by Autumn Dawn
Fallon looked at her for a long moment. The dynamics had shifted between them in the last twenty minutes. Her sacrifice had done much to allay his anger. “You’re certain?”
“Yeah,” she said on a sigh. “I want to hang out in my cave for a bit.”
A grave smile curved his mouth, but didn’t last. He kissed her. “For a little while.”
She shut the door to her room, alone at last. She’d meant to work on a plan B while she had the time, but found she really was too disheartened to bother. She’d been stressed for so long, it had been hard to really mourn her father. So much adrenaline and fear was bound up within the last year it was painful to look back, to examine the feelings.
All this time she thought she’d gotten past the worst, and now she discovered she’d yet to really grieve. She was afraid.
Maybe it helped to feel sorry for herself. Maybe it was a kind of letting go, giving up her dream of justice, but something about tonight’s mix of emotions let the tears begin to roll. No one was chasing her. She didn’t have to muffle her sobs, choke them off. For once the grief didn’t hit her on a crowded bus or subway.
Once the tears began, they came in a flood. All the pent up pain came out from a full year of hiding in the dark, fearing what she was, fearing what hunted her in the night. In a way, she had Fallon to thank for that.
She’d hurt him tonight; wanted to hurt him. Part of her was angry with him for making her come here, for railroading her into a relationship she wasn’t ready for. They were both going to cross some rough roads to get to a place where this marriage he’d started could work. He’d taken advantage of her, but she was to blame, too.
She hated admitting that, but she was nothing if not fair. Now, they were stuck. She was stuck, because she’d willingly given up her ticket off this planet. For what? To soothe Fallon’s fear. Why had she done that?
Maybe it was because she understood fear. He had been kind to her. Maybe the only thing he felt for her was desire, but he’d been generous about sharing that, too. He didn’t make her feel used, just confused. Weak.
Maybe that’s what scared her most of all.
Fallon returned an hour after he’d left. Though the lights were out, he had no trouble finding her in the moonlit shadows of the couch. He sat beside her on the cushions and traced the tracks of her tears. “Okay, now we try this my way.” He kissed her gently, then scooped her up and headed for the door.
“Where are we going? I can walk,” she grumped, trying to sit up. She gave up rather easily when he tightened his arms.
“Humor me. I feel like carrying you.” The Haunt guard at his door opened it for them, and this time she remembered to hold her breath so she didn’t sneeze.
Fallon set her gently on the bed, then knelt before her, kissed her hand. “Rain? Thank you for laying aside your own desires this once. I promise to remember it, and I hope to return the favor sometime.”
She gave him a lopsided smile. “You think you’ll find an opportunity? It’s a rather large something.”
He kissed her other hand. “Maybe I’ll go for a series of small somethings.” He joined her on the bed and slid his hand behind her head, holding her steady for his kiss. “For now, let me say ‘thank you’ the best way I can.”
“Thank you, huh?” she said dizzily, when he came up for air.
He skimmed his mouth over hers. “Hm. One of the best advantages to being married is that I get to comfort you with my body.”
The man knew aid and comfort, she’d give him that. Their first night together had told her to expect wildness in his bed; this night showed her what comfort was. Every caress spoke empathy, every tender kiss, love. Even if he didn’t feel it, that’s what came across in his touch. Could a man who made love like that feel nothing?
Later, she lay drowsing by his side, thinking nothing in particular. Compelled by a sudden urge, she turned her head and placed a kiss on his bare chest. “I love you.”
His body jerked. “Come again?”
Fallon’s reaction made her want to laugh. “I must, you know. Mad as you make me, I haven’t kicked you out of bed yet.”
He peered down at her, his brow furling as her shoulders shook. Reassured that she was laughing, he said gruffly, “Well, I am pretty lovable.”
She laughed some more and made the mistake of meeting his gaze. His was serious and tender, a little troubled.
“I’ve never been in love before.”
“You’re not now,” she stated. “That’s all right.” It wasn’t, but it had to be said. She wasn’t going to force him into any admissions he didn’t mean.
“You’re wrong about that. I’m something, but I’m not sure what yet.”
She snorted and settled back down. “Well, wake me up if you figure it out. I’ve had a hard day.”
His chest rumbled as he chuckled, but he let her sleep through the night.
The next morning dawned gloomy, and Rain was out of sorts. Fallon was off doing whatever ex-ambassadors did all day.
What she ought to have been doing was working at dumbing down her technology…er, making it more commonly useful. Saving her hide, as a bonus. Instead she moped around, staring out the window, dallying over breakfast, taking a long bath.
Fallon hadn’t been in bed when she awoke. Had she scared him with her talk of love? Well, too bad. He’d seduced her into his bed, so he could deal with what it had done to her feelings. It wasn’t like she planned to get sentimental or try to psychoanalyze him or anything. She had enough problems trying to figure out what drove her.
Motivated by anger, she strolled to her rooms, holding her breath as she walked past the Haunt guarding the hall and the door to her suite. Once inside, she actually got some work done, but she never really settled. Still edgy, she gulped some of the vile allergy medicine and braved the hall. “I’m going for a walk,” she said defiantly to the Haunt outside. “I need air.” When none of them growled at her, she walked on, trying to ignore the pair of them trailing behind. Once she’d found a way outside, she paused in confusion. She knew that the obstacle course was straight across from her garden wall, but where was she now? She chose a path to her left, hoping it was the right direction.
There were a few people on the stone paths, but her surly expression and the Haunt soldiers trailing her must have discouraged conversation, for nobody tried to talk to her. Just as well—she wasn’t in the mood for chitchat.
Once she’d thought it, she suddenly felt lonely. Great. Fallon was mucking with her head now. Fine, it was one more thing to blame on him.
Maybe it was dumb luck, but her ramblings brought her to the obstacle course. To her dismay, it was swarming with soldiers doing exercises. Even if they’d have welcomed her, she didn’t want company. Muttering something foul, she stomped off toward the woods across the way. There looked to be a park off to their right and an orchard beyond that. Maybe by the time she’d done the loop she’d have worn out enough to enjoy a solitary lunch.
The park was too crowded, though by no means full. She felt exposed as curious eyes tracked her progress. It was as she entered the orchard and achieved the seclusion she’d hoped for that she began to worry. Something wasn’t right. Shouldn’t her bodyguards have said something by now, questioned her choice of wandering in the woods? She expected someone to appear, ready to chew her out.
A familiar pain gripped her as the change came over her, lengthening her nails, sharpening her teeth and her senses. This time she rode it out, using her nose to test the wind before the change dulled it, blessing the ears that picked up sound unavailable to mere human ears. She stood still, looking, scenting as shiny red fruit swayed gently in the breeze. Something…
Her guards picked up on her unease and looked around warily. One reached for his dagger…and she saw it. A hilt just like that, one with a pale blue stone, had been raised to smash into her father’s face that night long ago. The memories slammed back like a freight train rushing through her mind, triggering the panic.
With an animal snarl, she turned on her heels and ran.
She was back in the night, alone, afraid, with blood on the wind. The monsters were chasing her, would kill her like they’d killed her father. They were going to get her.
But nobody ran like Rain. Nobody had ever been able to catch her when she’d started to move; could leap as high, dodge as fast. She might not have all the fur of a full-blood, but she had all the speed, plus some. Even so, she didn’t dare look back.
“Trouble! Backup! She just took off like she’d been shot from a gun. Kial’s trying to catch her…”
She heard the words and put on a burst of speed. There were more of them coming now.
Ahead, she could hear the thunder of a waterfall. Water had saved her last time. She’d used a canoe to steal away, letting the water mask her scent, then docked at a waterfront restaurant and taken a cab to the bus depot, just like she’d planned with her dad. There’d be no bus today, but the water could still take her away. She ran to the head of the waterfall…
“No!” her guard yelled franticly behind her.
…and jumped without looking at the landing.
Fallon paced slowly along the river’s edge, staring out over the foaming water. It was only two miles from the waterfall to the mouth of the ocean, but those two miles were half a mile wide and filled with fast, dark water full of boulders. The falls Rain had jumped from were over four stories tall and the pool at the bottom had rocks the size of Volkswagens. Things that went over that fall did not survive the drop. If by some miracle they did, the river rode over it, dragging away any slim chance for life.
Rain was dead.
They were combing the banks and boats were braving the swift currents at the ocean’s mouth, but it was a formality. Nobody expected to find the body.
Her guards didn’t know what had gone wrong. Kial had almost grabbed her before she’d jumped and had to be saved from overbalancing. He and his partner, Brack, were searching obsessively, unwilling to give up. They’d never lost a charge before, and to have a woman die on them like this…
Fallon looked away from them.
His companion, Keilor, both Master of Hunt and his cousin, clamped him on the shoulder. “Don’t give up yet.”
Fallon merely looked at him. Keilor knew the odds. As the commander of Jayems’s armies, he’d seen long odds before, and he’d seen death. Today had brought another one.
Fallon hadn’t expected it to hurt so much.
“Sir, they’ve found her!” One of Keilor’s soldiers came up, holding a com unit. “One of the fishermen pulled her on board. She’s hurt, but alive.” News passed rapidly among the men, resulting in a few scattered cheers.
Fallon took the com unit like a sleepwalker and held it to his ear. “Hello?”
“Hello! We’ve got the lady and we’re heading for the docks. We’ve already got a medic coming to meet us.” There was a spate of cursing in the background, breathless and feminine. There was a pause and then the man said uncertainly, “She wants me to tell you she’s fine.”
“Put her on,” Fallon ordered, relief making him terse. She was alive!
“Uh, I would, but she’s out again.”
Fallon cursed, tossed the unit to the soldier and bolted for his stag beast. The ugly reptile looked like a horse on steroids crossed with an ankylosaur, but it had speed to match its grouchy temperament, and that’s what he needed.
He reached the docks in record time and had to shove his way through the crowd that had formed as news of the rescue spread.
The fishermen carefully transferred Rain to the medic’s anti-gravity stretcher, wincing as she groaned.
“Watch that knee,” he advised the medics. “It’s the worst.”
“Yes, that one, idiot!” Rain gasped as the medic lightly touched the offender. She dug her nails into his hand and then let go with a groan. She shivered. Her hair was plastered with salt water and her face held a ghastly pallor. She bit her lip, causing bright beads of blood to well as they jostled the pallet.
“Hey, enough of that,” Fallon ordered her, taking her hand as they moved toward the Citadel.
Her eyes flew open to look at him. “It’s not that bad.”
“I see that.”
She tried to smother another groan. “Stupid rocks.” She muttered something incoherent and tossed her head. “That water’s cold.”
“Why did you jump?” Fallon’s throat was tight. He was afraid of the answer. If she’d tried to deliberately take her life…
“There was something wrong.”
“What?”
“Wrong…” she trailed off, breathing shallowly.
“My lord, later,” one of the medics snapped at him. “Let’s make sure she lives first.”
“I’ll live,” Rain muttered, but it was clear she wasn’t fully sensible.
They wouldn’t let him inside the operating room, so Fallon paced. Keilor joined him, keeping silent vigil as they waited for news.
“Maybe a flashback?” Fallon offered, when over half an hour had crawled by. “She has panic attacks around Haunt.”
While Keilor had not yet met Rain, he’d listened just that morning as Fallon had spilled his guts about his wife. “Maybe.”
“I know Kial and Brack are reliable. I wouldn’t have assigned them if they hadn’t been.”
“I know.”
“She’s not going to die. She’s too stubborn to die.” Fallon looked at Keilor, almost begging.
He received a glimmer of a smile. “From your description, that’s true. I’d focus on what you need to do in the future to prevent these panic attacks, if that’s what it was. It’s a dangerous habit in someone who can outrun her guard.”
Fallon blew out a breath, still amazed at that. He’d never heard of a woman being able to outrun a fully changed, adult male. If asked, he’d have sworn it couldn’t be done.
He hated learning things about Rain behindhand. All he wanted was a nice tame married life, yet what he got was fireworks going off under his feet. He certainly couldn’t let her keep jumping off cliffs! Yet he didn’t want to smother her. There had to be a way to achieve some equilibrium.
An hour after they’d taken Rain into the ER, a medic came out to get Fallon. “You can see her now,” the medic advised, “but don’t make her talk too much, and don’t get her upset. She’s lost some blood; not enough for a transfusion, but she’ll be a little weak. There’s a few cuts and bruises, a bump on the back of her head and of course, her knee. Other than that, she’s doing remarkably well, considering.” A touch of awe came into his voice. Apparently, Rain’s stunt was destined to become legend.
“What’s wrong with her knee?” Fallon asked, a little sharply. As far as he was concerned, her behavior was cause for alarm, not admiration.
“Oh, just a bad sprain. It could have been far worse.”
“Yeah? Well, stand by. I’m not done with her.” His cold words aside, Fallon was relieved to find Rain resting quietly. Apparently the painkillers were working fine.
She sent him a glance. “I’m fine. Don’t look so grim.”
He raised a brow as he took the chair next to her. “This is fine?”
She shrugged, then winced as she thought better of it. “Well, I’m not dead.”
“A near thing, but I’m glad.” He tried to hold his tongue, found he couldn’t. “There was nothing chasing you, you know.”
“Maybe,” she said cautiously.
He sighed. “What sent you off?”
She thought about it, looking uneasy. “I don’t know. We were isolated, and the woods…I just got this feeling. Then there was this blue stone in one of the wer—er, Haunt’s swords, and I…” She trailed off, frustrated.
Fallon tried to contain his temper, knowing it was born of worry. “Blue gems are very, very common in our sword hilts. I could find you a dozen of them in as many minutes. Now if you’d said a red stone, I could have done something with that.”
She grunted and chose not to
comment.
Chewing on the inside of his cheek to contain the scalding rebuke he longed to deliver, he took her hand instead and awkwardly stroked it. “I chose the men who guard you very carefully.”
“They’re not men,” she muttered, refusing to look at him.
It took a quick breath to keep from snapping at her. “Would you still feel that way if they took a bullet for you? Would you still despise Kial if he were bleeding out right now? Those men put their lives on the line for you! For that matter, I don’t understand your prejudice. You’re one of us.”
The medic came in just as Rain drew breath to scorch him.
“My lord? You were asked not to excite our patient. For her sake, would you please leave until you can control your temper?”
“A fine idea,” he snapped, flinging a last look at Rain. “We’ll continue this when we’re on equal footing.”
“You won’t win,” Rain said sullenly. A hot red flush rose in her cheeks, making the rest of her face dead white in comparison.
While sympathetic, Fallon also felt frustrated. He’d mistaken her acceptance of them, of their relationship, as an acceptance of who she was and the Haunt in general. Now he knew better, and he couldn’t address the problem the way he wished. When it came to his wife, he had no patience.
Keilor had remained in the waiting room, the familiarity of years perhaps, making him think Fallon would need to talk some more. He took one look at Fallon’s face and smiled sympathetically. After all, he had a wife. “Want to discuss it over a drink?”
An hour and two stouts later, Fallon was beginning to relax. “She’s stubborn, cuz. I never would have thought having a wife would be this taxing.”
“I hear you,” Keilor said, still nursing his first beer.
Fallon sighed. “It doesn’t have to be this hard. She’s just trained herself to run at every opportunity.”
“Sounds like she had reason,” Keilor said reasonably. “I’ve had vets like that. Look at some of the older soldiers, the ones who’ve really seen action. At least we give them a chance to decompress.”