“Yes,” she agreed, punctuating the single word with a wink. “You are.”
“Kasey?” he asked, not sure exactly what she was saying to him, only knowing that he was completely fascinated by what could only be described as a sensual expression on her face.
Ignoring the question in his voice, Kasey set a tureen on the table right between their two place mats. The contents were hot enough to emit a plume of steam.
“I made your favorite,” she told Eli. “Beef stew.”
She was rewarded with a look of pleasure that rose in his brown eyes.
It occurred to her—not for the first time—that they’d settled into a comfortable, familiar pattern, Eli, the baby and she. Mornings she’d get up—no matter how exquisitely exhausting the night before with Wayne might have been—and make Eli breakfast. After he ate, she’d send him off with a packed lunch and a kiss—and secretly begin counting the minutes until he walked through the front door again.
There was no point in pretending otherwise. She knew she was in love, although she refused to actually put a name to the exhilarating sensation coasting through her body. She was afraid if she neatly labeled it, love would arbitrarily disappear.
After all, she’d been in love before and it had turned out very badly. She didn’t want to risk having what she had with Eli turn to ashes on her just because she’d called it by its rightful name. So, for now, she was just living each day, enjoying each day, and refusing to think beyond the moment or, at the very most, if she had to make plans, beyond the week she was in.
And each evening, Eli would walk through the door, and just like that, her heart would begin to sing. Everything seemed a little brighter, a little warmer. She didn’t even have to be in the same room with him to know that he’d come home. She could just feel it. Even Wayne seemed to light up when he saw him. God knew, she certainly did.
And then, while she put the finishing touches on dinner, Eli would play with the baby. Or, like tonight, if Wayne was already in his crib, he’d tiptoe in just to check on him.
Wouldn’t he be surprised to know how much that single thoughtful act on his part turned her on?
Once he came to the table, they’d eat and talk—sometimes for hours—then he’d help her tidy up and eventually they would go to bed. Together.
In the beginning, after that first night when they’d made love, there’d been just the slightest bit of hesitation—on his part rather than on hers.
That was due to his incredible chivalry again. He was always thinking of her, of Wayne. He never put himself first, which still astounded her because of all the years she’d spent with Hollis. Hollis had always thought of himself first. He believed that in the marriage, he was the one who really counted.
Hollis had told her once that his needs had to come first because he had to be in the right frame of mind to be able to take care of her. Looking back, she realized just how slow-witted she must have seemed, silently accepting his opinion without questioning him or challenging him.
She’d done a lot of growing in these past two-plus months, she thought. And it was all thanks to Eli.
“How is it?” she asked, watching Eli as he took his first forkful of dinner.
“Fantastic. As always,” he added. “I don’t think you could put together a bad meal even if you actually tried to.”
She laughed at the compliment and the simple faith that was behind it. “You’d be surprised” was all she allowed herself to say.
There was no reason for her to go into detail about the first few disasters she’d had preparing meals, or how small Hollis had made her feel when he looked at her with belittling annoyance, saying that he thought she knew how to cook.
“Yeah, I would be,” Eli agreed, continuing to eat with complete and obvious gusto. He seemed amazingly content. “You really outdid yourself this time,” he told her with enthusiasm.
Kasey sat opposite him, taking a much smaller portion for herself. “You know what I think?” She didn’t wait for his answer. “I think I probably could serve you boiled cardboard and you’d find something nice to say about it.”
He was just that kind of person, she thought. Handsome, sexy and kind. It just didn’t get any better than this.
Eli grinned in between forkfuls. “This is definitely not boiled cardboard,” he told her with feeling. “If I’m not careful, I’m going to ‘outgrow’ my clothes and not in a good way. I’ll wind up having to wear pants made out of burlap and tying them with a rope to keep them from falling down.”
Kasey tried very hard not to laugh at the image that created in her mind. She didn’t want to risk hurting his feelings.
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You certainly don’t appear as if you’ve gained any weight to me—and, if you remember, I have seen you up close—and personal,” she added, her eyes dancing.
Funny, she and Hollis never had these sorts of sweet, intimate conversations. Most of the time, they really hadn’t talked all that much at all. She’d been on edge around Hollis, waiting for him either to point out some failing of hers or to complain that there never seemed to be enough money around for him to do what he really wanted to do. Heaven knew she was often aware that there wasn’t enough money available in their account to pay all the bills that kept cropping up.
But even she hadn’t realized just how bad his gambling problem had gotten, she thought now. Not until he’d lost his family’s ranch and her along with it.
“How could I forget?” Eli patted what was essentially a very flat middle. “Well, I guess if I’ve passed your inspection, it’s okay for me to have a second helping tonight,” he said, once again moving his now empty bowl up against the tureen. He ladled out another generous serving of beef stew. Tiny splashes were made by the tumbling vegetables.
This serving was even bigger than the first had been. Kasey shook her head in wonder. Where did he put it all? “Sure you don’t have a tapeworm?”
Eli shrugged away the thought. “If I did, he’d be out of luck because I’m not about to share this food with any outsider.”
What made it even better in his opinion was that she’d made the meal knowing that it was his favorite. She’d paid attention to learn what his favorite meal was. He found this to be very pleasing—and humbling, in a way. That he knew what her favorite things were went without saying, but then, he knew absolutely everything about her. To him, that was just a normal part of loving someone.
“But you really don’t have to make an extra effort like this,” he told her. “I’d be satisfied with anything you made—like a sandwich,” he suggested off the top of his head.
“Sandwiches are for emergency trips, they’re meant to keep you going. They’re definitely not supposed to take the place of a real meal. Besides, I like cooking for you.” They’d had this conversation before. She was determined to get her answer to register in Eli’s brain this time. “Eli—” leaning forward, she covered his hand with her own “—I’m only going to say this once and I want you to listen to me. I never do anything because I have to, or feel obligated to. I’m doing it, whether it’s cooking, or keeping house, or something else—” she paused for half a beat, allowing the last part to sink in “—because I want to. Because you make me want to. I just wish I could do more.”
“That’s not possible,” he assured her with feeling.
He could feel his emotions surging within him. Once again it was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that he loved her. That she’d made him happier in these past two months than he ever thought possible.
And once again, he was afraid that putting his feelings into words would spell the beginning of the end. Most likely, he’d spook her, making her back away from him, possibly even run away from him.
Who knew? Kasey might even be considering moving out on her own right now. He just didn’t know. But the one thing he did know was that if he said anything that remotely resembled a declaration of love, he’d find her packing her things within the
hour.
He wanted to avoid, or at least to forestall, the end for as long as possible. And that meant keeping his feelings to himself even though he was all but dying for them to finally come out.
“You are so very good for my ego,” Kasey was telling him, savoring what he had just said. Rising, she took her empty bowl to the sink to rinse it out before she placed it in the dishwasher. The dishwasher was a recent purchase. She knew he’d bought it for her, even though he’d told her it was one of those things that he’d been meaning to get around to buying for himself.
Eli didn’t lie very convincingly, which was another point in his favor. Hollis could lie like a pro. He did it so smoothly that after a while even he was convinced he was telling the truth. The upshot of it was, she never knew what to believe.
Whereas with Eli, she knew that if he said the moon had suddenly turned to pink cheese, she would race outside to see the phenomenon for herself. She trusted him beyond any words, any vows, any promises made between a man and a woman.
Kasey turned around to say something to him, but the words never came out. The serious expression on his face drove any and all coherent thought out of her head.
Why did he look like that? “What’s the matter?” she asked in a hushed voice.
He raised his hand, silently asking for her silence. He cocked his head, listening intently. Then, rather than explain or answer her question, he was up on his feet, leaving the room. Hurrying to the second floor and Wayne’s room.
Since he’d been listening to the baby’s monitor, it had to be something concerning Wayne. The moment that occurred to her, concern and worry flooded her.
Hurrying after Eli, she ran up the stairs in his wake, trying to catch up.
“Eli, what’s the matter?” she asked. “Why are you running?”
“He’s wheezing” was all he had time to say, tossing the words over his shoulder. The next moment he burst into Wayne’s room. Crossing to the crib, he saw the problem instantly. The baby was on his stomach, his face all but buried against the stuffed rabbit that had been propped up next to the inside of his crib.
Reaching the infant first, Eli turned the boy onto his back. Then he checked to see if perhaps the baby had gotten something stuck up his nose or in his throat.
But the passages were all clear and once he was on his back, the baby began to breathe more easily.
Eli removed the rabbit, tossing him onto the rocking chair he’d bought for Kasey to celebrate her first week on his ranch.
And then it hit him.
“Kasey, I left Wayne on his back, the way I always do.” His eyes met hers. “Do you know what this means?” he asked as he picked the fussing infant up and began to gently sway with him.
“He turned over by himself.” She said the words out loud, partially in amazement. She paused, thinking of what she’d found in the Parenting During the First Year book—also a present from Eli. He had a way of spoiling her, she thought fondly, then forced herself to get her mind back on track. “Isn’t he a little young to be doing that?”
“Not for an exceptional baby,” Eli assured her, then looked at the infant in his arms. “And you are exceptional, aren’t you, Wayne?”
For his part, Wayne looked up at him with wide, serious eyes, as if he was hanging on Eli’s every word.
“Well, since I’m here….” Eli said, pretending to resign himself to the chore. “I guess we might as well finish that story I was reading to you last night,” Eli said as if the little boy understood every word.
Picking up the large, rectangular book from the top of the bookcase, he settled in to read. “Let’s see what that little mouse has been up to since we left him,” he said, taking a seat in the rocking chair. He arranged the baby so that he could turn the pages more easily while still holding Wayne against his chest.
Kasey lingered in the doorway for a couple of minutes, listening and wondering whether, if she prayed very hard and was the best person she could possibly be, she could keep living inside this dream for a little longer. She knew all good things came to an end, but that didn’t mean it had to be right now, did it?
The sound of Eli’s voice, reading to Wayne, followed her all the way down the hall until she reached the stairs. Her smile lasted a great deal longer.
Chapter Twelve
Something was bothering her.
Eli could see it in her eyes. Kasey hadn’t really said anything yet and she was moving around the kitchen, getting breakfast, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on.
That was the problem. She was acting. He could tell the difference when it came to Kasey. For instance, he’d noticed that she had paused in midmotion several times, as if wrestling with a thought or searching for the right words to use before she said anything to him.
A sliver of uneasiness pricked him.
He knew he should give Kasey space and let her say something—or not say something—when she was ready. But he would be going out to the stable soon and wondering what was on her mind would bedevil him the whole time he was gone. Not to mention that if she decided she did want to talk to him, she would have to trek out to the corral with Wayne since that was where he would be for most the day, training the horses.
No, asking her outright was by far the easier route all the way around, despite the fact that he really didn’t like invading Kasey’s territory, or making her feel pressured.
“Something on your mind, Kasey?” he asked, trying to sound casual.
What she said in response threw him off a little. At the very least, it wasn’t what he’d expected her to say. Or, in this case, ask.
“How are your training sessions with the horses going?”
“They’re going well,” he answered slowly, never taking his eyes off her expression, waiting for something to tip him off. She’d never asked him about his training sessions before. “As a matter of fact, I’m ahead of schedule.” He paused, waiting. She said nothing. “Why?” he finally asked.
She answered his last question in a roundabout fashion, like someone feeling their away around a brand-new situation.
“Then would you mind not training them? Just for today, I mean,” she added quickly. There was no missing the hope in her voice.
He noticed that she’d wrapped her hands around the mug of coffee she’d poured for herself. Her hands were shaking a little.
Something was definitely wrong.
“No, I wouldn’t mind,” he told her, watching her more intently than ever. He curbed a sudden surge of impatience, knowing that would only make her more reticent to explain whatever had prompted her request. “Why?” he asked gently. “What do you have in mind, Kasey?”
She pressed her lips together, half-annoyed with herself for not being stronger. She’d done so much by herself in these past few years, taking care of the ranch, trying to make a go of her marriage. She should have been able to do this alone, as well.
But this was a huge step she was about to take. Heaven help her, but she wanted someone to lean on, someone to turn to for emotional support. She was afraid that if she didn’t, if she went alone, she might change her mind at the last moment.
She blew out a shaky breath. “I’m thinking of going into town today.”
He waited for her to continue. When she didn’t, he picked up the fallen thread of conversation. “All right. I can certainly put some things off for a day. Any particular destination in town you have in mind?” he asked mildly.
She was pressing her hands so hard against the mug, he was surprised it didn’t just shatter. “I thought I’d go see Olivia. The sheriff’s wife.”
He smiled at the addendum. “I know who Olivia is, Kasey.” And then the pieces started coming together for him. “This isn’t going to be a social call, is it?”
She shook her head slowly from side to side. “No, it’s not.”
If she was going to do what he thought she was going to do, she needed to at least be able to put it into words, to say it out loud so that
she could begin getting used to the idea.
“Why are you going to see Olivia?” he persisted.
She didn’t answer him right away, trying to get comfortable with the idea. What she knew she had to do.
Kasey took in a deep breath. This would be her reality now. She had already forced herself to face the fact that her marriage was over.
Technically, it had been over for longer than just these past two and a half months. It had been over the moment she’d become pregnant. She’d only fooled herself during those nine months before Wayne was born, telling herself that Hollis would change once the baby was here. Telling herself that he’d want to finally grow up because he was responsible for a brand-new little human being and behaving recklessly was no longer the answer.
But despite her ongoing optimism, in her heart, she’d always known better. Always known that Hollis was not the man she’d hoped he was beneath all the bad-boy trappings.
The roof of her mouth felt like sandpaper as she told Eli, “I want to file for a divorce. Hollis isn’t coming back and I need to move forward.”
Although this was exactly what he’d hoped for, Eli didn’t want her feeling pressured to take this step. Not that he had pressured her, even remotely, but maybe just the very fact that he had taken her into his home somehow made her feel obligated to take this step. Especially since they were now sleeping together.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Kasey?”
The question, coming from him, surprised her. Was he afraid that once she was a free woman again, she’d try to get him to marry her? Well, he could rest easy. She was not about to repay his kindness with any undue expectations.
She’d been blind before, blind to all the wonderful qualities Eli possessed, but that was on her. She’d missed out on a great deal—on the life she would have ideally wanted. But again, there were no “do-overs” in life and she was just grateful to have Eli in her life. More importantly, with any luck, the bond he was forming with her son would continue. She knew that Wayne would be the richer for it. As would she.
A Baby on the Ranch: A Baby on the RanchRamona and the Renegade Page 12