by Abby Gale
“Okay, but you’ll cook. I’m not good at meatballs,” he says, winking at me.
Damn, I can get used to this side of him.
I was excited to spend the day with him and grateful that he cared for our anniversary enough to give me a gift like that even though our relationship wasn’t in the normal standards. It was our normal and our life now whether I liked it or not.
And I was choosing to like it… like it enough to not want an out from it.
*****
“Will you tell me about those women?” I whispered as we sat on the couch in front of the television.
Frowning he turned to me. “Which women?”
“The women on the file I found… the women…” I trailed off, but he finished my train of thoughts, “The women I killed?” he asked with deadly calm.
“Yes,” I breathed out. “What did they do to you? What happened to you, Mike?”
He looked at me without saying anything, looking for something in my gaze and no matter how much I wanted to take away my eyes from his prodding ones I held my ground. Seconds passed by and he didn’t give me any answers. I gave up from all the hopes for an answer when he turned his face back to the black television screen.
“I grew up with sex - fucked up, rough, twisted sex filled with screams, tears and blood. I was forced to hear, to watch, to participate, and to give.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to imagine him as a child – confused, scared… before I can really contemplate the situation he stroke another info like a whip, “The woman who I thought was my mother wanted me to fuck her.”
“And you took revenge,” I whispered.
Looking deep into my eyes he said, “It was the sweetest thing I’ve tasted.”
“What about the other one?”
“Kacey… she didn’t deserve that,” he whispered. I wasn’t expecting him to say that. I was preparing myself to hear satisfaction in his voice. I waited for him to continue.
“She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“How?”
“She trespassed my sanctuary, the only thing left as mine.”
“And you were angry.”
“I was.”
“And she was there…”
“She was…”
“And you killed her.”
“I did.”
“And it felt good,” I whispered.
“It was so much better than feeling weak.”
His choice of words shook me and I was speechless. I tried to find words to give him some answers, to understand how his mind worked, but then I was afraid of understanding him because if I understood him I knew I would be deeper in his darkness.
And as he hit the play button for the movie I chose, I wasn’t terrified of him… I was sad for what he’d been through and also I had a sick respect that he could survive all these things and get out alive.
*****
“I love this movie!” I swooned as the credits slid on the screen.
He glared at me, but it was different than his angry one; he gave me this look when he went all possessive over me. “Because that Gosling guy, yeah?”
I smiled at his grumpy attitude. His reaction stroked my ego in a weird way. “No, because the movie was good. I don’t swoon over Ryan Gosling.”
“Hmm, isn’t he your type?” He turned his body toward me on the couch. My mouth went dry, my heart beat faster, and a throb showed itself between my legs as he leaned down into me.
“No,” I breathed out.
“What is your type then?” he whispered, hovering over me.
“I like more dangerous ones, someone who can pull of the scar I left on his face,” I told him. My hand moved on its account and touched the scar on his face.
Who could love me even after I hurt them like that?
Who else could still want me when they can remember my hateful mark every time they looked at the mirror?
Who could take care of me even when I was broken?
Wasn’t this love?
An alarm pulled me back to the moment and I got lost in his green eyes as they shone bright. “Happy New Year, Angel,” Mike whispered and kissed me rough.
With the mention of new year, I felt emotional and lonely again. I was alone and stuck in this house till Mike got bored of me. He was the only one I had, but when he got bored of me, I would be all alone... and I didn’t want that. That thought gave me shivers and pained me without limits.
“Bed… now.” I heard him growl as he threw me on his shoulder and with the passion I heard in his voice I felt loved. I didn’t want to lose it. I didn’t want him to get bored of me.
When we entered to the bedroom he put me back on my feet and looked at me with the raw lust in his gaze. “I’m gonna fuck you, you have no choice on that. But you can decide how you want to take it,” he said, pulling my hair back so he could suck my neck and lick my mark under my collarbone.
“Love me,” I whispered without thinking because I needed that. We both needed love because the broken ones deserved to be loved, too, maybe even more than others. And we both were broken; him by his past and me by him.
I needed to be reminded that I was lovable, that I was worth it, and that I could be everything he wanted so he would never let me go; I didn’t know how to live outside of this situation and I didn’t want to die yet.
“You know I already love you, my Angel,” he told me, making my soul roar with pleasure.
Taking a deep breath I grabbed all my courage and leaned into him. “Make love to me, be gentle with me tonight.”
“Gentle?” His confusion gave me hope and I nodded.
“I don’t know how,” he whispered and he was back to that vulnerable self I came to love even though I saw that side of him only a few times.
I caressed his cheek and whispered, “Let me show you, then.” He frowned, but didn’t pull back from my touch so I continued, “Let me love you.”
When he didn’t give me any answer I took it as a yes and slowly started to unbutton his black shirt, placing a kiss on his skin after every button. His body was beautiful with all those taut muscles and golden skin, but it looked also dangerous in the best way possible as the power radiated through him. My beautiful monster… I licked and sucked every up and down on his abs, smiling with the way his breathing quickened. Unbuckling his belt, I peeled off his dark jeans off of his legs.
“Lie down onto the bed, please,” I said with a seductive smile at him.
“I have no idea what you’re trying to do,” he huffed, but did what I told anyway. It was a win and I couldn’t erase the goofy smile off my face. Joining him on the bed, I lifted myself to my knees and took the t-shirt I was wearing off. His eyes roamed all over my naked body and he sit up, reaching for me.
I shook my head. “Please, Mike. Just this one time… let me make it my way.”
“But you like it rough, too.”
“Yes, but not this time,” I say and placed myself between his legs. Leaning down I teased his length with my tongue and sucked his head into my mouth.
“Yes! Now, you’re doing something that makes sense,” he groaned, fisting my hair so he could control my moves. When he tried to push me down I placed my hands on his arms and lifted my head. “Slow… let me do it slow.”
And he let me have my fun a few more minutes, a few more teasing strokes, and a few more open mouthed kisses until he finally groaned, “Enough. Put me inside you. Now.”
I crawled on top of him, straddling his hips as I rub myself on his hardness. This feeling was never getting old. I had been with other men before, but no one had ever made me feel like him; no one was able to make me feel alive and titter at the edge of the orgasm with the slightest touch or a one hard glare.
“Inside,” he hissed.
Slowly easing onto him, I closed my eyes and crooked my neck with the sensation. I could feel his patience was wearing thin, but he still let me do it my way without me repeating. Rolling my hips I looked into his
eyes. His eyes were the biggest turn on for me during sex with their intensity and hunger. I pushed myself on him more, causing him to go deeper.
“Fuck!” he rasped as I continued with the slow rhythm. His hands reached for my hips; his fingers dig into my skin, trying to urge me to move faster, but I held his hands and moved them slowly up to my body.
His gaze was eating up my every move with curious confusion mixed with lustful hunger. I was lost in my own pleasure as I kept riding him the way I wanted. The orgasm was slow building but intense and toe-curling. As I was so close to the cliff of euphoria he sat up, wrapping his arms around me for a tight hold and forced me to look into his eyes.
I saw the change in him then.
The beast was still there, but it didn’t want to kill anymore; it still wanted to torture and hurt, but it wasn’t hungry for blood.
I didn’t take my eyes away from his, wrapping my arms around his neck as we continued the slow rhythm. When my orgasm hit me there was no voice coming out of my throat, my lips were parted for the silent scream and he was watching me like he was under a spell. His release followed suit as silent as mine, but I could feel his confused and euphoric scream on his shaking body, in his eyes, and in his long and desperate kiss.
As he lied down with me on his chest our bodies were still connected and our breathing slowed down. I was about to drift off to the sleep when he turned me with one swift move and hovered over me, capturing my lips in a rough, punishing kiss.
“Stop,” he rasped. “I don’t know what you’re doing, but stop,” he added in almost pleading way.
And I knew I won another piece of his cold heart.
I knew I won another invisible battle between us.
April 20, 2015 – Unexpected guest
“Angel? Where are you?” I heard Mike’s voice, but couldn’t answer as my stomach tried to leave my body.
What the hell is that?
Damn omelet… I knew it tasted funny this morning even though Mike argued it didn’t.
Flushing the toilet I sat to the edge of the bath to get my breathing under control. Finally, I checked the cabinets for mouthwash and saw my period schedule. Since I had no permission to any electronic devices I kept my dates old style. I was late…again, but this time it was almost two months which is the longest and the weirdest.
Call it a gut feeling or just a realization, but I stopped dead on my tracks and I just knew it. I knew I wasn’t wrong.
Mike opened the bathroom door before I could school my emotions and I was terrified. Everything was going great. It was months the last time he was rude to me or hurt me. He was changing, but I didn’t think he was ready for this news yet I couldn’t keep it to myself either.
“What happened?”
“We need to get a pregnancy test,” I blurted out and before I could see his reaction the darkness took me in.
*****
When I opened my eyes I saw Mike was pacing in the room like a madman. He handed me five packages of tests without telling me a word. I didn’t dare making a sound and with robotic movements I went to the bathroom. I thought he would have followed me, but he didn’t. He only came in when I lined all five sticks in front of the mirror. We waited in silence and I reached for the first stick when the time came even when I was scared as hell.
One was enough to let me know the result, but I checked every one of them like it would change the situation; it didn’t.
He was furious, I didn’t even need to tell him what the tests said; he had already known it. His eyes were moving rapidly between my mark and my belly as he clenched and unclenched his fists on his sides. He turned his back and I knew if I didn’t do something I would lose him. “Mike, don’t go… talk to me, please,” I choked with fear and unshed tears.
“No… this is wrong. This is wrong!” he chanted, pulling his hair as he paced around the room.
“It’s not wrong, Mike. It is beautiful. Tell me what is bothering you. Please,” I said, taking a tentative step toward him and relieved when he let me come closer.
“You’re not mine, anymore,” he whispered, it was so soft I almost missed it.
With fear I reached for his face and tried to smile softly as he didn’t pull back. “Of course I’m yours, Mike. I’ll be always yours.”
“This… this thing will take you away from me. I hate it, I hate this. I hate this monster. Everyone is taking something from me. Everyone wants to take what’s mine.” His face was full of panic; I had never seen him this out of control before. He was scared, truly scared. I caressed his cheek to soothe his worry.
“No, Mike, no. This baby will make me yours more. This baby will connect us like nothing else can and he will love you unconditionally. He will love you more than anyone.”
His eyes softened for a moment as he whispered, “He?”
Placing my other hand on my belly I smiled softly. “I feel like it will be a boy. Mike Junior… a beautiful boy like his handsome father,” I whispered, hoping that would keep him calm.
“He will hate me. I will be the worst father.”
“No, you won’t. You’ll give him a life you couldn’t have. You will love him fully. You will make him feel loved and you will protect him. I know you will, Mike.”
His confusion was almost childish and this gave me hope. I tired one last strike, “We will be family, Mike. Forever.”
“This shouldn’t have happened,” he said, shaking his head.
“But it did.”
“You shouldn’t want to stay. You shouldn’t want a family with me.” His voice was softer as he came closer to me.
“But I do.”
“You should leave,” he whispered, closing his eyes like he was in pain.
Cradling his face between my hands I answered him with determination in my voice, “I won’t.”
Opening his eyes he looked deep into mine. “Why?”
I knew the answer that would soothe him. I knew what answer I should give. But when I opened my mouth I told those words not because I had to say them or not because they would win me a battle in this situation; I told those words because they were true, “Because I love you.”
“No, you don’t. I made you love me.”
“You can’t make anyone love you, Mike. You said yourself many times… that I’m different. It is because I chose to love you.”
His green eyes shone like the first ray of sun hit the virgin forest even though he tried to keep his expression hard. “You chose to love a monster.”
“Everyone has a monster inside. Some are just stronger than others to fight.”
Grabbing my hips he pulled me closer to him till my breasts flushed on his chest. “You’ll regret this…”
“Then, let me,” I challenged him, grazing my lips on him with boldness and before I could do anything else his lips crashed on mine with a scorching lust.
August 17, 2015–MIKE
I sucked her nipple into my mouth, groaning with the rich taste of milk on my tongue as I thrust my fingers into her wet and warm heat. She was writhing under me with her lust and pleasure. The pregnancy made her hungrier for my cock, my touch, my lips. Her body was more responsive to everything I did to her. Her face was glowing with the constant blush that was caused by pregnancy hormones. Her breasts were fuller and there was milk whenever she was close to her orgasm.
“Mike, please… fuck me,” she moaned, trying to pull me close to her body.
“Turn around. On your knees,” I hissed. It was hard for me to fuck her when she was on her back because of her round belly.
She did as I told, gave me the perfect view of her ass and her glistening pussy. The hunger inside me was so raw with the look of her wet, pink folds. I plunged into her, causing her cry out. She leaned down to support her weight by her elbows as I kept pushing into her. The pleasure caused flash of fireworks under my eyelids; I lost my control, thrusting into her harder and harder.
Shuddering with my own release I hardly heard her painful whimpers and whe
n I pulled out from her maddening pussy I saw my cock was covered in her blood.
“Angel? Angel, are you okay?” I pushed her hair off of her face and saw her eyes closed tight with pain. For the first time for a long while I felt a funny feeling inside me. I was panicked maybe even scared.
She tried to talk, but it was only a heart-wrenching scream she could manage when she opened her mouth as her arms wrapped around her belly.
FUCK.
August 19, 2015 –Angel
My eyelids were heavy as I tried to open my eyes. There was rhythmic beeping in the room that made no sense at all.
Where is this coming from?
I tried to sit up, but my body was in pain and sluggish; I lay back on the bed to stop the pain. There was a needle on my arm, infusing the fluid from the package that was hanging next to my bed.
I was confused, my mind was all over the place. I turned my head to look at my surroundings, trying to understand where I was. I sighed in relief when I noticed I was in Mike’s room.
The door slowly opened and a bald man who looked like in his late fifties showed up. I tensed as he came closer to me. He had a smile on his face, but I could see the anxiety behind his eyes.
“You’re awake. How are you feeling, Mrs. Harrison?”
“I’m not… we’re not,” I trailed off; my throat was aching. Before I could attempt another try Mike strolled into the room. “Is she okay?” he asked, not making an eye-contact with me.
“I’ll check. She’s just woken up.” The bald man looked tense, more than before. I noticed then he was a doctor.
“What happened?” I croaked.
“You’ve lost lots of blood”
“Our baby?”
“Don’t worry. We’ll check the fetus now. I had to go back and get the ultrasound here,” he told me, giving a deadly glare to Mike.
“You get a fortune for it, Edward. Do your job,” Mike snapped at him.
I was dying for him to look at me, to understand what he was thinking, but his face was a mask and I couldn’t get a clue if he was angry or sad or whatever.