by Ali Dean
I’ve got one shoe on, and I’m soaked in mud from head to toe. Literally. This is my kind of race. The discomfort from the elements is nothing compared to the throbbing in my muscles. I welcome it all as I force my legs into sprint mode.
The girl in the red uniform doesn’t have a kick left in her and she disappears from my side as soon as I crank it up. I can just make out familiar voices screaming my name when I zoom in on the finish.
Cameras flash and I have to smile, because I just know those photos are going to be something else. I can already imagine a blown up photo of me covered in mud hanging over the fireplace. Gran will love it.
Chapter 17
There’s not too much celebrating with my teammates immediately after the race. We’re all ready to get home for hot showers and clean clothes.
I first rinse off all the mud from my body in a shower, and then soak in the bath. Jace calls to congratulate me, but we don’t have much time to talk. He’s at the State semi-final game and it’s about to start.
After I blow dry my hair and change into yoga pants and a hoodie, the reality that I’m going to Nationals sinks in. It’s a bit anti-climactic. I could tell that my friends and teammates expected me to qualify, even after the disaster at State. We have two weeks to fine tune before it’s off to California, and a whole other set of competitive runners to confront.
My body is sore and tired, and I let myself doze on my bed. I don’t normally take naps, but I did just win Regionals. I deserve one!
I won Regionals.
Regionals.
I beat the top runners from fourteen states.
Now what?
My phone ringing wakes me up some time later that afternoon. I see it’s Wes on the caller ID.
“Hello?”
“Hey congrats! I heard you qualified for Nationals. I knew you would.”
“Thanks.”
“You know it’s Jace’s party tonight, right?” He asks.
That’s right. Kayla and Andrea cornered me at my locker the other day at school and asked me to come. It was weird. I’d stopped going to Jace’s birthday parties when he started high school.
“Yeah, I know about the party. His birthday is Monday,” I say grumpily. Can’t a girl get some peace and quiet?
“You going? I can give you a ride later.”
“No, that’s not really my thing, Wes. Are Lincoln people going?”
“Yeah. And CU. It’s going to be huge. You should come.”
“What’s the point?” I ask. “I have Nationals in less than two weeks Wes, and a huge party isn’t a good idea.”
Wes sighs. “A couple of Jace’s friends really want you to go. They said they asked you already, and they asked me to ask you because you told them no.”
“Huh? Why do they even care?” I rub my eyes, and pat my bed for Dave to jump up.
“I don’t know. They think Jace will be happier about the whole surprise party thing if you show. Not that it’s even a surprise at this point,” he adds.
“Wes, he’s not going to care.” In fact, I can almost guarantee he wouldn’t want me there. “Seriously, I’m not going.”
Wes doesn’t push it. I’m already doing what I can, I don’t need to change. I never went to his parties before.
Gran is at a knitting/smoking pot get-together, so I’m on my own for the night. Fortunately, Zoe calls shortly after I hang up with Wes to invite me over. She’s inviting Charlie too, and I’m supposed to call Ryan.
“You can go to Jace’s party if you’d rather, Ry. I know it’s supposed to be this big thing,” I tell him over the phone. We’re technically together, but he still hangs out with Jace’s group, and I don’t want to be a party pooper.
“I would only go if you wanted to. I just want to hang out with you.”
Awww, sheesh.
I decide not to change out of my yoga pants and hoodie. We’re just going to lounge around anyway. All the holding back makes sense now. I am physically and mentally drained. Certainly not enough to keep me from feeling excited about Nationals, but I have to admit, Coach Tom knew what he was doing.
Gran has the car, so Ryan picks me up. He gives me a long kiss when I see him. Kissing each other hello or goodbye has become a regular thing over the past week.
“You clean up nice,” Ryan tells me after taking in my yoga pants.
I quirk in eyebrow. “I happen to think the mud covered look is quite sexy. On you, at least,” I say with a wink. Flirty isn’t usually my style, but sometimes Ryan brings it out in me. It’s the dimples. He’s so easy-going, it’s hard not to simply relax and enjoy being with him.
“I’m so proud of you Pepper,” Ryan pulls me in for a deeper kiss. The storm has stopped but it’s still windy and cold outside. I burrow into his arms, and let the warmth from his kiss seep through me.
When we get to Zoe’s place, it’s a zoo as usual. Her parents ordered pizza, and her two little brothers and sister scramble around the kitchen counter when it arrives. When I spend time with the Burtons, it’s easy to understand how Zoe is so chatty. Constant noise, every time I come over.
We head down to her basement after dinner to escape the chaos. “We’ve got tons of games, or we could play cards. Hey Pepper, what’s the game called again that we play sometimes with your Gran and Lulu?”
“Oh, Euchre? Yeah that’s a good game for four people. You guys know how to play?”
We teach Charlie and Ryan the rules, deciding on couple teams so that each team has one “experienced” player. At first, Zoe and I openly advise the guys about how to decide what cards to play, but the game quickly escalates to a fierce competition once everyone gets the hang of it.
“You guys want to finish this round and watch a movie or something? Or we have a hot tub if you want to go in?” Zoe asks.
“None of us brought bathing suits,” Charlie points out.
“Hmm . . .” Zoe taps her index finger on her chin, mulling this over. “Pepper can borrow one of mine. You guys could borrow my dad’s, or go in underwear?”
We decide to go with a movie, but it takes half an hour to decide on one. We end up going with Up, a cartoon with my favorite character ever, Doug the golden retriever. Zoe and Charlie take one end of the couch, and Ryan and I squeeze into an oversized recliner together. I’m half on his lap, but he assures me he’s comfortable. When the movie ends, I see I have three missed calls from Jace. That’s weird. I don’t usually hear from him at night, especially on the weekends. There’s one text.
u aren’t here
I frown. Since when did I go to these things? I went to one party with Ryan, and that thing at Wes’s house, but that doesn’t change the way things are.
I text back: it’s not my thing, u know that
I hope he’s being good and not doing anything stupid.
It’s past my bedtime, but none of us wants the night to end. Ryan and I could go off to be alone, and let Zoe and Charlie do their thing, but I think there’s some sort of tacit agreement that we’re all better off hanging out as a group in this stage of our respective relationships. We decide to go in the hot tub, and apparently the guys are cool going in their underwear. My phone vibrates while I’m changing into one of Zoe’s bathing suits. It’s Jace.
“You’re still up?” He asks.
“Yeah. What’s going on?” I ask, concerned.
“Why didn’t you answer earlier?” He sounds needy, and it’s so unlike him that I’m immediately uneasy.
“We were watching a movie and my phone’s on vibrate. Aren’t you at your party?”
“I wanted you to be here. I told them that. They said they invited you. How come you didn’t come?” His voice sounds funny, slower and faster all at once.
“Ummm… I don’t know. I don’t usually go to your birthday parties, Jace. I haven’t since middle school.”
He sighs heavily and I can hear loud music and voices in the background. “Can I come over?”
“And leave your party? Why? Aren’t yo
u having fun? How did the game go earlier?” Maybe they lost and he’s upset.
“We won. But I just want to see you. Or you can come here.”
“I’m at Zoe’s,” I tell him.
“Oh, that’s not far from here right?” He asks.
“I don’t know where you are,” I remind him.
“Jesse’s house.”
“I don’t know who Jesse is or where he, or she, lives,” I explain to Jace.
Zoe comes back in the room with an armload of towels. She frowns. “Who’s on the phone?”
“Jace,” I tell her. She raises her eyebrows in question.
“Jace, just enjoy the party. We’re celebrating your birthday with Gran on Monday, when it’s your real birthday. Hang out with your friends.”
People call his name in the background. “Okay. I just, I wish sometimes you were with me all the time, but I know it’s better that you’re not. I’m glad you’re with Zoe.” He sounds far away now.
“I know. Okay, I gotta go, we’re getting in the hot tub. Have fun and be safe!” I know I sound like a mother, but really, that’s all I want for him tonight.
I can’t hear his response with all the background voices and he signs off a moment later.
“What was that all about?” Zoe asks.
“I’ll tell you later.” I don’t know how to explain the conversation I just had because I don’t understand it myself.
When we settle in the hot tub, Zoe looks at me and Ryan next to each other, with Ryan’s arm stretched out behind my back. “So are you two, like, together now or what?”
I roll my eyes at her bluntness but glance at Ryan, who is smiling at me. “Whatever Pepper says.”
I sigh dramatically. “I suppose you can call me your girlfriend if you want.”
Ryan’s smile widens. “So I’m your boyfriend now, huh?”
I shrug in response but lean in closer to him so he knows that I really mean it.
“Finally!” Zoe exclaims. “You’re like, so perfect for each other. We all knew it was going to happen. Right, Charles?”
Charlie blushes. “Yeah, it’s pretty classic. You guys are local celebrities and it seems right for you to be together.”
Zoe bounces up and down in the hot tub. “Hey! Maybe they’ll start calling you Pepyn. Or Ryper!”
We laugh at Zoe’s enthusiasm. “If you try to make one of those names stick, I’m going to start calling you two Zolie or Choey,” I warn her.
“I don’t know, Zolie’s actually pretty cool,” Zoe says, laughing.
We hang out in the hot tub chatting until our skin starts to prune. The hot tub is outside and the cool night air feels good on my hot skin when I get out. I let myself air dry for a minute while the boys pull on the cover. They look pretty silly with their cotton boxer shorts clinging to their little runner butts. I try not to stare at Ryan, but I’ve never seen him like this and it’s hard to look away.
“Pepper!” someone whispers from the other side of the yard, where the fence door opens to the sidewalk. We all look up to see two shapes walking toward us.
I recognize Jace immediately. His confident, smooth walk is slightly unbalanced. Remy is beside him. I can just make out their faces as they near us. Remy looks embarrassed and confused, but resigned. Jace is gazing straight at me but I refuse to make eye contact. I glance at Ryan, who’s reaching for a towel to wrap around his waist.
“What are you guys doing here?” I ask quietly, but with unmistakable accusation in my tone.
“I’m sorry, Pepper.” Remy puts up his hands, palms up. “He said he was coming here and I couldn’t get him to drop it. I haven’t had much to drink so I drove him. He’s wasted.”
Jace stumbles towards me for a hug and I can’t do anything but hug him back. I see Zoe widen her eyes over Jace’s shoulder.
“Hey, I thought you guys might want to come to the party,” Jace says when he finally releases me.
“It’s almost two in the morning, Jace. I told you I wasn’t coming.” I try to soften my voice, even though I’m frustrated. The air is filled with tension, and the expression, “you could cut it with a butter knife” comes to mind.
“But I’m your best friend. I thought I was at least.” Jace looks around at the others, lingering a moment longer on Ryan. “And it’s my birthday party.”
“Can we talk about this later? This is Zoe’s house. Her parents and brothers and sister are asleep. I don’t think they’d be happy finding out more people came over.”
We stand there for a moment longer, staring each other down. He wants me to go back to the party with him and I want him to leave. It’s not a situation we’ve ever been in before. I can practically feel the power balance shifting in our relationship. The pieces that make Jace and me who we are, together, are all still there, but they are rapidly rearranging themselves. Finally, the dynamics between us settle into a new mold, and the tension in the air starts to lift.
“I’ll go back to the party with you if you want,” Ryan says to me.
Jace’s head turns sharply to look at Ryan. Ryan looks like he wants to step back but he holds his ground.
I sigh. “Look, I’m exhausted. We just watched a movie and spent an hour in a hot tub. I was about to go home and go to sleep.”
“I’ll come,” Jace says, and steps closer to me.
I don’t know how to handle this Jace. He’s still authoritative, and in control, even drunk. But he’s being high maintenance. This side of Jace is still new to me, though it’s becoming more familiar. And now, he’s showing it to others too. He’ll probably be mortified and furious when he sobers up. I don’t want to deal with him then, that’s for sure.
I want to tell him that he can’t come home with me because Ryan’s my boyfriend now, but I can’t bring myself to cut into Jace like that when he looks so lost and exposed. I’d do it if we were alone, but not with others. I glance around at everyone, pleading for some sort of assistance with this situation.
Everyone is watching, waiting for my response. I don’t mean to build the anticipation, but I feel like Jace and I are on a stage, and there’s an audience. These types of exchanges between Jace and I are supposed to be private, and I’m incredibly uncomfortable. Instead of responding to his comment, I turn to head inside, grabbing a towel on the way. “I’m going in to change.”
I’m grateful when no one follows me. I’m back in my yoga pants and hoodie when Zoe joins me in her bedroom. “What are you going to do?” Her voice is sympathetic.
“What do you think I should do?”
“I don’t know. It’s so awkward out there. I feel like Jace could crack at anything right now. You know how to handle him. But, Ryan’s here, and things are so new with you guys. You don’t want him to get the wrong impression.” Zoe looks more concerned about my predicament than I am. I’m just frustrated, and terribly confused.
“I’m going out there.” When I open the door, Ryan is resting on the couch armchair outside Zoe’s bedroom in the basement. “Hey,” I say softly.
“Hey,” he says back. He has nothing but a towel around his waist. His hair is still wet, and there are droplets of water on his eyelashes.
I walk closer to him and he opens his legs so I can stand between them. “Jace isn’t usually like this. I swear, I tell him. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”
Ryan places his hands on my hips. “I do. He’s afraid of losing you.”
“But why? We went through a rough patch but things are back to normal again.”
Ryan’s warm eyes lift to look directly at me. “Are they?”
“Maybe not. There’s you now.”
The screen door opens and Jace walks inside. “Time to go home Pep. Now.”
I glance at Ryan. “Go ahead,” he says. “We’re all calling it a night anyway.”
Instead of kissing Ryan goodnight, I just give him a tired smile and squeeze his shoulders. Jace is standing in by the screen door glaring at me, and the last thing we need is him causin
g a scene (more accurately, another scene).
Jace insists on sitting in the backseat with me on the drive home. He sits in the middle seat beside me and leans against my shoulder. I’ve never seen him drunk, and it’s unnerving. How can I be so angry with him one minute, and so drawn to him the next?
“Slumber party?” he asks groggily when we pull up outside my apartment.
“Nope. Remy’s taking you home.” I push him off my shoulder and open the car door. The desire to take care of him is overwhelming. I could be a good friend and tuck him in, make sure he drinks some water and sleeps on his side. But friendship is dangerous when it comes to Jace Wilder.