Ink Enduring (Montgomery Ink #5)

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  The ladies nodded, and Miranda came up to her. Maya braced herself for a hug but instead looked down at a margarita.

  “Drink up, buttercup. At least one or two drinks, then eat until you’re stuffed to the gills and we’ll let you be on your own.” Her baby sister kissed her cheek, then pulled Maya into the room.

  She couldn’t tell the other women what exactly was going on, but the fact that she’d been able to blurt out at least part of it meant something. She had these girls in her life, and she knew they’d be there for her when she was ready to spill the rest.

  She could do this. She wasn’t alone.

  And she was free to freak out.

  As soon as the women left, she picked up her phone and pressed Jake’s name. She’d only had the one margarita, not wanting to drown her sorrows in booze. Alex had done that, and she’d almost lost her brother in the process. He would be home from rehab soon, and she wanted to be whole for that.

  “Maya.” Jake’s voice sent shivers down her spine, and she let out a breath. “I thought you were with the girls tonight.”

  She swallowed hard, sad she wasn’t there with him. And that annoyed her so she brushed it off. “They just left, and I wanted to call you.”

  Jake paused. “I’m glad you did.”

  “I…I just wanted to say, if you want to be with Border before I see you again, it’s okay. I kind of want that, you know?”

  Jake was silent for so long that she was afraid she’d said the wrong thing. “Baby, you sure do know how to lay it all out there.” He coughed, and she thought she heard another cough in the background. One not from Jake. “You were on speakerphone since I was grabbing a couple of beers out of the fridge and didn’t have a free hand. Border heard you.”

  Well, of course he had. How else would Maya make a fool of herself if she didn’t tell the two dudes alone in a house together she was fine with them getting it on?

  “Well, hell,” she said dryly. “Hi, Border.”

  “Hi, Maya, darling,” Border’s deep voice answered. “And I’m glad you and Jake finally got together. It’s about time.”

  She closed her eyes, not sure what to make of that. Apparently, she and Border were the ones pushing Jake to each other while still holding on for themselves. It should have been more awkward than it was, but she couldn’t quite feel that; this was right.

  “Okay, then. Jake? I wasn’t lying. I just want you happy…and if it’s with both Border and me? Then, I guess I’m okay with that. Just…do what you need to, but don’t hide it. Okay?”

  She ended the call before either man could say anything and screamed.

  The ball was in Jake’s court. Or maybe it was in Border’s. Either way, there was no going back. She might be in a ménage relationship, and she had no idea what she was doing.

  That sounded like something Maya would do. And with that pleasant thought, she screamed again and laid down on her bed. She’d deal with it in the morning. For now, she would sleep and try not to freak out again.

  Try.

  Chapter Nine

  Border stared at Jake’s phone and blinked. Repeatedly. It wasn’t often he was struck dumb, but right then, he couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. He shifted from foot to foot, oddly turned on and yet wondering what the hell was going to happen next.

  Apparently, with Jake and Maya, one never knew. The fact that he was coming to like that should have worried him, but it didn’t.

  “That girl kills me,” Jake said finally. “Kills me dead, and yet I can’t get enough of her.”

  Border looked up at the other man, brows raised. “You slept with her, then?” He wasn’t jealous, far from it, but he needed to hear the words. When he’d left the day before, he’d had a feeling they would get together. And then when he’d seen the way Jake moved that morning, he was more convinced something had happened, but Jake hadn’t mentioned it.

  Jake nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I was going to talk to you about it tonight actually.” He winced. “I figured I’d find a way to tell you that Maya and I slept together¸ and that she wants me to be with you, as well. But apparently, I was a little late since she did a better job of saying it than I ever could.”

  Border let out a breath and closed his eyes. He had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was that Maya’s thoughts had apparently been on the same track as his; only he needed to breathe for a few more minutes before he said anything about that.

  One thing was nagging him, though, and he needed to get it out in the open. Even if it hurt.

  “I’m not going back to what we had when we were younger,” he blurted, and could have kicked himself. He opened his eyes and sighed.

  Jake took a step back. “What exactly do you mean by that? Because you’re the one that started this by coming back here in the first place.”

  “Fuck. I don’t mean I don’t want to be with you, Jake. Because I do. I’m tired of trying to step around what I’m thinking. I want you, Jake. I want you in my bed, I want you in my life. But I won’t be the man you let fuck you in front of Maya so you can get her hot for you more than she already is.”

  That was one of his worst fears when it came to Jake. It was how they’d messed each other up the first time, and he’d be damned if they did it again.

  Jake moved toward him so they both stood next to the counter, mere inches separating them. “That’s not what I want. And I’m sorry you thought that would be it this time.” He ran a hand through his hair, making it look sexy as hell. “I don’t know exactly what I want, but treating you like shit isn’t it. What happened back then shouldn’t have happened the way it did. We’d both been with other men before that, and yet with each other? We just acted like a couple of shits. I think it was because we were so close, you know?”

  Border met Jake’s eyes and tried to understand where the man was coming from. He was confused by the phone call from Maya, and frankly, turned on as hell just from her voice. Her words had helped that, as well.

  He knew it wouldn’t be easy to find a way through the mass of emotions and threads of the past that wove their way across each of their lives, but he knew he wanted to do it.

  He had no idea what he would be doing with work, where he’d be after this moment, but he knew he wanted to follow the path that led to Jake—and Maya. He didn’t know another way to make what he wanted work, and frankly, he had a feeling what he wanted included Maya.

  Border leaned forward, not touching Jake, but close enough that he could feel the warmth of his breath. “We’ll find the next step, Jake. As long as I’m not second best, as long as Maya isn’t second best, we’ll find a way.”

  Jake met his gaze and studied his face. “Okay,” he breathed. “Okay.”

  Border let out a breath through his nose. “And you won’t be second best either. No matter what, we’re all equals.”

  Jake was silent for so long, Border was afraid he’d said something wrong. “I like that,” he said finally. “Though at some point, I guess the three of us need to actually be in a room together for longer than five minutes when we talk about shit like this, huh?”

  Border chuckled roughly. “Yeah, that would be good.” He swallowed hard, trying to think of what to say next. He didn’t like this, didn’t like that he didn’t know the steps. He wasn’t some twenty-something kid anymore. He’d seen things, done things; things that would make others run for the hills. He’d had relationships with men and women before, though never at the same time. It wasn’t as if he were some innocent virgin, and yet with Jake, he couldn’t quite help but feel off-kilter.

  Maybe it was because this was important. Far more important than anything he’d done in his personal life. And if it wasn’t for the fact that his professional life included protecting people’s lives, he might have said this was more important than that, as well. As it was, he wasn’t sure he could find the distinction in what he felt and what he should feel. He’d come to Denver to see Jake and meet Maya, but to also clear his head
from his last job.

  He’d lost a piece of himself when he’d been too slow to stop the inevitable. It wasn’t that he thought Jake could help him find that fragment, but more that Border was tired of trying to heal alone. He was tired of running, and now he was home.

  Only not moving, not running seemed to be harder than constantly being on the run from his fears. Of course, if facing what he’d done, what he’d lost was easy, he might have done it years before.

  “Are we fucking this up?” Jake asked suddenly. He ran a hand through his hair and frowned. “I mean, I slept with my best friend, Border. And it was…” Jake smiled softly, and Border felt a punch in the gut at it. He wanted to be the one to give Jake that smile, but at the same time, he was happy that Maya had been the one to do it.

  There was something fundamentally wrong with the way Border’s mind worked when it came to Jake and Maya, and frankly, he couldn’t give a fuck about it. He liked it.

  Border put his hand on Jake’s shoulder, and they both froze at the contact. The man had so many more muscles, so much additional history than he’d had when they were younger. Border wanted to know all of it, wanted to know the feel of Jake under him, over him. Surrounding him.

  But they couldn’t do that if they were freaking out in Jake’s kitchen.

  “Why don’t we have a drink or four and just…be?” Border said into the silence.

  Jake licked his lips, and Border wanted to lean just a little forward and lick the spot Jake’s tongue had just wet.

  Jake coughed. “Yeah, a drink or four sounds like a good idea.”

  Or a really, really bad one.

  Jake turned, and Border let his hand fall to his side. He rolled his neck, trying to stretch out the tightness in his shoulders. When Jake looked over at him, he frowned.

  “Your neck hurt?” the other man asked as he pulled down a couple of shot glasses from the cabinet.

  Border shrugged then winced. “Just a little.” The old gunshot wound he had in his shoulder flared up with the rain and when he was stressed, but usually he just dealt with it. From the look in Jake’s eyes, he had a feeling he wouldn’t be hiding that particular scar for that much longer.

  Jake gave him a tight nod before taking the bottle of Patron out of the other cabinet. He used to hate tequila, but after being with Maya for so long…things had changed. Things always changed.

  “Take a seat on the couch. I can help with that.”

  Border snorted and took the shot glasses with him. “Really? You’re going to rub me down? Think that’ll help the whole talking thing we need to do.”

  Jake grinned. “Well, we already have the tequila in our hands, might as well make some other poor decisions.”

  Border reached out and gripped Jake’s wrist. “What we do tonight? What we do from now on? They can’t be poor decisions. They’re our decisions, but not poor ones. Got it?”

  Jake nodded slowly. “Okay.” He drawled out the word. “Are we sure the tequila is going to help that?”

  “Hell, no,” Border said with a laugh. “But I think we need it anyway.”

  “Then go sit on the couch. You don’t need lime or salt or anything, right?”

  Border shook his head. “Not with Patron. It goes down smoothly.”

  “Too smoothly sometimes,” Jake murmured.

  Border settled himself on the couch while Jake sat next to him, not quite touching, but closer than they’d been sitting since he’d gotten there. It seemed they were ready to break through a few of those boundaries they kept toeing around.

  “We never could afford this kind of tequila when we were younger,” Border said with a laugh. “The crap we used to drink, I’m pretty sure it took a layer of my stomach lining with it.”

  Jake rolled his eyes as he poured each of them a shot. “It was what we could afford at the time.” He handed Border one of the shots and tapped his glass to the other. “To figuring it the fuck out.”

  Border snorted but nodded. He quickly took the shot, the warm burn of tequila sliding down his throat nice and smooth. There was a reason this was his favorite brand.

  Jake lifted the bottle. “Another?”

  While it would take more than one shot for Border to even start to feel the effects of damn good tequila, he didn’t want to start down that road…yet. “Not right now.”

  Jake nodded and set the bottle down before settling into the couch a bit more. “So…”

  “So…”

  “Your shoulder and neck still bothering you?” Jake asked.

  Border wanted to lie so he wouldn’t have to explain the scars but knew if he started down that path, there would be no coming back from it. Once he lied, he’d have to keep up the lie, and he’d only lose Jake in the process. And probably Maya, as well. Though he had to talk to her in order to have her.

  For now, Jake had Maya. Hopefully soon, he would have Border.

  That meant that Border and Maya would find a way to work out how they would…be. Eventually.

  And those thoughts were why he needed the damn tequila in the first place.

  He nodded in lieu of answering since he wasn’t quite sure his voice would be steady enough.

  “Take off your shirt.”

  He blinked at Jake’s tone. “Excuse me.”

  “Take off your shirt,” he repeated. “I’ll rub your shoulder down.” He grinned. “And nothing else unless you ask nicely.”

  “How much tequila have you had if you’re this…accommodating already?”

  Jake just rolled his eyes and reached over to tug on the bottom of Border’s shirt. “I’m tired of being angsty, so I’m going to try to get through the tough parts because I remember the good parts. You know? And if I keep thinking about what I’m fucking up, I’m just going to keep fucking it up.”

  That sounded like a decent plan to Border, so he did the only thing he could. He took off his shirt.

  Since his eyes were on Jake’s, he got to witness the intake of breath, the widening of Jake’s pupils. Jake licked his lips once again, and Border held back a groan. He threw the shirt on the loveseat next to their couch, keeping his eyes on Jake.

  “Maya said to do what felt right,” Jake said slowly. “To…be…to be us. Are you okay with that?”

  Border tilted his head, studying the other man. Jake looked so much like he had all those years ago, but better. Older. Those strong cheekbones still stood out, as did the squareness of his jaw, but the bend in his nose from where one of his brothers had accidentally broken it made the man look not quite as pretty as he could have.

  Instead, he looked fucking sexy as hell.

  Border knew he didn’t look quite as…gentle? No, that wasn’t the right word because there was nothing gentle about Jake. But he still had a few rougher edges that came with how he’d grown up and how he’d lived his life after he’d left Denver. Border had been buzzing his hair short for so long, he wasn’t even sure he could quite remember what color his hair was. He was a little broader than Jake, a little bulkier since he had a few more muscles, but that had always been the case. He didn’t have the striking features Jake did, but he did remember the way Jake liked to scrape his teeth along the edge of Border’s jaw.

  Jake had seemed to like him the way he was, though they’d been too scared to break their friendship to do anything about it.

  It was different now, he knew, so fucking different. Add in Maya, and things were just one step from being a catastrophe. But no matter what, Border would do his best not to let that happen.

  “You’re quiet,” Jake said. The other man studied his face, his eyes dark and filled with worry. “And you didn’t answer my question.”

  Instead of answering, Border reached out and cupped Jake’s jaw. The other man inhaled sharply before leaning into Border’s touch. Border licked his lips and leaned down, just needing a taste, just one taste.

  When he touched his lips to Jake’s, they both let out a moan as if they’d been starving for one another. Maybe that was the cas
e, and if so, he was damn well fine with it. He needed this, needed more. And he was afraid to tell anyone just how much he needed it. He pressed deeper, keeping his mouth shut, the same as Jake. They could go further, and he knew they would, but for now, he just needed the touch of Jake’s lips to his own, the feel of the other man in his arms even if it was just for the moment.

  He pulled back after a heartbeat and met Jake’s gaze.

  “Damn,” Jake said with a grin.

  “Damn,” Border repeated.

  “I take it you’re okay with just being, then? One step at a time?” Jake traced one finger over Border’s jaw before letting his hand fall. The feeling of Jake’s skin against his made him want to bend Jake over the couch and have his way with him, but that would be too fast. Even with their history—especially because of their history—they needed to think before they did anything they would regret. Because it wasn’t only them that mattered now. Maya was in the room with them even if she wasn’t physically present. And while Border was happy with that, he was always aware of it, as well.

  Border nodded. “I can do that. But we talk the whole time, okay? Secrets only mess us up. And Maya’s part of this, remember? No secrets from her.”

  Jake shook his head. “No secrets from her.”

  Border then said something he wasn’t sure would be the right thing, but it was something he’d been trying to figure out since he’d first seen Maya and Jake in the same room.

  “I don’t think we should have sex until you, me, and Maya talk. Together.”

  Jake’s eyes widened. “Okay…”

  He reached out and gripped Jake’s hand. “We’ve had sex before Jake. We did, and we didn’t talk about it. And I don’t want that again.”

  “But you’re okay that Maya and I already have?”

  Border nodded. “You and Maya are one thing. You and I are another. And eventually, if things work out, the three of us are one more.” He paused. “And I guess Maya and I are still another relationship.” He snorted. “That’s a lot of relationships that have to work as one, you know? So I guess what I’m saying is that since I’m the new guy here, I want to step…slowly. Or slower than full throttle.”