view, love wasn’t something you could just turn off because the other part wasn’t available any longer, because he was too sick to be able to see me. I just couldn’t do that.
I got up from the bed and pulled my hand out of Mick’s. “I’m sorry.”
He sighed deeply while looking at me with disappointment in his eyes. “You are going anyway, are you not? There is nothing I can say or do to make you stay and spend the evening with me?”
I started floating toward the window. I still hadn’t learned how to go through massive brick walls yet, so I preferred the window. I looked back at Mick. He forced a smile. It was brutal.
“Well then have a nice trip,” he said.
“Thanks.”
“See you in the morning?” he asked.
“Sure. Maybe during breakfast just before class?”
He sighed and nodded. Then he got up from the bed and came closer to me. I felt my breathing getting heavier. How I missed being close to someone. He took my hand and kissed it.
“Even if that is all I am going to get, then it will be my pleasure,” he said and bowed.
I spend an eventless night with Jason talking to him while he begged for money in the streets of New York where he was living now, since he became homeless. And as usual I came back just in time for breakfast in the magnificent Hornam Hall. As with the rest of the castle, it was all dressed in white marble with burning torches hanging on the walls. I loved coming there every morning, feeling the atmosphere of spirits chattering, eating, and laughing. It seemed to me that everybody was always so cheerful at The Academy—old people as well as the young ones. They were carefree and happy. The old people always rushed through the air laughing out loud, relieved that they could move their bodies again after years of being in an aging immobile body. The middle-aged people chatted and ate big piles of food, being all happy that they didn’t have to worry about calories anymore. And the kids … well they were just being kids. Laughing, teasing each other and throwing food around when no teacher saw it. But they were all very happy every day. Everyone except for me. Maybe Mick was right that I was wasting what was supposed to be a great time.
But somehow it was hard for me to leave the earth and the humans behind. I didn’t understand why life on earth had to be so tough on people. Why wouldn’t God just make Jason well again? I knew Raphael had told me that if Jason didn’t ask for help, it probably wouldn’t happen. But eventually I made up my own theory. I was beginning to think that God was there even when people didn’t believe in him—like me. I was there even though Jason had forgotten about me. I was still looking out for him, because I loved him. And if God was love then he wouldn’t abandon Jason just because he didn’t ask for help. He would send someone like me to watch over him. He would put it on my heart. And maybe God couldn’t help Jason because Jason didn’t want to be helped. He didn’t realize that he was in a bad situation because the drugs were controlling him, telling him that all he needed was the next fix to get by.
Well, that was just my theory anyway. And I kind of liked it. It made me feel like I was doing something good. Like I was sent by God to help Jason.
“Tough night?”
I lifted my head. It was Mick. I smiled, happy to see him. He could always make me feel better after a night spend so close to human despair.
“It was okay. Nothing much. Just the same misery,” I said.
Mick sat next to me and looked at my plate. “You haven’t touched your food.”
Just as he said that a boy from the third year approached me. “Hey, are you that girl that fought that Se’irim and made her go straight to hell?”
I sighed and looked at Mick.
“Word gets around here fast,” he said. “People have been talking about what happened to Portia.”
I looked at the guy in front of me. Then I nodded. “Yes, I am. But she wasn’t an evil spirit to begin with.”
The boy’s eyes grew wide. “So you have actually stood face to face with a real Se’irim?”
“Yes. Twice actually,” I replied.
“That is so cool. What are they like?”
“Kind of creepy. Meeting them sort of makes your insides freeze.”
“I have heard that they suck all joy and love out of people. That they make you feel empty on the inside and filled with guilt. Is that true?”
“Yes … ” That was the way I had felt when I stood in front of Portia the second before Salathiel had opened the ground under her and she was sucked into the deep darkness. And also the time when Jason’s step-dad died and went into what looked like a giant volcano. Remembering all this made me uncomfortable. Mick saw it.
The boy continued, “So tell me more, what did they look like—”
“Listen up. Talking about it makes her uncomfortable. So save it,” Mick said. “We were talking privately here.”
The boy got up from the chair. “All right. All right. There is no reason to be unpleasant. I was just making conversation.”
“So were we,” said Mick.
“Thanks,” I said when the boy was gone.
“No problem. But you might have to get used to this kind of attention. I think you are the first student ever to have fought a Se’irim or evil spirit. Most people never meet them. Those who do encounter one are often drawn by their lies and choose to follow them, but you managed to fight them off several times when they attacked your mind and that is pretty unique. That makes you kind of a celebrity around here.”
I couldn’t help myself. I had to laugh. “That is stupid,” I said. “I didn’t even do anything.”
Mick laughed too. Then he stood up and reached out his arm. I got up and grabbed it.
“Shall I escort you to your classroom?” he asked.
Chapter 4
I was pleased to get out of the castle after lunch. It had rained all morning but now the sky was clear and more rainbows than ever surrounded the white castle. The grass under me was still wet from the rain and the drops glittered in the sunbeams as I set off for my first Riding class.
I had seen the Pegasuses in the stables in my first year at The Academy when I volunteered to feed them, so I kind of knew my way around the stables already. Abhik looked frightened at the thought of having to ride. He had never been on the back of any animal in his life on earth and I could tell he was a little freaked out by the thought of doing it now.
Our riding instructor was a Cherokee man with long black hair and a buffalo skin over his shoulders. He waited for us outside the stables with his wolf dog at his heels, looking patiently at us.
When he spoke his voice was deep and calm. He told us his name was Adahy, which comes from an old Cherokee word that means “lives in the woods.” Native American Cherokee
“Is everybody here? Okay, let’s begin,” he said. “Follow me.”
Adahy strolled off and we followed. A few minutes later we found ourselves outside a paddock.
“Everyone stays behind the fence,” he said as he entered the paddock. Then he clapped his hands and whistled. “Come on, boys. Come on. There is nothing to be afraid of.”
In front of us was a herd of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen. I had only seen them inside the stables. Out here in the open where they could stretch their wings, they seemed so magnificent and proud. They looked like big white horses but had giant wings flapping like eagles’ wings. One of them even came down from the air and landed right in front of Adahy. Most of them were the size of three horses.
Everyone stared at them in awe and some drew back slightly as Adahy coaxed the creatures to come closer to the fence.
“Pegasuses,” Adahy said while waving at them with a big smile. “Magnificent creatures, aren’t they?”
We all just stared at the huge animals in front of us. Their white coats glittered in the sunlight.
“You can come clo
ser if you want to,” Adahy said, waving at us.
No one seemed to dare, so I did, since I knew them a little.
“A Pegasus is a very proud animal,” Adahy said. “And independent too. You can’t force him to do anything. If you want to ride on him,” he said and touched the one closest to him, “you have to convince him to let you. You have to win his trust. That goes with all the animals you will meet in Heaven. Some are more shy than others. Unicorns are almost impossible to come near. For all the animals, if you are nice to them, they will be nice to you.”
Nigel’s waved his hand in the air.
“Yes, Nigel?”
“Do we have any unicorns here at The Academy?”
Adahy nodded. “We do have one, but no one has ever been able to come close to it.”
Nigel sighed, disappointed. “I always wanted to see a real unicorn,” he said.
“You might see him from time to time,” Adahy said. “He lives in the forest. Right in there.”
Adahy pointed at the big forest with the thick trunks behind us. None of us had ever entered it. I had flown over it a few times, but had never been able to see anything through the voluminous tree tops.
“Who wants to be the first?” Adahy asked.
Everyone else backed up. The Pegasuses fluttered around, flapping their huge feathered wings.
“I will,” I said and stepped forward. I had been looking forward to this ever since my first year in the school.
“Very well, then,” Adahy said.
“What do I do?”
“Come in here.”
I climbed the fence and went inside the paddock. Standing next to the giant Pegasus made my heart stop. When feeding them in the stables, I hadn’t entered their stalls. So I had never been this near to one. It appeared even bigger and it seemed almost impossible for a small person like me to be able to ride it.
“Kind of scary when you get up close, isn’t it?” asked Adahy with his wide smile.
I gulped and nodded.
Adahy stroked the Pegasus and it came closer. “His name is Yofiel, which means ‘the beauty of God.’ We call him Yofi for short.” Adahy said. “He is quite stunning, don’t you think?”