by Angel Rose
the light switch. The office was a triple mess, more than usual. I placed my coat on the rack and my purse on the desk. The place smelled like Marlboro cigarettes and espresso. I shook my head
thinking how Dave spent his nights and mornings drinking coffee and chain smoking. Stevie passed by and waved.
“Hi Stevie!” I shouted.
“Hey, Jenesis, need extra bags?” he laughed out loud. “Damn, this place is fucked up. Here, take these.” He handed me three garbage bags then rolled his garbage can down the hallway.
“Thanks!” I yelled out into the hallway, but he didn’t respond.
I glanced over at the desk, and I saw the answering machine flashing. I pressed the play button to listen to the messages. I sat and listened to the first message.
“Dave, its Max Dalton. I’m sorry I missed you at the crime scene. This shit got serious…fast. This is the second body we found this week. I really need your help. I was at the forensic clinic last
night. I need to go over some findings with you. Can you call me back? Thanks, talk to you later.” The second message was a woman.
“Hi Dave, its Dina. Listen, I wanted to meet up with you. I sent you a text, but you didn’t respond. Is everything okay? Call me.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I wondered who Dina was. Maybe it was his girlfriend. Lord knows he needed someone. I got up and started to clean the office. There were no papers to file,
so I turned on the old dilapidated radio Dave had on his desk and started throwing out the old coffee cups and cigarette butts. I danced a little to the beat of the music as I roamed around the
room and picked up half-filled cups of espresso, one after another. I surfed the web for most of the night, randomly clicking on the news and the horoscopes. The news got a hold of the second body
found that Max had mentioned on the answering machine. A female, in her early thirties, was raped, stabbed, and found by the Bronx River Parkway.
Dave’s name was mentioned as lead detective on the case. This must be serious if Dave’s name ended up in the news.
My eyes were closing, and my mind was wandering, again. Michael Hunter, I wanted to know what he was doing. I wanted to know if he was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about
him. My eyes closed, and I smiled, thinking about the way he removed his suit jacket and how his rippled back presented itself against his pink shirt. Hmmm…I was in heaven.
The door slammed open, suddenly banging against the wall. It was Dave.
“Jesus, is everything okay?” I said as I jumped up out of the chair. “What’s wrong?” I asked nervously. His face was stressed, and his lips were pressed tightly together.
“My name was mentioned in the newspaper! How the fuck can I be undercover if someone revealed who I am? I hate the fucking media!” He slammed his fist against the file cabinet. I jerked back away from him and sat in the chair.
“I didn’t think of it like that,” I whispered.
“Yeah, it makes my job harder, and right now, I’m batting a zero trying to find this fucking killer!” he shouted. “Look I hope you don’t mind, but, I have shit to do in here. I need the office. Do you mind going home early?” he handed me a white envelope with my pay in it.
“No. I just want to tell you that you have two messages on the answering machine. One is from Max Dalton, and the other is some woman named Dina,” I said as I grabbed the envelope and gathered my things.
“Max…no wonder…that fucking traitor. He knows if he mentions my name, they’ll be focused on me and not on him.” His eyes widened as he clenched his fists. “Thanks, Jen. I’ll return the phone
calls.” He picked up the phone and dialed, “Nick, Jenesis is leaving early today, please give her a ride home, thanks.” He hung up the phone, and I leaned against his desk. He then walked around
and sat in his chair, looked over at the computer, and pressed the power button to shut it off. I felt uncomfortable, and I wanted to say something, but I didn’t dare. Nick walked in.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Yes, see you tomorrow, Dave.” He glanced up at me.
“Hey, boss, you’re famous. I saw you in the paper,” he said innocently. “Leave,” Dave said harshly pointing to the door. I grabbed Nick by the arm and shook my head. Nick followed me without saying a word.
We walked out together, and I knew Nick felt bad, and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire, so I kept quiet. We got in the police car, and Nick drove me home stepping on the gas a little faster
than usual. We arrived at the building across the street from mine. Nick still didn’t say a word. I think he was embarrassed so I started to speak to break the ice.
“I’m sorry Dave treated you like that,” I said softly.
“It’s okay…it’s nothing new. He could be an asshole sometimes,” he said as he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.
“Well, thanks for the ride. See you tomorrow.” I stepped out of the car and waved good-bye. I walked towards the building until Nick drove away, then I crossed the street and went home. I felt
bad for Nick, but he was right, I’m sure this wasn’t the first time that Dave did that to Nick or anyone else who pissed him off.
The week was over, and I never saw Mr. Hunter again as I had hoped. Sunday came around, and I finally said yes to Dave for brunch. He was right…I was lonely. I saw the mailman on the way downstairs to meet
Dave and asked, “Hi, anything for Jenesis Heart?”
“Yes, can you please sign here?” he handed me an electronic pen. I signed my name on the dotted line, and he handed me the priority mail envelope.
“Dave, I’ll be right back.” I headed back up the stairs and into my apartment. I placed the envelope on the kitchen table then locked the door and headed down to Dave. We hailed a cab to the diner and finally arrived. He ordered a strong, black cup of espresso and picked on some strawberries
and melon, and then I asked the cook to make me blueberry pancakes with a side order of turkey bacon. I grabbed some grapes and cheese, too. I loved brunch…everything you can eat in one
place. I hadn’t seen Dave at work at all these last couple of days since the media announcement. I was worried about him.
I was more worried about myself hitting the floor every morning from my nightmares and constantly thinking about Michael Hunter. I thought about him every day, and I was borderline
obsessive already, and it was unnerving. I felt like I was one step away from pleading insanity myself.
“You know Dave; those cold case files are really frightening. I mean so many murders…especially women. It’s downright alarming,” I said with a mouthful of turkey bacon.
“I know…but I told you not to read them.” He looked up at me with a somber look on his face. The crease in the middle of his forehead tensed up, and his dark brown eyes looked almost black.
“How do you feel that you haven’t been able to solve any of those cases?” I knew I had just put my foot in my mouth, but I didn’t know how to take it back. The expression on his face changed. It almost seemed as if I hurt his feelings.
“Well…that’s a lot just to pin on me…don’t you think?” He sipped on his espresso glancing around the restaurant.
“I know, but you’re the captain, aren’t you supposed to…” I continued, but I really did want to know what happened in a situation like that.
“Not for nothing, Jen, but you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!” He snapped as he slammed his cup on the table making the coffee spill over. His reaction startled me, and I jumped in my seat.
“Wow! Was that really necessary?” I snapped back.
“Well for one, this media shit has me really upset, and then your line of questioning and comments are adding to my aggravation,” he said as he waived for the waiter.
“I’m sorry,” I said shocked as the lump in my throat scuttled up slowly ready to combust at any moment through tear-filled eyes. I held them
in as I looked towards the floor. Sometimes Dave
was so abrupt and had no filter. I hated the way he made me laugh and feel safe one minute and then in an instant, it was all thrown away by his ill-mannered, unsympathetic behavior.
“You know, my job is rough. I can’t save everyone. I’m in charge…yeah…but it takes a team to work on those cases…it’s not just me. You don’t understand what it entails. I’ve been doing this for a long time.
You can’t blame anyone…shit is…you just…have to give up sometimes,” he said defeated, his hands folded together.
“You’re right…I don’t know much. I’m sorry. I just feel like…besides the media, you’re going through something else…and, you’re not telling me. We’ve been friends for only a little while…I
know, but…I always feel like I can talk to you…and I’ve grown to trust you…something that has been really hard for me to do. I feel…like…you’re the father…I never had,” I said softly as the
tears overflowed and slid down my cheeks. I lowered my head, and my lips quivered as I spewed the last three words. Then I glanced up at him, hoping to see the expression on his face change.
Dave’s eyes lit up. He reached over and grabbed my hand.
“Jesus, I’m such a dick. I’m sorry, Jen, really I am. This job is so stressful.
I didn’t mean to take it out on you,” he said tilting his head trying to get a glimpse of my face. “You’re like the daughter I never had. Hell, you’re like the son I never had. I never had any kids,
and to be honest…I never wanted any. Why? I don’t know. I’ve always been a loner. Maybe that’s why none of my marriages worked out. You know, you look a little like my second wife.” He
shrugged his shoulders and let go of my hand. I gave him little eye contact and he handed me a tissue to wipe my tears. “I don’t want to hurt you. You mean a lot to me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t
do for you…as a daughter. You’ve made me happy. I’m an old man who loves to eat brunch with his secretary who’s twenty…almost thirty plus years younger than him...not because you’re
beautiful…but because you’re smart, and you’re very helpful in the office, and I can’t do it without you.”
He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Then stood up and walked over to me and hugged me around my neck. It almost felt like a fatherly hug, but
I wouldn’t know the difference anyway, my father never hugged me. My cell phone chimed and it was a text from Vivian.
Today 11:45 AM
Hey…whatcha doing?
Vivian
Having brunch with Dave.
Jenesis
Jesus…Dave is everywhere.
Vivian
He’s been good to me. Stop that.
Jenesis
“Who’s that?” Dave asked.
“Vivian…who else?” I smiled.
Dave nodded and rolled his eyes into his head and smiled.
“Hey, can I get the goddamn check now! Shit, I’m waving my hand in the air like an asshole over here!” he shouted at the waiter who conveniently ignored him.
I parted ways with Dave and headed home in my own cab. Dave headed uptown to meet with someone important, or so he said. I got home and sat on the couch, grabbed my throw blanket, and
lay snuggled in my mother’s memories. Time sure had been flying by fast. Christmas was already around the corner, and then I’d be graduating from John Jay within the next couple of weeks and
instead of feeling excited and accomplished, I felt depressed. Instead of being content, I was dreading the fact that I had to go to graduation alone, with no one to support me or cheer me on. I
wasn’t sure if Dave would want to take the day off to attend my graduation, not because he couldn’t, but who was I to him? No one. Plus, he seemed so out of his element these last couple of days. Maybe he is lonely. He needs a companion, a partner. What am I talking about? So do I. I
wanted to invite Vivian to my graduation. I was hoping she didn’t graduate on the same day as me. These last couple of weeks, I’ve even felt desperate. I wanted to ask Nick out myself, but how
could I? It’s so embarrassing. I’ve met no one in school or at work. Then, I ran into the most amazing, beautiful man I’ve ever seen, and all I could say to him was “Thanks for the elevator
story.” Really? I knew there had to be something wrong with me, and I had hoped that a therapist might be able to help me sort it out.
I woke up the next morning, staring at the ceiling, and responding to the painful thumping in the back of my head. It didn’t take me long to realize I was on the floor…again. I tilted my head to
the right and noticed the lamp from my end table was cracked in half. I sat up slowly on the floor and leaned my back against the edge of the bed. I was rubbing my head and felt a big lump. I
reached over to my get laptop off of the end table and went straight to Word to get the names of the therapists. My phone was vibrating on the floor. I picked it up and saw the name ‘Boss’
flashing. Shit! I didn’t plan to answer the phone. I got up and walked to the kitchen to get some ice from the freezer, and I wrapped it in a paper towel and placed it on the back of my head. My
head was throbbing. I dialed the number of the therapist and made an appointment with the receptionist for Monday. Get your shit together before you don’t wake up one day!
I stayed home from work, and as I picked up the phone to call Dave, it rang.
“Hello?”
“Is this Jenesis Heart?” they asked.
“Yes, who may I ask is speaking?” I asked curiously.
“This is Max Dalton,” he said in a low deep voice.
“Who?” I asked, and then I remembered the message from the answering machine.
“Max Dalton,” he repeated.
“Oh yes, Mr. Dalton. You called for Mr. Hearns,” I said in my best secretarial voice.
“Yes, I did. He never returned my phone call, and I called him again,” he said, agitated.
“I’m sorry…what can I do? How can I help you?” I offered my services as if I knew what I was doing.
“I need to fax some documents to your office. I need Dave to go over them and then contact me. It’s imperative that we sit down together and review these forensic files. Are you at the office?” he asked politely.
“Umm…no, but I can get there in fifteen minutes. Mr. Dalton, if you don’t mind…how did you get my cell phone number?” I asked concerned. “Cassandra gave it to me. She found it on Dave’s desk. I’m sorry, is there a problem?” he asked as if he thought there wasn’t.
“Yes, there is a problem. That’s my personal number, and no one should have access to it,” I said sternly.
“Oh, I see. Look, I really needed to speak to you, and she wanted to help me. I’m sorry I had to go this route, but your boss is avoiding me, and I need his help.”
“Well maybe if you didn’t mention his name in the media, he’d get back to you,” I said sarcastically, and I didn’t care what he was going to say next.
“Look sweetheart, I don’t think that’s any of your business. Why don’t you just get your pretty little ass to your job and collect my fax,” he said thinking he was in charge.
“Well, Mr. Dalton, my pretty little ass is staying home. Why don’t you ask Cassandra’s ass to collect it for you. Good day,” I said in my bitchiest voice and hung up the phone. I didn’t know
who this guy thought he was talking to, but I was not having it. Even though I wanted to see those forensic reports, I wasn’t going to kiss his ass for any reason, and calling me on my private phone
crossed the line. I sometimes wondered how deep routed my father’s DNA was in me. Sometimes, I could be so rude and heartless. It frightened me and I didn’t want to be anything like him.
Cassandra was going to get an ear full from me, though.
Monday came around, and I woke up depressed and feeling sorry for myself. I cancelled the appoint
ment with the therapist and rescheduled for Saturday. I decided to stay in bed and skip class and work. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Dave’s number.
“Dave?”
“Yeah…what’s up?”
“I’m staying home today…I’m not feeling well.”
“Okay…Listen, I have business to attend to out of state it’s an undercover case, so, I won’t be around today. I’ll be back tomorrow night. Is there anything I can I do for you before I leave?”
“No…thanks…I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I spent the day in bed thinking about what I was going to do when I graduated. I didn’t know what type of job I would get with a degree in forensic psychology. I majored in forensic science at Penn
State. I loved everything about criminal investigations and didn’t miss an episode of Law and Order: SVU. I was sort of a nerd, but hung out with the cool kids on campus. I didn’t act like a
twenty-one year old; I was wise beyond my years. I was sort of the mother hen in the group, making sure everyone got back to campus safe after a night of partying, yet I was also the one who
needed to be reminded to stop drinking, and ended up needing the most help. I could really push them down, and all my friends new why. They thought…no…they knew my father was a drunk.
They also knew my father’s bad temper and how he’d beaten my mother. I used to let it all out when I was drunk…all of it. My life was a damn mess, and I felt I was in between worlds, good
versus evil. I worried so much about my mother sometimes I couldn’t sleep…so I would drink to pacify my anxiety until I was out cold.
***
All I kept thinking about was Mr. Hunter and how he was able to defend his clients and use the insanity plea to get them off. He must really be something. He must shock his jury with his beautiful face and then rip them apart with his eloquent words, using his incredible gift…his
mouth, his breathtaking heart-shaped lips…and his tongue to whiplash the prosecutor and break it down for them in a way only he could get away with. I took out my photo album from the plastic
bin underneath my bed. I reached for my throw blanket that lay on the chair near the window and wrapped myself in it. I opened the photo album and turned each page gently, trying to hold on to