Unfortunately she wasn’t.
“He’s had a tough go.” Jodie turned to Erin, still holding the soap bottle. “And while I know we were kind of down on him when he was younger, he’s not the same guy he used to be. The accident really changed him. So did him getting dropped by Tiffany.”
Erin needed to deflect and dodge right about now. The last thing she needed was to hear Dean’s praises sung. The irony of their situation wasn’t lost on her. Instead she grasped at what Jodie had said.
“Dean was dating Tiffany Elders?” Tiffany was the kind of girl Erin used to be marginally jealous of. Pretty, confident and comfortable chatting up any guy she met.
“For a while. But she broke up with Dean just before his accident, hoping to get together with Vic again. She broke his heart.”
“Vic’s?”
“No. Dean’s.”
Erin wasn’t sure why the thought of Dean nursing a broken heart over someone like Tiffany bothered her. “Sounds like a soap opera,” she said picking up a dish towel to dry the dishes Jodie was washing up. “First one brother, then the other.”
“I guess. But Dean’s better off without her and Vic feels the same way. She was just trouble bouncing from one guy to the other. Last I heard she was in Colorado dating some married guy.” Jodie shook her head as condemnation and guilt curled in Erin’s stomach.
“I think I hear Caitlin,” she murmured dropping her dish towel and hurrying to the bedroom. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it. As she did a far-too-familiar prayer rose up.
Forgive me, Lord.
She fought down the habitual pain and humiliation, wondering if she could ever feel like her life was on the right track.
But she was home now and had a chance at a new start.
She walked over to her daughter’s crib, her heart melting at the sight of Caitlin’s perfect features, her chubby little fingers curled up, her hand resting beside her head. A wave of love washed over her, so intense and overpowering it nearly toppled her. But, always behind that, came the slithering feeling that she didn’t deserve this baby or her love.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, stroking Caitlin’s head, fighting down unwelcome tears. “I do love you and I will take care of you to the best of my ability.”
She bent over and brushed a kiss over her tender skin, cupped her head in her hand. Caitlin sighed, shook her head, then drifted back into sleep.
As Erin straightened she saw Dean walking slowly back to the house from his truck. Instead of going around the other side, he walked directly toward her window. He looked up and their eyes held. Then he gave her a curt nod and moved on.
“Everything okay?” she heard Jodie call out.
Erin gave her daughter one more kiss, then returned to the kitchen and her sister’s company.
“We’re fine,” she said.
They finished doing the dishes and Jodie stayed a while longer before she left. That afternoon the internet company finally came and installed her wireless network and Erin was able to connect with her clients.
Her inbox tinged for about fifteen minutes as she scrolled through her email, deleting offers from graphics sites she subscribed to and various other businesses, and skimmed through a couple of letters from her former roommates checking to see how she was doing. She shifted them into another mailbox to reply to later.
Then her heart jumped as she saw an all-too-familiar name crop up in her inbox. Sam Sibley.
She immediately sent it to trash, emptied it and then blocked him. She didn’t want to read anything he had to say. They were done.
The rest of the day was spent working on her latest project, but the entire time Sam’s deleted email hovered in the dark recesses of her mind.
Consequently she ended up working late into the night knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.
* * *
Someone was trying to get in the house.
Someone was trying to get Caitlin, and Erin couldn’t get to her. She was outside and Caitlin was in the house. Crying.
Sam was in the bedroom. Sam was here to take her baby.
Erin panicked, yanking at the door to the bedroom, but it was stuck. Caitlin’s cries grew louder. More desperate as Erin struggled to get to her daughter. It was as if her legs were tied together and she was swimming against an invisible current that pulled her back.
Her heart thundered in her chest as she fought against the implacable force. She had to get Caitlin. Sam was taking her away.
“Erin. Erin.” Someone was calling her name through her daughter’s cries.
She couldn’t see who it was.
“Erin. Wake up.”
The voice pierced the gloom surrounding her and she surged upward and into bright, blinding light.
She glanced around the unfamiliar room. Where was her baby? Where was she?
Living room. On the couch. She scrambled to her feet, blinking away the sleep that fogged her vision and just about fell over as her legs gave way.
But then an arm caught her and held her up.
“Hey. Erin. Are you okay?”
The voice was familiar and Erin struggled to get her mind to catch up, to wake up.
Slowly she became conscious of where she was. What was happening?
Dean stood beside her, holding her up. His eyes were focused on her and he was frowning. She held his gaze, trying to figure out what was going on. Then her eyes shifted and her heart jumped.
Caitlin was cradled in his other arm and she wasn’t crying anymore.
Erin sucked in a breath, fighting to catch her balance, too aware of the fact that she leaned against Dean, his arm around her warm and strong.
She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her.
“I’ll take her,” she said.
“Just sit down and I’ll give her to you. You’re still half asleep.” Erin struggled to fight him off, but she was still disoriented and couldn’t get her bearings.
“My baby,” she called out, reaching out for Caitlin.
“I’ll give her to you just as soon as you’re sitting down.”
She obeyed and true to his word as soon as she was back down on the couch, he nestled Caitlin in her arms. Erin pulled her close, her panicked heart finally slowing down. But as soon as she relaxed she became aware that Dean still had his hand on her shoulder. For a moment she felt a sense of protection. Of being watched over.
But slowly reality intruded and she pulled herself back.
“I’m sorry,” Dean said, straightening. “I heard her crying and she wouldn’t stop and I thought maybe something happened to you. So I came in and she was alone in the crib.”
Erin’s heart slowed, but behind the receding fear came the crash of guilt as she held her daughter close. How could she have been so irresponsible? What if it wasn’t Dean who had come in?
She took a breath, willed her racing heart to slow as she stared down at Caitlin, as if to make sure she was really lying quietly, now in her arms.
“I’m sorry. I was just worried about you,” Dean continued. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, then finally dared to look up at him. “Yeah. I’m fine. I guess I fell asleep here.”
His eyes on her looked kind. Caring. And again she felt an unwelcome flutter of attraction.
“That happens. I’m sure you’re still tired from the trip up here. And, well, having a baby, I guess.”
He sounded so considerate. His voice didn’t hold the usual mocking tone she was so used to hearing. Her heart twisted as she thought of how their lives had diverged. At how his old appeal now morphed to attraction. At how he seemed to have become a different person.
“Sorry you had to get her,” Erin mumbled, looking back down at Caitlin.
“It’s o
kay. I didn’t think she would settle for me.”
“She’s a good baby.”
“Probably takes after her mom.” His words were quiet, but they held a faint question in them. As if wondering if Caitlin’s father had anything to do with her personality.
But Erin wasn’t going down that road. She dragged one hand through the tangle of her hair, suddenly aware of how ragged she must look. Wearing the sloppy, comfy clothes she had put on last night after Dean left for the day. Her hair listing to starboard from the rough bun she had twisted her hair into.
An unwelcome memory of Kelly slipped into her mind. Trim. Slim and cute.
“So, are you going to be okay?” Dean asked.
“I’ll be fine.”
Suddenly she wanted him gone. She felt an unreasoning need to rush into the bathroom. Shower, clean up and put on decent clothes. Some makeup. Let him see her not as a disheveled mommy but an attractive woman. Why had she fallen asleep here?
She remembered working on her laptop. Putting together an ad proposal for a company. She glanced beside her, then the other side.
“What’s the matter?” Dean asked.
“My laptop. I can’t find it.”
“Is this it?” Dean bent over and picked up her computer from the floor. But as he straightened he lost his balance. He shifted, tried to correct himself, but then fell sideways.
Against the table.
He cried out in pain and Erin jumped to her feet, still holding Caitlin. She caught him by the arm, much as he had done for her just a few moments ago, trying to pull him upright.
He was heavy, his arm like a band of steel under her hand. She didn’t know if she would be able to get him balanced.
As soon as he regained his footing, he shook her arm off, his eyes narrowed, his jaw set in a hard line.
“I’m fine,” he growled. “I didn’t need your help.”
She snatched her hand back, her head coming up, angry herself.
“Just doing for you what you did for me,” she snapped, then she hitched her baggy pants up, drew Caitlin close and strode past him to the bathroom.
* * *
Dean knew he’d been a jerk just now. Erin was simply trying to help him just as he’d helped her. But it bugged him to look so helpless in front of her.
Dean watched her march away from him, with Caitlin in her arms. Frustration gripped him as he hobbled out of the room, thankful Erin wouldn’t be able to see his painful and humiliating retreat. He wished he could have stridden from the room as confidently as she had. Made a better exit than limping along like some old man, grabbing onto chairs as he rode out the burning agony in his leg.
He slowly came outside, then leaned against the house, giving himself some time to recover.
Cowboy up.
The cliché of rodeo riders everywhere echoed in his brain.
Well, he didn’t know if he had to cowboy up. He wasn’t a real cowboy anymore.
He heard the sound of a vehicle coming down the driveway so he stepped away from the house. He waited as Jan’s truck, emblazoned with the sign “JP Construction,” pulled up and stopped.
It was Jan and Leonard with the scaffolding. Dean made his way over, masking the throbbing in his leg. Wouldn’t do for his boss to see how badly he was managing.
“Hey, thought we’d drop this off before we head over to Mercy,” Jan said as he swung out of the cab. “Which side of the house do you want this on?”
“North side,” Dean said. “It seems to be the worst so I was starting there.”
“Sure thing.” Jan got out, Leonard joining him. The young man wore his usual canvas bib overalls, his long hair anchored with a ball cap. Leonard was a good kid. Hard worker.
Dean shouldn’t have been surprised that Jan was taking him to work on the job at Mercy and leaving him here.
Leonard went to unload and Dean, knowing he couldn’t do much to help them, hobbled back to where he was working to take the ladder down, gritting his teeth the entire time.
He cleaned up around the site while Jan and Leonard made quick work of setting up the scaffolding. He gathered up the debris he had created, bringing it to the pile he had started away from the house. Once he was done he could get Jan or one of his crew to help him haul it all away.
By the time he got back, the throbbing in his leg had thankfully settled to a dull ache. He looked up at the siding that had to be removed and the work that lay ahead, planning his week.
Is this really what you see yourself doing the rest of your life?
The thought created a flicker of panic. He had fallen into the carpentry work to fill time while his brother Vic was making plans with Keith McCauley. Plans put on hold when Lauren and Jodie had talked about selling the ranch.
But now that was settled and Vic was talking about expanding, making a place for Dean.
While part of him was excited at the thought, he couldn’t ignore the fact that he hadn’t been on a horse since the accident.
As he had said to his brother, what kind of rancher can’t ride a horse?
But was carpentry really in his future?
“You got a lot done already,” Jan said as he clambered down from the top of the scaffolding. “From the looks of it you’ll be done this side by tomorrow.”
His boss’s simple compliment helped to assuage the feelings of uselessness swamping him.
“I think so.”
“The windows will be coming in on Tuesday so we’ll bring them Wednesday and help you install them.” Jan rested his hands on his hips, looking the house over. “You figure the rest of the windows are okay?”
“They’re a standard size so even if they did need replacing down the road we won’t have to change the openings.”
“This is a cool spot for a house,” Leonard was saying as he joined Jan and Dean. “I think I could live here.”
Dean had thought the same at one time. A memory of him and Tiffany walking around this house making dreams slipped through his thoughts, but as quickly as it came he dismissed it. She was history and while he had managed to forget her, her legacy still stuck with him. The look of pity on her face when she saw him lying in the hospital bed was one he’d never forget.
“It’s a great house,” he said. “Worth fixing up.”
The door of the house opened and Dean felt an uptick of his heart as Erin came around the side. Her hair was pulled up into a loose ponytail and she had changed into other baggy pants topped with a large sweater. Even in casual clothes and no makeup, she still looked amazing.
“Good morning, Jan,” she said, avoiding Dean’s gaze.
“Things are coming along well on your house,” Jan said, giving her a gentle smile. “Dean’s doing a great job.”
“I’m sure he is,” Erin said, still not looking at him.
“I was just telling him we’ll be putting the windows in on Wednesday. The forecast is for decent weather, but you might want to go to your sister’s place with your baby that day. The house will get kind of chilly while we’re working.”
“Good to know. Thanks.” She gave him a quick bob of her head. Then she turned to Leonard, holding her hand out. “Hi. I’m Erin.”
“I’m Leonard. Dryden. Leonard Dryden that is.”
Dean would have been blind not to notice the blush creeping up Leonard’s neck, or the way he stared at Erin. Not that he blamed him, but he was surprised at how jealous he felt.
“Sorry. I should have introduced you,” Jan said. “Leonard’s family moved here a couple of years ago. He’s been working for me since. Erin just moved here. She’s Lauren McCauley’s sister.”
“I kind of figured,” Leonard said, his hands resting on his hips, his head tilted to one side as if to examine her more closely. “You look exactly like her.”
&nb
sp; “She should,” Dean put in. “They’re twins.” He wanted to blame the faintly acerbic tone in his voice on the fact that Leonard was the one chosen to work on the job in Mercy.
Instead of the fact that he was more annoyed at the way Leonard was looking at Erin.
“Really? You’re that old?” Leonard’s shock and the way he pulled his head back expressed his total disbelief.
“Thanks, I think,” Erin said with a light smile.
“I mean, you look really pretty and all, but Lauren seems way older than you.”
“Again, thanks.” Erin’s smile had deepened, softening her features, lighting up her eyes.
And the jealousy Dean felt in Leonard’s presence only grew.
He had never been on the receiving end of a full-blown smile from Erin McCauley. The only smiles he got from her were either faintly mocking or faint, period.
“So, you single?” Leonard asked.
“Down, boy,” Jan shot his helper a frown. “Let’s talk about the windows. Unless you guys want to keep doing this?”
“No. Please let’s talk about the windows.” Erin turned back to Jan, remnants of her smile remaining.
“Like I said, I would recommend being gone that day,” Jan said. “It’s not supposed to be real warm and I don’t think your baby would appreciate getting chilled.”
“You got a baby? No way.” Leonard’s skeptical tone erased the last of Erin’s humor. She nodded, slipping him a quick, sidelong glance.
“Yes. I have a little girl.”
“Whoa. That’s heavy duty.”
He didn’t actually take a step back, but Dean easily saw the retreat both in his expression and in his body language.
And it made him want to reprimand the kid. Especially when he saw the sorrow that clouded Erin’s smile. He doubted she felt more than passing amusement initially, with Leonard and his puppy-dog admiration, but his sudden withdrawal must have been hard to take.
“She’s really cute,” Dean put in, feeling a need to defend her. “I even got to hold her this morning.”
Finally Erin glanced his way, her expression holding a hint of thanks.
The Cowboy's Christmas Baby Page 6