Your porch. So she didn’t live there. And why did he care? He was only there to make amends to Jake. Maybe. Fuck. He should have gone to a motel instead of doing this.
Jake shook himself before stepping back, taking Holly with him. “Yeah. Sorry, man, come on in.”
Holly went to her toes and kissed Jake’s chin. “I have a feeling you two need to talk. Why don’t I head home now and give you two some time.”
Jake frowned. “You don’t have to do that.”
Border nodded, though he felt like he needed to be alone with Jake. And not alone at all since his brain was currently on a path to hell. “Yeah, you don’t have to.”
Jake shot him a look he couldn’t interpret, and Border just held back a sigh. He honestly had no idea what he was doing, but whatever he was doing, he was doing it all wrong.
“I know I don’t have to, but I don’t want to be in the way.” Jake lowered his head, and Holly kissed him softly. That same blow to the chest came back, only not as hard as the first time. “It was good to meet you, Border,” she said as she made her way to the door to get her coat. “I’ll see you later, I’m thinking.”
With that, she gave them a little wave and left, closing the door behind her and leaving Border and Jake alone in the house.
They stood in silence for a few moments, the awkwardness of the situation settling over his skin. Jake hadn’t been the one to let Border in or say he wanted to talk. That was all Holly.
“So…you and Holly?”
Jake cocked a brow. “Yeah, me and Holly. I’m thinking about asking her to marry me, actually.” Jake blinked at him as if he hadn’t meant to add that last part.
Border sucked in a breath, his chest hurting like a bitch.
You don’t have a right to that hurt, asshole.
He let that voice circle around him, and it calmed him enough that he could speak. “Good for you.” Jake snorted, but he didn’t look like he found anything funny about the situation. “I mean it. I’m glad you’re…well, I’m just glad you found someone.”
Not totally a lie, but not quite the truth.
“Why did you think she was Maya?” Jake asked.
Border shrugged, his hands in his pockets again. “You talked about Maya like…well, I was wrong I guess.”
“Yeah, you were wrong. Maya’s just my friend, but Holly is the one here. Holly is the one that stays.” Jake bit off a curse. “I’m going to ask Holly to marry me because it’s about damn time I settle down, and she’s the one for me.”
Border didn’t know why Jake was saying these things to him, but he had a feeling the man was saying it more to himself than Border.
“Okay,” Border said. “I…I don’t know why I’m here.”
“You don’t know a lot of things, Border. You never did.” Jake ran a hand over his face. “Sorry. Fuck. Okay, do you have a place to stay? I know your dad lost the house—” Jake cut himself off even as Border stiffened.
“Dad’s dead, Jake,” Border said, his voice emotionless. “Got drunk and got behind the wheel. Luckily, he only killed himself and the damn tree he hit. So, yeah, he lost the house, and he’s not here anymore. I came to say…well, I don’t know what I wanted to say, but I can go now. I guess I just wanted to let you know I’m here.”
Jake’s face paled again, and he took a step toward Border, his arm outstretched before he froze and lowered his hand. “Shit, Border.”
“Shit is about right.”
“Where would you go if you left here right now?” Jake asked, his voice low.
“I’ll find a motel.”
“Fuck that. I’ve got a guest room. No use you paying for some shitty place where they don’t wash the sheets.”
“So I should stay here where I don’t know what’s on your sheets.” He said the last part with a smile, and Jake flipped him off. Of course, he did it as he smiled, so Border figured everything would be okay for now.
“You’re an idiot,” Jake said, and Border knew that was for more than just the sheets comment.
“Yeah, I am.” Border cracked his knuckles. “Would Holly be okay with me here?”
Jake looked at him before shaking his head. “She doesn’t live here, so, yeah. Plus…well, she doesn’t know how I know you.”
Border swallowed hard. He didn’t deserve to be a memory Jake shared with others. He knew that. “I thought you were going to ask Holly to marry you?”
“I said I was thinking about it,” Jake spat before holding up his hand. “I’m tired and don’t want to have to deal with all of this crap right now. So why don’t I show you to your room and we can call it a night? Because I…well, I just can’t right now.”
Border nodded and followed the man he’d loved at one point in his life toward the back of the house. He’d left to protect Jake and to find who he could be without a drunk of a father riding his ass.
He hadn’t liked the man he was becoming without a purpose, but by the time he’d found some semblance of himself, he’d been too late. He couldn’t have Jake the way he had at one point, but maybe if fate smiled down on him for even a moment, he could have Jake in his life somehow.
And wasn’t that the hell of it all? He’d come back to Denver to find a home, and now he would be begging for scraps. Not to mention he still wanted to know who Maya was.
Coming back wasn’t what he had expected it to be, but really, he shouldn’t have expected anything at all. He never had before.
Chapter Four
Waking up with the man he’d once loved under his roof made for one weird-ass morning, but Jake was used to strange. He was a Gallagher, who happened to be an honorary Montgomery, after all. Weird was sort of how he lived and breathed.
Not only had he woken up with a headache from tossing and turning all night, he also had a hard-on from hell. He wouldn’t rub one off, though, because he knew if he did, he wouldn’t be thinking of Holly.
That killed him.
He wasn’t a cheater, wasn’t an asshole that thought of someone else when he came. Holly was his girlfriend, therefore, the only person who would make him come. There was something insanely wrong with him that he was even having this conversation in his head.
Instead of jerking himself off, he would take a cold shower and pray that whatever the hell was wrong with him—as well as his hard-on from hell—would go away. He sighed and shuffled his way to the bathroom, knowing that today was going to suck ass.
By the time he made it to the kitchen, coffee had already been made, and there was a note by the multi-serve pot. Jake wasn’t sure if he wanted to read the damn thing, not after the night he’d had.
Jake –
I headed over early to get my truck and a couple of things. I’ll be back tonight, but if you don’t want me to stay longer than the one night, it’s no worries.
See you.
—B
Jake didn’t crumple up the paper, but it was close. Damn that man. Damn the memories. Damn every fucking thing that kept throwing Jake for a loop. Border wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be on whatever path the man had taken all those years ago, leaving Jake and all they’d had behind.
Not that he and Border had truly had anything, of course. They’d only had the promise of what could be, rather than what either of them had needed. They’d fucked because the girls they were with had liked to watch. They’d gotten each other off with the premise that it was for someone else, not themselves. It was all a lie, of course. He’d known it from the start, as had Border. But they’d been too scared to figure out what they wanted, and by the time Jake had found the courage to do something for himself, Border had left.
He’d lost his best friend and the man he’d fallen for in one fell swoop.
The fact that it had happened again only a couple of years later with Maya, had only brought home the fact that Jake never truly knew what he was doing. He was always one moment behind, one step in the wrong direction.
And now he had Holly. He’d done right by her,
and would continue to do so, because no matter what he might have once felt for Border and Maya, Holly was now, and the others were in the past.
Jake ran a hand over his face and did his best to push those kinds of thoughts out of his mind. He had work to do today, a few projects that were coming up on deadlines soon, and paperwork that wouldn’t do itself on his desk. He’d worry about what to do with Border after he cleared his head. Of course, as soon as he thought that, Maya popped into his brain and he cursed himself.
Of course, she would.
That damn woman always filled his mind when he didn’t need her to.
He let out a breath and poured himself a cup of coffee, grateful that Border had already made some. When he took a sip, he winced. Yeah, apparently, Border still liked the stuff damn strong. Jake would just have to keep drinking and get over it. It’s what he did for so many things now.
Instead of standing in his kitchen staring the coffee machine like an idiot, he made his way to the back of the house where he’d converted the second master into a workshop. For some reason, the people who had owned the place had made two masters. He figured maybe they’d had a parent or someone living there with them, but either way, he’d been able to use the room that got the best light and happened to have wide doors leading to a large deck as his workshop. While it would have been nice to have it as his own room, it worked better for all his clay.
While the rest of his brothers were in the restoration business and worked with their hands to rebuild homes and aging structures, Jake used his hands to sculpt artwork. He made the usual pots, plates, and vases, but also different pieces that were unique for each buyer. His main medium was clay, but he also used stone and other gemstones. It was really what worked for the project. He even had his own kiln out in the backyard in a specially designed structure he could walk right out to from the deck.
He also did some work with his brothers since sometimes they needed small details done that weren’t in Graham, Owen, or Murphy’s wheelhouse. Jake was a Gallagher brother, so even if he sometimes felt like he was on the outside looking in when it came to their business, he still helped out when he was needed. They were family.
He sat down on his stool and rolled his neck, knowing he needed to get to work and maybe even let his mind get lost in the project. If that worked, maybe he could think about what to do next. Because if he kept lying to himself, people were going to get hurt. And no matter what, Jake refused to hurt someone he cared about. He’d been kicked before, even if inadvertently, and he didn’t want that for Holly…or Border…or fuck, Maya.
Jake turned on his music and went to work. The soft, wet clay slid over his fingers, and he let out a breath. This would help. It had before. He let himself get lost in his work and the music and pushed all thoughts of what if out of his brain.
Much later, the hair on the back of his neck stood on end, and he shut off the pottery wheel and radio before slowly turning around.
Griffin and Luc stood in the doorway, their brows raised. Griffin was one of the middle Montgomerys and a writer while Luc had married into the family when he’d wed his childhood friend, Meghan. Either way, though, they’d become Jake’s friends since the Montgomerys were good at collecting strays—even if Jake hadn’t really been a stray.
“How long have you two been staring at me like the creepers you are?” Jake asked as he stood up, trying to ignore the creak in his lower back. Apparently, he wasn’t as young as he once was, and bending over a table for so long wasn’t the best choice. He ignored the inner teenage boy giggling at that thought and went over to the sink he’d installed in the room. He also had a master bath attached to the studio, but he tried to at least get the first layer of clay and crap off his skin before he used it. His cleaning lady appreciated it.
“We just got here,” Luc said. “We brought Thai food from that place you love since we were around.”
Jake frowned as he dried his hands. “You mean to tell me you two just happened to be nearby during a workday and brought food?”
Griffin shrugged. “I finished my book last week, and I’m letting the next one stir a bit in my mind before I sit down. Autumn is at Montgomery Ink today rather than doing admin things with me, so I’m not working.”
“And I’m off today,” Luc said. He ran a hand over his shoulder, and Jake winced for him. The man had been shot by Meghan’s ex not that long ago, and while he wasn’t wearing a sling, Luc still had to hurt most days. “I don’t work full-time yet,” he explained. “So I figured instead of bothering Meghan, I’d see what you were up to.”
Jake still didn’t quite believe everything they’d said, though it sounded as if it was all truth. His stomach, however, wasn’t listening to his brain and grumbled loudly.
Griffin grinned at him and motioned him over. “Come on. We set everything on your coffee table.”
Jake sighed and followed him, knowing resistance was futile. The Montgomerys were like the freaking Borg. Even the ones who’d married into to family and didn’t carry the name tended to use their long tentacles of caring and over-protectiveness to bring others in. And if Jake didn’t feel like he needed it today, he might have felt constrained. But either way, these two were here, and Jake was going to eat some food and try to let his mind settle.
The three of them being friends at all was a little weird. Jake was Maya’s friend, not boyfriend, and Luc had been living outside of Denver for a decade or so before he’d come back home and eventually married Meghan after he’d joined Montgomery Inc.. Griffin had shut himself off from most of the Montgomerys since he was a writer and not part of either family company, but he’d slowly been working his way back into every family connection.
Jake had a relationship of some sort with each Montgomery, and yet, these two were the ones he saw the least. After all the crap that had happened recently, though, the three of them were hanging out more. He was forever woven into the Montgomery fabric, and if he didn’t have such a foreboding feeling about a certain member, he might have been able to relax more.
The three of them ate delicious curry and Pad Thai and talked about their current projects and Luc and Meghan’s kids. It was nice to take an afternoon off and just eat and talk. He had this kind of relationship with his brothers and now the Montgomerys. Jake was damned lucky, he knew that, and yet the other shoe was about to drop—he knew that, too.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Luc asked as he wiped his mouth. He was a decent looking guy, and Meghan was a lucky woman. All dark skin and tight muscles. Even being laid up after having been shot hadn’t hurt the way Luc moved or looked.
“Not too much,” Jake said smoothly.
Griffin snorted. “Well, we know you’re a bit empty-headed, but why don’t you tell us why you have that strain around your eyes.” Griffin looked like the other Montgomerys, dark hair, and bright blue eyes. He wasn’t as bulky as some of the other guys, but perhaps had more ink than all but Austin. Maya always joked that she had one side of her of brother’s body to work on while Austin had the other. The resulting artwork was a masterpiece.
Jake shook his head, wondering why he was thinking about Griffin’s ink rather than his words.
“Jake,” Luc said softly. “Tell us what’s going on.”
“I’m fine.” He wasn’t, and yet he didn’t know how to put his thoughts and feelings into words. He wasn’t good at that, or at least he wasn’t without talking to Maya about it first. And that was one of the problems. He relied on Maya too much. She was his best friend, and yet somehow she’d become so ingrained within him that he didn’t know how to function without her.
“You’re lying,” Griffin stated plainly while stealing the last spring roll.
“I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?”
“Does it have anything to do with the fact that someone slept in the guest room last night?” Luc asked, and Jake stiffened.
“What?”
Griffin shrugged. “Someone folded the blanket at t
he end of the bed differently.”
“How the hell do you notice things like that?” Jake shook his head.
“I’m a writer, it’s my job to notice things like that,” Griffin answered.
“No, you’re usually in your own head since you write fiction, not investigative reporting,” Jake shot back.
Griffin flipped him off. “I’m not that bad.”
“You are,” Luc filled in, “but we’re also getting off-topic. Who stayed here last night, and what the fuck is going on with you, Jake? You’re not yourself.”
Jake swallowed hard. “It was an old friend of mine. And I’m not really in the mood to talk about it. In fact, I don’t even know what to say to begin with so let’s just drop it, okay?”
The guys studied his face before going back to their lunch, and Jake relaxed a fraction. If they could see something was wrong, so could everyone else. He didn’t even want to think about what Maya would see. She always saw everything.
And Holly.
Fuck. And Holly.
He wasn’t being fair to her. He kept telling himself that he would propose, and they would go riding off into the sunset and all that crap because it was what he needed to do. Or, at least what he thought he needed to do. Only it wasn’t right. He liked her, and if he let enough time pass, he might even fall in love with her.
But he wasn’t in love with her yet.
And he knew the only way that would ever happen is if he pushed the two people from his past firmly out of his thoughts and his life.
Fuck. It wasn’t as if Maya and Border had ever met. They weren’t two sides of his coin, but rather, two parts of his past and now his present. He’d always thought Maya would be a part of his future, but not in the way he had once wanted.
And now…and now it was all too much, and he knew if he didn’t do something, he’d hate himself. He’d hate the way he’d eventually treat Holly and the way he’d treat himself.
He’d have to end it with Holly. There was no other way. He wasn’t that much of an asshole, and yet if he continued on this path, he would become a man he didn’t recognize, a man he despised.
Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5) Page 5