by Sally Henson
I rummage through my bag for some hand lotion. Tobi gave me that tip once. I found the small bottle of scented lotion Mom put in my Christmas stocking with a cherry-flavored lip balm. I squirt a drop of lotion in my palm, rub my hands together, and smooth my hair down. That’s better. The cherry lip balm should help.
A toilet flushes.
I grab my stuff and shove it in my bag as I move to the back of the room. Whoever is in here, they’re taking their sweet time, so I busy myself with my phone.
Me: Not yet. Things are okay at home. I try to stay out of Mom & Dad’s way. How’s Florida? It snowed Monday. It’s cold. Are you staying on the beach?
I keep my eyes down in hopes the girl in here won’t even look my way while she washes her hands. Linc responds.
Linc: I’m staying on base right now. Not beachside. But I go there on my days off. You’d love it. I’m trying to find an apartment or tiny house to rent that’s not too expensive. Maybe you could come down over Spring Break? Get away from the cold.
I mutter, “I wish.”
“You wish what?” Stacey asks.
Ugh, I didn’t know she was in here. I look up from my phone to see her leaning against the wall with her arms folded.
“Nothing. I didn’t know you were in here.”
She raises her eyebrows and looks down her nose at me. “You know you’re not supposed to have your phone on during school hours.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re on your phone all the time, Stacey.”
She gives a light shrug as a smile flickers on her lips. “True.”
I wait for her to spit out whatever venom she has for me. We stare at each other for a minute. If I didn’t have a purpose for being in here, I’d have left as soon as I saw her.
“Do you wear that outfit every day?” she asks.
I look down at my T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. I wore these jeans yesterday, but I never wear the same shirt twice a week. She’s such a snot. “No.”
Her lips purse while she gives me the onceover. “Well, you don’t look horrible in it.”
I feel my face pinch together. “Is there something you want?”
She huffs out a breath, pressing her foot against the wall behind her. “Look…I know things got bad for you last semester.” She looks toward the door and then down to the grungy white tiled floor between us.
Got bad? Yeah, thanks to her.
She keeps her head down, peering up at me through her lashes. “I’m glad everything’s okay. You’re okay.”
A bitter puff of air shoots out my nostrils. Is she being serious? “Yeah.”
“Okay,” she says, pushing off the wall and walks out.
Is that a warning that she’s got something up her sleeve, or is she backing off? Maybe she is serious. It has been a while since Stacey used me as her gossip punching bag. She still throws me nasty looks and makes stupid comments. But the last awful thing she did pushed me over the edge with the photos of Lane and the sorority girls on stage. I look toward the exit. Was that her twisted way of apologizing?
I have better things to do than think about her. Like, sending Lane the kissy face photo he wants.
I pucker my lips in the mirror and shake my head at how ridiculous I look. This is dumb. If Lane wants it though, I’ll give it to him. I hurry and snap the photo and send it before I chicken out.
18
REGAN
I look out my window and see a thin layer of snow covering the tree branches. It’s pretty, but it doesn’t compare to last night. I snuggle back under my covers and think about Lane’s chocolatey Valentine kisses. The soft brush of butterfly wings dance in my belly. Yes, it was that amazing. It was after midnight when I fell asleep next to him on the sofa. When I woke up at four in the morning, the blanket was tucked around me and he was gone.
A Monday holiday means he didn’t have to go back to school yesterday. We’re going out for breakfast and spending the day together before he has to leave.
I peek at my clock. As much as I want to relive how Lane made my heart race, he’ll be here in an hour. I slide out of bed to get ready for the real thing.
As soon as I open my door, Mom’s upset voice hums from the kitchen. “You're pushing her away.”
I freeze and listen for who she’s talking about.
“If she goes through with this marine science business, she'll be far away.” Mom and Dad are talking about me? What’s Dad even doing home? He should be at work already.
“The difference is, she will come home to see us. If you keep pushing her, she could be a mile away, but we'll never see her.”
“Dan’s confident Lane will stick around here. He loves to hunt and be outdoors. He has the place to do that here.”
Mom sighs. “Maybe Lane will, maybe he won't. But he's not my daughter.”
“If Lane stays, so will Regan.”
Mom huffs and asks, “And how do you know that?”
“He is in love with our girl.”
I gasp at the words, covering my mouth.
“One day, he'll be asking me to marry her.”
“Timothy,” Mom scolds. “Is that why you allow him to stay late? He practically stays over when they fall asleep on the sofa.”
He scoffs. “You make it sound like I'm letting him sleep over here.”
“Aren’t you?” she asks.
I swallow, sliding my hand to my chest. My heart picks up speed.
“Is this why you let him come and go as he pleases and have liberties that he shouldn't?”
“Have you seen the way they look at each other?” Dad asks. “She loves him too.”
I cover my mouth again. Dad knows I’m in love with Lane?
“She's seventeen, Tim. Seventeen!” A cabinet door bangs shut. “If she wants to marry Lane someday that's fine, but don’t push him on her.” The clank of dishes rattle in the sink, and I flinch at the noise.
“I'm not pushing him on her. I'm making it easier for them to make their choices.” Dad’s voice has a “I know better than you” tone. I know it well.
“What happens if Regan finds herself in the same predicament as Susanna?” Mom’s voice rises. “What then?”
“We’ve taught her better than that. But if it happens, Lane will do right by her.”
My stomach drops, and I wrap an arm around my middle to hold myself together. Has Dad lost his mind?
“Timothy.” Mom gasps. “You were willing to let her spend the night with him at Eastern. Is that what you were hoping would happen?”
“No, of course not,” Dad scoffs. “They weren’t going to be alone.”
Mom raises her voice. “I lost one child to your pig-headed ways. I will not lose another.” She threatens, “You better find a way to mend your relationship with Lincoln and Regan. Think about what you're doing to these kids—to me. You’ve gone too far. Do you want to lose everything?”
“Sarah…”
My mouth drops open. Afraid to hear another word, I step back into my room and quietly shut the door. I’ve never heard Mom talk like that. Never heard them argue like that.
What does “lose everything” mean?
My mind races through their words again. Is Lane staying late part of a plan? Does he know anything about this?
LANE
I awoke to the most beautiful and terrifying scene early this morning.
The beautiful part?
Regan in my arms lying on her sofa. I swear her smooth skin was begging me to cover it in kisses. As I brushed my lips near her ear, the intoxicating scent of the perfume I got her for Christmas had me craving more.
But a clink from the kitchen drew my attention, and the sight of her dad rummaging around in the fridge struck me with terror.
That early in the morning, combined with being that close to Regan, delayed my reactions. My heart went from cruising to supersonic speed in six seconds. I gulped down my fear and got up without waking Regan.
The kicker? Her dad wasn’t ticked I was there. He even said I could
stay.
The perks of being Mr. Stone’s discourager got a little better. Discourager? Sounds a lot like Dementor from Harry Potter. I chuckle to myself until I realize what that means.
Do I really want to be the guy who sucks Regan’s soul right out of her?
I groan and run my hand through my hair as I cross the bridge to her house. Maybe Cam was right. I should be trying to get her to apply to the summer camp, not the opposite. Being that guy—the one who sucks her dreams right out of her—is slowly sucking my own soul into a black hole.
Maybe today is perfect timing to explain how we got to see each other while she was grounded.
I make a left into the driveway and park behind her mom’s Jeep. Crap. Her dad’s home. Shouldn’t he be at work?
I step out of the truck, take a deep breath of the frigid air, and stretch. Regan comes out of the house before I’m finished, and I smile as soon as I see her. A flashback of her chocolate-melting kisses from last night hits me. I stop and watch her, listen to the soft crunch of snow under her feet, and decide this is the day I unload this burden about her dad’s bribe.
I drink her in and say, “Morning.”
Her face brightens. It could be the cold air, but I’d rather think I have that effect on her. “Morning,” she says.
I reach for her hand, and we stroll to the truck and get in. “You hungry?” I ask, cranking the engine, and take off for the restaurant.
She buckles her seatbelt. “Yeah, I’m getting there. You?”
“Yeah. I’m thinking eggs, bacon, sausage, and biscuits and gravy.” My stomach growls. “And maybe a pecan waffle too.”
She chuckles. “You mean the usual?”
I stretch my arm along the back of the bench seat. “Slide over here.”
Her grin settles my heart as she flips off the buckle and closes the space between us.
“You notice how quiet it is in the cab driving on the snow? It’s like insulation.” The road commissioner hasn’t been out to blade yet, but it’s not bad driving.
“Yeah, it is,” she answers softly as if she might disturb sleeping critters.
We drive for a while before the silence gets to me. She seems more quiet than usual, but I’m not sure if it’s that or nerves about letting her in on the deal I made with her dad. It’s got to be the right timing to tell her, or she might not understand why I did it.
I rub my neck and return my hand to her shoulder. We drive in tension-laced silence for a few miles.
My muscles tighten. I need to tell her. A lump lodges in my throat, and I try to swallow it down.
Regan’s shoulder rise with a deep intake of breath.
Does she know something is up? I can’t take it anymore, so I speak up. “I want to—”
She says, “I heard my—”
We speak at the same time.
“Go ahead,” she says.
I shake my head and insist, “No, you first.”
She nods and takes another big breath. “I heard my parents fighting this morning.”
The pain in my lower back eases. I almost let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah? What about?”
She fiddles with her fingers. “Me. You.”
Crap. Not what I thought she would say. My muscles clench again. “What happened?” I glance at her concerned expression.
“I’m trying to figure out what it all meant. I mean, it sounded like Dad is pushing us together. But that makes no sense because he was such a jerk about us being best friends when you left for college. And then he grounded me when he found out I skipped the exhibits at the field trip with you.”
I swallow, bracing myself for what’s coming. “What did they say exactly?” I squeeze her shoulder involuntarily.
She angles her body before she begins. “Dad thinks we’re in love with each other.”
My heart speeds up. Again, not what I expected. At least he accepts it. I give her a smile and pull her into my side. “Well, we are,” I say into her hair before I press my lips to her head.
“Yeah, but Mom accused him of pushing you on me. Like if I got pregnant, Dad said you’d—” She raises her fingers for air quotes. “Do right by me.”
My eyes widen, heart races, stomach sinks. I stare at her. “Are you serious?” Please say you’re joking.
She points out the windshield. “Lane! Watch out!” She braces her hands on the dash.
I look back to the road as we head straight for the ditch. My heart flies into my throat, but I swallow it down, doing my best to stay in control. I bring both hands to the wheel and tap my brakes. The back end of the truck fishtails, but I’m able to steer us safely back on to the road.
Regan grabs my arm in both her hands. “Oh, my gosh!” She presses her forehead against my arm for a second. “We almost wrecked.”
My heart rattles in my chest. “Sorry.” I shake my head. “That stuff about your dad freaked me out a little.”
She blows out a loud breath and lets her head rest on the back of the seat.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
I rub the adrenaline effects from the back of my neck. Definitely not the right timing to spill about my secret. There might be more to her dad’s agenda than I know about.
“So what else happened?” I ask, hoping she doesn’t link any conspiracies.
After a few seconds, she turns her laser eyes on mine. “Has Dad said anything to you?” she asks. “Do you know anything about this? I need to know the truth. Do you really love me?”
I look back to the road and slow for the upcoming turn. When I glance at her expression, I see it's a mix of confusion and…fear.
We come to a stop at the four-way. I check the rear-view mirror to make sure no other cars are behind us and shove the truck in park.
Her wide eyes stare back at me, and guilt hits me in the gut. If I tell her now, she’ll hate me. Admission of my secret is off the table. But sharing how much I love her is a must. No matter what her dad says, she needs to trust in what we have.
I slide my fingers across her smooth cheeks and into her hair. When her sunburst blue eyes lock onto mine, I let her know, no matter what she heard this morning, what is true. “I love you. For real. I can’t help it. No one needs to tell me to do it, but it’s probably easy for people to see that I do.” I press my lips to hers and let the warmth fill my chest.
She pulls back. “I’m sorry. I know you’d tell me if he was doing anything like that.”
Another punch to the gut.
Regan shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter what my parents said.” Her fingers part my open coat and press against my chest. The warmth blazes a trail toward my shoulders, and she says, “I’m so lucky to have you.” The hint of honeysuckle stirs the flat air of my truck cab as she wraps her arms around me.
I’m the lucky one. The longer this goes on, the more I realize it. My hands find their way around her waist.
“I love you,” she whispers. “So much.”
I pull her close to me and bury my face in the sweet mixture of her coconut shampoo and delicious perfume. I’m getting in deep. Maybe even over my head. I squeeze my stinging eyes shut and hold on. I’ll keep my secrets to myself for as long as I have to because I don’t want to lose this…her…us.
19
REGAN
The cashier rings up the insulators, wire, and other farm stuff Tobi has in the cart. She swipes the credit card, and I push the goods through the doors toward the truck.
“We have no life,” Tobi says, chuckling. “Look at us. Buying work supplies on a Friday night. It’s pathetic.”
I snicker. “Yeah, we’re more like forty-seven instead of seventeen.”
When we make it to the truck, Tobi slips on her gloves and tosses the posts and wire into the beat-up bed. I put the bags in the back floorboard. Bright pole lights dust a young couple walking hand in hand to the entrance of the store. He tucks her beside a double-stacked pallet of mulch, stealing a feverish kiss, and I wish that was Lane and me. I
force myself to stop gawking and climb into the cab.
Tobi joins me and cranks the engine. While she pulls out of our parking spot, I glance back at the couple hidden in the shadows. It’s not that I want to kiss Lane like that in public, but I can’t seem to get enough of him. And I’m surprised at how natural it seems to want to be closer. I think I want all of him. Does Tobi ever feel like that about Rex? She’s the only one I can talk to about this, and well, I’m not sure how to ask about it.
“I’m in the mood for some Starbucks,” she says as we stop at the stop sign and looks at me with a broad smile. “My treat. For going on this exciting trip with me.”
I laugh. “Sounds good.”
She makes a right, and we head across the big town of Effingham to her favorite coffee place.
My mind can’t seem to muster up the right words. Tobi’s a virgin too. I think. I mean, she would have told me, right? I glance at the golden locks hanging loose from under her ball cap. Or maybe not. Since we both promised to wait until we were married, she might think I would be mad at her.
Tobi goes through the drive-thru for Frappuccinos and sandwiches. We don’t get too far before she asks, “Why are you so fidgity? It can’t be from the coffee. It’s barely in your system.”
I shrug, taking a long swig from my straw. I was hoping to be less conspicuous about it, but I guess I’ll just ask. She is my best friend. “You seem serious with Rex.”
“Yeah, I guess,” she says. “I mean, we went on a little Christmas vacation together.”
“Did you have a lot of…alone time? Just the two of you.”
She tilts her head from side to side as if she’s weighing how much is a lot. “Not a lot, but some. I mean, it was freezing. Not much to do outside for long periods of time, you know.”
I nod and eat more of my sandwich before asking another question. “What about since then?”