by E A Owen
“Why just a single roll? Have you decided to cut bread out of your diet?” I asked.
“No, silly.” Julia giggled. “That’s the surprise!”
“Am I missing something here? Because I am really confused right now,” I said, perplexed.
“You’ve never heard the expression a bun in the oven?” Julia teased.
“No. I guess I must be behind the times. What does it mean?”
“We’re pregnant!” Julia exclaimed, and she ran over and gave me a big hug.
“We’re having a baby?!” I replied excitedly. I grabbed Julia by the waist, spun her around, and gave her a big smooch. “How far along are you?”
“I’m not sure exactly. I just took a pregnancy test this morning. I was a week late. My cycle has been off by a day or two before, but never an entire week. So, I decided to pick up a test. I will call the doctor’s office tomorrow and make an appointment.”
“I am so excited! I can’t wait to tell Mom and Dad!” I blurted.
***
Five months later, Julia had just barely started to show a little baby bump. We had discussed getting married before the baby was born when Julia first found out she was pregnant. We didn’t want to rush into marriage, but the pregnancy definitely hurried things along. Besides, Julia stressed the fact that she did not want to have to wear a maternity wedding gown.
After five months of planning, when Julia was approximately six and half months along, the wedding was right around the corner. We decided to have a small wedding, nothing too extravagant. We sent out wedding invitations to twenty people. Besides my parents, we invited Nicole and her parents, Julia’s Aunt Robin and Uncle Dave, and a few other close relatives on both sides.
We decided to have the wedding right on the lake, a beautiful spot that was literally right in our back yard. The reception would be held at our house since we have plenty of room to accommodate twenty people. We hired a local chef, Bryan Valentino, to cater our wedding. He won an award for one of the World’s 50 Best Restaurants, receiving three stars, the highest Michelin accolade. A local newspaper article was published last year regarding a visit to the Horizon by Justin Gold, a famous food critic for the New York Times. He referred to the chef as a genius, and he said of the restaurant: it has ‘exceptional cuisine and is worth the special trip. It was an incredible dish. The meat was cooked to ultimate perfection. It had wonderful flavor, with a perfect layer of crisp on the outside and moist, juiciness on the inside.’ He gave the restaurant 3.6 stars, which is huge in the food industry. The Horizon went from being a pretty busy place on the weekends with usually an hour wait on average to an extremely busy restaurant every day of the week, requiring reservations days in advance. We had to pay a pretty penny to have him cater our wedding, but we both felt it well worth the money.
***
The weather forecast the morning of our wedding was for partly cloudy skies with a high of eighty-two degrees. Beautiful, in other words. Family flew in the previous day from all over the country to attend the wedding. Since the tradition is not to see the bride before the ceremony, my dad suggested I stay at their house last night. While Julia was out with Nicole, the bridesmaid, at some upscale salon downtown getting manicures, pedicures, hair and makeup done professionally, we decided to drive to my house to set up all the chairs while we waited for the arbor to be delivered for the ceremony. The arbor was made of branches, vines, and the most vibrant flowers arranged in a delicately sophisticated style. It would be perfect to recite our wedding vows, and to have the professional photographer take pictures, under.
By the time everyone arrived and was seated in the chairs surrounding our immaculately designed garden, the whole scene seemed something out of a storybook. Julia’s Uncle Dave started playing Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” on his acoustic guitar as Julia followed the flagstone walkway through the garden toward the arbor, where I was already standing. Julia looked absolutely stunning in her pearl white, flowing designer wedding dress. The layers fell in such way that it created a light and heavy effect simultaneously, and it had a decorative floral lace top with a plunging neckline. Julia looked like she had just stepped out of a modeling magazine.
I felt like the luckiest man on the planet. I had the most stunning wife, a beautiful house on a lake, and a baby on the way. I couldn’t be happier.
When she at last stood at my side, we said our vows. “I take you to be my best friend, my faithful partner, and my one true love. I promise to encourage you and inspire you, to love you truly through good times and bad. I will forever be there to laugh with you, to lift you up when you are down, and to love you unconditionally through all of our adventures in life together,” I said as I slid the wedding ring on Julia’s finger.
Just then, dark clouds rolled in fiercely, and a bolt of lightning hit a tree directly above us, sending sparks tumbling down upon us as we ducked and covered our hands over our heads. A second later, the loudest sonic boom of thunder erupted and the skies opened up and poured rain upon us like a tidal wave. The wind whipped around us furiously, knocking chairs over, and the arbor toppled over almost knocking me out. The violent crashing waves on the lake were flooding the beach just a few hundred feet from where we were standing. Everyone started to panic and screaming in fear and ran to the house as quickly as we could. Just as everyone made it inside and we slammed the door shut, the power went out and we stood in complete darkness.
XV
The Baby
Such a beautiful day destroyed within a blink of an eye, and just as quickly as it started, it stopped. The dark clouds faded, the wind calmed, and the sun shined vividly again. It made me wonder if the storm was an act of God. Was he angry that Julia and I had gotten married? I don’t know how else to explain what had happened to us that day. The instant I put the ring on Julia’s finger, the storm erupted without warning, violent and ferocious. But it was silly of me to even think. Julia and I were perfect for each other. I promised myself not to think about it again, but it was easier said than done. The thought just hovered over me like a dark cloud. And ever since that day three months ago, I’d had a bad feeling, like something horrible was going to happen, and I just couldn’t shake it.
***
Julia was seeing her OB/GYN once a week now, her due date just a few days away. She’d been having a difficult time sleeping at night, and I swore she got up to pee every half hour. She said the second she lay down the baby starts bouncing around, but I loved feeling the baby kick and squirm around in Julia’s belly. Sometimes it looked like an alien trying to escape, creepy but cool at the same time. We decided to keep the gender of the baby a surprise until it was born. We did have names picked out. If it’s a girl, Isabelle Janessa, and if it’s a boy, Lincoln Alexander. Julia wanted to give the baby her parents’ name as their middle name in remembrance, and I really liked the idea.
***
I was awakened from a sound sleep by a bone-chilling scream of agony.
“What’s wrong Julia?” I cried out.
“The baby! Something is wrong with the baby!” Julia shouted. Adrenaline surged through my body, a wild rampage of fear, pumping to every extremity. I lost control of my motor skills like I was possessed. My body was moving faster than my brain. I couldn’t speak as if my voice had been ripped out. I grabbed Julia out of bed and carried her as she continued to scream in pain.
Although I don’t recall the drive, we got to the hospital in no time flat. A nurse came running over with a wheelchair as soon as she saw me walk through the doors holding Julia in my arms. Julia was drenched in sweat, and I don’t think she ever stopped screaming. It’s a hopeless feeling, knowing you can’t help your wife. It was like I was in a dream. I was there but at the same time it felt like I wasn’t, like I was out of my body and watching myself from a distance. This can’t be real, I thought. I’m going to wake up in bed next to Julia and everything is going to be fine.
I followed the nurse as if in a hypnotic trance through the emergency roo
m door and down the hall as a voice echoed over the intercom system calling Dr. Meyer to the operating room. When we reached the operating room, I was told I could not come in as the door slammed shut. I started pacing back and forth. A feeling of extreme nausea swept over me, and I frantically looked for the closest restroom. I started to feel lightheaded and dizzy. My head felt like it was going to explode. My heart felt like it was going to jump right out of my chest. Everything around me started spinning as the room swallowed me whole.
I opened my groggy eyes. Staring up at the ceiling, I was blinded by the bright florescent light that buzzed above me. I gasped loudly as if being awakened from a bad dream. Unsure how long I had been out, I screamed, “Julia!” I jumped out of the hospital bed and ran out the door and down the hall. Panicking, I tried to find anyone who knew what was going on.
When I reached the nurses’ station just around the corner, I demanded, “Where is my wife?!”
“Sir, calm down,” the lady behind the counter said as she stood up from her seat. “What is your wife’s name?” she then asked calmly.
“Julia Williams,” I replied.
“How long have I been out?” I continued.
“What’s your name, sir?” she asked.
“Trevor Williams. I brought my pregnant wife in, and they wouldn’t let me in the operating room. I must have passed out!”
“Let me see what I can find out for you. Just hold on for a few minutes. I will be right back.” She grinned, then disappeared around the corner.
The nurse came walking toward me with someone beside her. As they approached, the gentleman introduced himself as the lady sat down again behind the counter.
“Mr. Williams, I’m Dr. Meyer, your wife’s surgeon. Will you please follow me so we can have some privacy?” I nodded as I followed the doctor. He walked into an empty room and closed the door behind us. “Mr. Williams, I wanted to congratulate you on the birth of your beautiful baby girl. She was born at 3:02 a.m. We did everything we possibly could to save your wife, but unfortunately, we could not stop the bleeding. She experienced what we call postpartum hemorrhaging from a ruptured blood vessel and she lost an enormous amount of blood. She went into shock, which caused cardiac arrest. We tried reviving her, but it was too late.”
A feeling of unfathomable despair hit me like a freight train. My entire existence had been turned completely upside down. Just a few hours ago, Julia was lying in bed next to me, and now she was dead.
“JULIA IS DEAD!!!” How could this be happening? A thick static surrounded me. The doctor’s voice became faint as it echoed off into the near distance of my consciousness. Everything around me became fuzzy and my perception of time distorted. Time seemed to slow down as gravity grasped my limber body while it collided with the floor that swallowed me into the realm of darkness.
“Trevor, Trevor, wake up,” my dad kept repeating as he shook me. Hoping, praying this time my mind would awaken from this nightmare that felt so disastrously real, I opened my eyes. My father and mother were standing over me, and they had such sadness in their eyes that it chilled me to the bone. This wasn’t a nightmare; this was my life now—a living nightmare. I wondered, is this how Julia felt after waking from her coma to find out that both her parents had been killed in a car accident? I wished that I too had forgotten everything, my memories wiped clean. I felt as if my head was under water and I was suffocating as all my hopes and dreams were sucked into a powerful whirlpool of depression and misery. The cards that I was dealt were all showing hearts just hours ago, and now I was left with a losing hand.
“Trevor, I’m so sorry,” my mom said, sobbing uncontrollably between words as tears fell like a cascading waterfall. My dad did his best to keep his composure, and I knew he was trying to stay strong for all of us, but the eyes never lie. His eyes were filled with sadness, and he looked away as he wiped away a tear. My dad cleared his throat.
“I know you are hurting real bad right now, Trevor, but have you even been to see your daughter yet?” He choked a little after these last words. I was so caught up in my emotions that I had forgotten about my daughter, Isabella. “I know how hard this has got to be for you right now, but you have to be strong for your little girl. She needs you right now,” my dad said, trying to hold back tears.
I mustered up everything I had in me to stand up. My legs felt like Jell-O, wobbling and unsteady. I grabbed hold of my dad’s shoulder to keep my balance. I nodded, and my father nodded back, establishing a silent understanding as I followed my parents out of the room.
As we approached the nursery, I gazed through the large picture window at all the babies lying in their beds. A nurse approached us. “Which one is yours?” she asked.
“Isabella Williams,” I answered. She glanced at the hospital band around my wrist to verify and walked over to a baby swaddled in a pink blanket with a tiny pink cap.
“Isabella, say hi to your daddy,” the nurse said with a big smile as she handed me the baby. I took Isabella from the nurse and cradled the baby in my arms. I looked into her bright blue eyes and my heart just melted. I can’t explain the feeling that overcame me at that moment, but I was completely overwhelmed with love, joy, and sorrow all at the same time. This fragile little angel I had to protect and love unconditionally was the sweetest, most adorable baby I could ever imagine. I know it sounds clichéd, but it was definitely love at first sight. This little girl already had me wrapped around those tiny little fingers of hers, and I was perfectly okay with that.
XVI
Five Years Later
It was a real struggle trying to raise Isabella without Julia around. My parents helped as much as they can. But unfortunately, Isabella had a heart condition called cardiomyopathy, and so we spent many days and nights at doctor office visits, the hospital, and emergency room. Cardiomyopathy means the heart muscle does not work well and so cannot pump enough blood to the body. Her heart weakened tremendously over the last several months, to the point that Isabella was placed on an organ waiting list after her doctor performed a biopsy, removing a tiny piece of tissue to take a closer look. Unfortunately, Isabella’s rare blood type meant that finding a donor would be a challenge, and because she was only five, finding a heart small enough would also be difficult. We were told that Isabella could be on the waiting list for years, and with her condition worsening, that she may not live much longer. I’d already lost Julia and could not stand the thought of losing my daughter too.
I’d been doing a lot of thinking lately. Although I didn’t know much about Julia’s family history, if I looked hard enough in our house, I should be able to find something left behind by Julia’s parents that might give me some answers or at least point me in the right direction to information about her kinfolk that would help me find a match for my little girl sooner rather than later. Julia, even years after her parents passed away, would not throw anything out.
Most of Julia’s parents’ belongings were stored in the attic. I’d never gone through their things out of respect for the dead—it just didn’t feel right—but now that Isabella’s heart condition was worsening, I had to do everything possible to help her. I would have even donated my own heart to Isabella, but I have a different blood type.
My first concern was to find out what we could on my side of the family, and since I’m adopted, my parents were doing everything on their end to try and dig into finding out about my biological parents. Initially we thought that would be impossible since it was a closed adoption and the records sealed, but they found out that it was possible but would take some time through the court system. My parents had a petition form mailed from the county court in the county I was born in that I filled out and sent back. All we could do now was wait for a court date with the judge to present my case to get the adoption unsealed.
As for Julia’s side of the family, I began my search right away. I walked into the attic where the temperature climbed nearly twenty degrees, hot and sticky, and it smelled musty. I crinkled my nose in d
isgust. I started rummaging through the many neatly stacked boxes. I must have been up here for at least three hours and didn’t find anything that would remotely help in any way. I became very frustrated and needed a break. Just as I was walking back toward the staircase, my foot fell through a board and landed approximately a foot below on another hard surface. I slowly pulled my foot out and then pulled away the broken and loose boards. I peeked my head inside but couldn’t see anything because it was too dark. I grabbed the flashlight I had left on the floor and shone the light down inside. Nothing but cobwebs were down there. I looked the other direction and that’s when I saw a small container of some sort. I tried to grab it but it was out of reach. So, I decided to rip up a few more boards to get to it. I finally got a good grip on it, pulled it into the light and blew off all the dust that it had collected over the years. The box was locked, so I had to find something to break it open. I hoped this was worth all the trouble and not another dead end.
I hit the lock a few times with a hammer and it broke open. Inside the box was a bunch of papers, including a few folded up, which looked pretty old. To my surprise, it was a certificate of adoption. Another was an amended birth certificate. Julia was adopted? I was shocked. There’s no way Julia even knew about this—she thought Alex and Janessa were her biological parents. As I sat on the attic floor trying to wrap my head around this information I stumbled upon, I realized this was going be extremely difficult to investigate, since everyone named on these papers was deceased. I could only hope that my marriage certificate would grant me access to some information about Julia’s biological parents.
***
Three weeks passed and we were on our way to Clear Lake, South Dakota to present my case in front of the judge to unseal my adoption records. The hearing was to be tomorrow morning at 8:30. We flew into Sioux Falls, South Dakota, the closest airport but still over an hour and a half away from the courthouse. We stayed at a hotel just a few blocks away with a swimming pool so that Isabella could swim and splash around. She learned how to swim when she was just a baby, which experts say is the best time to teach them.