by Penny Jordan
Then she had been furious… Now she knew how wisely and truthfully he had spoken.
She smiled wryly to herself. Once, had anyone told her that, alone with Scott, hearing him say how much he loved her and knowing it was the truth, she would have felt this need… this ache, this hunger for Daniel's company…well, she would never have believed them. How little she had known about herself, about others.
She was more at peace with herself than she had ever believed possible. She felt only compassion and love for her mother… respect, too. For her father her feelings were less certain, less settled… He had believed her mother's denial of her feelings… He had hurt her… And yet she could see that he had suffered greatly himself. It was not, after all, for her to question his actions, his errors, and having seen his face after he had read the last diary she knew how strongly, how unswervingly he had loved and still loved her mother.
Yes, she was more at peace with herself than she had ever been, but she still ached for Daniel. And not just physically… She ached for him emotionally, mentally… hungered for him…wept inside for him…loved him.
Only now did she truly understand what that kind of love meant. She wondered if in her mother's shoes she would ever have had the strength to make the same kind of sacrifices, and shivered as she acknowledged that she most probably would not.
'Someone walk over your grave?' Scott asked her.
She shook her head.
'No, I was just thinking about Mother… marvelling at her strength of character. She's a wonderful person, Scott,' she told him urgently. 'She loved our father… probably still does love him, but she felt that Edward needed her more…'
'I know,' he told her gently. 'I've read the diaries too, now, remember?'
'Mm… I wonder when we'll hear something? She must be out of the operating theatre by now…'
'Not quite yet. They said the operation would take six hours… There's still another hour to go. I'm glad you found out the truth before…'
'Before it was too late…' Sage suggested huskily. 'Oh God, Scott. You don't think she's going to die, do you? I don't think I could bear it… Not now…there's so much I want to tell her, so much I want to ask her…'
'If Dad lets you… It seems to me he's got a lot of catching up to do as well…'
The telephone rang while they were all in the sitting-room, making a pretence of eating the meal which Jenny had insisted on preparing for them.
Faye reached it first, snatching up the receiver and listening.
'It's over,' she told them all quickly. 'Liz came through the operation very well. She's in recovery now and we can go up and see her, although Alaric Ferguson says that she'll be very groggy, that she probably won't even recognise us…'
Scott drove them all to the hospital.
'To be honest I don't feel capable of concentrating on my driving right now,' Sage admitted to him, 'although we all know what happened the last time you drove me anywhere…'
The smile he gave her reassured her that she had long ago been forgiven for that potentially fatal foolishness.
On their way to the hospital they passed a newspaper vendor. The headline splashed across the front page caught Sage's eye and she continued reading it with growing shock.
'Chairman of Cavanagh Construction resigns amid conflict over motorway contract.'
Quickly she darted forwards and bought a copy of the paper. Scott, who had paused to wait for her, watched her anxiously.
'It's Daniel,' she told him shakily. 'I think he's in trouble… I can't explain it all right now…'
Daniel, being forced to resign… Daniel who had come himself to tell her about the change of route. She hadn't stopped to think how difficult that must have been for him, how galling… how potentially financially disastrous. She thought of the house he had bought and the land, the risks he had taken, and, despite the fact that nothing could alter her relief that the village was no longer going to be destroyed, she couldn't help wishing that it could have been achieved without Daniel suffering.
After the noise of the traffic, the silence of the recovery unit carried an awareness of tension and anxiety. An almost spiritual sense of how finely the balance hung here between life and death.
Her mother was in a private room at the end of a short corridor.
Lewis was already there with her. He looked both haggard and elated as he came out to meet them, his voice cracking with emotion as he told them joyfully, 'She's come round. She recognised me…' There were tears in his eyes. 'She's under sedation at the moment… sleeping… But she should be waking up shortly. I've spoken to the specialist. He says she's physically very strong and now that the danger of the blood clot has been removed he has every confidence in her making a full recovery. The danger was that they wouldn't be able to remove the clot, but now that danger's gone it should be just a matter of time—'
'Can we see her?' Sage interrupted him anxiously.
As though he sensed her inability to believe that her mother was actually alive until she had seen her for herself, he nodded. 'Only for a few minutes, mind,' he warned her.
Strange that she, who had always resented authority so deeply and so intensely, did not resent the authority of this man—should almost find it amusing, should regard it with such affection and tolerance.
Her mother's eyes were closed, her body still and small beneath the stiff white sheet, transporting Sage back instantly to that moment when she had first seen her in her hospital bed and realised that she was after all mortal.
Now, as then, she was overwhelmed by a wave of love and fear, but now those emotions were softened by knowledge and maturity.
She had waited a long time to achieve such maturity, Sage recognised grimly. Too long, and, with hindsight, she marvelled at her mother's patience with her.
But then love made great allowances as well as great sacrifices and her mother had made both.
Without knowing she had done so, she discovered that she had reached out and put her hand over her mother's.
'I love you, Ma,' she whispered hesitantly, unconsciously using for the first time the affectionate name only David had called her before.
Was it her imagination, or had the still hand beneath her own moved? She searched her mother's face, her body tensing as she saw her eyelashes flutter… Her eyelids lifted, and she was once again looking into those familiar grey eyes, but where before she had always perceived them as cold and disapproving, as unloving and rejecting, now she saw that in reality they were shadowed with anxiety and concern, that behind the veneer of self-control was love and need.
'I love you, Ma,' she said again. 'But if you ever dare do anything like this to us again I'll never forgive you.'
'Ready, Sage?' Scott asked.
They had agreed between them that it was only fair that, since only one of them could be allowed to remain with Liz, that one should be Lewis.
If Sage had had any doubts about this, they had been banished when she saw the look on her mother's face when she opened her eyes properly and saw Lewis standing beside her bed.
Now Scott was waiting to drive all of them, Sage, Faye, and Camilla, back to Cottingdean, where he and Lewis were going to stay until Liz was well enough to come home from hospital.
'I'm not coming back with you,' she told him. 'I… There's something I need to do… someone I need to see.'
She was still holding the newspaper and she glanced at it betrayingly. Scott followed her glance and his eyes darkened compassionately.
'You're going to see him?' he guessed.
Sage nodded.
'Yes.' She didn't want to explain to Scott about the misunderstanding that had occurred. She didn't need to… It was enough that he knew she loved Daniel.
'You're going to see Daniel Cavanagh?' Faye repeated in astonishment when Sage told her where she was going. 'But I… I thought you didn't like him… ?'
'No, I don't,' Sage told her drily. 'In much the same way as you don't like Alaric Ferguson.'
They exchanged mutual looks of self-knowledge, two women who now understood one another a great deal better and who had been united by their mutual voyage of discovery.
Camilla was frowning at both of them, but she was too elated by her grandmother's successful operation to question either of them.
She eyed Scott thoughtfully. He was Sage's twin brother. His father—Sage's father—had been Gran's lover, years and years ago… It was all so romantic…so exciting. She wondered if she'd ever manage to wangle an invitation out to Australia… She'd always wanted to travel…
Sage took a taxi across London, only realising as she climbed out of the cab just how late it was. Daniel might even have gone to bed. It was almost eleven… A frisson of sensation curled through her… a softening… an awareness.
Stop it, she warned herself. You're going to apologise and explain. You're going as a friend, not as a potential lover… That's if he'll actually let you in.
He did, but it was plain that he was astonished to see her.
'Sage… What on earth—?'
'I've seen this…' she told him, waving the paper in front of him. 'Oh, Daniel, I'm so sorry… Was it because of the house… was that why they made you resign?'
'Made me resign?' To her astonishment he actually started to laugh. 'You thought I'd been forced to resign? I wanted to resign, Sage. Running a huge corporation, being stuck behind a desk all day bogged down with administration and paperwork—that's not for me. My resignation has been under negotiation for some time. It wasn't easy, I admit, to give up the reins of the company my father built up. I felt I owed it to him to at least try… But in the end I knew he'd understand that I had to be true to myself, my own ideals and ambitions.'
'So what are you going to do?' she asked him blankly. Sage wasn't sure she believed him, but he sounded so confident, so relaxed, so very different from what she had imagined… her visit, like so many of her impulsive gestures, had been unnecessary, foolish even. It seemed that the last thing Daniel needed was her compassion, her concern, her friendship.
'I'm going to do what I've always wanted to do. I'm going to build small, exclusive developments—one-offs, anything that takes my fancy. When the company was originally bought out, financially I did very well. I don't need to work, at least not financially, but mentally, well, that's a different thing… but I'm no workaholic. I want other things in my life besides work. Things like a wife, a family… Why did you come here, Sage?' he asked her abruptly.
She stared at him, her mouth opening and then closing. Why had she come here…?
'Suddenly realised you're wasting your life mooning over Scott, is that it? Suddenly realised you need something much more than a mere dream lover can give you?'
Her face went scarlet with temper.
'No, it is not,' she ground out at him. 'And for your information…' She stopped. 'Why did you buy that house?' she asked him obliquely. 'Was it because of the road?'
'No,' he told her shortly, 'it wasn't. I bought it because I want to live in it. Your information wasn't totally accurate. I bought it, not Hever Homes. Now stop trying to change the subject. Why did you come here?'
'Well, it wasn't because I want to go to bed with you, if that's what you think,' she told him dangerously.
'Wasn't it?' he challenged her softly, getting up out of his chair and coming towards her.
When he reached her he didn't touch her but simply asked her conversationally, 'Why are you trembling so much, Sage?'
'Because… because I'm angry,' she told him desperately.
'Angry,' he mused, watching her. 'You've spent a lot of your life being angry, haven't you? Or wasted a lot of your life on it. Are you sure it's anger you feel?'
'Of course I'm sure. After all, if I've spent as much of my life experiencing it as you seem to think, it's hardly something I'm likely to mistake, is it?'
'Not by accident,' he agreed.
He was standing so close to her that she could feel the warmth of his breath stirring her hair. She only had to close her eyes and lean forwards… She trembled violently. This wasn't what she had come for. And besides, Daniel despised her… he thought she still loved Scott.
She took a step back from him and said as firmly as she could, 'It seems I've made a mistake… and it's time I left. The last train…'
Daniel frowned. 'The what…! What's happened to your car?'
'Scott brought us up. When we left the hospital, he drove Faye back to Cottingdean… I came straight here…' She stopped abruptly, realising how much she had betrayed… but Daniel seemed to have picked up only on one thing.
'Scott… Scott is here…?'
'Not here… At Cottingdean,' Sage told him, and then as she saw the rejection in his eyes she caught hold of his sleeve and implored, 'Daniel, please listen—'
'Listen… to what? My God, and to think… you realise he's married, don't you… married with two children? Christ, will you never learn? He's not the man for you…'
'And you are, I suppose?' she flamed back at him 'My God, you're so arrogant… How dare you try to dictate to me? Especially when—'
'Especially when what?' he demanded. 'When both of us know damn well that no matter how much you might cling to some pathetic belief that you still love Scott McLaren you actually want me… Damn you, Sage, when will you—?'
'When will I what? Go to bed with you? Never… Never…'
She turned and headed for the door.
Wrenching it open, she told him shakily, 'And as for Scott… For your information, he's my brother—my twin brother…'
To her disgust she discovered that her voice was so thick with tears and words that they were clogging her throat, burning her eyes. 'Oh, damn!' she swore under her breath, the hallway obscured by her tears.
'What? What was that you just said?' she heard Daniel demanding from behind her, his voice rough with anxiety and shock.
She hadn't intended to answer him—she hadn't even intended to stay…but somehow or other she found herself turning towards him and sniffing almost childishly, 'Scott is my brother, my twin brother!' and then, almost as though he knew what she was feeling, what she wanted to say to him but couldn't, Daniel's arms came round her and he was hugging her, holding her… giving her the warmth and security, the compassion, the tenderness she had yearned for all her life, as he rocked her gently, and let her howl into the front of his shirt, soaking it with all the abandon of a lost child.
'It was such a shock, and everything happened so fast—Mother, the operation…'
She knew she was not making much sense, but Daniel seemed to grasp what she was trying to say.
'I expect she kept it from you for the best of motives… Did you really think I'd been forced to resign from the company?'
She stiffened in his arms as she heard the indulgent amusement in his voice.
'Yes, as a matter of fact I did,' she told him curtly.
She pushed away from him, holding him at a distance.
'I didn't come here looking for your sympathy, Daniel… or for anything else,' she told him savagely. 'I might want you,' she added bitterly, 'but credit me with the capacity to feel some other emotions besides lust. But then why should you?' she added self-derisively. 'I've never given you any reason to believe that I can feel anything else. If you value me so poorly, it's probably only because that's the way I value myself…but not any longer—not any longer.
'I came here tonight because I was concerned for you, worried about you.' Holding her head high, she looked straight at him, and told him through clenched teeth, 'I came here tonight because… because… because I love you, and stupidly I thought you might need someone, even if that someone was only me… a woman incapable of feeling any emotion other than lust. But you don't need me, do you, Daniel? You don't need anyone, and I now think I've made enough of a fool of myself for one night…'
She pulled herself out of his arms before he could stop her, tugging open the door, running down the steps and flagging
down a cruising cab, while Daniel called her name protestingly and muttered under his breath, 'Come back, you stupid woman. I do need you… and I love you, too, damn you!'
He rang her the next day, four times, but on each occasion she refused to take his calls. There was nothing he wanted to do more than to go to her and tell her what he felt, to take advantage of her vulnerability and tie her to him so securely that she'd never be able to tear herself free, but he was right in the middle of the negotiations for the takeover of his successor at Cavanagh's and, no matter how much he might want to do so, there was no way he could behave like an adolescent and walk out on the meetings to go to her..
He couldn't even spare the time to drive down to Cottingdean to see her. Of all the times… If only he had reacted faster last night, kept her with him. By now…
He groaned as he recognised the direction his thoughts were taking, half appalled, half amused by the immediate reaction of his body.
This was not the time to start thinking along those particular lines, not when he had what would potentially be one of the most difficult board meetings of his life to chair… No, much as it galled him, his private life would have to wait… At least for a few days.
A few days. He groaned again. They would feel like a lifetime. Several lifetimes. How the hell was he supposed to concentrate on business when all he really wanted was to be with Sage?
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
'What's wrong, darling? You're looking very pensive.'
Sage smiled at her mother. The four of them—Lewis, her mother, Scott and herself—had flown here to this exclusive holiday island in the Caribbean just as soon as her doctors had given her mother the all clear.