by Tina Martin
“The number one thing?” I ask.
“Yes.”
There’s no number one thing, really. My love for her encompasses everything she is. “Can you specify?”
“Specify how?”
“Are you talking mentally or physically?”
“You choose.”
I wipe my mouth and say, “I like your will.”
“My will?”
“Yes. Your determination. You’re a strong-willed woman.”
“In your line of work, I’m sure you’ve crossed paths with plenty of strong-willed women.”
“I have. What’s your point?”
“You’ve never thought of dating any of them?”
“No. Cherish, can you eat, baby?”
“I am eating. I can eat and talk at the same time. I just want you to answer my question.”
“I answered your question,” I say, but I don’t tell her the answer to what she’s seeking because, in all honesty, the women before her don’t matter. She’s all that matters to me. “Back to what I was saying about you—you’re are a very strong-willed woman. You’ve endured a lot and never gave up.”
“In some ways I did. I didn’t go completely to the left and turn to the streets or nothing like that, but I did give up.”
I lower my fork. This is the first time I’ve heard her say this, so I want her to know she has my full attention. I ask, “How did you give up?”
“By not aspiring for things.”
“What things?”
“Goals I wanted to meet. I wanted to be somebody. No offense, but do you think I aspired to be someone’s personal assistant? I’m not knocking it. It was a job. It enabled me to pay my bills, but I don’t think it’s a position people dream about. It’s just one that needs to be filled.”
“Then tell me what kind of work you want to do and I’ll help you work toward it.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Really. Why do you sound surprised?”
“Because when I mentioned something about cooking, you pretty much told me I wouldn’t have to do that—almost like you don’t want me to work or do anything else.”
“I want you to do whatever you want, Cherish. I’m not holding restrictions over you. As for cooking, you don’t need to do that. That’s what chefs are for. Besides, it will free up your time to chase your dreams and be a mother to our children.”
“That’s the problem—I’m not quite sure what I’m chasing,” she responds looking down at her plate. She looks up and says, “When you get stuck in life, the dreams stop and you accept our circumstances. So, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know.” She looks embarrassed to admit that.
“Well, fortunately, you have all the time in the world to figure that out.”
“Yeah. I suppose I do.”
“In the meantime, let’s enjoy our honeymoon.”
She smiles but I see the uncertainty in the depths of her pretty eyes.
Chapter 5
Cherish
A few days later, I can comfortably navigate the mansion with it many rooms partially thanks to playing a game of hide-and-seek with Monty last night. The night before that, we danced – I showed him how not to be so stiff when he slow dances with me. I’ve been enjoying this more laid-back version of him. He’s not as rigid. He’s loosening up. He’s not billionaire-Monty. He’s my husband.
This morning he’s listening to island music and humming along while preparing breakfast. Yes, he’s preparing breakfast this morning. I’m standing near the door watching it all, certain he can’t see me. He’s happy, like genuinely happy. He’s the man I imagined he could be back when he was so mad as serious all the time. Now, he’s exactly how I dreamed. It’s as if my mind brought him to life. Made my version of him real.
And he’s so perfect. Physically, mentally…however perfection comes, that’s him.
He’s wearing a pair of white shorts with a dark green, palm tree design on them. His muscles look like they’ve been kissed by the right angles of sunlight. Eyes still lull me into submission. He’s my weakness, which is ironic because it’s in him I find strength. I found the courage to deal with my fears – to confront my stepfather and my mother, ultimately repairing my relationship with her.
“I know I’m hot and all, but how long do you plan on standing there, girl?” he asks.
Busted. I’ve been caught.
“I didn’t know you saw me,” I say stepping into the kitchen now, feeling the chill of the wooden floor beneath my feet. “Can’t I admire my husband?”
“Sure you can, baby.”
The windows in the kitchen are open providing pleasant coastal views, fresh air and the sound of waves crashing along the shore. The fresh air reminds me that this is heaven. It wakes me up, pushes me to understand this is my reality. The smell of bacon reminds me that my husband is cooking.
“I’m surprised you’re cooking bacon. You rarely eat it.”
“I know. I’m splurging today.”
“Is that what it is?”
“Yes.”
I cross my arms and watch him work. This isn’t the first time he’s cooked for me but it’s still a sight to behold since I know he’s not a cook. Yet, the food always turns out so good. There’s nothing he can’t do.
“We’ll have breakfast on the veranda if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind at all,” I say. “Do you need help with anything?”
“No. Sit down. Relax.”
“If you insist.” I step out on the porch, sit down and take in the surroundings like I’ve done every day so far. This is paradise. Trees are swaying in the warm, tropical breeze but the sun still shines bright after the clouds pass by. It’s probably going to rain at some point today.
“Here you go my love,” he says lowering plates to the table.
There’s bacon, eggs, toast, grits and a cup of fruit. “Wow. You’ve outdone yourself.”
“Anything for you.”
He sits and takes my left hand into his right. He says a prayer for the food, for us and our families and then we eat.
“Looks like it’s going to rain tonight,” I say. “We’ll have to find something to do indoors.”
“Nah. We’ll be fine. Besides, I wouldn’t mind a stroll on the beach in the rain.”
“Really?”
“Yes. What’s wrong? Scared you’re going to mess up all that pretty hair?”
I hide a grin. “No.”
He takes a bite of toast and says, “Then what? We’re here to make memories.”
Getting drenched while walking on the beach is certainly something we’ll remember.
“I’m going to remember everything about this vacation, especially you cooking breakfast while humming along to some music. Never thought I’d see the day you hum along to anything.”
“Me either, sweetheart.”
He eats. I watch him chew while thinking about how lucky I am and how I need to grow with this man. Learn with him. He’s not much older than I am but he has a level of maturity that makes me feel a lot younger. Makes me feel like I need to step up my game to be on his level intellectually. It’s for this reason I wonder why he settled for a woman like me. Well, not settled per se but if he runs across intellectual women all the time in his line of work, why does he find lil’ old me interesting? The woman who used to be his personal assistant?
“What are you thinking about, Cherish?”
“Huh?”
“I can see your brain working. What are you thinking about?”
I connect to his eyes and shy way. “I was just thinking.”
“No, you weren’t. You have something heavy on your mind. Talk to me.”
“It’s really nothing. I was just—just thinking about how amazing you are.”
“That’s something.” His eyes crinkle in the corner.
“It is. You’re so amazing, it makes me want to be amazing, too. I want to be successful, accomplish things and get the satisfaction of knowing I completed som
ething. That I changed the world in some way. Changed somebody’s life.”
“Whoa, wait a minute. In case you’re not aware, let me inform you—you’re already somebody. You changed my life.”
“I appreciate that, Monty, but who am I? Who is Cherish St. Claire besides your wife?”
He grimaces.
“I don’t mean that in a negative way,” I say trying to clean up my direct question when I see his eyes darken. “What I—I’m trying to ask is, if—if people like you usually marry your equal, how’d you end up with me?”
His eyes narrow. I can see a storm brewing in them. “You are my equal,” he responds.
“How?”
“Baby, do you not realize what we just went through together?”
“I do Monty,” I say exasperated, “But—”
He cuts me off. “Being my equal doesn’t equate to how much money you make. We’re equal in the sense that we get each other. We’ve had similar struggles. You’ve overcome a lot and so have I. Haven’t we?”
“Yes, we have.”
“So, what are you saying sweetheart?”
I inhale pre-storm air and say, “I want to feel like I’m somebody. Like I matter. For years I haven’t felt that way, Monty. Even during the two years I worked at the estate I didn’t feel it.”
“That was then. You know how I feel about you now.”
“I do. Yes,” I say biting back my feelings since he’s busy countering everything I say. I resume eating even though I’m not hungry. Monty’s a smart man but he’s not understanding me right now.
“Are you okay?”
I glance up and see love in his eyes.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
He fixes his signature gaze on me. The analytical one. When I know he’s about to dissect my answer, I push away from the table and say, “I’ll be right back. I quickly head inside so he can’t ask where I’m going. I retreat to the closest bathroom and stand in the mirror, breathing heavily. I force a smile to my face.
Get over this, Cherish. What’s wrong with you? You have the man you want. You’re in paradise with Monty. Your life is perfect.
I suck in a deep breath and go back outside. The clouds are still rolling in. The wind is picking up. The breeze tickles my skin. Monty is zeroing in on me...
He opens his arms, motioning me to sit on his lap. I do, then bury my face in the warmth and comfort of his neck. Oh, how I love it here…love this place of security and comfort being in his arms. Love it when he strums my back. When he holds me like he’s afraid of losing me.
“Cherish?”
“Yes, Monty.”
“There is no other woman for me. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I whisper still inhaling his scent. It engulfs me. Forms a bubble around me.
“Look at me, please.”
I sit up so our eyes connect. He says, “You know there’s no other woman for me correct?”
“Yes, Monty.”
“Then what is this conversation about?”
“I think it’s my own insecurities.”
“Do I make you feel insecure?”
“No, it’s not you. It’s me, but, don’t worry about it. It was just a feeling that came over me.”
He strums my back. “Then let’s talk so I can help dispel the feeling.”
“Nooo, Monty,” I sing. “You get irritated when I bring up your past.”
“My past? Where’d that come from? We were talking about you.”
“Okay, so part of the feeling that’s aggravating me is the fact that I don’t know much about the kind of women you were with before me. It would give me a gauge of where I stand when it comes to us because honestly, I feel like if I was some random woman on the street who spoke to you, you wouldn’t you have said anything back to me.”
“You’re right. I probably wouldn’t have.”
“Wow.” I knew the answer already but his bluntness catches me off guard.
“You worked for me for two years, Cherish, and I rarely said a word to you. Why do you seem surprised by my answer?”
“Because it proves something to me,” I say getting up from his lap. “I’m not a woman you would have chosen had circumstances not been what they were. Did you know I was infatuated with you? You were like a celebrity to me. I used to dream about you. Used to daydream about what it would be like to be with a man like you. You were the most handsome man I’d ever seen. For me, it was an honor to be in your presence even if you didn’t know I existed. For you, it wasn’t that way. You didn’t have an infatuation phase with me. You didn’t wonder what it would feel like to be with me. I was just ordinary.”
“You weren’t, and even if that’s truly what you think, what does that matter now? You have me.”
“It matters because I want you to see value in me and not just because of what I did for you. I want to be a woman you can’t live without because that’s how I feel about you. You’re irreplaceable to me but you could replace me in a heartbeat. I’m not saying you will. I’m saying that’s the way it is if it came down to it.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Cherish, but it’s not a true representation of how I feel about you.”
I walk away to relieve myself of the conversation and the confused look on his face. He probably thinks I’m trippin’, and maybe I am, but it’s the way I feel. I’m hoping some time alone will help to push these feelings away.
Chapter 6
Monty
It pains me that this bothers her so much.
It shouldn’t.
She has me.
She will always have me.
She has nothing to worry about. She is irreplaceable, and she is a woman I can’t live without. Doesn’t matter how we met. What matters is that we are.
While I don’t want to admit it, I know her dilemma. Cherish isn’t one of those women who feels like she’s hit the jackpot since meeting me. She loves me for me not for what I have. Unfortunately, I can’t change what I do and my status in this world. And I never imagined my wealth would make her feel less than. In my eyes, what’s mine is hers. In her eyes was mine is mine.
It’s raining now—like those tropical downpours that feel refreshing after a scorching hot day. Cherish is standing by the window with her hand on the glass, admiring the elements. She’s been quiet since we had breakfast, keeping to herself. She’s worried and she has no reason to be.
I walk up to her and wrap my arms around her sweet body. I close my eyes to relish my Cherish, then kiss the area below her ear before whispering, “Come with me.”
“Where are we going?” she asks rotating to look at me.
“You ask too many questions.”
“Monty…where are we going?” she repeats.
“For a walk,” I answer while running my thumb along her cheek.
“Monty, it’s pouring down out there.”
“I know. Let’s go play,” I say leading her to the door. “Ready?”
She looks at me like I’m crazy. In a way, I am because she’s made me that way.
“Cherish, are you ready?”
“No.”
“Good. Let’s go.”
“Monty,” she squirms.
“Come on. You can do it, baby.”
I open the door, step out onto the porch, taking her with me toward the steps. We get pummeled by water on the way to the ground. Rain soaks our clothes. We’re drenched after only a few seconds. She laughs while the water drowns her soul.
Further and further away from the house, we run until we reach the beach. She’s still laughing. We’re both soaked, standing on the beach now. I face her – see water running down her face. She can hardly keep her eyes open but she blinks the wetness away so she’s able to see me.
I unbutton my shirt, pants and leave everything on the ground. I ask her to do the same – to bear her body in front of me and she does so without hesitation. Now, we are as naked as the day we were born standing on warm, wet sand.
I rake j
uicy strands of hair from her face and say, “Let today be the beginning of a new day for us, Cherish. Let’s wash away our old ways of thinking and concentrate on the new.”
“But—”
“No, buts. I heard everything you said at lunch and as much as I wanted to shut it down then and there and tell you how wrong you were, I couldn’t. I had to let you speak your truth and live in it for a moment. And while you did that, I took the time to understand your perspective. And I get it, sweetheart. I do. But what I need you to understand is you are all I want. All I want. I’m naked standing in this rain pleading with you and hoping you know what I’m saying is true. I don’t do things like this but here I am baring it all to you. I’ve bared my soul to you. I let you in my heart when I wouldn’t have let anyone else in. Why would I do that? Why would I do that if you weren’t my equal? If I didn’t trust you? If I didn’t need you? Hunh?”
I brush beads of water from her nose with my thumb.
“The day of the accident, I was on my way to your house. Do you know why, Cherish?”
“Why?”
“Because I knew I couldn’t live without you. My soul was aware of that. My mind needed more convincing, so I sought you out. I could have hired nurses if I wanted to but I didn’t, because I wanted to be with you. It was a challenge for me to accept that I needed you because I’ve never needed anyone, but I needed you. I needed you then and I need you now. Your net worth doesn’t matter to me. Your status in life doesn’t matter. You are everything I want and while it irritated me that you felt that way, I’m glad it came up here so I could dispel those thoughts—so we can leave it out here, on this beach, out in the rain. We’re not taking them back home with us.”
She sniffles. Her tears mix with rain.
“Do you understand me?”
“Yes. Like everything else, it will take some getting used to.”
“In the meantime, I’ll love you harder and harder until it all sinks in, baby.”
As the rain falls from heaven washing away our troubles and giving us this clean slate of understanding, I clamp down on her wet lips with enough pressure for her to know I meant every word I said. The beast in me wants to fall to the ground with her and make love on this beach. The more rational side realizes the sand may not be a good idea.