by Joanna Sims
Next time.
“What looks good to you?” He put his menu down on the table.
For their last “nonpacking” night of Dallas’s trip to Chicago, Nick wanted to honor her love for a high-rise view and take her to the Signature Room, located on the ninety-fifth floor of the John Hancock Building. He was rewarded with delight in her soft hazel eyes and a squeeze of his hand when they were waiting for the hostess to seat them at the table he had reserved for them; he wanted to make sure that Dallas got one of the best seats in the house. She deserved it.
“I think I’m gonna join you in that surf and turf,” she said. “You made it sound so good when you talked about it.”
Nick ordered them both the surf and turf. He wanted to broach a subject with Dallas that she had skillfully avoided the entire time they were in Chicago. As he got to know her better, he was beginning to see that Dallas did not like to discuss future plans. She liked to take life as it came—one day at a time—while he had a five-year and a ten-year plan in place already. He’d done enough “free floating” after college, and all that had gotten him, in his opinion, was really far behind in the race of life. So many of his college friends were partners, or had sold their start-up companies and were on to the next venture. He’d be playing catch-up with his more focused contemporaries for the rest of his life. The only thing that he wasn’t behind in—in his opinion—was the wife and kids. That was variable, and he never felt rushed in that department.
Now that he had found Dallas, he’d like to begin to pin that part of his life down. Now, of course, they had to continue to get to know each other—a long-distance relationship could actually force them to slow down and really learn to communicate—but he already felt in his gut that he’d found his wife. He just knew it. Getting her on board with his gut feeling was proving to be more challenging than expected.
“I’m sorry you didn’t have a chance to get to spend more time getting to know my friends,” he said.
Dallas tried not to give away every emotion she had regarding his friends in her expression; she had already shared with him that she didn’t think she had enough in common with them, other than him, to feel a connection.
“Next time,” he added.
Nick reached over to take her hand in his. “You look so pretty in that dress, Dallas.”
“I’m glad I got a chance to wear it again before it ends up in a ball at the bottom of my suitcase,” she said of the black cocktail dress she had worn the night of the symphony.
“Cocktail dresses suit you.”
Dallas took a sip of water with a wrinkle in her brow. “I don’t mind every now and again.”
A couple of times Nick had tried to get Dallas to change her wardrobe while she was in the city; he even offered to take her shopping. But she was stubborn about comfort. She wanted to wear her cowgirl boots, jeans in varying shades of blue and, always, her cowgirl hat. He loved her—he knew he did—and yet her cowgirl wardrobe in Chicago bothered him. It was difficult for him to justify those two different positions. He’d never had to deal with that before, and he still wasn’t exactly sure how to be okay with it now.
“So.” Nick changed the subject. “What are your thoughts about that equestrian center in Hampshire?”
Dallas buttered a piece of bread and handed it to him as she always did. “I loved it.”
“If our relationship progressed.”
The cowgirl looked up from her chore of buttering another piece of bread.
He continued, “Can you see yourself training there?”
Deep in thought, Dallas finished buttering her bread, put the bread uneaten on her plate and dusted the crumbs off her fingers.
“I think,” Dallas said seriously, “that I could.”
That was a substantial move in the right direction.
“I also think it’s still pretty soon to be worryin’ too much about it.” Dallas’s brow was furrowed, a sign that she took the subject very seriously.
“I know you do. But my career path is here, not in Montana. That’s as nonnegotiable for me as your barrel racing is for you. Your career gives you more flexibility, if you’re willing. If you can’t see yourself living in a place like Hampshire, I’m afraid we’d be dead in the water.” Nick looked at her intently. “I don’t want that.”
Dallas had taken a bite of her bread; she chewed, swallowed, then asked, “And you’d be happy with an hour commute? We’ve hardly left a five-mile radius all week. Your whole life is right here downtown.”
“I’ve thought long and hard about that, Dallas. I love living downtown—being close to work and close to the lake. But to be able to build a life with you—maybe start a family—I’d make the burbs work.”
* * *
After dinner, they had walked downtown to walk off their dinner. Her first night in Chicago had been overwhelming; it was so noisy and crowded and there were unusual smells that were sometimes pleasant and sometimes not so pleasant. Tonight, she felt as if she had begun a bit of a love affair with Nick’s hometown. The city was alive in a way that was tangible; Dallas had begun to love the feeling of that energy and constant movement. And even though she’d gotten seasick, she had definitely seen the appeal of Lake Michigan. A lake so large that could be as wild and unpredictable as an ocean was a thing of beauty. She had introduced Nick to her favorite lake in Montana, and now Nick had been able to introduce her to his.
After their walk, they returned to Nick’s condo; after drinking a glass of wine on the balcony, they met each other in the middle of his bed and made love. Their lovemaking was more slow and tender, as if they knew that soon they wouldn’t be able express their love for each other in that way. She had only one more day in Chicago, but Nick had to work. So this was their last full day together on this trip. Soon, she would return to Montana to train and get back to racing. And he would get back to the routine of his life without her.
“Don’t move yet.” Nick kissed her on the lips.
Their bodies were facing each other, their limbs intertwined; he was still inside her, but not as hard after he had just climaxed. Their skin was damp with perspiration; the bedsheets were damp from their lovemaking.
“Dallas...” He pushed her hair away from her face. “Dallas... I love you so much.”
“I love you.” She felt him slip out of her body.
Nick rolled her onto her back and moved on top of her so he was looking down at her face. “Let’s make this work between us.”
“I want it to.”
She did want this relationship to work with Nick. Did she think they made perfect sense? No. But that was part of what she liked about it. They challenged each other—they helped each other grow. It was never going to be dull between them, that was almost a certainty.
She reached up and touched his face. “I’m gonna miss you, Nick.”
Nick turned his face and kissed the palm of her hand. “I’m going to miss you. Way too much.”
Chapter Fifteen
Dallas woke up late, barely remembering Nick kissing her goodbye before he headed off to work. This was her last day in Chicago—tonight they had planned to order room service from the hotel and stay in. She planned on getting herself packed during her alone time so she didn’t have to waste her last moments with Nick stuffing her dirty socks into her suitcase.
The week in Chicago had been eye-opening and wonderful; Nick had wined and dined her and was very conscientious about the activities he chose. He kept her likes, her wants, her needs at the forefront of his mind when he planned their week together. She wanted to do something for him. He was always surprising her—she wanted to return the favor.
“I’m late.” Dallas looked at the time on her phone.
She used the remote control on the nightstand to open the light-blocking curtains. The late-morning light streamed
into the room, making Dallas squint.
“That’s too bright,” the cowgirl muttered. It had taken her hours to fall asleep the night before. After they made love, Nick had fallen asleep promptly—the man had a knack for falling asleep almost on demand—while she had tossed, turned, stared at the ceiling, until she finally got up and went out into the living room.
The conversation Nick had initiated at the restaurant had flustered her. She hadn’t expected to fall in love with a Chicago attorney who aspired to be a state supreme court judge. Yes, Nick checked so many of the boxes for a man she had imaged could flesh out her already full life. He was hardworking, educated, sophisticated. Perhaps they didn’t make much sense on paper, considering her upbringing, her own style and her chosen lifestyle, but she actually loved his clean, preppy, country-club look. To her, it was sexy.
But move to a Chicago suburb? That was around fifteen hundred miles off course. It had never occurred to her that she would live anywhere other than Montana. Not once. She could move—of course she could move—but did she want to change the image of her future life she had always had in her head? If her relationship with Nick continued to flourish? After a sleepless night of the wheels spinning in her brain, she had landed on a tentative yes.
The long, hot shower, where her skin came out red and her fingers were pruned, made her feel more awake. She got dressed, checked the time, found the menu for the hotel restaurant and then ordered Nick’s favorite lunchtime fare, to go. Even though he had told her to spoil herself at the spa and rest for her trip home, she had decided to go with a different activity: a surprise picnic lunch for Nick. After all, a young lawyer on the upwardly mobile trajectory had to eat, didn’t he?
Dallas felt proud of herself; it wasn’t like her to “surprise” men with a romantic gesture like the one she had planned for Nick. She had questioned him about his favorite items on the menu, she had purchased a card that could be categorized as “mushy,” and she had figured out how to best get herself, the food and the card to his downtown law office without him ever suspecting her. The man had really brought her out of her shell—he had allowed her to tap in to a more sensitive side of her personality that she kind of liked.
“Howdy,” Dallas said to the receptionist in the navy-blue suit. “I’m here to see Nick Brand.”
The receptionist gave her a studied smile, picked up the phone on the desk and pushed a button. “Hi. Mr. Brand. Did you order some food?”
Dallas waved her hand to get the receptionist’s attention. “No. I’m here to see him.”
The receptionist held her hand over the lower part of the phone. “I’m so sorry—I just assumed. Do you have an appointment?”
“Just tell him that Dallas’s waitin’ for him,” she said. “I’ll wait right over here.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Brand. A Dallas is here to see you? I don’t think she has an appointment.”
The receptionist hung up and said, “Mr. Brand will be right with you.”
She was nervous. Nervous to be putting herself out there—and writing down how much Nick’s kindness and caring, from the very beginning, had meant to her.
She heard Nick’s voice before she saw him. Dallas stood up, excited to see Nick with his attorney hat on. But when Nick came around the corner and into the reception room, the tense, almost irritated expression on his face immediately took the wind right out of her sails. He didn’t even smile at her.
“What are you doing here?” Nick put his hand on her back to turn her toward the door.
Put off by his cold greeting, Dallas held up the bag in her hand. “Surprising you.”
“Karen—let Mr. Conner know that I’ll be right back,” Nick told the receptionist as he held the door open for Dallas.
Outside in the hallway, Nick said, his face tense, “I thought you were going to go to the spa?”
His obvious discomfort with her at his workplace wiped the smile right off her face.
“Again—I wanted to surprise you with lunch.”
“Thank you.” Nick glanced at the bag in her hand. “I appreciate the thought.”
He didn’t look like he appreciated the thought. He looked like he wanted to shove her onto the elevator as quickly as he could. Of all the reactions she had anticipated, this reaction wasn’t anywhere on her radar.
“Here.” Dallas handed him the bag. “For when you get a free minute.”
Nick took the bag from her; the card was still in the bag and she almost reached in there and took it back. But she meant every word she had written. And maybe Nick was having a bad day—maybe he was getting chewed out by Mr. Connor. Shouldn’t she give him the benefit of the doubt?
Nick walked beside her along the corridor that lead to the elevator. “I’m sorry, Dallas. I’m right in the middle of a meeting.”
She tried to cover her disappointment and felt that she failed pretty miserably. She had never been good at pretending. Not even when she was a kid.
When the elevator dinged she said, “I hope your day ends better than it started.”
Nick reached for her hand—the tension on his face had softened a bit. “It will end better because I will be with you.”
They kissed a brief kiss before she got on the elevator. As the doors slid shut quietly, Nick gave her a quick wave, then headed back to his workday. Dallas felt deflated as she walked alone back to the condo. The walk didn’t help her outlook—it actually gave her time to mull things over in her mind and by the time she walked through the condo door, she had concluded something about her brief interaction with Nick: he had been anxious by her appearance at his office—he had been embarrassed.
Nick was embarrassed of her.
* * *
Nick had done his best to focus on his work after Dallas left. His reaction to seeing her in his law firm, dressed in her country best, had been uncensored. Dallas had to have seen how uncomfortable he was because it had been obvious in his expression. If he hadn’t already felt like a world-class heel, he certainly did when he found the card she had taped to his favorite sandwich. She had put some thought into the surprise and he had stomped all over it. And he had a feeling that their last night together before she headed back to Montana was not going to be a good one.
“Dallas?” Nick walked into the condo and followed his normal routine of dropping his keys on the side table along with his mail. “I’m home.”
Dallas had begun a ritual of coming out from wherever she was in the condo and meeting him at the end of the entryway. Tonight, she had opted to end that ritual. He found her out on the balcony. She was sitting in the dark, staring out at the skyscrapers, pensive.
“It’s another beautiful night.” Nick unbuttoned his suit jacket and sat down beside her.
“I am going to really miss this view,” Dallas said quietly.
There was an invisible wall between them now—he had worked really hard to gain her trust, and perhaps he hadn’t wrecked it completely, but he had damaged it.
“I loved the card, Dallas.” He took her hand in his; she didn’t pull away, so he knew that the wound he had inflicted wasn’t a fatal wound. But he had hurt her. He knew he had.
“I’m sorry I ruined your surprise. It was...” He sighed. “It was a tough day.”
“Don’t.” She slipped her hand out of his and put it in her lap.
She looked at him then. “Don’t cover it up.”
Nick’s heart started to pound at her words. The tone of her voice made him rethink his immediate assessment of the damage—it was much worse than he had thought. Much worse.
“Okay...” Nick stood up, took off his suit jacket, pulled his tie off and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt. “Tell me what’s on your mind, Dallas. I don’t want our trip to end with us at odds. How can I make this better?”
Dallas was quiet for an extended
pause, and then she said to him, “I embarrass you.”
Nick had pulled his chair closer to hers and turned it toward her so he could face her while they talked. “No.”
In the soft yellow light, she met his eyes. “Yes. I embarrass you. The way I talk, my clothes. I embarrass you.”
“Jesus, Dallas—don’t go blowing one little thing all out of whack. I was having a bad day—you caught me at a bad moment—that’s all.”
“All week, I’ve seen you cringe at some of the things I say—or how I say them. You’ve asked me to not wear my hat. You wanted to take me shopping for Chicago clothes.”
“Are you really going to go there? We’ve had an amazing time together, and now you’re going to pick it apart? Why?”
Dallas stood up and went inside the condo. He followed her.
“This is who I am, Nick.” Dallas was standing in his living room now. “I like my hat and my boots—I’m always gonna wear jeans rather than a dress, I’m gonna drive a truck and I talk country.”
Nick threw his jacket and tie onto a nearby chair. “You’re looking pretty hard for problems, Dallas.”
He took a step closer to her; he could feel her walling him off, word by word, brick by brick.
“No,” Dallas said in a monotone voice. “I didn’t go lookin’ for this problem. This problem? This problem is all you.”
Her simple statement caught him off guard. But it was the tone of her voice that really had him worried. She didn’t sound like his girl anymore. Her voice was flat, almost emotionless.
“You need to be honest with me, Nick,” Dallas continued. “Tell me the truth. Do I embarrass you?”
Nick sighed heavily and rubbed his hands over his face several times. She had him backed into a corner and there was only one way out: tell the truth.
“I don’t ever want to hurt you, Dallas,” he started.