“No,” Joe corrected her firmly. “You do it for you.”
After pulling up in front of Mona’s house, he put the Jeep into Park and turned off the ignition. He still wasn’t certain if she was actually all right. Moreover, her vulnerability affected him. It made him want to wrap her up in his arms and just protect her. From absolutely everything that gave her pain.
That would go over like the proverbial lead balloon if he so much as hinted at it. Still, he wanted Mona to know that she wasn’t alone. That he was there for her if she needed him and he always would be.
“Want me to come in?” he asked quietly.
“Yes.”
She said the word so quickly, it sounded as if it had come out riding on the end of his sentence. The moment he’d begun to ask, she realized just how much she wanted him to be with her. How much she didn’t want to be alone tonight.
Her eyes met his and in what she hoped was a more sedate voice, Mona repeated the single word. “Yes.” But even as she said it, it sounded more breathless than the first time.
Unbuckling, Joe got out of the vehicle on his side and came around to hers. By the time he reached her, Mona was already out, getting out her keys. She had the door unlocked and open just as Apache bounced out of the backseat. The dog ran between them, dashing into the house as if seeking shelter.
A lot of that going around tonight, Mona thought.
She walked in ahead of Joe. The moment he was inside and closed the door behind him, she turned around to face him. Everything inside of her was tingling. Set to go off.
He could feel the charge in the air, could feel his capitulation shimmering despite all his noble intentions only to comfort her and then leave. He could feel his body wanting hers. Could feel the heat flaring between them.
If ever there was a need to lay ground rules, it was now.
“Mona—”
He got no further. She had captured his lips, rendering them useless. At least when it came to forming any intelligible words. They were pressed against hers, lost in a deep kiss. She literally took his breath away. Unable to resist, he wrapped his arms around her, held her close to him and kissed her with all the passion that he’d stored up over all these years.
Later he might tell himself that it was in self-defense but that would be a lie. Yes, she’d been the one to initiate this, but he was kissing her because he wanted to. He kissed her back with complete reckless abandon. Because what he was doing, what he was letting himself in for, was reckless. Acting on suppressed desires always was.
Up until this moment, he had been holding himself relatively in check. But the moment her lips had touched his, he couldn’t do that any longer.
His reaction to her kiss wasn’t born of the moment. It was, instead, the culmination of years of desire. If he’d thought that he’d outgrown it, the moment he’d seen her that first day, standing beside her car in the rain, it had overtaken him full force. All the time they’d spent together, everything they did together since then had only reinforced it.
Last week, he’d brought her to the reservation where he had been born and his mother had been buried. Brought her there so he could show her, without words, what had shaped him. It was meant to be just a short trip but it hadn’t turned out that way. They had wound up staying far into the night.
Several of the children on the reservation were down with a particularly strong strain of the flu. There was no doctor to treat them, no medicine available to them. It was all too costly and far away. So Mona had rolled up her sleeves, falling back on her initial basic medical training and done what she could. And he had been there, right by her side, lending support and aid.
It was an education in more ways than one. He learned that the antibiotic that she prescribed for ailing canines could also be given to ailing children.
“And I won’t grow a tail or anything?” one of the little boys weakly asked her, even as a fever raged through his small, thin body. When she’d assured him that he wouldn’t, he’d been crestfallen. And she had struggled not to laugh.
At that exact moment Joe was certain that he was in love with her. And just as certain that nothing would ever come of it.
But here they were, in her house, and she was kissing him. All of his noble resolve never to let her know how he felt, never to touch her like a lover, had just gone up in flames. Because if he were noble, he would gently but firmly break the connection.
Instead of embracing it. And her.
His blood rushed hot through his veins as his hands molded her to him, caressing her curves, caressing her. Each time his mouth left hers, it was only to return from another angle, kissing her over and over again, each time more deeply than the last.
He’d never felt like this, like some wild-eyed kid with his first girl. She made him feel that anything was possible. She made him feel reborn.
Reality, never far away, waited for him at first light. But right now, in this place, he could pretend that this was his reality, one that began and ended with her. With Mona.
A frenzy had descended over her. There was no other way to describe it. Mona felt as if she was on fire and she couldn’t stop herself, not while the flames burned so brightly within her. She wasn’t able to back away.
The more he kissed her, the more she wanted him to. She could feel the demands increasing inside her, ready to burst. Arching into him, she began to fumble at the buttons on his shirt, undressing him while her mouth was still sealed to his.
An eternity later, when all the buttons had finally been released, she pushed the shirt off Joe’s shoulders and then struggled to get the sleeves off his arms. Progress was impeded by his rock-solid biceps.
Her breathing grew audible, each breath shorter than the last because the air in her lungs was rapidly being consumed in direct proportion to her increasing passion.
Time became a blur but everything was crystal clear to her. She was acutely aware of every pass of his hands, the feel of his warm breath along her skin. Aware of his hands as he slowly stripped her clothing away from her.
There were calluses on his fingers and palms. That only intensified the delicious feel of them as his strong hands came in contact with her bare skin. It heated immediately in response to his touch, heated until she thought she would burn away to a small, black crisp.
She wanted him, wanted him to make love with her now, this instant. Wanted to be one with him before something happened and made the moment go away.
They tumbled onto the sofa, locked in an embrace, oblivious to everything else.
With each pass of his lips, the intensity within her gathered, making her ache for release even as she struggled to perpetuate the moment. She had never known she could feel this way, ecstatic and yet, in part, afraid. Afraid that, in the end, disappointment would be waiting for her. Disappointment just as there always had been in her life.
But if, at the last moment, she wanted to postpone the inevitable, she realized that she couldn’t. The matter was completely out of her hands. Her body had taken command and, like a speeding train, it was hurrying to its culmination.
And around each bend, there was another surge, a surge that built upon the last and reached out to the next.
She arched and bucked, wanting to absorb it all while it lasted.
* * *
IT WAS JUST AS HE’D thought it would be. Only better. So incredibly better. This was where all his fantasies about her—when he allowed himself to have them—had promised to lead him.
There was just a micron of control left to him, a slender thread that allowed him to, at the very end, go slower than he would have ordinarily wanted to. Go slower so that he could share with her and give her the same pleasure she gave him.
But he was only a man and in the end, even he had his limits.
His mouth sealed to hers, Joe moved his body until it was directly over her. With an agonizingly slow movement, he entered her, sealing their union. Holding fast to his resolve, Joe tried to move to a tempo that
built up bit by bit, but that lasted less than a moment. Going slow was no longer an option.
They moved in harmony, faster and faster until he sensed she was almost at the final plateau just before the fireworks. Releasing himself, he joined her at the last second and as the atmosphere around them filled with the splendor of skyrockets bursting all around them, they shared the exquisite joy of reaching fulfillment together.
There was no denying it. He loved her.
Chapter Fourteen
Mona caught herself wanting to curl her body into his.
Now that the glorious shower of pleasure had subsided, she wanted to hold on to Joe, to enjoy the simple pleasure of feeling his warmth, feeling his body beside hers. Feeling him drawing breath next to her.
But that would be taking things for granted. That would be leaving herself wide-open for disappointment, if not now, then soon. All too soon. She had learned a long time ago that you couldn’t depend on people. Even people you gave your trust to.
And if that hadn’t been driven home right from the beginning, or with the death of her grandmother, well, all she had to do was look to today. She would have sworn on a stack of bibles—if she was given to swearing—that she could trust Doc completely. That the man who’d been her mentor, who had funded her college education, would come through for her no matter what. That she could count on him to be there for her and to always, always be honest with her.
But in the end she couldn’t rely on him. He had sided with the woman who had now decided to call herself her mother. God only knew why, but it had taught her a lesson. No one could be counted on if for some reason it went against their own interests.
So if she gave in to these feelings that she had for Joe, these feelings that he had skillfully aroused as sure as the sun would rise again tomorrow, she would crash and burn. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even the day after that, but crashing and burning would definitely happen and it would be sometime soon. Which meant that she would be left stricken again.
The only way around that was to brace herself for the inevitable. To rally by withdrawing into herself and to not expect anything from Joe.
Not even a replay of the physical experience that had just taken place.
For all she knew, she’d disappointed him. She wasn’t exactly experienced. Joe, she had no doubt, had had a great many partners even though he didn’t allude to them or bring up so much as one name. It was still something she was certain of, deep in her bones, and it made her worry that when measured against these nameless others, she came up short.
So, rather than curl up into him the way she longed to, Mona curled up into herself, assuming what amounted to an adult fetal position. It was not an easy trick within the confines of her sofa, which was barely wide enough to accommodate their two bodies, much less granting a separation between them.
Even so, Joe was aware of what she was doing. Aware that she was trying her damndest to pull away from him. Why?
He thought of pretending that he didn’t notice. Thought of getting up and getting dressed as if what had transpired between them was just part of a greater whole, but he liked lying here beside her. Liked the fact that, despite her efforts, their two bodies were still touching.
So he took the simplest route. He asked. “What’s the matter?”
He felt her stiffening. “What makes you think there’s something the matter?” Mona fired back.
“For one,” he observed, “when you just answered me, you sounded like a machine gun going off in rapid succession. For another, you’re pulling back into yourself like a bedsheet that’s attempting to fold itself into a handkerchief.”
Why was he always able to read her as if she was an open book? “Colorful,” she said sarcastically. “Ever think of writing poetry?”
“No. Ever think of giving a straight answer?” Joe countered, his eyes on hers, pinning her down. He was tired of her blowing hot and cold whenever she was around him. The only thing worse would be not having her around him at all.
“I give straight answers all the time,” Mona shot back indignantly.
“Maybe. To other people. But not to me, not this time,” Joe pointed out quietly. “What’s wrong, Mona?” he asked again, propping himself up on his elbow and looking down at her face. How many times had he dreamed of this moment? Wished for this moment? He couldn’t allow it to end badly. “Did this scare you?” he wanted to know.
Digging into the sofa with her elbow, she rose up, her face a couple of inches from his. “No!” Mona cried angrily.
Joe continued as if she hadn’t said anything. “Because it sure as hell scared me,” he admitted.
And it had. Because he’d felt things he wasn’t supposed to. Things he’d never felt before. Longings that went beyond the moment. Longings, he knew, that were beyond his reach.
He was willing to enjoy the interlude. But he wasn’t willing to get even more tangled up inside over someone who he ultimately hadn’t a chance with, especially not when he was looking at forever.
He was certain that, if Mona thought of him at all, to her he was Joe-the-friend, or Joe-the-deputy, not Joe-possible-husband-material. Not in her world. In her world, she was completely out of his league. She’d never said it, but she didn’t have to. His earlier life on the reservation, intentionally or not, had taught him what his ultimate place was. And that place wasn’t with someone bright and fresh, witty and intelligent, like Mona.
Mona blinked. “You, scared?” she repeated in a mocking tone.
The Joe she knew wasn’t threatened by anyone or anything. She didn’t think that she’d even ever heard him use the word scared in reference to himself. Joe was never scared. It was one of the givens of life. He was different than the rest of them. And that difference had always made him special to her, even though she would never admit it to him.
“Why would you be scared?” she questioned.
His eyes held hers for a long moment, hypnotizing her. Hypnotizing himself.
Joe swept back the hair from her face, cupping her cheek gently. “You ask too many questions, woman,” he murmured just before he kissed her.
The questions remained, but for the time being, they faded away, replaced by the fiery sensation that once again leaped to the foreground the moment his lips touched hers.
He wanted her. That was all she needed to know right now.
* * *
MONA LONGED TO REMAIN in that nice warm cocoon that they had woven together in the night, but morning arrived with its own ideas.
She wasn’t the type to run away from problems, even though a large part of her wanted to. If she did, setting a precedent, the very action would make her disgusted with herself. She prided herself on the fact that she wasn’t a quitter, that she didn’t run. She was a fighter. And somehow, although she wasn’t sure as to the exact logistics that had been involved, Joe had convinced her to hear her mother out and allow her to make amends.
So, Mona showered and got dressed—actions that took her longer than usual, given that she was doing neither alone—and had Joe drive her and Apache back to the cemetery so that she could retrieve her vehicle.
From there, she would to drive to Doc’s. Without Joe.
“You sure you’re going to be all right?” Joe asked, unaware that he was allowing his concern about her to show through so strongly.
He was worried about her, she thought. That gave her the exact push to see this through. It was the reverse of a dare, but it had the exact same effect.
“Of course I’m going to be all right,” she told him with feeling comprised mostly of sheer bravado. “I’m always all right.”
“If you say so.” She couldn’t tell by his tone if he was mocking her or being doubtful.
Or just being Joe and thus completely unreadable.
In any case, she needed to get going before her courage deserted her. Mona patted the seat beside her in the Jeep. The next moment, Apache leaped into the vehicle. She leaned over to close the passenger-side door.
Time to see this through and make everyone else happy, she thought, lumping Joe and Doc into the same group.
They both drove into town with Joe turning right and going on to the sheriff’s office, while she turned left and drove to the animal clinic.
Doc was already there when she walked in. He was doing something at the receptionist’s desk and looked up when the door opened.
“Mona.” Relief washed over his broad face only to give way to a look of uncertainty and concern. “I didn’t know if you were going to come in today.”
“Why wouldn’t I come in?” she asked, forcing her voice to sound cheerful. “Delia Morales is bringing in her cat to be declawed today. I made the appointment for her myself. Wouldn’t exactly look right if I didn’t show up and the cat did. I’m guessing that your agenda’s full today.”
He nodded, but it was obvious that his mind wasn’t on the day’s appointments. He trod lightly.
“Mona, about yesterday, I’m sorry. I should have told you that she—” he prudently refrained from referring to his houseguest as her mother “—was staying with me. Elena and I go way back,” he told her. “Back to even before she married your father. She wasn’t exactly what you might call disciplined. Unharnessed energy was the way I used to think of her.”
He appeared to be unaware of the fond expression that slid over his face. But Mona wasn’t. She refused to allow her thoughts to go any further and explore the reason for his look. There was only so much she could handle at one time.
“You should have seen her back then,” Doc was saying, “before she was even your age. She was the most beautiful sight God ever created.”
Mona listened to him, to the man she had always had such respect for, such affection, and despite her attempts to block the thought, she realized that he wasn’t just giving shelter to a distraught soul, he was doing it because he’d had feelings for the woman. Feelings for Elena. Strong feelings.
He still did, her mind whispered.
She didn’t know if that made her feel angrier—or feel happy for Doc, who, as far as she knew, never had anyone in his life to care about in that way.
A Baby on the Ranch: A Baby on the RanchRamona and the Renegade Page 29