He slowly worked his way up the stairs, disappointed at the sudden twinge he felt. All part of the process, Mike had told him whenever Dean felt like he was going backward in his therapy.
But his limp was more noticeable as he got to the top of the stairs. He paused, hoping the unexpected pain would ease away. Then he saw Erin and his heart stilled.
She was talking to a man wearing a suit like it was a second skin, his hair cut like he had just stepped off the cover of GQ. He didn’t look familiar. At all.
But from the way Erin was talking to him and the way he leaned toward her, his hand on her arm, he guessed she knew him well.
He limped over and as he joined them he caught the man’s eye’s shifting to him, then a frown creased his forehead.
Erin turned to him and he saw fear flicker in her eyes and then relief.
“Dean, I’m glad you’re here.” She sounded breathless. Had this man created that flush on her cheeks, the glisten in her eyes?
“I think Jodie picked up Caitlin—”
“I’d like you to meet Sam,” she said cutting him off midsentence, gesturing toward the man standing so confidently in front of them.
Sam. The name rang like an alarm in his head.
Sam. The old boyfriend. The father of Erin’s child.
“Actually, it’s Dr. Sibley,” Sam said with a condescending tone.
Which immediately set Dean’s hackles up and made him suddenly aware of his own faded jeans, worn boots and shirt that should probably have been ironed before he put it on this morning.
Dean was no judge of clothes, but even he could see that this man’s suit wasn’t bought off the rack. That he didn’t get his hair cut at the local barber.
Dean had never felt more like a hick than now.
“I noticed you were limping when you came here. You hurt yourself?” Sam—correction, Dr. Sibley—asked.
Dean wondered why he cared or why he thought it necessary to point out. “Rodeo injury.”
Sam nodded slowly, then looked over at Erin, shifting his body, effectively turning his back to Dean.
“Do you have to be anywhere?” he asked her, putting his arm across Erin’s shoulders in a proprietary gesture. “We have lots to talk about. Catch up on. I have important news for you.”
Dean couldn’t help a shiver of apprehension at the man’s smug tone. The way he assumed that Erin would simply go along with him.
Erin shot a panicked look at Dean and he was about to intervene. To tell the guy to buzz off and leave them both alone.
But to his shock and dismay Erin turned back to Sam. “I can spare a little time for you.”
“Excellent.” Then without even a backward glance at Dean, his arm still draped over Erin’s shoulders, Sam escorted her away.
Dismissed, Dean thought, hands curled into fists at his sides as he watched them leave, panic and fear coiling in his gut. He wanted to run after them, to ask Erin what was going on. To ask why she was going with this guy.
Ice slipped through his veins.
Maybe Sam wanted Caitlin and Erin. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted them to be a family. Maybe he wanted to get together again.
He couldn’t stay here and witness this.
He spun around and limped back through the sanctuary, heading toward another exit. He didn’t want to see Erin with this man.
Caitlin’s father.
A doctor. A successful man who had so much more to offer her than he did.
A messed-up, washed-up ex–rodeo cowboy.
Chapter Fifteen
“Why did you come here?” Erin demanded as soon as she and Sam were out of the building.
A chill autumn wind whistled around the church, making her shiver both with apprehension and from the cold.
Though she felt horrible about ditching Dean, she wanted to separate him and Sam as quickly as possible. She didn’t want Dean to find out this way the truth about her relationship with her very ex boyfriend.
And she prayed, hard, that Jodie wouldn’t come looking for her, carrying the baby Sam had told her to abort.
Sam reached out to touch her and she pulled herself back.
“I came looking for you, babe,” he said, looking puzzled at her reaction.
“Why now?” She dared look at him and was pleased that those pale green eyes that could at one time send pleasant shivers down her spine no longer affected her.
“Look, I know I was wrong. I shouldn’t have left you in the lurch like that. I got scared. But everything’s changed now. I’m divorced. I left Helen. I knew it wasn’t right to love you and stay married to her.”
Each word falling from his full lips was like a blow.
“You’re divorced?”
“Yes. Like I said, I love you. I did it for you.”
He spoke the words like they were supposed to be a signal for her to fly into his arms. Instead they made her ill to think of his wife and child alone because of her.
When he reached for her again she pulled back. “Don’t touch me,” she said, her voice full of contempt and anger.
“But babe...”
“And stop calling me that. I’m not a horse.”
“What?”
She waved off his puzzled question, her anger and frustration vying with a sick fear of what he had done because of her. “I don’t want to have anything to do with you. I would never have gotten involved with you if I had known you were married.”
“My marriage to Helen was a mistake.”
“You had a child,” she ground out, her hands now hard fists at her sides. “You had a child you were responsible for and who depended on you.”
“When I met you, I knew how much I had been missing out on,” he said, ignoring her accusations. “You were—are—so much more to me than Helen ever was. I’ve missed you so much. I haven’t stopped thinking about you. So beautiful and precious.”
Erin could only stare at him, trying to figure out what she ever saw in this man who seemed to think that now that he was supposedly free she would be more than willing to take him back.
She mentally compared him to Dean and in every respect this man fell short.
“Just go away. Stop phoning me and leave me alone.” She wanted him gone before Jodie found her. Before Sam found out that she hadn’t done as he asked and gotten rid of the baby she was carrying. Before he might decide to exercise his rights as a father. “You were a mistake I never should have made. I don’t care for you one iota. You mean nothing to me. Less than nothing,” she amended.
“You can’t mean that.” He took a step closer, reaching out to her again. “We were so good together.”
She cringed at the memory and his words and stepped back. “I’m leaving now. Don’t contact me ever again. We are done. Over.”
And before he could say anything else, she strode back to the church, her heart beating a heavy rhythm, her blood surging. As the door to the outside thudded shut behind her, cutting her off from Sam, she stopped where she was, waiting to make sure he didn’t follow her.
But the door didn’t open and finally, a few minutes later, she dared to leave.
She went to find Dean and her daughter, hoping she’d find both at the same time.
Jodie stood at the back of the sanctuary, still holding Caitlin, chatting with Aunt Laura. Erin shot another glance behind, but Sam hadn’t followed her.
“Have you seen Dean?” she asked as she gently extricated Caitlin from Jodie’s arms.
“No. I thought he was with you.” Jodie looked puzzled as she handed Erin her daughter’s diaper bag.
“He was, but then...” Erin let the sentence fade away as she hooked the heavy bag over her shoulder.
“Goodness, girl, are you okay?” Aunt Laura asked. “You look pal
e as an Easter lily.”
It was that obvious?
“I’m okay,” Erin said, waving off her concern. “Just tired.” The eternal excuse of any young mother.
“And who was that man you were talking to?” Aunt Laura asked. “He didn’t look familiar.”
“An acquaintance from back in California.” Erin ignored Jodie’s questioning look. “Someone I used to know.” She looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of Dean.
But she didn’t see him. Which meant she would have to call to see if his invitation to have lunch at his mother’s still stood. She knew she shouldn’t have walked away from him, but she’d been afraid and had panicked. She didn’t want him to find out from Sam that he had been married while they were dating.
You have to tell Dean. He needs to know the truth.
The pernicious voice just wouldn’t leave her alone. She knew how he talked about Tiffany and how angry he’d been when he found out that she had dumped him for his brother. That she’d been pining for Vic even while she was dating Dean.
What would he think of her?
And would Sam stick around? He had come all this way; she doubted he would simply leave because she asked him to.
She pulled in a long, slow breath, trying to quiet the roiling questions.
“Can you come for lunch again?” Aunt Laura was asking.
Erin thought of Dean’s invitation and shook her head. “Sorry, Aunt Laura, I’m not feeling well. I think I’ll just go home.” There was no way she could visit and make idle chitchat either with her aunt or Dean’s mother. Not when she felt as if she were being sucked into a storm of events she couldn’t stop.
Jodie shot her a questioning glance and Erin prayed that her sister would simply take her excuse at face value and not grill her. She couldn’t handle any questions right now.
She needed to talk to Dean. Needed to connect with him and explain.
“Poor girl.” Aunt Laura patted her shoulder gently, then stroked Caitlin’s head. “You be good for your mommy now,” she said, smiling down at her great-niece.
Caitlin’s mouth twitched and then she seemed to break into a smile.
Erin’s heart stuttered at the sight and behind her daughter’s first true smile came the words of the song they’d been singing.
“Though the earth beneath me move, though the heavens move mightily, God who holds the stars will never abandon me.”
She had to cling to that promise now. To trust that whatever happened, God would be with her and her little girl.
* * *
“Sorry, Mom, but there’s been a change in plans.” Dean grabbed a saddle one-handed from the shed, set it on his hip and walked over to his horse, Duke, while he held his cell phone with the other. A cool wind whistled through the trees edging the corral, scattering orange and gold leaves through the air. Winter was coming. “Erin had other things to do so I thought I would go riding instead.”
“Can she come another time?”
Dean heard the disappointment in his mother’s voice. She’d been thrilled when he asked if Erin and Caitlin could come for lunch and he knew, in her mind, she was already planning a wedding.
His mom tended to jump ahead like that.
“I don’t know. We’ll see.” Too easily he remembered the sight of the very successful Dr. Sam Sibley. Handsome. Self-assured. Well-off. And the way he talked to Erin, it was as if he was once again laying his claim to her.
What chance did he have? So he left without checking to see if she was still coming, guessing that her plans had changed.
He tucked his phone under his ear as he hefted the saddle up and settled it on Duke.
“You didn’t do anything, did you?”
“No, Mom. She just had something else going on.” He wanted to sound reassuring, but he had a hard time believing this man wasn’t insinuating himself back in Erin’s life.
The biggest obstacle to his own plans for Erin was the fact that Dr. Sam was Caitlin’s father. When he had asked Erin if Caitlin’s father was involved she had been so adamant he wasn’t. But what would she do now that he was back? Would she see the necessity of Caitlin having a father?
He remembered a conversation they’d had about her father. How she wanted so badly for any child of hers to have a secure, stable family.
And what could be more secure than to end up with the biological father of her daughter?
“So are you at the Rocking M?”
“No. Just on the yard here.”
“Oh.” In that single syllable he heard her question. Why didn’t he come into the house?
Because he was a coward and didn’t want to see first-hand his mother’s disappointment. Though his invitation to Erin had simply been for lunch, he’d also never brought any other girl, not even Tiffany, to his home.
So they both knew what this simple visit represented.
“I just thought I would let you know I’m going riding up into the back pasture. Vic was going to check the cows to see if they needed to be moved so I thought I would do it for him.”
“Should you do that alone? Shouldn’t Vic be helping you? You haven’t ridden for a while.”
“I’ll be fine, Mom.” His comment came out more abruptly than he liked, but his frustration with Erin, Sam and his own situation leeched into his voice. He took a breath and then in a softer tone of voice said, “Truly, Mom, I’ll be okay. But can you make sure Lucky doesn’t follow me? I tied her up but she might pull loose.”
“Yes. Of course. I can do that.” Again he heard the edge of disappointment that he had tied up their dog but couldn’t come into the house. He shrugged it off, ended his phone call with his mother and then turned the ringer off.
Erin had tried to call him a few times but he was afraid to answer. He didn’t want to hear her carefully worded apology. Didn’t want to hear her telling him that Caitlin’s father was back in her life and that being with him was the right thing to do.
He simply didn’t want to face the potential rejection. He’d thought losing Tiffany was difficult, but he had woven more fantasies around Erin and her baby than he ever had around Tiffany.
Erin had always been a part of his dreams. And now, even more than before.
With quick movements he got the saddle on Duke, tightening the cinch, then slipping on the bridle. He took a deep breath as he finished buckling the headstall. He looped the halter rope around the saddle, gathered the reins and then, quickly, before he chickened out, grabbed the saddle horn and shoved himself off.
To his relief and immense surprise, though he felt a twist of pain, it was nothing like it had been. And as he set his feet in the stirrups and pulled gently to one side on the reins and nudged Duke in the side, he felt a tiny victory.
One good thing Erin had brought to his life. It was because of his pride that he had gotten on a horse for the first time, and it was because he wanted to be better for her that he returned to therapy. Thanks to both those events, he sat on his own horse, riding out on his own for the first time since his accident.
And now, because of that same girl, his heart was shattered and broken.
Despair washed over him and he struggled to shake it off, clinging to the promises he’d heard in the sermon and in the songs they’d sung. That though people may let us down and life may bring its disappointments, God was faithful and that He held us close.
Dean had learned this lesson before, but it seemed to bear repeating.
Forgive me, Lord, for depending on things and people to bring me happiness, he prayed as he led his horse through the trees raining their leaves down on him. Help me to put my trust in You. And only in You.
And with that prayer echoing in his mind he straightened his shoulders and allowed himself to enjoy his small accomplishment.
As for Erin?
He knew he would have to find a way to release her. To do what he knew was best for her and for her baby.
Yet a part of him fought that. Was he really ready to just let her go?
He nudged his horse in the side, shifting it from a walk to a trot as if to outrun the question. But soon he felt the first jolt of pain shoot up his leg, so he pulled the horse back.
Baby steps, he reminded himself. But for now he was thankful he could get back on the horse on his own.
As for Erin, he needed to calm his own fears.
Maybe he should take a chance and talk to her face-to-face.
Tomorrow. When he went to work on the house. He would talk to her then.
* * *
For the fourth time that morning Erin picked up her phone to call Dean and then put it down again.
Yesterday after church, when she’d heard he was gone, she assumed his invitation to have lunch at his place had been withdrawn. She’d tried a couple of times to connect with him, but her calls had gone directly to voice mail. She hadn’t left a message. What could she possibly say? How could she explain what had happened Sunday morning when Sam showed up?
Deep in her heart she’d hoped he would call her back, but that didn’t happen, either. He’s coming to work on the house, she told herself, looking away from her cell phone. You can talk to him then. Face-to-face.
She clicked her computer’s mouse to open her latest project.
It was for an advertisement for a new line of paper her client was putting out. She’d just got the go-ahead email late Thursday night. A month ago she’d sent them a basic proposal knowing she was competing with dozens of other graphic artists. But thankfully, she’d been chosen and had been thrilled and grateful for the work. She was looking forward to sharing the news with Dean.
But then Sam had sent his first text.
He’d called a number of times this morning as well, but she’d simply let the phone go to voice mail.
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