by Willow Rose
“But the message was meant for me? Right?”
“Yes, it was.”
“But … why?”
Salathiel sighed again. “Now that was our question as well when we brought Adrian in yesterday. Today he has explained to us that he wanted to scare you. Last year, you and your friends went after Portia through the mirror—”
“A mirror that Adrian had told Portia about,” I interrupted. “Was he mad that I told on him?”
Salathiel gesticulated with his arms wide out. “You are even smarter than I thought. Yes, that is what he told us. He was punished last year for telling Portia about the mirror and for going through it several times himself, pulling pranks on the humans—messing up their computers, going into their TVs to jumble up the channels, and so on. Of course we had to punish him. But somehow he blamed you for it and wanted to teach you a lesson. That was why he burned the message into your Pegasus’s coat. A horrible thing to do, and he will be punished for that as well soon when the school board of Angels will decide what is going to happen to him.”
Salathiel sighed again. “It is all a great mess, but I think we might have solved it by now.”
“But … I don’t understand.”
“What?”
I looked into Salathiel’s eyes. They were dark brown and very kind.
“Why did Adrian come at night as a panther to visit Adahy?”
Salathiel smiled widely. “I see you like to get the facts straight. Very well, then. It is important to have all questions answered. Adrian came to threaten Adahy into silence. He did that on a regular basis. See, he too saw how Yofi reacted when he saw him, and he didn’t want Adahy to tell about it. He knew that Adahy slept in the stables to protect the Pegasuses from further attacks, and then he came to him, reminding him to keep quiet. If Adahy told on him then Adrian—or the panther—would kill Yofi.”
I nodded. It made sense. “So what happened yesterday? Why didn’t Adahy open the door, and why did the panther … or Adrian hurt him?”
“Adahy had decided to finally stand up for himself. He is an ancient warrior and has never been afraid of anything in his life. On earth he was a buffalo hunter and he has fought mountain lions with his bare hands. So last night he decided he no longer wanted to be a coward. He was ashamed of himself for how he had handled this situation, how he had bowed down to fear. So he told Adrian that the deal was off and he would tell the school board in the morning. That was why Adrian attacked him. If the guards hadn’t arrived, Adrian would have killed Yofi.”
I swallowed hard. I felt so bad for both Adahy and Yofi. All that because Adrian wanted to revenge something I had done.
“How did he make himself into a panther?”
“See, that is a difficult question, one that I am afraid I don’t have the answer for just yet. But my guess is that he was using some kind of magic. I don’t know where he has come upon it. It is not normally something spirits get involved in. It is not good. He might have read about it somewhere. But things like that are not good for the human spirit. Magic is evil and it will poison the heart. Satan knows a lot of magic but he never gives it to someone for free.”
I looked at Salathiel. His fatherly smile showed behind the bright light that shone from all of his body. “You don’t look too satisfied to me. Do you have more unanswered questions on your mind?”
“Well I do have one question.”
“Yes?”
“The screaming students…”
Salathiel looked at me like he was afraid of what I would ask. “What about them?”
“I was just wondering … I read in my healing books about some similar cases a long time ago and that they were believed to be linked to a specific demon called Azazel.” I looked at Salathiel and saw a seriousness grow on his face. “You know, the demon that Raphael tied under the desert and thereby freed the screaming spirits … ?”
“Go on.”
“Well I was just wondering if … if he had escaped?”
Salathiel shook his head heavily. “That is too heavy a burden for one girl to carry. You are too well informed. But I can assure you that we all had the exact same thought once the screaming started. However, Raphael rushed to the desert and found the demon was still there, still tied to the rock and covered.”
“So it isn’t him causing this?”
“We don’t believe it is, no.”
I felt relieved that it wasn’t, but it didn’t calm my concern about what it could be instead and it sure didn’t make me any less anxious about the warnings I had gotten the last couple of months.
“Don’t you worry about this. We have got it covered,” Salathiel said. “We will figure out a cure soon.”
He paused and stared at me with a small smile on his lips. “You still don’t look satisfied.”
I tried to force a smile. “I guess I am just a little shaken over that whole Adrian story, that’s all.”
“We all are.” Salathiel shook his head. “We all are. But this is actually good news for you.”
“Good news? How?”
“Well now that we have caught the one who wanted to hurt you, you are allowed to leave the school premises again.”
“What? Does that mean … ?”
“Yes, you can go and visit your friend again. We have decided that there is no longer anything threatening you.”
I swallowed hard and thought for a second about telling him about the voice in the tornado and at night, but agreed with myself that it was nothing. I was just imagining things. I must be.
When I left Salathiel’s chamber, I was literally dancing in the air. I could finally go to see Jason again. And I was going to do it right away.
Chapter 19
I was so happy that I didn’t think about Mick and how he would react. Not for one second had I wondered. Not until I oozed through the door to my dormitory and found him there. He turned around as I entered the room.
“Wow, that is a big smile,” he said. “Is that for me?”
I froze. What was I supposed to say to him? We had been doing so well lately. This would break his heart, and it would destroy our great relationship.
“Sure,” I said. “Plus I had some good news, so—”
I tried to float past him, so he wouldn’t see it in my eyes. He always read me like an open book. But he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me close. His face was next to mine while he whispered.
“That makes two of us, then.”
“Really?” I said with an awkward high-pitched voice. I cleared my throat. ”What kind of news?”
“Well I just heard that Adahy has been sent away for a couple of weeks. He is not allowed to enter the school premises for two weeks. That means no Riding class for you in the morning. That means you can spend time with me instead.”
I heard Mick exhale deeply in my ear but pushed him away.
“Now what?” he asked.
“Adahy has been sent away? Why?”
“Well apparently he is being punished for having some illegal animal on the school premises, or something. I don’t know,” he said and moved toward me reaching his arms out to grab me. I let him do it and enjoyed his kisses.
“Why would they do that?” I asked while he was kissing my fingers.
Mick shook his head slowly. “You worry too much,” he said with a cuddly voice. “What is it to us?”
I smiled at Mick and kissed him. He had a way of always making me feel better. And he was right; I had to stop making everything my business. I had to start trusting that it was all being taken care of. Of course they had to punish Adahy and make an example of him so something like this wouldn’t happen again. I just felt horrible for him. He loved those animals so much that it would kill him having to stay away from them for two weeks. But then again he probably needed the time to heal his body anyway.
“So what do you want to do?” Mick asked.
“When?”
He sighed and let go of my hand. “It is like you aren’t even here!”<
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It was my turn to sigh. “I’m sorry.” I sat on the bed. “I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.” I signaled that he should come and sit next to me, so he did.
“I meant tomorrow,” he said. “When you are not going to your Riding class. What do you want to do?”
I knew what I wanted to do right now, and what I really wanted to do tomorrow as well, but I couldn’t say it out loud. I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings. The thing was that I also knew I had to tell him at some point. He had the right to know that I was going to visit Jason, that I had gotten my permission back.
I sighed deeply. He looked at me suspiciously.
“What is it with you today?” he asked. “First you seem so happy and then … then it is like I put you down or something.”
I shook my head and grabbed his hand. “No Mick, I love being here with you and I would love to go to the butterfly garden tomorrow … with you. You know I love that place.”
He smiled. “Yeah. I know.”
We sat on the bed in silence for awhile, before he asked, “So what was your great news?”
I cleared my throat. “The same as yours,” I lied.
So I was a coward. I admit it. But I did it so I wouldn’t hurt him—to protect him. I just couldn’t bear to break his heart once again. So I waited until midnight before I left the school, making sure that everybody was asleep, so no one would run and tell Mick in the morning that I had been gone.
I flew through the cold moonlit night and found the big city, where a new day had already begun. I started my search for Jason in the street where he normally would sit with a sign and beg for money, but he wasn’t there. So I flew down all the alleys where he had bought his drugs. I tried to calculate how much time had passed on earth while I was gone and realized that I had been gone from him eight months and that was two years in human time. Two years had passed, so Jason could be anywhere.
He wasn’t in any of the alleys, but his pushers were still there, the same ones doing the exact same thing.
I flew to the abandoned house that he used to sleep in, but the small room was empty and his back pack was gone. I sighed and sat on the ground with a heavy heart. Where was he? Was he all right?
I got my answer a few minutes later when I heard a noise. Through the hole in the brick wall climbed a guy I didn’t recognize as Jason anymore. But after a closer look, I realized that it was in fact him. He had become so skinny that it was horrible to look at him. He was pale and seemed to be so sick. He coughed and sniffed as he put the old black backpack on the ground and started taking his kit out.
So he was still using. Nothing had changed except his appearance. And that wasn’t for the better. I sighed and sat next to him as he started mixing his drugs. My heart hurt in my chest. I couldn’t believe that he hadn’t moved once inch in his life. A great doubt came over me. Was he ever going to change? Would he just die as an addict? Was there really nothing better for him?
I had been praying and wishing for him, but I began to lose all hope as we sat there in the small cold room. Maybe this was just it for him. Maybe he would never return to me. I felt the tears pile up inside me. And suddenly I remembered how it had been—how I had spent all of my summer and fall like this, crying over him, hoping and always being disappointed. Abhik had been right. I was much happier when I didn’t visit Jason, when I was with Mick, just concentrating on my new life and on my new world.
I went in front of him as he injected his drugs into his arm. I looked into his eyes as he dozed off.
“Are you still in there somewhere, Jason?” I asked.
He didn’t even look at me, nor did he seem to hear what I said. Just as I had expected. He started to tilt and I helped him lie down. Then I put his blanket over him. It smelled horrible. I sighed and then blew a kiss at him. A tear rolled down my cheek and landed on his nose.
I decided to go back to my own world for good. This was to be my last visit. I had nothing more to do here. Jason was out of my reach and I was just making myself miserable. I turned and looked at him one last time and saw him smile in his sleep. Jason had chosen this life for himself, and there was nothing I could do about it anymore.
I turned with the intent to leave, but as I did I heard his voice. It whispered. The words were like soft music, which brought me great relief.
“Thanks, Meghan.”
My heart stopped. I turned again and realized he was still asleep. I flew toward him. Had I really heard him say my name? Was he dreaming about me? Or was I just imagining things? I stroked his cheek and realized that I could touch him for the first time since that day in his house when the anger had put a shield around him and made him unreachable to me. Something had indeed changed. I just couldn’t see it with my eyes. Jason’s going in the right direction, I thought as I felt more tears roll down my cheeks.
And just like that my hope was restored.
Chapter 20
“You missed breakfast.”
The words were spoken through gritted teeth. I had just streamed through the door to my dormitory when I saw Mick sitting on my bed. He wasn’t looking at me. He just stared at the tiles on the floor.
His words made everything freeze inside of me.
He closed his eyes, shaking his head back and forth with half a smile on his beautiful and fair face. It wasn’t one of his happy smiles.
“I know,” I said and floated closer.
He turned and looked at me with his ice-blue eyes. It felt like he saw right through me. I felt like a liar and a cheat.
“So, are you going to tell me where you have been?”
I sighed and reached out to grab his hand but he pulled it away. His hands shook and his eyes had fire in them. They were like cold blue flames.
“I am sorry—”
Mick got up and floated away from me. He stood by the window with his head bowed.
“Why do you insist on lying to me, Meghan?” he said.
I sighed deeply. “I didn’t want to … I mean it was just to protect you.”
He turned to look at me. He had been crying, I realized.
“To protect me? From what?”
“I didn’t want to break your heart again.”
“If you didn’t want to break my heart, if you really meant to protect me, you wouldn’t have gone to him in the first place.”
I sat on the bed with a sigh. “I know,” I said.
“Is that all you have to say?”
“What do you want to hear from me? I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was going to see Jason. I am sorry.”
Mick floated toward me and put his arms around me. He held me tightly for several minutes, like he wanted to never let go of me again, as if he did, he would lose me. I felt his warmth and listened to his fast heartbeat. I wanted to cry, but I had no more tears. I felt sorry for Mick, and I hated myself for hurting him.
“How am I supposed to protect you when you don’t tell me where you are?” he whispered.
“You don’t have to protect me. I’m not in danger anymore,” I said.
He stared at me. “What do you mean?”
“Salathiel has given me permission to leave the school area again, since they caught the guy that burned Yofi’s coat.”
Mick smiled. It seemed a little forced and awkward. “Well that is great news. Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was afraid you might be mad that I could go and see Jason again.”
Mick nodded with his head bowed. “You are right. It does make me angry.” Mick relaxed. His jaw unclenched. He looked up with sadness in his eyes. “I am sorry too.” He grabbed my shoulders. “The last thing I want is for you to think that you need to hide anything from me. I love you Meghan, more than life itself and I will not lose you again. I will not have anything come between us again. Not anger or jealousy. I can’t live without you. Not in this world, not in any world.”
Mick stared into my eyes with a deep sincere look. His fi
nger caressed my cheek. I searched for the right words. I knew he would want me to say something similar to him, but I couldn’t. All I could think of was Jason’s last words before I left him. Two words that had made me happier and more hopeful than I had been in a long time. But they were a thin rope to cling to. I had to admit that. I wasn’t even sure that the Meghan he was talking about was me. It might have been someone else. But then again, it might have been me after all. I sighed and moved away from Mick, leaving him behind me with a disappointed expression.
“Now what?” he said. ”Was it something I said?”
I shook my head while I stared out the window. Everything bloomed in bright colors now. The yard surrounding the castle was breathtaking.
“I am just afraid of that jealousy. I am afraid it might destroy us,” I said and turned to look at him.
It was like someone had turned out the light inside of him. He approached me and put his hands on my shoulders. “But we love each other. Isn’t that enough?”
I turned around so he could hold my body close to his. Then I kissed him. Just placed my lips on top of his and felt how he wanted me. I enjoyed hearing him breathe faster, enjoyed hearing him whisper little words of love.
I closed my eyes and imagined that it was Jason who was saying and doing all those things to me.
“I am the one who is alive,” he whispered as he kissed my neck. Then he stopped and grabbed my face and held it between his hands. His eyes were sparkling.
“Do you understand what I am telling you? I am the one who is alive, not Jason. He might be flesh and bone, but he is an empty shell. He is more dead than I am. With me you have a future. With him you don’t.”
Before I could think about what he said his lips were over mine again. When he removed them he spoke. “Are we still on for today?”
“Sure,” I said.
“Great,” he said on his way out of my room. “See you in the butterfly garden at one.”
Mick hadn’t arrived yet when I came after classes. It was a hot day so I took off my jacket and rested in the grass while the butterflies whirled over my head. They had grown a lot the last couple of weeks and were now about the same size as my hand. Their wings seemed to be painted in many different colors. They were almost sparkling and reminded me of how magical they used to be for me as a kid.