by Willow Rose
Soon the white buildings of the psychiatric hospital were beneath us. I saw Mandy stop and hesitate in the air. I grabbed her hand. “It will be all right,” I said as reassuringly as I could.
“I know,” she said and smiled at me. “It has just been so long …”
“She still thinks of you every moment of the day.”
“So do I … think of her, that is.”
“Have you prepared what you will say to her?”
Amanda’s dad came to her and put his arm around her shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asked. She nodded. “I’m actually looking forward to seeing her. I just hope we will succeed.”
“I was just telling Amanda that it’s important you prepare what you are going to tell her when you go to her.”
“How long do we have?”
“To her it will seem like a long time, but in reality it will only be a few seconds, so think about what’s important for you to tell her and prepare a few lines,” Mick interrupted us.
John and Amanda looked at each other and smiled. “I think we are ready,” John said.
“Then let’s do it,” I said and started descending toward the roof of the hospital.
Rosey was already asleep as we entered her room through the roof. The family picture was still in her hand. She had fallen asleep while thinking of them. That was perfect. That way she would wake up thinking she had dreamed about them because she was thinking about them just before she went to bed.
“So what do we do now?” whispered John.
“You just get ready. Meghan will catch the dream and I will open it for you so you can jump in,” Mick said.
I flew toward Rosey lying in her bed. Quickly I spotted her dream. It was hiding next to Rosey’s right ear. “It is so small,” I whispered.
“That’s probably because she has just fallen asleep,” Mick said. “But size doesn’t matter. Just try to catch it.”
Remembering my childhood lizards again, I reached out and grabbed the dream before it managed to realize what was happening. It started moving around in my hands and it tickled, but I managed to hold on to it. It was yellow and very bright.
“It is a good one,” Mick said when I showed it to him. “Shouldn’t give us much trouble. Nice catch by the way.”
“So what do you do now?” I asked and looked at the small bubble. In it I spotted Rosey walking in a yard. She seemed happy. That was good.
“I need you to hold onto it, while I poke a hole into it with this.” Mick took out a thin sewing needle from his pocket. “Once I have done that, the two of you jump into the hole as fast as you can. We cannot have it open too long or other things will enter it too and it will go bad, filling Rosey with bad emotions and make her state of mind even worse. This is a hole into her mind and soul. We have to be careful what we let in.”
Mick lifted the needle high in the air and with great speed poked it straight through the bubble. A hissing sound filled the room, like air running out of a balloon. “Hurry up,” he said.
John and Amanda jumped toward the hole and soon their bodies oozed into the bubble. When they were inside, Mick closed the hole temporarely by putting his hand over it.
“Now what?” I asked.
“Now we wait.”
We watched the bubble and soon we saw Amanda and John appear in the yard as well. Rosey stopped and stared at them. Then she ran toward them with her arms wide open. All three hugged and cried. We couldn’t hear anything, other than a mumbling far away, as if people were talking in a room next door.
A beautiful scene filled the bubble. They were talking, hugging and kissing each other, and by the look on Rosey’s face in the bed, she really enjoyed it. She was smiling and crying, but for once they were tears of happiness. I felt warm and had tears in my eyes as well from the love being shown here. This was really touching.
“When do we have to get them out?” I whispered to Mick.
He looked at the bubble for a moment, then back at me. “We have to get them out soon. The color has started to change.”
I looked closely at the bubble and realized he was right. It was beginning to have an orange color to it.
“If it gets red we have to pull them out immediately,” he continued.
“Like put your hand in and take them out?”
Mick nodded. “It could get messy.”
“It is beginning to get a little muggy now,” I said.
“That’s bad,” he said and studied it closer.
A sort of fog inside the bubble made it unclear and hard for us to see what was going on.
“What do we do?” I asked.
“I need to get them out,” Mick said. He lifted his hand from the hole and put it inside. It was a little unclear what went on, but as far as I could see he grabbed John and pulled him out, then he went back and grabbed Amanda. As he pulled her out, the bubble turned dark red and strange noises came out of the hole in the top.
“How do we close it?” I yelled.
Mick took out the needle again and started closing the hole by sewing it back together with straight, neat stitches. I was shaking as I saw how Rosey’s face became anguished. She moaned and tossed in her bed. The fog slowly became lighter but the bubble was still dark red.
“Hurry up,” I said to Mick.
While he was sewing I suddenly saw something inside of Rosey’s dream. Something that made time stand still and caused me to drop the bubble. Apparently Rosey was now having a nightmare. In the dream she was bent over a dead body. She was crying and screaming. But it wasn’t her daughter or her husband’s body she was leaning over.
It was mine.
Chapter 25
All I could hear was my own breath. Heavy and fast at once. As the bubble started falling toward the ground I heard screaming and yelling in the distance as well. But it seemed so far away. Like had it been a movie that had nothing to do with me. In slow motion I saw Mick throw himself toward the floor and catch the bubble before it landed.
“Meghan!” I heard him yell when he had carefully put the dream bubble back by Rosey’s ear. But it was like he was in a bubble himself. Or maybe I was. I couldn’t tell. I lifted my head and saw him move in front of me. His face was angry. “What were you thinking?” he yelled. But I never answered. I had completely withdrawn into my own world. I no longer cared about Rosey or her dream.
“Meghan!” Mick grabbed my shoulder and shook me. Finally I looked at him. “What is wrong with you?” he said.
I stood motionless for a long time, before I looked at Mandy and John who were standing behind him. “I … I … I,” I stuttered. Then I stopped. I couldn’t tell them what I had just seen. How could I?
“She has been under a lot of stress lately,” Mick said to Amanda and John. “She just got out of the hospital a few days ago. Maybe this was just too much for her.”
“Let’s help her get back,” John said.
I felt John and Mick grab my arms and lift me into the air. After a while I told them I was fine and able to fly on my own, so they let go of me, but Mick kept close. I felt him staring at me all the way back to the castle, but I didn’t pay any attention. Right now I didn’t care about him, the baby, Jason, or anything.
As we got back, Mick wanted me to go to bed and get some rest, but I refused. “I’m fine,” I kept stating, but he wasn’t convinced.
“Shouldn’t you at least go and talk to the doctor or one of the nurses at the hospital tower?” he asked with concern.
“Mick. I am fine. I just need to talk to someone,” I said and stormed past him.
I went to see Rahmiel in her chamber. As always, she welcomed me with a glowing smile. She asked me to sit in one of her huge armchairs with red velvet upholstery and legs of gold.
“So what is going on?” she asked.
“I need to ask you about something.”
Rahmiel nodded pensively while staring at me. “I know,” she said. “I have been waiting for this moment.”
I closed my eyes briefly. Of
course she knew everything. She and Salathiel had planned it all along. But why?
“Is Rosey my killer?”
Rahmiel smiled and it annoyed me. If she knew everything, why didn’t she just tell me?
“We wanted you to get to know her first.”
“What?”
“You are wondering why we didn’t just tell you. Well, how do you think you would have reacted if we did?”
It felt like I had fire inside of me. The thought of me spending all this time with Rosey and taking care of her, trying to help her get some peace of mind before she died made everything inside of me boil. “I would hate her.”
“Exactly. That wouldn’t do either of you any good now, would it?”
I shrugged. “I don’t see …”
Rahmiel interrupted me. “Now I am not asking you to see with your eyes nor to understand. I am asking you to use what you have in here,” she said and pointed a huge forefinger at my chest. “What does your heart tell you?”
I was confused and angry and had no time for her mind games. “I don’t care about my heart. I am angry. Angry at you and Salathiel for setting me up like this. Angry at Rosey for killing me. I don’t want to care for her. I want to hate her.”
Rahmiel kept smiling. “That is only very natural.”
“Yes it is,” I snorted.
“There is nothing wrong with feeling angry every once in a while, as long as you don’t stay angry.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Anger will destroy you.” Rahmiel leaned back in her chair. “Look at what it did to Rosey. She was so angry because her daughter and husband were killed that she started hating everything. She hated the killer for doing this, she hated God for letting it happen, but most of all she hated herself for not being able to protect her family. But it didn’t do her any good. It only led her to do bad things. She let all the anger out on the world and went into a world of her own. She has been in that prison of hatred and guilt for eight years now.”
The worst part was that I felt for her. I still felt badly for Rosey for what she had been through. But she had also killed me and for that I wanted her to suffer.
“But she is a killer. She killed me.”
“Yes, but now that you know her, you know her story. If you look into your heart you know you care for her still.”
I grumbled. She was right. “But I am still angry.”
“You are allowed to be. But don’t let it take root inside of you. Rosey is still your assignment and it is not over yet.”
I widened my eyes. “Are you kidding me? Am I supposed to help my own killer get into Heaven?”
Rahmiel nodded. “That is your assignment, yes.”
“I can’t do that.”
Rahmiel smiled again. “I think you can.”
“Maybe, but I won’t. She killed me, so I let the Se’irims take her.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and felt like a stubborn child. But I wasn’t being stubborn, I was just really mad at everybody. And I felt it was my right to be so.
As I stared at Rahmiel and felt the anger rise inside of me, I suddenly realized something horrible. I was the one who had saved Rosey from dying eight years ago. So in some way had I sealed my own death sentence? If I hadn’t saved her life, she would have died. She wouldn’t have gone insane and killed me.
I felt anger and tears piling up in my eyes. I felt so confused by everything. I couldn’t figure it out any more. Who was to blame for what and why?
“You will figure it out eventually,” Rahmiel said and put a hand on my shoulder.
“But … I don’t know what to do.”
“I am not going to tell you what to do,” Rahmiel said. “But know this. You are her only way. Her fate is in your hands. If you don’t go and get her when she dies, she will never come here and be with her family.”
“But that would mean I had to forgive her! She is a killer. She doesn’t belong here!”
Rahmiel shrugged. “Who is to say who belongs here and who doesn’t?”
I sighed heavily. “Why did she kill me? Did she kill others as well?”
Rahmiel shrugged again. “I think you should ask her about that yourself.”
I shook my head. “I am never going to see her again. You are trying to make me understand, and I don’t think I want to. I believe my parents don’t even know where I am because my body was never found. She has caused so much pain. Years of pain to my parents. She destroyed my family like someone destroyed hers. I don’t think she would forgive her daughter’s killer even if you asked her to.”
“That will be my problem once she gets here. You don’t need to worry about that.”
I shook my head. Thoughts were flickering through my head so fast it caused me to have a headache. I kept thinking about my parents and the many years they had been searching for me now. I was looking forward to getting my file so I could go and find them and maybe show myself in a dream. They deserved peace of mind if anyone did.
“You are torn,” Rahmiel said with her singing voice. “Spring is still two months away. Just give it time. I am sure you will make the right decision. Just remember that your forgiveness will not only heal her but also yourself.”
I kept shaking my head and looking at her in disbelief. Then I got up from the chair and stared into her soft blue eyes. “I am sorry,” I said. “But I can’t. It’s just too much to ask of me.”
Chapter 26
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I flew through the corridors of the castle. I felt disoriented and lost. It was like the walls were closing in on me. I felt I was about to suffocate and wanted to get out, to get away from everything. Away from this castle, the school, the teachers, and Mick. I didn’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone anymore. I hated everything and felt so alone. It was like they had trapped me; they had tricked me into this situation. I didn’t appreciate that. It was an ambush, trying to force me to forgive my own killer. Were they nuts? How could they expect that from me? From anyone?
And now what? What if I didn’t do it? Weren’t they going to let me graduate? I suddenly fully understood my assignment and how hard it was. Just like Abhik, I found myself in a tough dilemma that I had no idea how to solve. All of a sudden I really wished I had my parents here. I wanted to ask them for advice. Until now I had been able to go to both Rahmiel and Mick, but they couldn’t help me with this. I knew what they would tell me to do. And I wasn’t going to do that. I just didn’t want to.
I flew outside and stopped at the cliffs. It was night and the huge moon shone on the ocean and caused the white snowy landscape surrounding the castle to shine brightly, almost like it was still daylight. The ocean seemed to be in the same mood as I was and the waves kept hitting the cliffs and causing the water to fly high in the air. It was angry and beautiful. Through its noise, I started yelling back at it, getting some of all my contained anger out. I ended up screaming until my throat hurt. Then I stopped and as I caught my breath I realized I felt all empty inside. I didn’t care about anything anymore. I put my hand on my belly and felt the bump. And that was when something truly amazing happened. It moved. The baby moved inside of me. Just a small kick that felt like I had a small fish inside tickling me. I gasped and grabbed my abdomen with both my hands while laughing out loud and dancing. It was amazing. Literally the most wonderful feeling I had ever had. It left me completely out of breath and had the power to wipe away any other emotion I was feeling at this exact moment. Suddenly nothing else seemed to matter in this world. In any world.
“Nice night, huh?”
I froze at the sound of the voice that came from behind me. I turned and looked into his soft brown eyes. It was Jason. His face had grown older than the last time I had seen him, but he was still so …. Beautiful is not a word I normally would use about a boy, but that is the best description for what I saw. Seeing him in the moonlight that night when I had just felt life inside of me for the first time was nothing less than just that. Beautiful.
&n
bsp; I couldn’t help but smile as I looked into his face. I almost cried, until I realized that even though I was having the joy of recognition, on the contrary, he didn’t recognize me at all. His eyes smiled and were friendly, but they lacked the love for me that they used to have. I felt tears in my eyes as I kept staring at his face.
“Are you sad or happy?” he asked. “I can’t tell.”
I scoffed. “I’m both, I guess.”
Jason stepped closer and stood next to me. “I’m Jason, by the way.”
“Meghan.”
“Nice to meet you, Meghan.”
I swallowed really hard trying to push down the growing knot of tears piling up in my throat. “Nice to meet you too.”
“So how long have you been here?”
“I’m in my third year.”
“Oh, so you are going to graduate soon?”
“In a couple of months, yes.”
Jason nodded and stared at the ocean. “It’s a strange place, don’t you think? I can’t seem to find my way around all the corridors and towers. And people are flying and floating everywhere. I have no idea how to learn that.”
“You will.”
Jason nodded pensively. “I guess that is why we are here, right? To learn stuff about ourselves.”
“You have no idea,” I mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Nothing, I am just having a little trouble with this project that I have to do.”
“Ah. Well, I guess it’s not just all about eating delicious food and jumping on the clouds, huh?” He asked.
I shook my head while biting my lip. “Not everything, no. Some things are really hard. But you will get through it.”
“With endurance, right?”
I nodded. “Yes. You’ll need that.”
“Our teacher talked about it today in class. You know that guy with his head under his arm. Kind of creepy but he seems like a nice guy.”
“Professor Grangé,” I said while thinking about my first meeting with him. “He is really nice. You’ll get used to him too.”