“Bullshit.”
Maya snorted again. In any other situation, she would have given it to Holly for making her snort like that, but she didn’t have it in her. “No, really, he didn’t do a damn thing. Neither did Border.” She met Holly’s gaze, not knowing why she was about to say more but knowing she needed to. “I told them I was pregnant, and they didn’t say a damn thing.”
Holly’s eyes widened, and Maya wanted to curse herself.
Way to go, tell Jake’s ex you’re pregnant so soon after they broke up. That’s not uncomfortable or anything.
“And he didn’t say a thing?” Holly asked. She shook her head, disgust on her face. “Men,” she said with a snort. “They’re idiots.”
Maya sniffed and wiped her face. Damn it, why wasn’t she like Meghan, who always had tissues in her car and purse. Of course, Meghan had two kids and another on the way, so it made sense. Maya stiffened. Hell, she’d soon have to be the one with tissues in her purse and baby wipes and all of those mom things that always confused her.
She was going to be a mother.
“I’m going to be sick,” she mumbled and scrambled out of the car. She knelt on the small patch of grass that lined the parking lot and emptied the rest of her stomach. As she heaved, Holly held back her hair and murmured soothing words.
No matter how many times she might have thought of this situation, not once had she imagined it would be Jake’s ex holding her hair. Other than the tiny reaction to hearing that Jake might be a father, Holly had been soothing and angry for Maya rather than at her. There was something special about this woman, yet right then, Maya could only think of herself. Call her selfish, but being accidentally pregnant by one of her lovers, who apparently didn’t love her, seemed to warrant it.
“Here, drink this,” Holly said. Maya turned and took the uncapped bottle of water from the other woman and took a tentative sip before gulping more.
“Thank you. I drank a lot of fluids today so I could take like eleven or so tests, but I’m apparently still thirsty.”
Holly’s brows rose. “Eleven?”
“It might have been seven.” Maya sank down fully and let out a breath. “I don’t really remember after the first five or so.” She winced. “I kind of panicked.”
Holly sighed and sat down next to Maya, her prim and very clean clothes probably getting who knew what on them. “You just found out you’re pregnant, and I’m pretty sure you weren’t planning on it, so I think you’re allowed to panic.”
Maya blew out a breath. “But I think I panicked a little more than I should have.” She tapped her tongue right against her lip and tried to catch her thoughts. Tears slid down her cheeks but she ignored them. She was always crying these days.
“You’re crying, Maya. And you’re alone right now and talking to me even though I know I’m not your favorite person. Talk to me, honey. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Holly put her hand on Maya’s knee, and Maya blinked.
“Why would you think you’re not my favorite person?” Maya wasn’t sure who made that list at that moment since she was currently on an emotional spiral.
Holly rolled her eyes. “I knew you loved him, Maya.” She winced. “Not that I was with him because you loved him. But I knew. And I tried to ignore it because I thought I was wrong, or maybe I wanted to think I was wrong. And I thought Jake wanted to be with me, and we’d all find a way to make things work together. Only things never work out the way they should, and as soon as I figured out that Jake was in love with you, too? I broke it off. Not only did I not want to stand between the two of you, but I also know myself better than that. I couldn’t allow myself to get caught in the middle and end up hurt in the process.”
Maya stared at the other woman in shock. “You knew?”
Holly gave her a sad smile. “Of course, I knew, Maya. And I feel like a butt for being with him for as long as I was when you were in love with him. I…I didn’t know it went both ways until it was almost too late.”
Holly’s words processed in Maya’s mind, and she shook her head. “No, he doesn’t love me, Holly. Not like that. He’s never once told me that.”
Holly raised a brow. “And did you tell him you loved him?”
Maya pressed her lips together and shook her head slightly.
With a sigh, Holly spoke again. “Jake keeps his emotions close to the vest. You know that. He might look like he’s open and very clear about what he’s feeling, but he’s just as good as you are about hiding it. If he hasn’t told you he loves you yet, it’s because he’s either waiting for you and Border to do it first, or he’s figuring out the next forty steps so he can make sure everything is perfect when he finally does say it.”
Maya studied the other woman, who seemed to know Jake far better than Maya thought Holly did. She honestly shouldn’t have been surprised, considering Holly and Jake had been together for a long time, and the other woman was apparently really good at reading people.
“Things fell apart for Jake and me, and that’s fine,” Holy said with another sad smile. “Yeah, it sucked, but he got you and Border in the process. Others have told me he’s been happier than ever.” She said the last part dryly, and Maya winced.
“Others?”
Holly snorted. “Not your family or close-knit friends. But the others in the outer circle who like to rub it in a bit that Jake apparently left me for not only his best friend, but also a man who was his best friend in the past.”
“He didn’t leave you, though,” Maya whispered. “You left him.”
Holly squeezed Maya’s knee. “He would have eventually. He would have figured out what to do with all those feelings of his. I think Border showing up on his doorstep that night probably put it all in perspective for him, at least a little bit. He wasn’t mine, Maya. He never was, and I’m okay with that.” She paused. “Now anyway.”
“I’m sorry,” Maya said. “I never meant to butt in.”
Holly shook her head. “You were always there. I was the intruder.” She held up a hand. “And that’s enough of that. I’m not part of the equation here. It’s you, Jake, Border and now this little peanut.”
Maya laughed at that. “Peanut?”
“Grain of rice? Ink dot? I don’t know what you want to call him or her yet, but for now, tell me why you’re crying exactly.”
Maya figured she should start over so her brain could work. “I told them I was pregnant, or rather, they saw me on the floor with tests and figured it out themselves. I told them it was too fast, but we could work it out. And they said nothing. Literally nothing. I said we should have loved each other first, and they didn’t tell me they loved me. Instead, they moved closer to each other. So I left. They had each other first, Holly. I was the one standing in the way.”
Holly sighed and picked at the gravel at her side. “Jake loves you, Maya. I don’t know Border at all, but I think it’s fair to say he cares about you if he was ready to live in a triad like he was. So, yeah, Jake loves you, but he’s an idiot. Like I said, I don’t know Border, but I know Jake. Talk to him. Talk to them. Don’t run. I know it sounds like you should because it hurts to be there, but don’t run. Give them a chance to say something. Because, Maya, you didn’t tell Jake you love him either.”
Maya blinked. “But…but…he should know.” And that sounded as lame to her as it apparently sounded to Holly, who merely raised a brow at her.
“Maybe he thinks you should know, too. If he doesn’t say anything after you speak to him when you’re not sobbing and freaking out, then you can kick his ass. I’ll help if you need me to, but you probably won’t. You know why? Because you’re freaking Maya Montgomery and you rule. Got me, honey? You can do this. Just have faith and make them speak. Because they’re probably as freaked out as you are right now, and it’s not helping anyone.”
Maya stared at the other woman, her mind whirling. “I didn’t tell them I loved them.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I’m an idiot. I need to
go to them. Tell them. I shouldn’t have run. Why the hell did I run?”
“Because it’s scary, and that’s okay. Just run back to them.”
Maya stood then, bringing Holly with her into a tight hug. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Anytime,” Holly said softly. “Anytime. And Maya? Congratulations, Mommy.”
Tears stung her eyes again, and she let out a watery laugh. She could do this. She’d run because she’d been scared and the fear had taken every ounce of doubt in her relationship with them and made it even worse. She’d fix this, tell them she loved them and open her heart to them. Because not knowing what would happen if she did hurt more than anything.
She was going to be a mother.
And she loved the two idiots who’d knocked her up.
So she’d better figure out a way to make it all work.
Chapter Seventeen
Border stared at the door after it closed and grabbed Jake’s keys without looking at the other man.
“Are you following her?” Jake asked, his voice hollow.
“She needs space, and I’m not going to follow her when she clearly needs to be rid of us for a bit. But sitting here in her apartment when she’s gone? No thanks. We’ll go to her when she needs us. Because damn it, she will.”
Border stormed to Jake’s SUV and got into the driver’s side. His truck was fully out of commission, and it was too cold for him to get on the bike. Jake had driven them over, but he wasn’t in the mood to be a passenger right then. Everything was spiraling out of control, and he needed at least something he could command under his hands. The steering wheel would have to do.
Jake got into the passenger seat and slammed the door. “I couldn’t lock both locks on Maya’s door since you have my fucking keys.”
Border closed his eyes as he started the SUV. “At least one is done.”
“Really? After all that shit you gave us about the people after you? You don’t care about her safety.”
Border growled, opened his eyes, and started on the drive back to Jake’s. “Fuck you, Jake. Of course, I care about her safety. She’s fucking pregnant with our baby right now, and I don’t know where the fuck she is. So, yeah, I’m worried.”
“Jesus Christ,” Jake spat. “She’s pregnant. How the hell did this happen?” Jake ran his hand through his hair that needed a cut and blew a breath out through his nose.
Border was silent for a bit as he navigated to Jake’s place. It wasn’t far from Maya’s, and he figured the two had done that on purpose. They were best friends, after all.
“You know how that happened,” Border said tightly as he pulled into Jake’s driveway.
Jake’s driveway. Jake’s house. Hell, he’d been living there for how long now, and he still thought of it as Jake’s. Maybe if they actually talked about the fact that he hadn’t even bothered to find another place to live, Maya wouldn’t have run so quickly when she’d found out she was pregnant.
Maya wasn’t the type of woman to run when things got scary.
They’d done that to her.
And now they would have to fix it.
But first, he needed to fix what was wrong with him and Jake.
He turned off the engine and made his way inside, Jake on his heels. He set the keys on the table by the door and ran a hand over his face.
“We fucked up,” he said slowly.
Jake met his gaze. “Yeah, we did. She’s pregnant, Border.”
Annoyance slid over him. “That’s not what we fucked up. Whatever happens, that baby is ours, Jake. Yours, mine, and Maya’s. I don’t care what the DNA says, that baby is ours.”
Jake threw up his hands. “Of course, asshole. I’m not saying anything like that. But this wasn’t in the plans. We were going to cement our relationship first, make Maya move in so she was with us all the time and we all knew we were committed. Then I was going to ask the both of you to marry me, though I know only one of them would be legal. After that and all the paperwork to make sure everything was legally taken care of in terms of power of attorneys and shit, we’d have kids. That was how it was supposed to work.”
Border stared at the other man, his jaw ticking. “Really. Really? That was the plan? So kind of you to share it with us, you prick. Maya fucking left us just now because we couldn’t say the words she needed us to say, and yet you had everything worked out in your own head. Maybe you should have told us what you were thinking.”
Jake squeezed his eyes shut before running a hand over his jaw. “Apparently, I thought you both could read my mind. Yeah, I’m an idiot, but I was just coming up with the plan myself.”
“That’s the kind of plan the three of us were supposed to make together. And hell, Jake, everything is fucked up anyway.”
“She left,” his lover whispered.
“And she’ll come back. Or we’ll get her and drag her back. Because we didn’t talk, and that’s on us.” Border paused. “It’s on her, too, but she has a freaking baby growing inside her so I think she’s allowed to freak out.”
Jake swallowed, the long lines of his throat working. “We’re going to have a baby.”
Border nodded and took a couple steps toward him. “Yeah, we are. And yet we haven’t said the important things. What are we doing, Jake?”
Jake narrowed his eyes at him. “You want to talk about this now? Without Maya?”
“She’s not here, and it’s not just the three of us, it’s the two of us, and each of us with Maya. So, yeah, we need to. What’s going to happen when we find her, Jake? Are we going to freak out and make her choose? Are we going to try to find a happily ever after? What’s in the cards, Jake?”
Jake met his gaze, pure terror in his eyes. “I fucking love you, Border. Is that what you want to hear? I love you. And I love that woman, too. Just as much. I could be happy with just you, just Maya, but I’d never be who I truly need to be. I need the both of you. And now we’re bringing another life into the world, and I’m scared to death.”
Border moved closer, his hands clenched at his side. “I love you, too, Jake. I’ve always loved you. Even when I was gone, running because I needed to figure out who I was, I loved you. We’re so fucked, you know that, don’t you?”
Jake’s brows drew down. “What do you mean?”
“No matter what we do, we’re going to be wrapped around Maya’s finger. And frankly, I’m okay with that.” He moved close enough that he could feel the warmth of Jake’s breath. He reached around him and cupped the back of Jake’s neck.
Jake let out a breath. “Yeah, I’m okay with that, too. But we need to find her, need to make sure we tell her what we feel. Because we fucked up when we didn’t say anything.”
Border squeezed, and Jake’s body shivered. “She didn’t give us much time to come up with anything to say, but yeah, we fucked up.” He leaned forward, his face so close he could feel Jake’s breath on his lips.
“What are we going to do about it?” Jake asked, his voice breathy.
In answer, he crushed his lips to Jake’s, giving him everything he could. His brain couldn’t function. He couldn’t think. He and Jake were going to be fucking fathers, and yet all he could do was focus on Jake right then. Jake needed him. Needed to remember who he was. Hell, Border needed that, too.
Jake’s tongue slid against his and Border deepened the kiss, needing control, knowing Jake needed much of the same. Their breaths came in pants as their mouths clashed.
This was his future, his past, his present. And yet, without Maya, it wasn’t everything.
Jake pulled away abruptly, his hand going over his face as his chest heaved. “Holy hell, what was that?”
Border swiped his thumb over his lips and stared at the other man. “It’s exactly what you think it was. We were stressed, needing each other, so I took care of it.” His body ached, but that wasn’t what this was about. This was about Jake letting go, figuring out what he needed.
“Maya’s out there, alone, pregnant, and in pain, and I
just let you kiss me like that. What kind of man does that make me? What kind of man does that make you?” Jake spat.
Border stiffened, though he did his best to keep his face emotionless. “I would think that makes us men who love each other, who just decided we’re going to have a future together. The two of us and the woman carrying our child. So, yeah, I thought it would be okay if we kissed like that because you needed it. Because I thought we needed to be closer to one another. I’m sorry if I was mistaken.”
Hurt slashed over Jake’s face, and Border wanted to kick himself. Hell, after all his talk about Jake, he knew he was just as guilty about fucking up with emotions and figuring out how to tell someone what he needed, what he craved.
“Border,” Jake hissed. “Fuck. We’re having a kid. Can you believe that? She’s not here, and yet we’re having a child. How the hell are we going to do that? I’m so fucking lost right now, and yet I can’t be here with you. Doing this. We need to be with her.”
“Then let’s go,” Border bit out. Why was he acting this way? He needed to get his head on straight and find Maya because this wasn’t working.
“We need to be with her,” Jake repeated. “And what are we doing right now? We’re fucking around.”
Border reached out and gripped Jake’s forearm as the other man pushed past him. “That wasn’t fucking around and you know it.”
“I don’t know anything,” Jake yelled back. “I don’t know where she is. I don’t know what she feels. And hell, she doesn’t know what we feel either. We let her go off alone because we were scared, and I don’t know how to fix that. But making out with you isn’t helping.”
Border let Jake’s arm go and took a step back. “I see.” And maybe he did.
Jake closed his eyes and let out a breath before opening them again. “No, you don’t. We’re all high on emotions and baggage right now, and we’re saying shit that keeps hurting us even though it shouldn’t. I love you, Border, got that? But I love Maya, too, and I need her to be with us. So I’m going to find her because it’s dangerous for her right now to be out alone going through this shit. But I’m not leaving you. I’m just going to her.”
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