by Hope Ford
As soon as I get into my yard, I jump off the bike and run into the house, slamming the door behind me. I pushed myself hard, and my legs are burning, my lungs are burning, and I bend over trying to catch my breath while all these thoughts are going through my head. Is he going to follow me? Will I have the strength to turn him away? I shake my head, trying to force the thoughts away. I go about my nightly routine; I shower and scrub my face, put on my pajamas and my robe and still I'm wondering if he's going to come for me. I'm hating this side of me - the side that is wanting him but knowing that I shouldn't.
I make sure all the doors are locked and lie down in my bed. A car drives down the street, and I raise up, wondering if it's his truck and if he's going to pull into the driveway. The car passes. I'm completely on edge and broken-hearted. I had all these dreams for moving to Cherry Falls, and I had really hoped that this was going to work out. But how is that possible? How am I going to be able to work with him every day knowing what I know, feeling what I feel and denying the attraction between us? I lie back on the pillow with a huff. I clench my eyes closed tightly and try to force myself to sleep knowing that I'm going to dream of Kent and hating myself for it.
Kent
I almost followed her home last night. I’ve known where she lives since her first day at the department. I wanted to talk to her last night and to explain myself, but I wasn’t ready. Instead, I drove by her house to make sure she made it home safe. Her bike was in the front yard, so I knew she was inside. I wanted to stop... but instead I drove on by. I drove through the streets of Cherry Falls until late into the night. Normally after a twenty-four hour shift, I go straight to bed and am unable to keep my eyes open. Not last night, though, because I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering.
I wanted to explain to her, but I wasn’t ready. And honestly, she deserves more than that. I’ve been a man walking around with a broken heart for so long that I didn’t know if I could ever feel again. Fuck, I honestly didn’t think I was capable. Well, meeting Ava changed all that. She sparks something in me, and it's like nothing I've ever felt before. So after driving around, I went home last night and thought about everything. I thought about my past and how happy I was and how it changed in just an instant. And then I thought about Ava and the future. Who knows where this can go, but I know that I have to try because the alternative doesn't work for me.
On very little sleep, I get up, shower, and get dressed. I sit on the chair in the living room and wait for the sun to come up. There’s no way I can just show up at her house this early, so I count down the minutes until the time seems more reasonable.
When the businesses are about to open up, I drive across town and stop at the Flower Patch and grab some daisies. Gracie, who co-owns the shop, is obviously curious about the flowers even though she never comes out and asks me who they’re for. A part of me wants to tell her and everyone else I meet on the street. I want the word out that Ava is taken, but I can’t do that. Not until we talk.
I drive back to her house, parking on the street instead of in her driveway. I stare at the indentation on my ring finger. I finally took the ring off this morning. I should have done it before but just didn’t think about it.
I walk up to her house, and I nervously tug at the collar on my shirt and knock on the door.
Seconds later, she opens the door, sees me, and starts to shut it again. I put my foot in the door to stop it from closing.
She looks at my shoe and then up at me. “What do you want?”
There’s anguish and desperation in my voice when I reply. “Please let me explain.” I hold my hands up and move my foot. “Just give me ten minutes.”
She leans on the open door heavily. Her hair is wet and hanging down her shoulders. She’d obviously just gotten out of the shower, and she seems conflicted by my request. “I don’t want a problem, okay? I’m not letting a married man into my house.”
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I open my mouth and close it again. I take another breath and finally say the words that I’ve never said before. “I’m a widower.”
She gasps, and her hand covers her mouth. She’s staring back at me with pity, and she shakes her head. “I’m so sorry, Kent. I had no idea. No one said anything.”
I’m not surprised. Most of the people at the station were there when Kendal died. They saw what I went through, and I know it affected them too. Kendal was well loved by all of Cherry Falls.
I wrap my hand around the back of my neck as emotions start to roar inside me. “Yeah, they wouldn’t say anything.” She nods, and I ask her, “Can I come in?”
She still looks like she may say no. I stand perfectly still and wait. I don’t want to push her. I need her to choose to talk to me. It would make this so much easier. Finally, she steps back and opens the door wider. “Sure, come on in.”
I walk into the house and am surprised by how put together the house is for how short of a time she’s been here. There are wall decorations and rugs, and the whole place looks cozy.
“Do you want something to drink?” she asks.
I shake my head, and she gestures to the couch. I sit down, and she takes the chair across the room as I lean forward with my elbows on my knees. “I can imagine what you thought last night, and I’m sorry. I just never thought about taking off my ring,” I tell her, holding out my bare hand.
She looks at my ring finger and cringes. “You didn’t have to...”
I nod. “Yeah, I did. It was time to take it off.”
“You don’t have to tell me...”
I nod. “You’re right, I don’t have to, but I want to, and I’ll be honest: I’ve never talked about this before, but I need to say it to you.”
She pulls her feet up on the chair and sits with her arms wrapped around her legs. She’s waiting patiently for me to begin, and I take a deep breath. “Kendal and I were high school sweethearts. She was my best friend. We married as soon as we graduated. She attended a two-year college in Syn City while I went to training at the fire academy.”
Ava nods and encourages me to keep going. “Well, the one thing we couldn’t get along about was where to live. We were both born and raised in Cherry Falls. I loved it, and I thought Kendal did too, but once she started college in the city, she wanted a bigger life – as she called it. She begged me actually. And I could’ve gone. I can fight fires anywhere, but I never thought about moving from Cherry Falls. We argued about it quite a bit, and well, I loved Kendal, but I didn’t want to move. I felt like she was changing our plans, and I was mad about it. She got her associates degree and started a job at an accounting firm in Syn City. She commuted back and forth and...”
I stand up and start to pace across Ava’s living room. I can feel myself going back to that horrific night. It’s the one night that I’d give anything to forget. “I was on duty at the fire station. We got a call about a bad wreck out on Cherry Street. It’s the road that leads to the city. We go, just to offer assistance to the police and medics, and it was Kendal. She fell asleep at the wheel and drifted into the oncoming lane of traffic. She was pronounced dead on the scene.”
I stop pacing and look out the big bay window on to the street. There are kids riding their bikes, families in their yards working. It’s such a peaceful scene compared to what I’m thinking about right now.
I don’t hear Ava until she’s right next to me, her hand on my back. I don’t turn around; I try to just seep in the comfort she’s offering.
“Look at me, Kent.”
I turn, and she’s searching my face. “It’s not your fault.”
She says it with such passion there’s no doubt she believes it. “I know it’s not my fault. I do. But I also know that if I’d just given her what she wanted-“
Ava shakes her head and squeezes my shoulder. “That’s not how it works, Kent.”
I nod, knowing she’s right but still sometimes questioning myself. “Anyway, that was three years ago. I haven’t dated... I hadn’t been inter
ested in a woman – until now.”
She pulls her hand back, and I know that I need to take this slowly. There’s still so much I don’t know about her. She walks back over to the chair and sits down, and I follow her, doing my best not to stare as her ass sways, and I sit back on the couch across from her. “Tell me about you. Why a firefighter? Why Cherry Falls?”
Her lip lifts in a smirk. “What? You want to hear about my daddy issues?”
I shake my head and try to explain. “I didn’t mean that when I said it. I really am sorry.”
She laughs, and it’s then I realize she’s just messing with me. “It’s all right. I forgive you. I come from a long line of firefighters. My grandfather, father, and both brothers are firemen. I followed in their footsteps, and my dad’s not happy about it. He’s the fire chief in Syn City and he hired me—reluctantly. He sort of didn’t have a choice when I was the top of my class. It was a rough first year. I fully expected to have to prove myself, and I did.” She sighs. “Over and over I proved myself. Anyway, there was a fire at a high-rise, and there was a close call. I was fine, but my dad put me on desk duty after that.”
She stops as if she’s lost in thought.
“And so you found your way to Cherry Falls?” I ask.
She nods. “It’s definitely a slower pace, but I always loved visiting here. I could have gone to another station in the city, but when I found out Chief Malone was hiring, I had to apply.”
I lean forward, wanting her to keep talking. I could sit here and listen to her all day. “So tell me about the close call.”
She shrugs as if it was nothing. “I did what any other firefighter would have done. I saved a boy that was stuck in the high-rise. We couldn’t get out on the east side of the building, and I had to take him to the west side. I did what I had to do to get us both out alive.”
I gasp. “It was you. You took him through the vents to get to the other side.”
She takes a deep breath and tells me defensively, “Yeah, that was me. I know it wasn’t the best decision, and it could have turned out really badly, but at the time, it was all we had.”
“It was the right call. Everything I’ve read about that fire, it was the right call.”
She smiles, and a look of relief hits her face. Fuck, I love that smile. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’ve already won over all the guys.”
“So now all I have to do is win you over?” she asks and looks away.
6
Ava
I look away because I’m afraid of what I’m going to see. He moves from the couch and sits down on the coffee table in front of me. “Look at me.”
I lift my eyes and look at him. We’re so close, it wouldn’t be hard at all to reach out and touch him. I’m itching to... but I don’t.
“I feel like I need to be honest with you.”
I hold my breath and wait for him to continue. It doesn’t sound good so far, and I prepare myself for the worst. “This is hard for me. I like you, and I want to get to know you.”
I let out my breath. Well, that wasn’t so bad. “I like you too.”
He nods and reaches for my hand. “I just don’t know how it will work if we’re working together.”
I try to pull my hand away, but he doesn’t let me. “I’m protective by nature. That’s just who I am. I literally can’t imagine walking into a burning building with you and not worry about your safety.”
He looks so conflicted, and I shake my head. “I’m sure you feel that with all your coworkers. I do. I want them all to come out alive.”
His hand tightens on mine, and he brings it up to his lips and kisses it. “It’s different with you, Ava. I’ve not felt like this toward another person in three years, and I don’t want you to be in harm’s way.”
He’s waiting for me to respond, and I don’t know what to say. I’ve experienced almost the same thing with my brothers and my father, and I don’t want to go through this with Kent. My thoughts are clashing in my head, and I’m not sure what I should say or be feeling right now, but I do know that I’m not going to be held back. Being a firefighter is my dream, and I’m not going to give it up for anyone.
“I understand what you’re saying. I do. And everything that you’ve gone through, I understand why you feel the way you feel. But I’ve been through this... where my brothers and my father didn’t believe in my capabilities. I can’t do it again. I won’t do it.”
I stand up, ready to walk him to the door, and he follows behind me. His arm goes around my waist and he pulls me in. I should pull away and kick him out, I know I should. But it feels so good to be in his arms. My hands are on his chest, and instead of pushing him away, it’s like I’m pulling him in.
He leans down and pulls me in for a hug. I stand here, soaking in the embrace. He’s big and warm, and the safety I feel being in his arms is like nothing I’ve felt before. “Kent, I—”
His hands pull my hips toward him as if he’s afraid I’m going to pull away. “Don’t, Ava. This is not on you, this is me. This is my problem. In no way am I saying I don’t believe in your abilities. I know you’re a good firefighter, I just don’t want to lose you.”
I inhale deeply. His musky scent fills my nostrils, and I let my head rest against his chest. My voice is thick and barely comes out as a whisper. “You don’t even know me.” I clench my eyes saying it, but I know it’s true.
He pulls my wet hair away from my face and tilts my head up so I’m looking at him. He looks at me with a knowing smile. “I do know you, Ava. You’re smart, beautiful, and kind. You’re a decorated firefighter that is good at her job. You love your family because even though you’re here, I can tell you miss them. You’re an athlete, but you don’t brag. Even after you beat Andrew in that race, you didn’t boast or try to make him look bad. No, you started training with him to help him do better. Everyone that meets you likes you. Cherry Falls is lucky to have you, and the fire department is really lucky. I already know how I feel about you, Ava. I’m just waiting on you to catch up.”
I can’t believe my ears. Everything he said goes straight to my heart. “I won’t be held back, Kent.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want to hold you back.”
I caress his chest before reaching up and putting my hands around the base of his neck. I have to pull him down, and when we’re nose to nose, I ask him, “Are you going to kiss me now?”
He cups my cheek. “Are you going to give us a chance?”
I nod because after that speech and the way he makes me feel, there’s no way I could tell him no.
He almost grunts the words. “I’m going to kiss you then.”
He takes it slow. He touches his lips to mine in a brief peck, and when I’m afraid he’s going to stop, I hold his neck tighter. He presses his lips to mine again, and I can feel his smile against mine. I turn my head to deepen the kiss. My body heats, my heart is racing, and there’s a pull in my lower belly. I can’t get enough of him, and a small whimper has me opening my mouth as he takes full advantage. His tongue delves into my mouth, and I mold my body to his, unable to get close enough. His manhood is hard against my belly, but instead of pulling back, I push into him harder, loving the feel of him against my body.
He groans deeply, and I can feel his chest rumble as he pulls away. “I’m going to go.”
Instantly, I think of his wife. “Are you okay? If this is too soon...” I drop off, not knowing how or if I should bring up his deceased wife.
He shakes his head. “You’re my first kiss since... well, and I thought it would be hard. I’ll always love Kendal, but this... with you... it just feels right. I have no regrets or anything that are going to hold me back.”
I nod with understanding.
He squeezes my shoulder. “So with that, I better go.”
His lips are swollen and wet. I shake my head, overcome by all the feelings. “You don’t have to.”
He strokes his thumb across my lower lip. “Yes, I do. I either leave n
ow or try to take this further, and I don’t think you’re ready for that.”
I almost deny it, but it’s true. My life has been turned upside down, and I don’t need to move this quickly. I don’t even know what I’m thinking. This is not me. I usually weigh and measure every outcome before I act. Oh no, but not with Kent. If he asked me, I’d probably go to my bedroom with him without a second thought.
I pull away and try to get myself together. “You’re right... I don’t think I’m ready for that. Not yet.”
He nods and kisses me one more time before turning away. I follow him to the door and watch as he descends the steps. He stops abruptly and turns to face me. He’s still hard. The bulge in his pants is noticeable, and I try not to let my mouth water thinking about it. “Ava,” he says, and I blush when I’m caught staring at his package.
He just smirks. “Let me know when you are ready. I’ll wait for however long you need me to.”
I bite my lip to stop myself from begging him to come back inside. I nod and watch as he gets in his truck and drives away.
7
Kent
It about killed me, but I didn’t go and see Ava that night or the next. I don’t want to rush her, and after that kiss, I know it would be easy to rush into this. I want to do it right, and if that means dating her and taking our time, I’m all for it.
I’m early for my shift, hoping to talk to her. She’s not here, and so I go through my daily ritual of getting my gear and everything else ready. When it’s time for my shift to start and she’s still not here, I get worried, but I don’t want to call her and act like a crazy obsessed boyfriend.