by Beth Flynn
“You already know I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember, Ginny. And the years before you came into my life were nothing but darkness. Please, baby. Please, say yes. Say it’s not too late for us.”
It was then that we sensed them. Slowly, we turned our faces toward the glass sliding doors that led onto Micah’s huge deck. Huddled together against the cold, wearing huge smiles and giving their thumbs-up, were Mimi and Jason. Micah was standing behind them. He wasn’t smiling, but I saw the approval and optimism in his eyes.
Grizz gently pulled my face back to his.
“It’s okay if you’re not in love with me anymore, but maybe you can find it in your heart to just love me.”
His eyes were warm, sincere, and hopeful. Was his proposal why he hadn’t tried anything beyond kissing me, always being the first to pull back when it seemed as if it could’ve gone farther? Was this a Grizz I’d never seen?
The man I’d originally fallen in love with used to bulldoze his way over people and their feelings. My first marriage to him was pretty much thrust upon me in the back of Eddie’s tattoo parlor in 1975. He was now trying to do it the way he thought would be most respectful of me.
I felt a bubble of emotions rising in my chest and I realized that bubble was ready to burst with newfound hope. I started laughing then.
“Yes!” I shouted, grinning like a fool. “Yes! I’ll marry you. I don’t know how we’ll do this, but yes.”
The kids couldn’t hear me but obviously had read my lips. They started cheering and dancing. Micah just gave a small nod, and winked at me.
Chapter Sixty-Two
Grizz
2002, North Carolina
It took power he hadn’t known he possessed to walk away from her that night in the kitchen. He’d promised himself he wasn’t going to fuck up the only thing that still mattered to him.
He hadn’t let himself hope for a long time. He remembered telling her he’d settle for crumbs, and he’d meant it. But then as he patiently waited for what he could only dream was possible, he saw their lives slowly melding together. Mimi and Jason had started to accept him as they healed after Tommy’s death. He still never pushed, just patiently waited for them to find their way. He could only hope that way included him.
He’d actually prayed once to Ginny’s God, asking—pleading—for something he didn’t deserve. But promising that if he got it, he would do right by all of them. He also knew it would have to play out perfectly, but he’d heard Ginny say more than once that her God was a God of miracles.
Well, he knew he’d need a miracle, and as he glanced around the dinner table that night at all of them, at his family, he was pretty sure he’d gotten it.
How it had all worked out so perfectly was still a mystery to him. Somehow, he’d managed to spend some time alone with both kids during the vacation. If Micah hadn’t been around to encourage him, he might not have felt like he was ready to approach the kids. But then when Ginny had gone to Aunt Tillie’s to get some canning lessons and he had an unexpected free afternoon hiking with Jason, Mimi, and Micah, he had the chance to lay it all out for them.
The four of them had stopped for a picnic lunch at the summit. And then, before he could talk himself out of it, Grizz told the children he was in love with their mother and that he wanted to ask her to marry him, but he wanted their permission first. The second he’d uttered the words, he realized he hadn’t thought far enough ahead about what he’d do if they didn’t give that permission. For a moment, he saw in his daughter’s eyes that she’d realized it, too, but then she smiled. She looked at her little brother, waited for him to give his answer first.
“Are you going to move into our house with us?” Jason asked, his tone unreadable and his expression curious.
Grizz wasn’t sure why Jason was asking, but he knew he now had to hit them with the second half of his request. And that part wouldn’t be easy.
He sighed and looked at Micah. Micah nodded.
Looking from Jason to Mimi, and then back to Jason, he told them, “I can’t move into your house, Jason. As a matter of fact, if I marry your mother, it’s probably not a good idea for us to even stay in Florida. I’m sorry, but my marriage proposal comes with a part two. I’d have to ask if you and Mimi would be willing to move away from Florida. It would involve changing schools, making new friends. Some big changes, I’m afraid.” He grimaced. “And I’d also have to ask that it stay a secret. Just like you’ve been good about not telling your friends about me, I wouldn’t want people to know your Mom is moving away to get married. I wouldn’t ask you to lie to people. I’d just ask you not to tell them.”
They listened intently, clearly mulling it over.
He leveled a look at Jason. “You know I’ve been to prison. I don’t want that stigma to attach to your mother or either of you kids. I’d want to move away where nobody knows about my criminal record in Florida. I don’t want to be a source of embarrassment or shame to any of you.”
He’d already had his neck tattoo changed after Jason had noticed it last Thanksgiving, and of course, he couldn’t tell the boy his real reason for not being able to stay in Florida. But even if he hadn’t been “executed,” he realized there was still a lot of truth in what he was telling Jason.
The weight of what he was asking of these children hit him, and his eyes sought Micah’s. He could see in Micah’s expression that he understood what Grizz was thinking, and Micah raised his hand slightly, indicating for him to wait. They were all silent for a few minutes, and Grizz was seconds away from telling them to forget he asked when Jason spoke.
“What do you think, Mimi?” Jason turned to his sister.
“I want Mom to be happy, Jason, and I think she’s happy when she’s with him.” She nodded toward Grizz, then tilted her head and looked at Grizz sideways, met his eyes. “And I like him. I know you do, too.”
“But what about school? All our friends?”
“I’m ready for a change, Jason, and from what I’m hearing about what’s going on with you, maybe you’re ready for one, too. Maybe it’s time for both of us to make some new friends. But I’m not going to tell you what to do. You have to give James your own answer.”
Jason bit his lip, nodded. “So where would we move to? Could we move to someplace like Montana? Remember when we went there with Aunt Carter when she was helping rescue those horses?”
“Montana sounds reasonable to me,” Grizz said with a wide grin.
“Well, if Mimi says yes,” Jason said, casting a hopeful glance at his sister, “then I say yes too!”
“Yes,” Mimi shouted, giving a fist pump. There was a round of laughter and Jason immediately started suggesting unique ways for James to pop the question.
Now, sitting around the dinner table with memories of that hike tucked away, Grizz watched as Micah said the blessing. They were all holding hands, himself included, except everyone else had their heads bowed and their eyes closed. He took the time to look at each person seated at the table. When he got to Ginny, he was surprised to see she had her eyes wide open and was smiling directly at him. He smiled back.
“In Jesus’s name we pray. Amen. Pass those peas, wouldya, son?” Micah asked.
And then there were so many conversations at the table Grizz could barely keep up with them. He listened as Micah explained that the engagement ring on Ginny’s finger was one he’d bought for Grizz’s mother, Frances, but had never been able to give it to her.
“Just like I knew it was a good idea to hold onto this house, I knew there’d be a good reason to hold onto that ring.”
“I’m the one that told James he should put it under Miss Prissy for you to find, Mom,” Jason said between bites.
“Thank you for picking the meanest hen out there, Jason. I almost skipped her,” Ginny said with a smile.
“So, James, do you want us to call you Jamison now?” Jason asked. “Are you going to change your name to Jamison Hunter now that you know your real dad? W
hen you marry Mom, is she going to be Ginny Kirkland or Ginny Hunter?”
“I can answer that one.” Micah held up a hand. “She’s going to be a Hunter. I’ll take care of the legalities.”
Grizz just smiled as he enjoyed his meal and the conversations. There was talk of Montana and Wisconsin. Grizz had made it clear the further away from Florida the better.
“How about Louisiana?” Micah asked, gave Grizz a knowing glance. Grizz had confided in Micah that he was pretty certain he’d run across Ginny’s twin sister living in the state of Louisiana. He also told him that he wasn’t sure how or when to actually tell her about it. This was Micah’s reminder that it still needed to be done.
“So when are you going to get married?” Jason asked through a mouthful of food.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Jason,” Ginny said. “We haven’t even talked about a date. We just know we’ll stay in Florida until summer so you can both finish up school and have the whole summer to make new friends and get acquainted with wherever we might end up.”
“How about this Sunday?” Micah asked.
All conversation ceased as everyone turned to look at him.
“I can marry you this coming weekend in my church.”
“Oh! Uh, well, we were going to drive home Sunday,” Ginny said. “The kids have to be back to school on Monday.”
“I’m sure they can take a few more days off,” Micah grinned. “I can marry you this weekend, the kids can stay with me, and you two can take a short honeymoon.”
“But there’s no time to plan anything!”
But then she realized she wouldn’t have planned anything big, anyway. It would have to be a small and intimate ceremony. She looked at Grizz and her children, saw that they were all considering it. Maybe…
They decided on a Saturday ceremony and thought the smaller and simpler the better.
Grizz was concerned it might’ve been a little quick for the kids. And the next morning, when he heard Ginny and Jason talking in hushed tones as he was coming upstairs from his basement bedroom, he stopped to listen.
“We won’t get married this weekend if it upsets you, Jason,” he heard Ginny say.
Grizz had been right. He’d thought Jason was unusually quiet after dinner last night and had wondered if the boy had had a change of heart.
“It’s not that, Mom.”
“What is it then?”
Jason didn’t answer.
“Is it that it’s too soon?”
Grizz didn’t hear an answer, so he could only assume Jason was shaking his head.
“Is it that you don’t like James?” A pause. “Is it because we have to move if I marry him?” Another pause. Finally, “Jason, I can’t read your mind. Please tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I guess, well—I guess I need to know before you marry James that you still love Dad.” Jason sniffled. “And you won’t forget about him.”
Grizz held his breath as he waited for Ginny to answer. He was shocked to realize that in the past he would never have wanted to hear his woman tell anybody, not even her son, that she still loved Tommy, but something had shifted inside of him. He’d changed. He knew what he wanted, needed to hear for Jason’s sake. Maybe he was learning the real definition of what it meant to love someone.
“Oh, Jason. Come here, sweetheart. Let me hug you.”
Grizz took one more step and could see them. Jason and Ginny had been sitting on the couch. The boy was scooting closer and now had his head buried in his mother’s chest, her arms wrapped tightly around him. Her eyes were closed when she answered him.
“Jason, I will always, always love your father. Just because I love James again doesn’t mean I never loved your dad. It doesn’t mean I will stop loving your dad.” She pulled back from him then and grabbed his face in both her hands. Looking into his eyes, she said, “And, no. I will never forget about him. Not only will he always live inside my heart, but I see him every time I look at you, Jason. Every time. And I thank God for that. I thank God that I see him in you.”
She looked over Jason’s head then and caught sight of Grizz. Had he heard? Would he become jealous and doubt her resurrected love for him?
Time stood still as she waited for his reaction. Some kind of sign, anything. She had a hopeful look on her face.
And then Grizz smiled at her. Not a smile that was pasted on for the sake of looking real. His smile was genuine and pure, and it radiated a love she was grateful he was now experiencing. And giving her a slight nod, he quietly walked back downstairs.
Chapter Sixty-Three
Ginny
2002, North Carolina
The next couple of days flew by as we prepared for what could best be described as a shotgun wedding without the actual shotgun. Micah wasn’t forcing us to get married, but we knew it was important to him that we did so he could personally perform the ceremony.
We only included one family member whose wrath we didn’t want to incur when she eventually found out. And it turned out Aunt Tillie was a blessing in disguise. Micah had held on to Margaret Mae’s ivory wedding gown, and Aunt Tillie expertly tailored it to fit me perfectly. Micah handled the paperwork with a well-placed relative in the county clerk’s office to help expedite things.
The kids had been invited by some cousins to go zip lining. I was standing on a stool in Micah’s bedroom while Aunt Tillie made adjustments to Margaret Mae’s dress. She insisted that we be given privacy because the groom wasn’t supposed to see the bride in her gown before the wedding. Grizz and Micah’s voices floated in from where they were in the kitchen.
“I just think an outdoor wedding might be something special,” I heard Grizz tell his father.
“I think your bride might disagree with you,” Micah countered.
“Maybe not.”
“What’s this all about, son?”
Aunt Tillie caught my eye and stopped what she was doing. We both listened.
“Just don’t know about getting married in a church, is all.”
“Why is that?”
“Don’t really know. Thinking it might not feel right for someone like me. You know what I mean.”
“You afraid you’re going to burst into flames if you go into God’s house?” Even though it was a serious discussion, I could hear the teasing in Micah’s tone.
“Maybe.”
The conversation faded as they walked outside, and I never asked either one about their talk. I knew whatever Micah had told Grizz must have offered some form of consolation, because we were married by Micah in his church, and Grizz didn’t burst into flames.
Before we got married, we had some ring shopping to do and Grizz took me off the mountain that day to pick out wedding bands and have Frances’s engagement ring adjusted to fit my finger better. Walking hand in hand with him in the next town felt so right it was scary. I was on edge at first, waiting for someone to take in his appearance—his massive size, long hair, and tattoos—and run the other way, but other than a few curious glances, we were barely noticed.
I’d continued to wear my wide gold wedding band from Tommy as a way to hide the ring tattoo. I couldn’t remember a time I’d left my finger uncovered for anybody to notice it, including my children. I especially didn’t want Jason to see the name Grizz tattooed there, and Grizz agreed. I would select another wide band to cover it. Many years later, we vowed, we would tell Jason the rest of our story, but for now, he was still too young.
We were driving back up the mountain and making our way down a lonely side road when Grizz pulled off into a grassy area. He shifted the car into park and reached over me, unhooking my seatbelt with his left hand.
“I don’t know how much longer I can wait, Kit,” he growled. “These past months have been fucking torture.”
He pulled me over the console and into his lap, my back up against his door and my feet resting in the seat I’d just vacated. We’d somehow slipped back into calling each other Grizz and Kit when we were alone. Mayb
e we would always be Grizz and Kit.
I was resting in the crook of his arm and looking up into his eyes when I asked him, “Why haven’t you tried to do more than kiss me? Why did you walk away from me that night in the kitchen?”
He nibbled on my bottom lip before answering.
“Because I’m trying my damnedest to do it your way. I want to do right by you. I want to marry you before I make love to you, Kitten. And you have to know now that after we take our vows, you’re going to be busy. Real busy. I have fifteen years to make up for.”
He lightly caressed my cheek with the back of his hand never breaking from my gaze.
“I know you wanted me that night. I wanted you too, Grizz. I was ready to go downstairs with you. You didn’t have to propose.”
“Yes, I did, baby.” He kissed me then. It was a deep, exploring kiss, and just like that night in the kitchen I felt his erection and became instantly aware of my immediate dampness. His right hand started to make its way down to my breasts, and I felt my nipples stiffen in anticipation.
I arched into his hand, urging him to go further.
He stopped the kiss then and practically tossed me back in my seat.
Before starting up the car I heard him grumble under his breath, “I’ve been aching for you for so fucking long, honey, I’m afraid my dick’s going to fall off before I get a chance to use it.”
Chapter Sixty-Four
Grizz
2002, North Carolina
“What’s troubling you?” Micah asked.
Grizz had been standing at the altar talking to his father as he patiently waited for Ginny to do whatever it was brides were supposed to do. He nervously tugged at the collar of his white dress shirt and red tie.
He looked over at Micah. His father. The man who had accepted him wholly and without reservation. He had been wrong. Ginny had told Micah everything, and yet Micah had still welcomed him with open arms. It was almost hard to believe.
“Having doubts? Cold feet?” Micah asked softly.