Devin’s eyebrows pulled together.
Gray stepped toward Natalie before her brother had a chance to speak. “It’s okay, Natalie. He’s right. I never should have brought you here.”
If she thought she felt nauseated before, she’d been wrong. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. She knew that tone of voice. The tone that led up to it’s not you, it’s me. Or it’s just not a good time in my life right now. Or the boss says I should back off and I don’t like you enough to disagree. “What are you saying?”
Gray looked at her, his lips half-open, but no words came out. Instead, it was Devin who spoke. “Grayson isn’t on his own time, Natalie. This is his job, being with you, keeping you safe. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I knew you’d argue, say I was hovering. But after tonight, I think we can agree the steps I took were warranted.”
Natalie couldn’t breathe. She could see the pieces of the puzzle displayed in front of her, but her mind resisted shuffling them into place. Or maybe it was her heart.
She looked from her brother to Gray. “I don’t understand.”
Gray met her gaze, his expression a mix of regret and defeat. “I work for your brother, Natalie. But I’m not an alarm system expert. I’m your bodyguard.”
GRAY WATCHED THE LOOK in Natalie’s eyes go from confusion to betrayal.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Did Ash know about this, too?”
“Natalie,” Devin said, as he stepped toward his sister and took hold of her arm.
She ripped away from his grasp. “I don’t want to talk to you, Devin. Ash, either. This doesn’t even surprise me about the two of you.”
Gray stepped toward her. Devin was far from his favorite person at the moment, and he should have been honest with Natalie at the first about hiring a bodyguard. But even so, the last thing Gray wanted was for Natalie to blame her brother. All that would do is drive a wedge in the Kendall family and cause Natalie and her brothers more pain. “Natalie, there’s a real danger out there. You can’t deny it. Devin was only trying to keep you safe.”
Natalie spun around and glared at him as if he’d just slapped her. “Devin, will you leave us?”
Devin didn’t budge. “I think we should talk this out.”
She spoke to her brother without sparing him a glance. “So you can say what? Someone is trying to kill me and you were protecting me. I get that. Someone just shot at me. I’m not trying to deny I’m in danger any longer. What I don’t get is why you didn’t tell me the truth.”
“I did tell you I was worried for your life after all that happened to Ash and me since Rick Campbell was exonerated. You said I was overreacting. You said you didn’t want a bodyguard hovering over you.”
She still didn’t look at her brother, her gaze riveted on Gray. “I did say that, and you should have listened to me. Or at least talked about it again after my cottage was vandalized and I was pushed into the street. But you didn’t have to revisit the subject, did you? Because I already had a bodyguard.”
In his peripheral vision, Gray could see Devin glance from Natalie to him. He’d do anything to fix this rift, to say the magic words that would make this go away, to go back in time and tell her the truth that first night in the parking garage, anything. Obviously his options were much more limited. Still, he had to find some way for this to work out. For Natalie and her brothers and for him.
Natalie raised her chin and let out a shaky breath. “Now please leave us alone, Devin. I need to talk to Gray.”
“Okay, okay. We can talk more later.” Devin strode from the room and closed the door behind him.
For a long while, neither Gray nor Natalie spoke. Low voices filtered in from the room next door. The clock in the corner chimed the hour.
Gray’s pulse thumped in his ear. After the shooting tonight, he’d expected Devin to fire him. He’d made peace with that. But he’d hoped Natalie would never have to know about his official role.
It wasn’t the job. In the past days, he’d ceased to care about that. Now all he cared about was Natalie. About her relationship with her family. About keeping her safe. But it was more than that, too. And he couldn’t deny some of his concern was selfish.
Natalie spoke first. “You lied to me.”
What could he say? He had. Straight to her face. “I’m sorry.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were my bodyguard? Why didn’t you tell me in the parking garage that night?”
“Devin didn’t want you to know.”
“I know that. I’m asking about you. Why didn’t you tell me the truth? Why did you worm your way into my life and make me care about you?”
He’d made a mistake not coming clean with her from their first face-to-face meeting. He needed to come clean with her now. “You were never supposed to know I was following you. But when I saw that guy follow you into the garage, I thought there might be something to it. And by the time I caught up to him, he was already talking to you.”
“What do you mean? How long ago did Devin hire you?”
“He called shortly after Campbell was exonerated for your parents’ murders and the trouble began.”
“You’ve been following me for weeks.”
“Yes.”
She opened her mouth, to ask something, to yell at him, to tell him she never wanted to see his face again—he didn’t know. She closed it again without speaking.
“It was all about keeping you safe, Natalie.”
She turned around. “Really? Was that what it was all about? Because I thought we liked each other. I thought we were dating. But then, stupid me, I also thought you were a Good Samaritan I happened to meet by chance.” Her eyes glistened and her lashes spiked with tears. She tilted her head back as if to keep them from brimming over and running down her cheeks. “I am the worst judge of men ever.”
“No, you’re not. I lied to you. You couldn’t have known—”
“That’s the point. I never know. I always see what I want to see. With you, I saw someone different. Someone who cared about me. Someone who made me feel secure and strong and good about myself.”
“I am those things. I want to be.”
She shook her head and let out a bitter laugh. “You were paid to make me feel secure. I’ll give you that. But the rest?”
“I do care about you, Natalie.”
“Give me a break. If you really cared, you would have told me the truth about who you are. You wouldn’t have been able to lie and then sleep with me.”
She was right. He’d cared for her, but not enough to tell her the truth. Not enough to bring her to a hotel and sit outside her door. He’d brought her home because he’d wanted what had unfolded in his bedroom. And he’d been willing to keep up the lie in order to take it.
To take her.
At Jimbo’s funeral, his wife had called him self-centered. No one had ever been more right. Even when he wasn’t conscious of it, Gray made sure he got what he wanted. No matter who it hurt. No matter who died.
It was other people who were big enough to make sacrifices. Not him.
If he really wanted to make this easier on Natalie, it was about time he started. “You’re right. About all of it. And I want you to know that as asinine as I’ve been these past couple of days, I do care about you.”
She said nothing, and he wasn’t surprised. He pushed on. “I will get out of your life, let you move on and find a man who deserves you. I promise I will. But—”
She pulled in a sharp breath.
For a second, he thought she might ask him to stay. But again, she didn’t speak. She just waited for him to continue.
“But I can’t leave until Devin makes arrangements for another bodyguard to take my place.”
“I don’t want a bodyguard at all.”
“Come on, Natalie. I know how you feel, but you can’t deny that you’re in danger.”
“Maybe someone was trying to shoot you. It’s your apartment. Maybe I wasn’t the target at all.”
“Y
ou don’t really believe that.”
She looked back out the window. Tears wound down her cheeks.
Gray wanted nothing more than to wipe them, but he knew she wouldn’t accept his touch. He couldn’t blame her.
“Tomorrow, when Devin finds a replacement, I’ll leave you alone. You can forget you ever met me.”
“I will,” she said, but her voice lacked conviction.
He nodded. He hoped she could. Because, although he’d only known her up close and personal for a short while, he was certain it would be impossible for him to ever forget her.
Chapter Nine
Natalie stared at her face in the mirror behind the bakery’s showcase. Her cheeks were pale, her eyes red and puffy, and despite an almost insane love of cake and frosting and all things wedding, she had no desire to sample any of the amazing creations lined up in front of Rachel, Jolie and her.
Rachel, on the other hand, looked absolutely gorgeous. Although her baby bump was only beginning to round, her face showed all the best signs of motherhood.
In a word, she was glowing.
Natalie had read somewhere that many brides weren’t so lucky. Nasty side effects like acne, the redness of rosacea and dry skin were just as common as any kind of attractive glow in the cheeks of a pregnant woman. But not for Rachel. Her skin was creamy, her cheeks holding a delicate flush. Her dark brown hair, pulled back from her face in a half up, half down style, was thick and lustrous. And her hazel eyes glittered as she eyed the cakes. “I have to try the lemon poppy seed and the carrot cake, and I can’t pass up something with that chocolate Bavarian crème filling.”
The baker, a young energetic woman, smiled. “How about white almond cake, chocolate Bavarian crème filling and whipped crème frosting?”
Jolie moaned and Rachel nodded as fast as her head would move. A second later, the enthusiasm on her face gave way to worry. “The last baker bailed on us without much notice. Our wedding is only a week away. You’re sure you can make such a fancy cake so quickly?”
“Not a problem. And we’ll guarantee that in writing. If we can’t fulfill your wedding dreams, we’ll find and pay for someone who will.”
Rachel and Jolie exchanged pleased looks.
The baker directed their attention to another batch of little cupcake samples and rattled off possible fillings and frostings, each more decadent than the last. By the time they sat down at a small table with their cake samples, they’d added another half dozen to their tasting plates.
“You’re awfully quiet, Natalie,” Rachel said as they started to dig in. “Thinking about last night?”
How could she not? “I’m okay.”
“Yeah, right,” Jolie said. “You’re so used to getting shot at that it doesn’t even bother you anymore.”
Rachel nodded. “You’re forgetting who you’re talking to, Natalie. All of us have been through some bad stuff lately. We know you’re not all right. I don’t think any of us are, even now.”
Natalie scooped in a deep breath and let it out. “You’re right, of course. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let it ruin your wedding preparations. We’re sitting here with a table full of cake, for crying out loud.”
“We can talk and taste at the same time.” Rachel picked up her fork and for a few seconds it was poised over a cupcake-size chocolate-fudge cake with a chocolate-mint filling and whipped cream frosting. “So I’ll taste, and you talk.”
Jolie picked up her own fork. “And don’t forget to dish on Mr. Scott outside.”
Natalie resisted the urge to glance out the window where Gray was sitting on a bench, waiting for her to finish cake sampling. Last night she’d been certain that she never wanted to see him again. Today, she was trying her best to stick to that.
Too bad her heart didn’t want to cooperate.
She gave her future sisters-in-law a rundown of the shooting, leaving out the fact that she was lying on Gray’s bed basically naked when bullets crashed through glass. Even so, when Jolie had asked where they were, Natalie had to admit to being in his bedroom, and judging from the looks they gave her, they didn’t need more than that to form a picture in their minds.
“I thought you’d decided you weren’t going to get involved with him.” Jolie set her fork down and focused a look on Natalie that was more concern than anger.
“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It was just…” What could she say? How on earth could she possibly explain herself?
Jolie nodded, as if Natalie really didn’t have to. “You really like him, don’t you?”
Natalie shook her head, but that, too, was a lie. “You were right, Jolie. He wasn’t what I thought. Devin hired him to be my bodyguard.”
Neither Jolie nor Rachel looked surprised.
“You knew?”
“We weren’t supposed to tell,” Rachel admitted around a bite of white cake with Frangelico buttercream filling. A spot of frosting dotted her lip. “Ash and Devin thought you’d think they were hovering.”
Of course that is what she would have thought. And as last night had proven, she would have been wrong. The danger was plenty real.
Natalie let out a sigh. She picked up a forkful of lemon poppy seed then set it back down without even tasting. “Am I really that difficult to handle?”
“Difficult to handle?” Jolie said, her voice rising with disbelief. “Of course not. You want to be independent, live your own life. That’s understandable. And for the record, Devin and Ash can be a bit overprotective when it comes to you.”
Natalie smiled at her friends. “Thad, too, if he were here. But I don’t think it qualifies as overprotective if there is a real danger.” The similarity of her words to what Gray had said days ago struck her. He’d been right. Devin and Ash had been right, too. It almost pained her to admit it, but there was no point in denying it now. Someone was after their whole family. She might as well face the facts.
“So what happens now?” Jolie asked.
Natalie could only wish she knew the answer to that question. “I suppose we’d all better be careful.”
“That’s a given, Natalie, and not what I was asking about.” She nodded her head in Gray’s direction. “It’s obvious that you really like him.”
Thickness filled her throat, and she couldn’t bring herself to follow Jolie’s nod. “Yeah. I do.”
“But?”
“But Devin is hiring a new bodyguard for me today.”
“Not if you tell him you want Gray,” Rachel said.
“He lied about who he was.”
Jolie laid her hand on Natalie’s arm. “We’ve all been doing our share of lying, it seems. I’m sorry, Natalie. I was trying to keep you from getting hurt, and I did a lousy job of it. If I’d told you who Gray was from the beginning…”
Natalie held up a hand, cutting off her friend. “I’m sorry, too.”
“Me, too,” Rachel said. “And your brothers, well, they are who they are.”
“They just wanted to protect me, too. I get it.”
“So what are you going to do?” Jolie asked. “You know, I’ll bet he never wanted to lie to you.”
“Probably not.” Last night, Gray’s lie had felt like a major betrayal. But if Natalie was honest with herself, she had to admit Gray’s failure to tell her he was a hired bodyguard wasn’t what bothered her most.
Natalie took a bite of cake and forced herself to swallow. She was sure it was delicious, but she couldn’t appreciate the flavors. She doubted anything would taste good to her today. She wasn’t used to being shot at. She wasn’t used to being in danger. And she wasn’t used to wanting a guy despite knowing he’d been hired to hang out with her…and there was a good chance he would turn around and leave as soon as the job was over.
“So?” Rachel prompted. “What happens between you two now?”
It was a good question. And one for which Natalie wasn’t likely to get a reliable answer until she was out of danger, and Gray was free to walk away.
GRAY WAS SURPRISED when Natalie emerged from the bakery without Rachel and Jolie. He held up a hand, signaling for her to stop at the door and wait for him. After making another visual sweep of the area to confirm it was clear, he joined her at the door. “What’s the problem? Where are Jolie and Rachel?”
“They’re going to stay and try more cake.”
“And you?”
She held her hand against her stomach. “I’ve had enough. Can we leave?”
“Of course.” He strode beside her. When they reached his car, he opened the passenger door for her, then circled to the driver’s side and climbed in. He started the car and pulled into traffic before he asked where they were going.
“I’m not sure. It depends, I guess.” She stared out the window, her arms crossed over her chest, her fingers fidgeting with the sleeves of the sporty leather jacket she often wore on her days off.
“What does it depend on?”
She didn’t speak, but her fidgeting moved to her feet.
“I can tell you’ve got something to say. Go ahead.”
“I want to bring this to an end.”
She’d said something to that effect last night, but it managed to make Gray’s chest ache all over again. “When Devin gets another bodyguard in place—”
“That’s not what I mean.”
He raised his brows and waited for her to continue.
“I want this whole thing over, this threat to my family.”
He nodded, still not sure where she was going with this. “I’m sure Ash and his fellow officers have a few new leads after last night.”
“He does. And he’s following up on those. But the St. Louis PD is like any other city police department these days, overworked and underfunded.”
True enough. “So what do you have in mind?”
“I’m going to see what I can find out.”
Secret Protector Page 8