by Tegan Maher
"Kris something-or-other. I didn't catch his last name."
I groaned. "Older guy? Drinking dirty martinis?"
"Yeah," she said. "So he's been here already?"
"Oh, he's been here all right. If he comes back, tell him I said hello." Hopefully, that would stir some shame or sense of responsibility, but at the very least, it would remind him that there was at least one person still counting on him.
"Will do," she said, then left to do a trip around the infinity pool. It had an entry point built in straight from the ocean, so mermaids and other sea folks loved it. They could come up and interact in a different environment without changing shape.
It was a pain when sirens came in, though. Like most folks, they liked to sing once they got a few drinks in them. All the men, regardless of species, would flock to them, which caused all sorts of problems. If you've never seen a jealous faerie or vampire, count yourself lucky. When those women get a mood on, they make riled-up redheaded witches look like kittens.
I spent the next twenty minutes closing out my checks. When I finally got to sit down to do my checkout, I sighed with relief.
"I'm gonna have to take one of Mila's tonics when I go to the house to change," I said to Bob as I kicked off my shoes and rolled my feet. "My dogs are barkin'. There's no way I'm gonna be able to walk around the Gate if I don't."
Mila was my cousin. She ran a successful little boutique called Potions and Lotions in the good part of the city.
"How's she doin'?" Bob asked, dumping freshly cut limes and lemons into the garnish caddy.
Mila was typically the easy-going one out of all of us, but the last couple times I'd visited her, she'd acted weird. Stressed and jumpy.
"I haven't really talked to her," I replied. "I've called her a couple of times, but she didn’t say much. Both times, she cut it short. Said she was busy."
"Well, it's the Christmas season,” he said as he pulled his drawer and sat down next to me to count it. “I'm sure she's as rushed as we are, trying to stay ahead of all the orders. Her items do make great gifts."
"Yeah," I said, recounting my cash for a second time because I couldn't focus. "I guess. Hopefully she'll come around once things slow down."
We finished up just as Colin and Tempest showed up. My little fox was grinning to beat the band and the fur on her face was blue and sticky.
"Please tell me you didn't sugar her up," I said, and guilt flashed across his face.
"She may have had some cotton candy,” he said, not meeting my eyes. He knew how she got, but he still couldn’t manage to tell her no. “And a candy bar or two."
"And maybe just a sip of soda," she added.
Great. She was energetic enough without any sweets. Carbs were like rocket fuel to her; add caffeine, and I was gonna have to tie a rope to her leg to keep her from blasting off.
"You're dealing with her then," I said, giving them the palm. "Your monkey, your circus."
We wrapped things up and headed to my place. As much as I wanted to teleport, I didn't, because I was the only one of the three of us who could. Even if they'd been witches, the whole resort was enchanted to prevent it. I'd gotten clearance back when I was managing the tiki after the guy who was running it, a fallen angel named Cass, up and got himself murdered. Blake had let me keep the privilege since it often came in handy when we needed change or whatnot for the bar.
Jolene met us at my place with a fresh change of clothes for Bob. A sweaty Bigfoot did not make for the best smelling company. While he cleaned up, I took a potion and propped my feet up for a bit. By the time Bob was ready, Mila's magical cure-all had kicked in and some of Tempest's sugar rush had worn off.
We headed to the closest portal to my house, which was only about a five-minute walk, then made our way through it one at a time. My stomach rumbled as I stepped through. The smells of Italian food wafting from a restaurant across the street mingled with those of cotton candy and smoked sausages coming from the street vendors who'd rented space for the holiday crowd.
The atmosphere should have been festive, but it felt a little off. Even though Christmas lights twinkled along the street, wreaths hung from the light posts and shop doors, and canned carols poured from the loudspeakers lining the streets, people were frowning and most of the stores were empty.
"Watch where you're going," a woman snapped at me as she nearly ran me over. I ground my teeth and sucked in a deep breath; it was never good to pick a fight in the Gate because you rarely knew who—or more accurately, what—you were messing with.
"What's goin' on?" Jolene asked, a puzzled expression on her face.
“I assume you haven’t been watching TV?” I asked.
“Only the Christmas specials on Hallmark.” She and I shared that guilty pleasure.
I explained the whole Kris thing to her, and her face creased in thought.
"Maybe he needs to come here," she said. "Get a firsthand view of what's going on."
I shook my head. "He's been seeing it all on the news for the last couple of days. He's viewing it backwards—rather than believing that it's because he's lost faith, he thinks it's just another sign that he's making the right decision."
Her mouth formed a little O. "That's not good."
Since the statement was rhetorical, I just nodded. "But we still have the spirit,” I said, looping my arm through hers. “Let's do some Christmas shopping."
We spent the next couple of hours visiting toy stores and the chocolate shop, though Tempest's chocolate-dipped bacon went straight into my bottomless bag. Next, we went to the Cracked Cauldron. We were halfway through our burgers when both my phone and Bob's dinged with incoming texts.
When I checked, it was from Blake.
911. I need you both back at the resort ASAP. Teleport.
I glanced at Bob, who looked as befuddled as I felt. Blake was a powerful wizard and Dimitri was no slouch, either, though as a faerie, he had his limits when it came to what he could do offensively without getting into trouble. He was, by nature, a lover, not a fighter. And Lola barely had any powers at all even though she was a witch.
"We better get back," I said. "If he says to teleport, there must be something big going down." I took another big bite of my burger, then signaled to Shane, the giant bear shifter tending bar, for the check.
He waved me off. "It's on the house. Merry Christmas, guys." Shane was good friends with my brother and had taken me under his wing.
"Thanks, man," Colin called as we rose to leave. “Merry Christmas to you, too.”
I waved a hand and stacked all the dishes for him. Unlike Jolene and me, Colin and Bob had wolfed down the rest of their burgers. I took one last huge bite, then motioned for Tempest to jump on my shoulder. We all clasped hands and I closed my eyes, focusing on the office in the tiki. Two seconds later, the sound of raucous partying and breaking glass clattered us, and we dashed to bar to see what was the matter.
Chapter Four
The bar was absolute chaos. Dozens of elves in various states of undress and inebriation had taken over the place. Two were drinking straight from the taps while three more were swinging from the ceiling fans. Dimitri was slinging spells as quickly as he could, knocking one off the bar and zapping a bottle of peppermint schnapps from another.
Blake was doing his best, too, but there were just too many of them. Poor Lola was huddled under the bar, her arms covering her pink head.
"Stop!" I yelled, and blasted the whole room with magic. Everything froze in place, and it was then that I noticed Kris standing by the bar with his hands out like he was trying to help, panic etched across his face.
His martini glass hovered midair, a lone olive suspended above it. I touched Colin, Bob, and Jolene, unfreezing them. Since Tempest was sort of an extension of me, she hadn't frozen when everybody else did.
I picked my way around suspended food, liquor bottles, and articles of clothing to first Dimitri, then Blake.
"What in the name of blue blazes is going on
here?" I demanded as soon as I touched Blake. He about fell over when I unfroze him. "What's up with all the elves?"
"They got here about two hours ago," Dimitri said, breathing hard. "Everything was fine for half an hour or so, but then they started doing shots of peppermint schnapps and chocolate liqueur. Things got out of hand before I realized they were lightweights. One threw a candy cane at another, and that was all she wrote. The guy threw a half-eaten burger back, and all hell broke loose."
"Who are they?" Bob asked, plucking beer glasses from the air so they wouldn’t crash to the ground when I unfroze everything.
"The EOS party you told me about," the green-haired faerie replied. "Elves on Shelves."
"Oh, no," I said, tapping Lola on the shoulder to unfreeze her. "That can't be good."
I'd always found the whole elf-on-a-shelf thing a little creepy and had never gotten into it, but I understood the gist. With my suspicions about the tradition confirmed, I was glad I wasn’t a trend-follower. Still, I couldn't understand why our bar looked like a set for an episode of "Elves Gone Wild."
Blake glanced around at all the elves hovering in various forms of obnoxiousness. "He’s right. The situation went from zero to disaster in a twinkle. And why didn't I think to do that?" he asked, waving toward the motionless elves. I shrugged. He did tend to be a bit myopic, so I wasn't surprised that he’d tried to deal with them one on one rather than as a whole.
Bob narrowed his eyes at Kris. "Unfreeze him, and he better have a danged good explanation for all this." He waved a hand toward the hot mess that was our bar.
"What about him?" Lola asked, pointing to one lone, miserable-looking elf who was sitting at a table near the back of the bar, a cup of cocoa in front of him.
"Good catch," I said, heading toward him. I touched him on the shoulder, and he startled when he unfroze.
I held out my hands, palms open. "It's okay. My name's Destiny. I work here. What's your name?"
"P-Pepper," he stuttered, his big ears fluttering. "Pepper Minstyx. I'm supposed to be in charge here." His little apple cheeks pinked and the bell on top of his standard-issue elf hat tinkled as he shook his head. "As you can see, I've failed spectacularly."
"Don't beat yourself up," I said, feeling sorry for him. The hangdog look on his face expressed his remorse way better than words ever could. "The most powerful wizard and faerie on the resort couldn't even get a handle on it, and that's sayin' something."
"Still," he said. "Can you wake Santa up? I need to talk to him. I tried several times before all sleighbells broke loose, but he wouldn't listen."
"Sure," I said. "Though I have to say, I've been trying for days to get through to him."
He pressed his lips together. "Trust me—what I have to say will change things, now that I'll have his undivided attention."
Pepper followed me over to Santa, and I reached up and pulled the martini glass out of the air before I touched Kris on the shoulder. I left the olive to pop him on the nose—I figured he had that coming.
He was wild-eyed for a second before he realized what was going on. "I'm so sorry, everybody," he rushed to say. "I-I didn't know they'd get like this."
"Explain," Blake snapped. "And don't give us any of that this is just another sign crap, either. These are your boys. Why couldn't you control them?"
His forehead creased in chagrin and he sighed. "These aren’t exactly the most rule-following of my elves. Pepper over there designed the Elf on a Shelf program to help me out. I was having a hard time keeping an eye on everybody, so he figured that having elves strategically placed throughout the world would give me extra eyes."
"Yeah," Pepper said, "but though the concept was great, the execution was flawed. Most elves were happy making toys, and answering mail, and carrying out the duties they'd been assigned for eons. Some of the old-timers were happy to take the job. It's an easy gig, and they're getting too old to keep up with the demands of everyday life as a working elf."
He drew in a deep breath and blew it out through his cheeks. "That was the problem, though. It's easy. The younger elves who don't like to work were drawn to the positions, too. Plus we had some that were on probation, and this was sort of a time out for them."
"Wait," Bob said, "Aside from the fact that it’s creepy that you planted spies in people’s houses, you're telling me that y'all placed troubled elves in homes with kids?"
Pepper waved him off. "Yeah, but it's not like you think. Even trouble-making elves can't do harm. It's magically forbidden. They'd be zapped back to the North Pole the instant they got out of line." He beamed with pride. "That was one of my more clever pieces of spellwork, if I do say so myself."
"So what's with all this?" Jolene asked, motioning around the room. "They sure look like they're doing harm to me."
Pepper hung his head, but then he glowered at Kris. "No offense, sir, but this is all your fault. They got word that you'd abandoned ship, so they started pushing the limits. Eating the kids' candy, unwrapping gifts ... some even wrote naughty things in the fake snow humans spray on their windows! Anyway, they all got zapped home, just like the spell intended. But when they got there, there wasn't enough magic to hold them because you weren't there. They decided to run amok, and here they are, half naked and throwing food at each other in between shots of peppermint schnapps!"
"Okay," Kris said, taking a deep breath and looking around. "Where's Winter? He's the worst of the lot, so I assume he's the one behind this?"
"Winter?" Colin asked.
"Yeah," Pepper replied, still glowering at Kris. "Winter Knite. He's a rare example of a truly bad elf. I told Santa he wasn't good for the program, but he insisted that if Winter had a purpose, he'd come around."
"So," Kris said, looking around, "I was obviously wrong. Where is he? If we bring him to heel, the rest will follow."
"Had you bothered to answer your phone," Pepper said, his arms crossed and fury etched on his face, "you'd know that he’s made a bid for your spot. It’s a great gig, knowing where everybody’s at every second of the day. He's got Mrs. Claus locked in the kitchen, and the worst of the elves from the Shelf program are helping him overthrow the rest. The reindeer and the other elves are trying, but their magic is tied to Christmas spirit. In case you haven't been watching the news, that's not exactly at an all-time high right now."
"But Carol is as powerful as I am. She couldn't stop this?"
"You're exactly right," Pepper said. "She's as powerful as you. Have you tried using your magic since you got here?"
"Okay," I said, my temper snapping. I jabbed a finger at Kris. "One, shame on you for trying to shovel this off on her. And two, you had to know how the magic worked. What did you think would happen?"
"Wait," Tempest said, "How is this Winter dude using so much magic if elf magic is tied to Christmas spirit?"
Pepper tilted his head and raised his brows. "Care to explain that one, Santa?"
Kris heaved a resigned sigh. "Winter's mother was a bit ... high strung when she was young. She got in with a bad crowd and caught Frost's eye. He's Winter's father."
"Frost, as in your arch-nemesis?" Tempest asked, disbelief tinting her voice. "The one who almost killed you and took over the world? You put Frost's son in a position of power?"
Kris waved a hand. "I wasn't going to hold his lineage against him. Plus, the EOS program is rigorously controlled. There is no power."
"Obviously," Bob said, sarcasm lacing his tone.
"I admit it! I screwed up," Kris exclaimed, pushing to his feet. "But that's water under the bridge. We have to go save Carol and the others."
"That's the first rational statement you've made all week," I said. "Let's go."
"But what about them?" Pepper asked, motioning toward the frozen elves.
"Leave 'em," Blake said, shaking his head. "The last thing we need is them coming in and flanking us. I'll put the emergency plan in place and quarantine the whole bar area. Nobody comes or goes."
"I have to get h
ome to the kids," Jolene said, and Bob worried his lip, indecision scrawled across his features.
"You stay here," I told him. "If something happens and the security breaks, they'll need you. The whole resort will, especially since you'll be the only person who knows what's going on."
“Okay,” he said. “As long as you’ll be all right without me.”
"We’ll be fine,” I said, impatient. I turned to the others. “Let's go. We don't know how bad it is, and we don't have time to stand around wondering. We have Christmas to save." I cast a pointed look at Kris. "Right?"
"Right," he said, though he didn't sound as sure as I would have liked.
Chapter Five
"Gather around me," Kris said to Colin, Dimitri, and me, determination in his voice. "Only elves can access the North Pole without assistance. Everybody touch me. I'll take us straight to my office."
Doubt crossed Pepper's face. "Maybe it's not such a great idea to land right at ground zero," he said. "Maybe we should go somewhere else, the stables maybe, and get a feel for what we're walking into."
Kris gave a sharp nod. "The stables it is, then. Ready?"
We all gathered round and laid a hand on him, even Tempest. I wasn't sure his magic would translate to her, and I didn't want her to be left behind. She was a resourceful little thing and would be useful to have around. People—or elves—would stand out like a sore thumb, but a cute little black-and-white fox would be able to get in anywhere.
I closed my eyes and tried to prepare myself. Sometimes when I teleported with other people at the wheel, I got woozy. When several seconds ticked by with nothing happening, I peeped an eye open. Kris looked frantic, and a tad bit constipated. His face was screwed up and red with effort.
"What's going on?" I asked. "Why are we still here?"
"I can't seem to access my magic."
"What do you mean you can't access it?" Tempest snapped. "Just let warm, fuzzy visions of sugarplum faeries dance through your head or something."