He texted back immediately. Let yourself inside.
I took the elevator to his floor and entered his residence without knocking.
Deacon was at the dining table, smiling into his laptop. “Then what happened?”
Derek’s voice came from the monitor. “Then it crashed into the side of the house, and Mom was maaaaad.”
He chuckled. “I bet she was.” His eyes were so kind as he stared at the screen, a permanent grin on his face, his cheek resting against his palm.
I had to stop and stare at him for a second because he’d never looked so good. With that smile, he looked like a billion bucks. The joy reached all the way to his eyes, made him come to life.
Deacon switched his gaze to me when he noticed me. His smile didn’t fade. “Come say hi.”
I carried the box to the table then dropped into the chair beside him, seeing Derek on the screen, leaning up against the pillow in his bedroom. There was a poster on the wall behind him, of Neil Armstrong on the moon. “Hey, Derek.” I waved.
He waved back. “Hey, Cleo.”
“I like your poster.”
He leaned his head back and looked at the wall. “Pretty cool, huh? Buzz Aldrin signed it, too.”
“Really?” I asked in surprise.
“Yeah.” He picked up his device and raised it to the scribble in the corner. “See?”
“Wow, that’s so cool.”
He lowered the device so his face was in view again.
“How did you meet him?”
“Dad knows him,” Derek said.
I turned to Deacon.
“That’s not exactly true, but I arranged it.” Deacon kept his eyes on his son.
“Hey, Dad?”
“Yeah?” Deacon asked.
“Do you still have that drawing I made for you?” he asked.
“Of course. It’s on my nightstand.”
I smiled, having spotted it when I delivered his dry cleaning last week.
“Cool,” he said. “So, when are we going to go fishing again?”
Summer had arrived in earnest, and it had started to get humid in the city. It was the perfect time to enjoy the lake and have a barbecue in the great outdoors.
“Hopefully soon,” Deacon answered. “Your mother just got you back, so she probably wants to hold on to you for a while.”
“Why?” he asked. “I’m with her all the time. You’re the one I never see.”
My heart broke.
Deacon’s smile faltered. “We’ll figure it out. Just be patient.”
Derek sighed. “Fine…”
Deacon sat there in silence, just staring at his son through the screen, a father’s love in his eyes. “Swimming a lot?”
“Sometimes,” he said. “Mom got me some squirt guns, but I don’t have anyone to play with. I wish I had a brother or sister.”
“I’m sure you will someday,” Deacon said.
I wondered if he was referring to himself or Valerie. I never asked him about that because it was too personal.
“Derek, time to get off.” Valerie’s voice came from off-camera.
“No!” Derek looked away from the camera, his eyes furious.
“Sweetheart, Daddy is busy, and we have—”
“Dad is never too busy for me,” Derek argued.
Deacon raised his voice. “Derek, do what your mother says. We’ll talk again soon. Now say goodbye.”
Derek sighed but listened to his father. “Alright. Bye, Dad.” He waved.
“I love you,” Deacon said.
“Love you too.” He looked at me next. “Bye, Cleo.”
I waved. “Bye, Derek.”
The camera moved away and turned to Valerie, who was so done up, she obviously wanted to impress somebody. Her hair was big, her makeup heavy, and she wore a diamond necklace worth more than a car. “Hey, Deacon.” Her eyes shifted to me, confused. “Oh. Hi, Cleo…”
“Hello, Valerie,” I said politely. “I just dropped off a package for Deacon and thought I’d say hello.”
She smiled, but her eyes were suspicious as if she didn’t like me being there.
I left the camera view. “I’ll see you later, Deacon. I just wanted to give you this package because it looked important. It’s from your office.”
He pulled his gaze away from the device. “Hold on a second.” He turned back to Valerie. “Thanks for letting me talk to Derek, Valerie.”
“Sure. How are you?”
I watched Deacon have a live conversation with his ex, and I could tell he struggled with it, struggled to talk—not just because he was bad at it, but because he didn’t want to. He wanted nothing to do with her, but he had to play nice if he wanted a relationship with his son. “Good. How about you?”
“It’s getting really hot here. But other than that, nothing has changed.”
Deacon stared, like he didn’t know what else to say, he just wanted the conversation to end.
Valerie didn’t seem to pick up on his mood. That only proved my suspicions, that she didn’t understand the man she had been married to, didn’t try to accept him for who he was, expecting him to change for her. “Does Cleo come to your condo a lot?”
Oh no.
“She manages all the tenants in the building. So, she brings my dry cleaning, lets housekeeping in, takes care of my mail and my bills. She basically runs my life, which is nice because I don’t have the time to do it myself.” Maybe Deacon noticed her jealousy and tried to assuage her fears. Or maybe he just answered her question without thinking about her tone. “So, she’s here every few days.”
“I see.”
If Valerie knew about the women he brought home with him, she would probably focus her jealousy on the women that were actually in his bed.
“I’d really like to have Derek back sometime soon. Maybe we could arrange something.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she said noncommittally.
“It’s a long flight for Derek, so maybe next time he could stay for a week or two.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Alright. Let me know.”
“Bye, Deacon.”
“Bye, Valerie.” He hit the button then closed the laptop.
I really hoped I wouldn’t get under her skin, make her uncomfortable around me. The last thing I needed was to be the reason she didn’t want Derek to come here.
Deacon pushed the laptop away and looked at me. “That went well.”
Yeah, he had no clue.
I took the seat across from him. “You need to be careful with Valerie. If you ever talk about me, don’t say anything too nice. Don’t talk about me at all if you don’t have to.”
He stared at me blankly.
“Just trust me on that.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I think she’s a little jealous of me.”
“In what way?”
“The fact that I’m in your residence right now, talking to your son on the screen. She might think there’s something going on between us, and that might piss her off. So, just be careful.”
“It’s none of her business if there is or isn’t.”
“I know. But you don’t want to piss her off at all right now.”
He stared at me for a long time. “We’ve been divorced for five months.”
“I know, but she’s still possessive of you.”
He clearly wasn’t going to understand this.
“Just take my word for it, alright?”
He leaned back in the chair. “She’s a beautiful woman. She can have anyone she wants. Doesn’t make sense to want me.”
Beauty wasn’t everything. If it were, he’d still be married to her. “Well, you’re rich.”
“And she already took half my money.”
“You’re brilliant.”
“Now her son will be brilliant.”
“You’re not just rich and brilliant, Deacon. I’m sure she misses you for more than that.”
He stared at me like he wanted t
o argue but didn’t know how.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all.
“That woman took five years of my life I’ll never get back. If she wanted me, she could have been good to me. Instead, she screamed at me when I didn’t say what she wanted to hear, slapped me when I came home late from the office, threw my papers out the window when I wasn’t the husband she wanted me to be. I’m finally free of her, and now that I’ve taken a breath of fresh air, I don’t know how I did that for so long—slept with a woman I despise.”
When I imagined him so miserable, being treated like garbage by the person who was supposed to support him the most, it broke my heart. Instead of accepting him for who he was, understanding he’d never be a man like all the others, she tried to break him down, tried to change him…when he should never change.
“I put up with her bullshit for too long. I’m not doing it anymore.”
I looked at the angry expression in his eyes, the way his lips were pressed so tightly together, the bones of his jaw grinding. That relationship was borderline abusive. I could tell by the way he got so worked up about it. It wasn’t just a simple martial spat. The abuse was bone-deep. “Just think of Derek. Continue to play nice for a little while.”
His eyes looked heavy, like he had to climb up the tallest mountain in the world every single morning. The weight was on his shoulders but impossible to see.
“And he’s so cute.” I tried to cheer him up, talk about the one thing that made him smile.
He was quiet for a while before a slow smile moved onto his lips. “He’s always cute.”
I liked this version of him a lot more—the happy version. “Let’s give it some time. Then we’ll try to get him out here again. The cabin will be a lot of fun in the summer.”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “It will be.”
“And there’re a lot of other places you could take him in Manhattan.”
He nodded. “True.”
“So, let’s just think about that…and not about her.”
He looked out the window, his hands together on the table. The sun didn’t set until almost eight now, so the city was still bright and vibrant. “How are you liking your apartment?” He turned back to me.
I didn’t complain about my life to clients for fear of making them uncomfortable. I pretended my life was just like theirs, simple and easy, a private car pulling up for me the second my foot hit the sidewalk. But I didn’t need to do that with Deacon. “It’s a whole new place now. After a long day running around, it’s nice to step into a clean space, for that apartment to feel like home. It smells different…it feels different. And sleeping on clean sheets is nicer than I realized. Now I understand why clients like to have their sheets changed every week.”
He gave a slight nod. “I’m glad it made you happy.”
I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t. My eyes focused on his profile, and I wanted to keep staring, to spend my evening looking at that handsome face, those kissable lips, those chocolate eyes. How had Valerie been married to him without worshiping the ground he walked on? How had she shared her life with him without doing everything to make him happy? How could she have wanted someone else when he was the man in bed beside her? I would never figure it out, never understand it.
He broke the silence, having no idea what I was thinking. “I’m about to make dinner. You want to join me?”
More than anything. “I should take off. I still have a lot of stuff to do. But thank you for inviting me.” I rose out of the chair, knowing I would just go home and find something in the freezer before plopping down on the couch.
He got to his feet too, in his sweatpants and t-shirt.
“I’ll see you later.” I walked to the door.
His footsteps were behind me.
He didn’t usually walk me to the door, but he did today. I turned back around to look at him.
He towered over me, his arms bigger than both of mine put together. He smelled clean, as if he’d taken a shower when he returned from the office, and his cotton clothes smelled fresh, like laundry had just been delivered. His hair was a little messy as if he’d been fingering it, probably anxious before he spoke to Derek on the laptop.
It was one of those times I couldn’t believe he was so handsome and had no clue. I couldn’t believe he didn’t understand that Valerie still wanted him, even now, even after he moved across the country to get away from her. He had no idea that our waitress had wanted to take him home and fuck his brains out. He didn’t see the world that way, didn’t see himself that way. His brilliant mind was focused on other things.
I cleared my throat and forced myself not to be weird. “Is there anything I can do before I go?”
“Tucker’s birthday is in a few weeks.”
“You want me to pick out something for you?”
“Actually, I already have something in mind. VIP seats for the Yankees.”
That was quite the birthday gift. “I can make that happen. I can get you right behind home plate.”
“I don’t want season tickets. I’m just too busy to go.”
“No. A few of my clients have tickets, and they’re too busy to use them. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you used them for the night.”
He slid his hands into his pockets. “I don’t mind paying for them. Not looking for a handout.”
“I know. I’ll let you know what happens. Anything else?”
He shook his head slightly. “No.”
I held his gaze for a few more seconds, wanting to change my mind about his offer and join him in the kitchen. But I forced myself to go, forced myself to behave like his assistant…and nothing more.
Five
Deacon
I sat at my desk in my office, so lost in my paperwork that I skipped lunch. Theresa reminded me a few times but gave up after I consistently ignored her. It wasn’t because I wasn’t hungry. My desire to get this finished was simply stronger.
Then my phone rang.
It was my mother.
I hadn’t talked to her in a while. We spoke after I moved to New York, but then I got busy with my hectic life and didn’t think about her much. I felt guilty about it now. Being a father made me realize how much I could love my son. That was how my mother felt about me…and I took it for granted.
I answered. “Hey, Mom.”
“Oh honey, I’m so happy to hear your voice. I miss you.” After my father was gone, she was more affectionate with us, clinging to us like life rafts. Tucker and I looked a lot like him, especially me.
“I miss you too, Mom.”
“What are you doing right now?”
“At the office.”
“Of course,” she said with a chuckle. “Even when you were five, all you ever wanted to do was work.”
I didn’t call it work. Work was something people did for a paycheck. I did this because I wanted to. “How are you?”
“Very lonely over here. Sometimes, I see the girls, but they get busy…”
“Tucker told me you’re moving out here. Is that still happening?”
“Yes. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.”
I glanced at my paperwork, a little irritated she’d called me during business hours. I didn’t even eat lunch because I was so busy. But this was my mother, and I couldn’t get annoyed with her or tell her I’d call her back. I should have called over the last few months, but I never did…so I could do this. “Tucker said you sold your house.”
“Yes. Just closed escrow. I’m coming out there soon to find a place.”
“That’s great.”
“And I saw Derek yesterday—finally.”
Good. Valerie was behaving like an actual adult. “How was he?”
“Perfect, like always,” she said with a sigh. “That little boy is the sweetest thing in the whole world.”
I smiled. “Yeah…he is.”
“Anyway, Tucker offered to let me stay with him, but his apartment is way too small.”
&n
bsp; “It’s a two-bedroom place…” I’d been there before. It wasn’t a six-thousand-square-foot place like mine, but it was still pretty nice.
“I’d rather stay with you, honey. If that’s okay.”
I couldn’t say no to her, but I did not want to live with my mother.
“Tucker told me about your assistant, Cleo, how she takes care of everyone in the building, and I would love to have that amenity while I get situated.”
Goddammit, Tucker.
“Are there any condos available right now?”
As far as I knew, the turnover rate was really low. When people moved in here, they usually kept the place until they died, and then their children kept it. Even if they were hardly in Manhattan, they preferred to keep the property because it was such a rare commodity. “I’ll ask Cleo, but I doubt it.” And even if there were, I didn’t want to live in the same building as my mother. I didn’t want her to stop by my condo whenever she felt like it, see the various women who slept over, get a close glimpse of my life when I was fiercely private. “But if there’s not, I’m sure Cleo will have a good substitute.”
“Maybe she could still take care of me.”
Unlikely. “Maybe.”
“So, is it fine if I stay with you?”
I loved my mother, but fuck, I did not want to share my space with her. And if she dragged her feet on finding a place, she could live with me for months. She was retired, so she would always be home—all the time. “Of course.”
“Thank you, honey. That’s so sweet of you. I’ll let you know when I’m flying in.”
“Alright.”
“Can’t wait to see you.”
“Me too.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
She hung up.
The second the line went dead, I called Cleo.
She answered on the first ring, like she’d been staring at her phone when my name popped up. “Hey, Deacon.”
“Hey…” The sweet sound of her voice echoed in my mind for a second, immediately calming my hostile mood. “I need your help.”
Cleo set her papers on the dining table along with her laptop. “So…your mother wants to live with you?”
The Man Who Has No Heart Page 4