by Julie Kenner
Alicia pushed her chair back and stood. She gave him a long, hard look, then shook her head, bemused.
“What?”
“I just can’t figure you out.”
He half smiled. “I didn’t realize you were trying to.”
“Five years ago, everyone said you were a small-town Texas innocent who managed to pick up some business savvy. Now I’m thinking maybe you’re just an old-fashioned nice guy.”
“Not something we need to be debating.”
“No, it’s not.” She swung her purse over her shoulder. “Because the fact is, in a town like this, if you’re just a nice guy, you’re screwed.”
EROTIC PICTURES above Mulholland?
Lisa’s stomach churned, wondering if it could really be true. She was standing just outside Ken’s door, and now slipped further away as Alicia strolled past, jauntily swinging her purse from one finger.
Pictures. Of her and Ken. Oh, Lord, it couldn’t be true. And yet it was. She’d heard the discussion, saw the photos pass between them. A wave of coldness swept over her, and she hugged herself, terrified she’d come so close to another scandal.
Raw fury pumped through her veins. Ken’s little bargain had put her in a terrible position—trading sex for services. What had he been thinking?
No. Not Ken. She’d put herself in the position. She could have said no. But she’d wanted it, wanted Ken. She’d been a fool, a damn fool. And someone who’d already been through one scandal should know enough to not get burned twice.
Leaning over, she propped her hands on her knees and took deep, calming breaths. Another scandal. Oh, Lord, how could she survive another scandal?
Except there wasn’t going to be a scandal. Her heart slowed to its normal pace as reality set in. No scandal. She was safe. Ken had rescued her. He’d saved her reputation. She wasn’t certain exactly what had happened, but she knew one thing for sure—he’d made a decision this morning, and he’d put her above his career. The knowledge humbled her, and scared her.
She needed to make the same kind of decision, and soon. But she didn’t know if she had his strength or his confidence. He’d said his career would still be fine. She wished she could believe the same thing about hers. If she let herself love Ken—
She stopped the thought. The truth was, she already did love Ken. So, the question was, if she admitted she loved him, if they started a relationship, could she keep her career on track?
He’d taken a risk for her letting Alicia film inside his restaurant. She nibbled her lower lip, wanting to take a risk for him—for love—but her fear held her back. And in the end, she simply stood there as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.
THE REAL ESTATE AGENT stopped in front of the blue bungalow with the white-painted trim and turned to Ken. “Here we are.”
He stepped out of the car, then stood on the grass, staring at the cottage. For almost five years he’d lived in the hotel, with no urge to move back into a house, to have a normal life.
But suddenly he couldn’t keep thoughts of a home—a real home—out of his head. These past few days with Lisa had made him realize how much he’d given up when she’d left. A home. A family. Even his simple dream of opening a diner.
The agent paused at the door to look back at him, a quizzical expression on her face. “Mr. Harper?”
“Sorry. I’m coming.”
The inside of the house was as charming as the outside, and it took only a half hour of looking around to know that he wanted to buy the place.
“Can you have an offer drawn up by tonight?”
The agent’s eyes went wide, but she nodded. “Of course.”
“Good.” He felt better. He was making decisions, getting things done.
He wanted to live in the house with Lisa, and he hoped like hell she’d agree. But even if she didn’t, it was time he started living his life like a life again.
It was a lesson he’d learned the hard way. He only hoped that, over the past five years, Lisa had learned the same thing.
BY THE TIME Ken got back to his suite, Lisa had pretty much paced a hole in the carpet.
“Where’d you go?”
“No place special.” A curious smile touched his lips. “I just bought a little house in Santa Monica.”
“You bought a house?” She couldn’t help the delighted laugh that escaped. “Just like that, you bought a house?”
“Yup. A little blue cottage on one of those streets you think are so cute.” He shrugged. “Actually, I just made an offer. But I think the owners will accept it.”
“I…why?”
“A lot of reasons. Mostly, I want a life.” In two long strides he was by her side and holding her hands. “I want one with you.”
She swallowed, her chest tightening. “With me?”
“I love you, Lisa. I want you to stay with me.”
Her heart swelled. He’d said it before, but that was in the heat of passion. Now to hear him say it, to say he wanted a life with her…
A wave of happiness washed over, only to be followed by the crush of reality. The past was repeating itself, and in her purse she had a plane ticket for New York.
“I…but…” Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself. “You should have talked to me first. You can’t just buy us a house—”
“Me. I bought me a house.”
“But you said…”
“I said I love you. I said I want a life with you. But if you say no, I’m still moving. I’ve been in limbo for five years. It’s time I started living again—living my life, not just my job. And, Lisa, the truth is, I can do both.”
She pressed her lips together, fighting another round of tears. She’d been mulling it over for hours, and the decision she’d finally made wasn’t any easier now than it had been an hour ago. “Can you? Can you get where you want to be and still have a relationship? Can you do that and not resent me for taking time away from your ambitions?”
“I’m already where I want to be.”
She nodded. “And that’s the problem. Don’t you see? I never made it like you did. I never tasted success and I want the chance. It’s what I’ve always wanted, and I’m not prepared to give it up.”
“Do you have to give it up if we’re together?”
“I…I do love you. So much I…” A tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away. “But I don’t want to end up resenting you. I couldn’t live with that.” She took a deep breath, wishing she could make him understand how difficult it was for her. How much she needed to focus in order to succeed. “I—I’m thinking about heading back to New York.”
For just a moment his brow furrowed before his face cleared. “I thought you were looking to move back here.”
“I was.” She had been. But Winston’s opportunity was too good to pass up. She shrugged. “I figured I needed to be here to get my career back on track. I was wrong.”
“What happened?”
“Winston. He offered me a job as a development executive. Avenue F is a major company. It’s exactly what I’ve wanted.”
“So that’s it? You’re just going to go back to New York? Forget about everything that’s happened between us?”
Her eyes burned, but she refused to cry. “I’ll never forget these past few days. But I also never lied to you. You’ve known from the day I got here what my priority is.”
“Sweetheart, I’ve known from before then. And I see your priorities haven’t changed.”
“And yours have?” The minute she said the words, she regretted it. His priorities had changed. Just that morning he’d saved her reputation and agreed to open his restaurant to that horrible Alicia woman.
“Yeah, they have.” He took her hand, urging her to sit next to him on the couch. “Sweetheart, why? Why not stay here? Just a couple of days ago, you were telling me how much you miss Los Angeles.”
“I miss having a career even more. Can’t you understand? This is everything I’ve dreamed of, everything I’ve wanted. The chance to make
movies, to be a player. For five years I’ve felt useless, like I didn’t even have a purpose for being on the planet. And now I do.”
“Maybe your purpose is to be with me.”
She blinked back a tear, but didn’t answer.
Ken shook the comment off. “Sorry, that’s not fair. Of course you have to do what you love. But this isn’t your only shot. Winston knows you’ll have offers coming out of your ears. He’s just trying to lock you in. There will be other offers.”
“Can you promise me that? Can you put it in writing and swear to me I’ll find work if I tell Winston no?”
He took a deep breath, then shook his head. “No. All I can tell you is I love you.”
“I know.” She swallowed, wanting to throw her arms around his neck and cry until she couldn’t cry any more. Instead she sat up straighter, knowing she was going to hurt him, but unable to help that. “I know. I—I love you, too.” Tears streamed down her face, but she didn’t wipe them away. “The thing is, I just don’t think that love is enough.”
16
LISA PRESSED her forehead against the glass, looking down twenty floors from her office to watch a horse-drawn carriage head into Central Park. The intercom buzzed. “Ms. Neal? It’s Mr. Scorcese’s agent.”
“Thanks.”
She turned around and picked up the phone, then spent the next ten minutes hashing out the basics of a directing deal for a new film Avenue F was developing. When she finally hung up, she fell exhausted into the chair behind her desk. In front of her, scripts and contracts were piled up, leaving not even a square inch of desktop.
Three weeks back in New York. The Velvet Bed sequel was heavy into preproduction. She was juggling six other projects. That morning alone she’d talked to executives at Universal, Paramount and Warner Brothers.
In other words, she was doing exactly what she’d always wanted. Finally, she was living her dream.
She should be ecstatic. Instead she just felt hollow.
The intercom buzzed again. “Ms. Neal? It’s Greg.”
She snatched up the phone, happier than she’d been in weeks. “Hey! Where are you?”
“Still in L.A. How’s the Big Apple?”
“Fabulous. It’s great. I love it.”
“Uh-huh.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” Greg said quickly. “I’m just distracted.” Silence filled the line, and then, “Have you talked to him?”
Tears welled, and she ran the side of her finger under her eyes. “No. I—I haven’t reached him.” Actually, she hadn’t tried. She’d been too afraid of what he’d say if she called.
“I went to the anniversary celebration at Oxygen,” he said.
“You did?” Her throat felt parched, and she reached for the diet Coke can on her desk. “How was it?”
“Fine. Ken looked good.”
“Oh.” She pressed her lips together, trying to not cry. “Is he still living in the Bellisimo?”
“Not according to the paper,” Greg said. “Last month’s issue said he bought a house in Santa Monica. Oxygen’s doing better than ever. He’s even opening one in the Valley. Studio City, I think.”
“Oh.” He was doing exactly what he said he would. Getting on with his life. Balancing a life with his career. She wondered if he mowed his own lawn. Even more than that, she wondered if he was dating. Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to ask Greg that.
“So, what’s your mom say?” Greg asked.
“She thinks it’s great.” When Lisa had called to tell her mom and sister that she’d taken a position as a development executive, they’d been happy for her. But somehow, the thrill she’d always expected to hear wasn’t there. Her mom was proud, sure. But nothing felt different.
“But…?”
“Nothing. I just realized that I’m the only one who cares. I mean, they’re glad I have a job, but so long as I like it, they’re happy.”
“Well, it is your life.”
“I know. And I always thought I knew exactly what I wanted. And now that I have it…” She shrugged, even though Greg couldn’t see her.
“You’re not sure you want it?”
“No. I want it.” Now that she’d tasted it, she wanted it more than ever, if that were possible. “This is my life. It’s what I do, who I am, and I love it. I really do. I just…I just wonder if I don’t love Ken even more.”
And she wondered if she’d made the biggest mistake of her life walking away. Most of all, though, she wondered if she could fix it.
“I’M GLAD YOU REVISED the plans,” Tim said. “This location’s much better suited for a diner than a restaurant like Oxygen.”
Ken shifted his hard hat as he looked at the plans spread out on the dusty table. The day after Lisa left, he’d closed the lease for this site then completely revamped the concept for the restaurant, deciding the Studio City location was going to be a diner.
“You need to find me someone to help with the menu.”
“Someone!” Tim looked shocked. “That’s a task I’ll happily take over.”
“Uh-huh.” Ken grimaced. “Nothing personal, but we want burgers and fries here. Not veal and caviar.”
“Trust me. An artiste is always right.”
Ken smiled, but his heart wasn’t in it. A familiar wave of melancholy washed over him, and he focused on the plans, trying to get his head back together.
“She’s doing what she has to do.”
He nodded. “I know. I’d just hoped…” He shrugged. “I guess I’d hoped that after she left she’d come back. That she’d walk through the door of the anniversary party and we’d start over.”
“And you were hoping she’d be the one looking at these plans with you instead of me.”
“Nothing personal.”
“No offense,” Tim said. “I don’t look nearly as good in a dress as she does. Though I think this hard hat does give me some allure.” He struck a Mr. Universe pose. “What do you think? The women are going to start coming in droves, right?”
Ken didn’t laugh, but he did crack a smile, and for that he was grateful. He checked his watch. “It’s almost four. I need to get home and see if the workmen need anything.” He was having the kitchen renovated, and the contractor always seemed to have questions at the end of the day.
“You’re just rebuilding everything these days.”
“Metaphor for my life.” Maybe if he built something new, he’d finally forget about the old. Though he doubted it. Even more so than when she’d left the first time, Lisa was ingrained in his heart and etched in his soul.
It was his own fault, of course. Only an idiot would concoct a revenge-by-sex scheme and assume that he could walk away unscathed. He was an idiot, all right. An idiot completely in love with a woman who didn’t love him. No, she loved him. She just didn’t realize how much.
“You could fly to New York, you know. Convince her. Even try the bicoastal thing.”
Ken nodded. “I thought about it. But it’s not just the distance—it’s everything she believes, it’s everything she wants. I mean, she told me she loved me. But she also told me it doesn’t matter, because she needs to focus on her career.” He looked Tim in the eye. “She doesn’t want me in New York. She doesn’t even want to try.”
“So what are you going to do?”
Ken shrugged, his shoulders heavy from the weight of his melancholy. “Miss her. Love her. Get on with my life.” Even though the last thing he wanted was a life without Lisa. “And keep believing that it’s not over. I saw her eyes. I know she loves me. And even though I don’t think she’s realized it, I know she’s changed.” He looked Tim in the eye. “She will come back.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Ken nodded. So did he. More than anything, so did he.
Finished at the diner, he headed back toward Santa Monica. Traffic on the 405 was murder, of course, and that just added to his already foul mood.
Once inside, he headed strai
ght for the kitchen to face the day’s minicrisis. Today’s was wallpaper.
“This, or this?” Arnold asked, holding up two sample sheets.
Ken wasn’t in the mood to choose, his mind on Lisa, not on his walls. “What do you like?”
Arnold shrugged. “I like the thinner stripes but, Tony, he likes the thick better.”
“Maybe you should flip a coin.”
“You don’t have a preference?” Arnold’s voice sounded so hopeful.
“Sorry. Not in the mood today.” He turned around to leave, hoping to catch a quick nap.
“Maybe we should ask the young lady’s opinion.”
Ken froze, then turned around to face the older man. “Excuse me?”
“The young lady. On the couch. She’s been here for hours.”
Ken practically tripped over his feet getting to the living room. And sure enough, there she was.
Lisa. Sitting right there, her hands twisting in her lap. A look of restrained hopefulness on her face.
“Hi, Ken,” she said. He saw her take a deep breath. “I came back to say I’m sorry.”
“I see.” He wanted to keep a poker face, but he was sure surprise and curiosity were leaking through. “Sorry about what? Sorry about the way you left? Sorry you hurt me? Sorry there can’t be anything between us?”
“All of the above,” she said and his heart fell. “Except the last.”
The wave of disappointment vanished as her words sunk in. “Except the last,” he repeated, needing to make sure he got it right.
“Right. I mean…if I’m not too late.”
“So you’re here because…” He couldn’t finish the thought, too afraid he was reading her wrong.
She stood. “I’ve got everything I ever wanted working with Winston. It’s been an amazing three weeks. I’ve had lunch with Oscar-winning directors and actors. I’ve made deals I only dreamed about. It’s been fabulous.”
“Congratulations.” He knew his voice was tight, but he couldn’t help it. “I know that’s what you’ve always wanted. I’m happy for you. Really.”