by Vivian Arend
It was fun to watch her wiggle on the mattress as he worked from side to side. One knee then the other, higher on the inside of her thigh. Closer, ever closer to where she’d grown wet for him. And when he used his thumbs to push aside the pale curls covering her, she damn near sang.
His tongue, his fingers, his whole body, every bit of him was involved in making love with her. When he teased her to a gasping release, it was just the first time.
Stripping off his clothes—
Coming to a rip-roaring stop. “Umm, Ivy?”
She looked at him with pleasure-glazed eyes.
“Condom?”
A soft laugh escaped her, and she pointed to her purse that hung from one of the wall hooks. “And before you ask, yes I always carry condoms with me. At least recently.”
He dropped her purse beside her, and she reached in, bringing out what he needed. He tried multitasking, pressing her to the mattress as he kept their lips together, but after he fumbled with the wrapper for the third time, cursing in frustration as he had to scramble to find it, Ivy pushed his hands away and took control.
She ripped the package open and slowly covered his hard length, teasing him to the point of no return. So when she lay back, opening her legs and welcoming him over her, he had no more control left to lengthen their lovemaking.
He pushed into her wet heat in one slow, relentless stroke until he was buried to the hilt, completely connected, his gaze fixed on her face.
She dug her fingernails into his shoulders, lashes fluttering with pleasure. “Yes.”
It was one word. One simple word, but it meant absolutely everything. It was them together. It was this act of intimacy they were involved in, but it was so much more. It was acceptance and joy in their past and their future all tangled together.
They moved together until they were one breath away from completion. He slid a hand between them and pressed hard over her clit, and that was it. She ripped a climax from him with her response.
A soft sigh escaped her, a hmmm of satisfaction, followed by a set of quick gasps as he pumped the last few times, pressing as much pleasure on her as possible.
When they were done, he held her and was held by her, in that tiny space that was a bit of him and that she’d turned into a bit of her.
Now they just had to decide their future.
* * *
The one small overhead light was not enough to brighten the inside of the trailer past candlelight levels, which was fine by Ivy. Maybe it wasn’t the most romantic of spots to celebrate getting engaged, but it was special for all the right reasons.
Walker’s heart was still pounding, and so was hers, but it was so right to lie there in the dark listening to each other breathe and feel the heat between their bodies. It had been such a long time coming.
The thought might’ve been hokey, but somehow it had felt different. Making love had been better than any time before.
But they did have to talk, and they did have decisions that needed to be made. “Thank you for singing for me. Was that one of your songs?”
He nodded. “I had the idea before, but today after talking to my brothers, it kind of all fell into place. All the words were right there waiting for me once I was ready.”
Ivy pushed up, one hand on his chest as shock struck. “You wrote that this afternoon?”
“Some of it. I already had the tune worked out, and the feelings have been there forever.”
She shook her head in amazement. “You have a gift, Walker. And I know you said you don’t want to go and travel, but I really hope you keep doing something with music. Songwriting or whatever it is that you can do and still be happy with your goals.”
“I know. I have to talk to Maxwell. I’m going to tell him no to the tour, but if they ever need me for studio work, I should be able to do that. At least until things change with our lives.”
He was talking about children, and she was fine with that. She had to make something clear to him as well. “I do want a family, but I might not be able to have babies myself.”
The look he gave her was pure admonition. “You of all people know that kids don’t have to come out of your body to make them yours. Your parents have been good examples of that for years. And I don’t see Tamara loving Emma and Sasha any less because she didn’t carry them for nine months.”
Ivy shook her head, loving him more every minute. “I knew it wasn’t going to be a problem, but it had to be said.”
“Then here’s another thing that has to be said. I have no problem planning to adopt from the get-go, because I don’t want to do anything to put you at risk.”
“You really are an amazing man.”
“What? Because I understand how precious you are? Because I know how precious every single baby is out there?” He pulled her tighter against him, the heat of his body like a furnace. “When we think the time is right, and we know we can keep a roof over their heads, we’ll do what we can to build our family.”
Lights flashed against the trailer windows—some of the hands coming home. Maybe Luke. “You locked the door, right?”
Walker laughed. “Yes.”
She sighed happily and snuggled up against his side. “You didn’t panic today.”
“I was looking into my happy place, and it didn’t matter how many people were around because you were there.”
My goodness, she was going to die of sweetness. “I really hope that they’re done and you never have another attack, even if we never figure out what caused them in the first place.”
“It was just recently they got bad,” he reminded her.
Something about his statement tugged hard, and Ivy sat up to concentrate. “Wait. Recently? Right. That’s what you said before when we talked. ‘Most recently it started in the fall.’ But Walker, when did you have panic attacks before that?”
He folded his hands behind his head, gaze lifting to the ceiling as he considered. “I don’t know if they were panic attacks, but I remember losing track of time. You know, like Ashton giving me hell for staring into space when I was supposed to be getting chores done, but I swear to God I wasn’t slacking off. He said I was daydreaming.”
“When was this? Because I don’t remember you telling me, and I’m sure you would’ve said something.”
His face tightened. “After Mom and Dad died, I guess, and the first summer after. It didn’t happen very often, and after a while it went away. I figured it had something to do with them dying so suddenly.”
Which made all sorts of sense, but now she had to wonder. “When did Ginny leave?”
“Last September. Right around now.”
“And when did Dare leave the ranch?” Ivy ignored the fact she was stark-naked as she grilled him.
He curled upright as well, his frown of concentration increasing. “July sometime.”
“And the first time you had a blackout was after that?”
He stared at her with growing disbelief. “You think this has something to do with the girls leaving?”
“The girls, me,” she stroked a hand along his cheek. “Your mom and dad. We all left you and didn’t come back.”
He leaned against the side of the trailer looking into the distance as if he were considering. “Makes me sound as if I can’t function without having you around.”
“What’s wrong with that? I mean what’s wrong with feeling something’s wrong because the people you love aren’t there anymore?” She shook her head, catching hold of his hand. “Maybe I’m off-base, but the timing makes sense.”
“Dare didn’t leave completely. I get to see her anytime I want. And I talk to Ginny sometimes.”
“Which also makes sense because you didn’t shut down one hundred percent. I mean, you’ve done amazing things.”
They stared at each other.
Then he shrugged. “You’re right. It’s possible I was thrown for a loop hard enough it came back and bit me. But I don’t really need to know why for sure because I know you’re not
gone anymore. I still have you.”
“Forever. You’ve got me forever,” she promised.
He pulled her into his lap and kissed her, long, slow and sweet, until the heat between them rose again. Which was all of maybe ten seconds.
Then he murmured against her lips. “That means I know exactly where my happy place is. Let’s go there again, together.”
22
November, Las Vegas
Walker headed from where he’d been warming up toward where he needed to be in less than an hour’s time. Around him, the scent and sounds of the rodeo filled his ears and upped his excitement. He waved at some of the other competitors before sliding into one of the holding rooms to collect himself.
The past couple months had been simultaneously amazing and rough. He’d chipped in what money he could toward the mortgage on Ivy’s house, and now it was their house. The tiny thing would last them at least until they decided they wanted to start a family.
Caleb had begun to walk around with a decidedly tortured look, one minute thrilled by the slowly growing bump in Tamara’s belly, then worried as hell the next as bills continued to pile up. Which was when Walker called a serious discussion with Ivy, and they decided he had to try.
So here he was, ready to head out on the back of a bull, and it wasn’t concern about blacking out that had him twisted up, it was sheer, straight-up worry.
He had a hell of a lot to live for, and bull riding was damn dangerous.
Still, over the past month he’d attended five rodeos and not only survived but covered all but three of the bulls he’d attempted. He’d earned enough to tuck away some money, but he’d also scored enough points that with what he’d piled up before the summer, he’d confirmed a spot in this final championship.
The door opened, and Luke marched in. His brother had joined him on all his recent trips as support, backup, and all-around pain in the ass. It’d been perfect having him along, and somehow it made being away from Ivy that much easier.
Especially when it turned out Luke and Ivy had chatted before they’d left and made plans. Plans that made Walker grin every time he thought of them.
Luke strolled forward, checking the time on his phone. “Good thing I saw you duck in here, Dynamite. Can’t let you go off on your little bumpily-bumpy ride without a final cheer.”
Screw it. Walker knew he looked eager, but he didn’t care. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”
Luke nodded briskly. “Sure I do. Now shut up, someone wants to talk to you.”
He held forward his phone, already open to messenger, and there on the screen was Ivy’s pretty face, smiling sweetly at Walker. “Hi, love. That’s a strange rodeo ground. It looks more like a school room. Maybe I should take up bull riding.”
Walker took the phone from his brother then ignored the fact Luke was there. “Good to see you, sweetheart.”
She looked him up and down. “You handsome thing.”
“Sweet-talk. I like it.”
“You’ll get more than sweet-talk when you’re home next week, but for now, this will have to do. I know it seems as if I’m not there, but I am. I’m right there beside you the whole time,” Ivy told him. Complete confidence shone on her face. Although she had to be concerned, she didn’t look like it.
She looked like a woman in love, and that was just fine by him.
“I feel good,” he told her. “I pulled a great bull too. He turns back a lot, and I like that, so we should get some good numbers.”
She nodded as if she knew what he was talking about. “Well, go have fun. Call me when you’re done.”
As if he were off to round up calves or something. “Yes, dear,” he said with a laugh. “I love you.”
“I love you too. Go to your happy place.”
She hung up, and he stood there staring at the empty screen for a second before handing the phone back to Luke. “I laughed when Dare told me you had maternal instincts, but I’m sure glad you’re taking care of me, bro.”
Luke smacked him on the shoulder, shoving Walker toward the hallway and back to the noise and the chaos of the bull riders prep area. “I’m damn maternal. I’m not even going to tease you about happy places, whatever the hell that means. You’re going to do great. We’re here for you.”
He knew it. He knew it to the very depths of his being, which was why, when it was his turn and he climbed on the back of the beast that was ready to do his damnedest to get rid of him, Walker felt a strange sense of peace.
The noise from the arena faded into a peaceful melody. The song playing matched the beating of Walker’s heart—faster than usual, but that only made sense.
He was on the back of a bull. No man did that without his heart racing.
But in the almost-stillness that came over him, it wasn’t a lack of connection to what was going on. It was a complete and utter meshing of all the notes of the melody; the bull, himself, the announcer, the crowd.
And when the gate opened and the bull exploded out, there was nowhere to go except with the music. Staccato, full of life, with an ever-changing rhythm as the animal rose and fell. Through it all, one sensation surrounded him.
Walker was happy.
He was utterly aware of every single second ticking by, as though they passed in slow motion. Glimpses of people in the crowd, flashes of white cowboy hats and dark vests, lights flickering, metal railings and belt buckles. The bull under him raged—
No, it danced. The animal was dancing to a melody Walker could hear, and he was dancing along with the bull.
When the eight second buzzer sounded, Walker dismounted in one smooth motion, walking away with his hands raised to the roar of the crowd. The bull rushed the opposite direction, tangling with the bullfighters.
It was going to be a very good day. A very happy place, because Ivy was there with him. She was always going to be with him.
* * *
Emma held the belt buckle that Walker had given her with a bit of suspicion. “But that doesn’t say champion, Uncle Walker.”
Walker glanced over at Ivy, who had curled up on the couch in Tamara and Caleb’s house. He’d just got back from the rodeo, and after they’d celebrated his success at home, she’d insisted they accept the invitation from his brother.
“Well, it’s not a champion belt because I didn’t win,” Walker told her.
“You didn’t win the entire thing,” Caleb corrected. “You did damn good.”
“Caleb.”
“Daddy.”
“Papa.”
Three female voices sounded simultaneously in warning at his swear. He glanced at them with suitable guilt. “Sorry. He did damn well?”
The girls still looked scandalized, but Tamara laughed, in spite of looking a trifle green around the gills. “Yes, Walker. You did damn well.”
“Mommy.”
“Mama.”
Ivy couldn’t take it anymore. She laughed out loud, so glad she was a part of this household of joy. “Emma, let’s not repeat that word in class, okay? But yes, Uncle Walker came first in some of his events, but they only give a champion belt to the one person who wins the whole contest.”
Luke had slipped into the room during the conversation and dropped onto the couch next to Emma. “I gave that buckle to Uncle Walker. Isn’t it pretty?”
Emma held it up in the air. “It’s not as big as his old one, but I like the bull. And I like it that it says Happy Place on it in big letters. Is that the name of the bull, Uncle Walker?”
He grinned. “Sort of.”
“You earned it,” Tamara said, passing the buckle back to Walker. “But I hear you’re not planning on riding next season.”
He shook his head. “I had fun, but it’s time I did other things. And the money I won gives us time to come up with new plans for the ranch.”
The doorbell rang, and Emma popped up like a jack-in-the-box. “It’s Crissy,” she shouted as she raced for the front door
Tamara glanced over at Ivy. “Cri
ssy is sleeping over for the night. Her usual babysitter cancelled on Hanna, and she’s got to work.”
Walker slipped his fingers into Ivy’s as they rose from the couch and headed outside to the fire pit with the rest of the family.
Late November meant there was plenty of snow on the ground now, and their breath showed on the air. But overhead the stars were sparkling and while cold, it was beautiful out.
Ivy tucked into the bench space next to Walker and let him wrap his arm around her, talking quietly as the rest of them brought out chairs and marshmallow roasting sticks.
His lips brushed her cheek. “You look good in your sky-blue coat, Snow Princess.”
She smiled at him. “I needed a new one, and I remembered it was your favourite colour.”
“Well, now, I wouldn’t say that.”
Confusion struck. “I was sure you said that blue coat I had back when we first met made you think of winter skies.”
“It does, and it looks good on you, but it isn’t my favourite colour.” He pulled off his glove and put his warm palm to her cheek. “My favourite colour is silvery. Like your eyes—always changing, and yet the most beautiful part of them is always there.”
Every time he broke out the sweet talk, her heart pounded. “What’s always there?”
“Love. An everlasting love, just for me.”
“Sounds like a song lyric,” she teased.
He shrugged. “Maybe. We’ve got an awful lot of pages to fill going into the future. I’m sure a lot of them are going to be covered with beautiful melodies and memories.”
“I love you,” she told him again, touching her forehead to his and whispering the words as the fire flared, hot-red comfort washing over them. The heat between them was more than enough to keep her safe.
A little-girl whisper carried from across the fire as Emma and Crissy roasted marshmallows, their feet kicking freely where they dangled down from the too-high-for-them benches. “Does Ms. Fields kiss your Uncle Walker an awful lot?” Crissy asked.