So I’m running down the little connector hallway that leads from the mall to the parking garage and they’ve already closed the doors that kind of divide the corridor into separate little pieces. I remember thinking that if they’d locked them as well, I was fucked, but when I threw myself against that metal push bar thingy, the door flew wide open and then banged shut behind me.
By the time I’d run through the second one, I’ve got this stitch in my side. Feels like someone keeps jabbing me with a knife and I was running with my hand pressed against my ribs, favoring the other side when I throw myself against the doors and what have you. But then it occurs to me… that bitch isn’t chasing me anymore.
If she was, I’d hear her busting through those doors as well. But everything back there is silent, so I think that maybe I can slow down for a second and get my wind back, ya know? I mean, I’m close enough now that I could bolt to the car and be locked inside before she even made it through the second set of doors. Hell, for all I knew she was beatin’ the hell outta Referee for getting in her way, and since I have a kind of early warning system, her chances of a sneak attack are nil.
Now, part of me felt like laughing because I’d done it. I’d really done it. I’d stared the infection in the face and emerged unscathed. I was alive, disease free, and knew that the next time I saw Ms. Clarice fuckin’ Hudson I’d be better prepared. So yeah, those endorphins were going crazy and I just wanted to cackle with relief, but all I could really do was stand there with my hands on my knees and pant as I struggled to catch my breath.
After about a minute or so, I decided not to push my luck. Best to get while the gettin’ is good. So I start walkin’ down the hall and I pass this little inset door that has a sign on it that reads The Brass Candle, which reminded me that I needed to pick up more candles and incense at some point during the next couple days. Funny what will go through your mind in the wake of a super intense experience, isn’t it? I mean, here I was, just moments after being chased through an empty mall by a plague-ridden sack of infection, and I was thinkin’ about meditation and shit.
Anyway, I was debating the merits of Nag Champa versus sandalwood as I pushed open the glass door and stepped into the parking garage. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever paid attention, but the garage at the mall is like a rapist’s wet dream. You got these little pools of light, some of which are flickerin’ like they’re about to wink right outta existence, and a little ambient glow from the rest of the city… but for the most part shadows just cluster everywhere in these tight little packs, man. It’s so dark that someone could be lurkin’ just behind the silhouette of that van. Or behind one of those concrete support columns. Or even the big green box that emits a hum so low it almost seems like it’s comin’ from somewhere inside your own head.
On top of all this darkness, the security cameras are mostly for show. I’m sure a few of ‘em might still work, but—with the economy bein’ what it is and all—management has cut a few corners to keep the overhead down, ya know? No, man… it’s true. I know this cat who made a killing last Christmas. Dude learned the security schedule and between the times when they were makin’ their rounds, he was sliding a slim jim into windows, poppin’ the locks, grabbin’ the bags of goodies from the back seat, and a week later returned all that loot for cash. If those cameras were on the up and up, they woulda nabbed his ass within the first fifteen minutes. He did this shit all weekend long, see?
But I’m gettin’ away from the point, again. Said point being that I’d just stepped into this gloomy, under-secured area when I heard this bang behind me. Now, it wasn’t like the double doors I’d crashed through, those had a distinctive boom-like quality when they flew open. No, this was similar but sounded more solid, ya know? Like the door was forged from a single piece of metal rather than being hollow inside.
I kinda spin around to see what’s up just in time to see the door in one of those alcoves bouncing off the wall like it was trying to close itself again. There’s a blur of movement streakin’ outta that door and I only have enough time to think oh, shit before that blur is crashin’ into me.
Bitch hit me so hard that all the air kinda whooshed outta my lungs. She’s got her claws hooked onto my shirt and we’re falling backwards, and when I hit that concrete it was like everything went black for a split second. If it would knocked me plum out, I probably wouldn’t be here talkin’ to ya today, man. But it was more like reality disappeared just for the amount of time it took for my head to ricochet off that concrete.
Clarice fuckin’ Hudson is all over me, man. Her eyes had this wild look like she was hopped up on meth or something and spit was just sprayin’ outta her mouth as she half-growled, half-shouted words that woulda made a sailor blush. And she’s yankin’ me up by my shoulders and slamming me back down like she was playin’ a game of jacks and my head was the ball.
Every time my skull cracked against that floor, I got these flash bursts of light that exploded in my field of vision. Then that darkness would come surgin’ back in like the waves of a dark sea. But the pain cut through it all and pulled me back just in time for my head to be slammed down again.
By this time, I got this ringin’ in my ears and everything else doesn’t exist. There’s just me, this crazed bitch straddling my body, and a floor that even I can tell is starting to get a little sticky.
Because I’m bleedin’, that’s why, asshole. The human body wasn’t designed to withstand this shit. I mean, it was like that whore was tryin’ to break through the concrete with nothin’ more than my head. And I can feel these tiny pebbles and pieces of grit grinding into the wound, tearin’ away at the crags of meat each time my head smashed down again.
And that infective cunt is kinda chanting now—die, die, die, die.
There was no doubt in what was left of my mind, man, that’s exactly what was going to happen. In an empty parking garage, without even the benefit of security bein’ able to see what was going down, I was gonna have my head caved in by the snarling animal on top of me.
And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Ocean felt the words swell inside her. At first, nothing more than a nervous flutter in her stomach and heart, but those undulations formed a pressure that seemed to push out against her skin, as if her body were filling with escaping gas. At the same time, she grew lightheaded and the world rushed away from her at a speed much too great for her to follow. She was going to do it, she was really going to do it. Whether or not Gauge and Levi believed her no longer mattered, she simply wanted to expose that bastard Corduroy for the monster he truly was. To show him that he simply couldn’t get away with what he’d tried to do.
As Ocean drew in a deep breath, she couldn’t help stealing a glance in his direction. Though her eyes appeared glazed by anger, a crooked grin skewed her face. She wanted to stick her tongue out at him, to show him her middle finger again, or simply spit in his general direction. For some reason, he didn’t seem quite so big now, in fact, he looked like an empty husk of a man, just some pathetic old relic who was so ugly and deformed that he had to force himself on young girls. Though half his stature, inside Ocean felt as if she towered over this wretched creature and, if she were perfectly honest with herself, she had Levi to thank for that.
Seeing the other woman stand her ground against Gauge’s anger, refusing to back down, had ignited something within the girl. Though she had wiled away countless hours wishing that she was tall and strong like her beautiful counterpart, dreaming that it was her arms wrapped around Gauge through the long hours of the night, she’d never really viewed the woman as anything other than competition. True, Levi was kind and funny and probably could’ve been almost like an older sister to Ocean if Gauge hadn’t been wedged between them. And so the younger girl had always kept her distance, refusing to get too close to the very woman whose heart she planned on breaking someday.
It was ironic that now, with all the fear and uncertainty of
the morning coming to a head, that Ocean should find a mentor in her. That she was able to draw strength from the olive-skinned enchantress in a way she’d never been able to with anyone else. This same strength is what allowed her to look Corduroy directly in the eye as she parted her lips to speak.
At the same time the words formed in her throat, Gauge pulled his hand away from Ocean’s shoulder and drew it back into a tight fist as he glowered at the woman who stood defiantly across from him.
“You don’t wanna do that.”
Corduroy’s voice cut through Baby’s keening like a commandment from some ancient demon, and Ocean felt them hit her with an almost physical force. In her mind, she’d expected him to plead with his eye or perhaps slink away when he realized what she was about to do. She’d hoped to see him humiliated and defeated, broken down and battered by her impending allegations.
But he didn’t seem worried in the least bit. In fact, it was almost like this new threat was more of a warning. As if he knew what the outcome would be if she told the others now.
Was he that secure in his place here? Did he have some secret power over Gauge and Levi that Ocean wasn’t privy to? The surety and courage that had previously made Ocean feel as if she could rip bricks from the wall with her bare hands, now dissipated as quickly as the steam from the pot of boiling water.
Deep down inside, she didn’t want to leave. Nor did she want the others, even Levi, to think that she was a liar. She remembered how she used to feel when her mother would accuse her of making stuff up, how she’d feel so small and insignificant for days afterward. Even if they didn’t force her to pack her things and go, she’d still have to live with that withering feeling, the illogical guilt for something she hadn’t even done. Could Gauge ever love someone like that? Someone whom he thought was petty and spiteful and vindictive?
All of those thoughts flew through Ocean’s mind at once, in the amount of time it took for Gauge to snap his head in Corduroy’s direction. At first, he seemed to challenge the burnt man with the way he puffed out his chest and tilted his head, but then he looked at the fist that was cocked back to his shoulder, then at Levi, and then back to Corduroy.
Gauge’s hand relaxed and his entire body seemed to slump forward. With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and shook his head like a man awaking from a dream.
“Yeah,” he muttered. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want to do that.”
Gauge’s eyes shifted to Levi again and then he closed them lightly before sighing again.
“Come on, Cord. What do you say you and me go get the tools out of the south tunnel? We’ll get that new latrine dug.”
Corduroy grunted a reply but his gaze never strayed from Ocean. Was it just her imagination or was there something smug buried beneath all those scars? Something that knew the power that had infused her was now no more tangible than the earthy smells of breakfast that filled the room. She cast her eyes at her feet and didn’t look up again until he and Gauge had both walked silently out of the room.
“Sorry about that.” Levi mumbled. “Gauge can be a bit of an ass at times. He’s been through a lot.”
Ocean could still hear Baby’s warbling cries from the other room and her muscles longed to go to the infant boy, but something kept her rooted to the spot as firmly as if she were one of the wooden supports sunk into the floor. Besides, Levi was Baby’s mom… why shouldn’t she occasionally tend to the child’s needs? Not that Ocean minded taking care of Baby, she loved feeling his tiny body kick and squirm against her own and hearing the gurgling laugh when she’d make funny faces at him was enough to make her heart feel so full that it seemed it would shatter into a thousand pieces.
But on this particular morning, Ocean was tired. More tired than she’d ever been, as though all of her energy had leaked out when she’d come crashing down from the height of courage and confidence. Now, she simply felt beaten and spiritually bruised. If she held Baby, his tears would coax out her own ‘wasted water’ and she was so very, very tired of crying. All she wanted was some time to think, to piece things together… and thinking of her mama earlier certainly hadn’t helped things either.
“I am grateful, don’t get me wrong. I mean, if Gauge hadn’t come along when he did… Well, he literally saved my life. He’s taken care of me all these years. Sometimes, though, his temper gets a little out of hand. That’s all.”
Levi grabbed a thick piece of cloth from a hook on the wall and walked over to the fire. Wrapping the fabric around the handle of the pot, she lifted it from the tripod and carried it back to the long table that lined one wall.
“You hungry?” she asked hopefully.
Ocean shook her head silently.
“No… I don’t suppose any of us really are, huh? If Cord hadn’t come along when he did… well, I’m not sure how all this would’ve turned out.”
The mention of his name caused memories of the attack to crash against Ocean’s mind and the waves of emotion that followed made her swoon as the room grew blurry and dim.
“Hey… you okay?”
Levi’s voice sounded as muffled as if she were on the other side of the wall Ocean leaned against for support.
“Just… hot… in here. Hard to breathe.”
Levi took Ocean’s elbow gently and guided her toward the door. Her other hand pressed lightly on the young girl’s back, as if afraid she might topple at any moment.
“Come on… let’s go sit at the table. It’s cooler in there.”
As they left the kitchen the sound of Baby’s crying grew louder and inwardly Ocean cringed. She knew she should be in the nursery, that she should be rocking and singing to the little one, perhaps changing the cloth that was swaddled around his waist. But there was still something within her that demanded she take some time for herself and she found she was powerless to resist its impulses. Why the hell doesn’t Levi just go and take care of Baby? Why did she have to act like she couldn’t even hear the infant shrieking?
Levi helped Ocean onto one of the wooden chairs and then pulled one out for herself.
“Baby…” Ocean said. “Baby’s crying.”
Levi glanced at the nursery and shrugged her shoulders.
“It’ll shut up soon enough. Right now, we have to worry about you.”
Though it wasn’t the first time she’d heard Levi say things like that, Ocean couldn’t help but to gawk at the woman with wide eyes. Maybe it was because her own mother had turned into such a cruel, callused bitch, but she simply couldn’t comprehend how someone could hear their child cry and brush it away so easily. Why in God’s name couldn’t Levi show a little warmth and compassion to the very life she’d brought into the world?
“Anyhow, like I was saying, Cord has this way of keeping Gauge in check for the most part. It’s weird really.” Levi had raised her voice to be heard over the wailing infant and twirled a lock of dark hair around her finger lazily. For Ocean, this was the last straw. She pushed her chair away from the table so abruptly that the legs grated over the brick with a squeal and stormed across the room.
Baby’s nursery and the kitchen shared a wall, though the infant’s room was no bigger than the interior of one of the cars that used to make up Ocean’s home. As such, the the doorway was much smaller than the entrance to the kitchen and she had to stoop to keep from banging her head. Once in the room, she marched immediately to a crib that seemed to defy gravity, with bulges of silver tape and coils of wire around wood that looked about to crack at any moment. Baby lay on a long piece of foam covered with a thin blanket, his tiny hands and feet pummeled the air, his red face screwed into an expression that looked like a walnut.
“Shhhh… it’s okay… everything’s okay. Ocean’s here, Baby. Yes, she is. Ocean’s here.”
The infant was always heavier than she expected, no matter how many times she lifted him, and Ocean hoisted the child to her hip with a grunt. She sniffed the air but couldn’t smell any traces of poop and the cloth wrapped between his legs seemed dry. Bounc
ing on the balls of her feet, she patted Baby’s back, making his cries seem as if they were rapidly starting and stopping, and continued whispering in his ear.
“It’s okay. I’m here, Baby. I’m here.”
Within ten minutes, Baby’s crying had subsided and his small thumb was wedged into his mouth. She walked out of the nursery carefully, so as not to trip when going through the doorway, and returned to her place at the table.
“What’s wrong with him anyway?” she asked as she rocked back and forth in her chair.
“Who? Baby? I don’t know. You’re the one who got it to stop crying.”
Ocean stiffened, but somehow managed to keep the irritation she felt from seeping into her voice.
“No… Corduroy.”
“Oh, him. What do you mean?”
Ocean knew she’d have to pick her words carefully. Part of her wanted to know more about the man, as if by having knowledge about his life she could somehow have a modicum of power over him. She knew it didn’t make any sense and there was no way she could learn anything about him that could give her any sort of leverage. But at the same time she felt compelled to ask. The trick was in not seeming to eager, to make it appear as if she were just making small talk.
“Well, to start with, how did he get burned?”
“Says he doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember a lot about life before… you know, all of this. Gauge thinks it was the fire. That maybe it boiled his brain or something.”
Levi laughed as she leaned forward and propped her chin in her hands.
“Saying it like that, it sounds kind of silly. But to do that much damage to his body, it would have had to have been one hell of a fire. Hard to tell what something like that would do to someone’s mind. That’s why he doesn’t eat meat, by the way. The burns. They’re in his throat as well as on the outside. He just can’t swallow anything that’s not very soft.”
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